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Has anyone here successfully gotten their ex back?? How did you do it?

jasxo

By jasxo
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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jasxo Member

jasxo

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Long story short: My ex-boyfriend and I had a very close relationship and I know he still cares about me. My way of communicating when I am angry led to our downfall and I can accept responsibility for that fully... I don't have the healthiest way of dealing with disagreements and my boyfriend left me because he couldn't handle it anymore.

 

I am willing to make a positive change in myself and learn to communicate healthier, not only to get him back, but also for my personal growth in the future.

 

When he left me, he was crying and said he didn't want to do it but felt it was necessary for his mental wellbeing. This is what he said:

 

"I've been thinking a lot and I think we should put things on hold for a bit. I love you and care about you but I need time and space to fix myself. I don't like the way you express your anger and I don't want it to destroy me. I want to be friends and continue looking out for you, and if it ever feels right to start over down the line I'd be happy to go for it but that time is not right now for me. I would rather preserve our relationship and come back to it later instead of building resentments for each other. I wish you the best." A day later he changed his relationship status and removed some pictures of us.

 

I made the mistake of begging for him back when he broke the news but he obviously didn't want to hear it at that point. Between tears, I apologized and told him several times I wanted to make a change. Since then I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me - it has been over a week. This guy has literally treated me like a queen our entire relationship... Always so respectful, honest and caring in a way I didn't know was possible. I really want him back but don't know what to do. I'm aware that messaging him and pestering to get back with me is not the route to go.

 

I'm confused because on one hand it seems like he's willing to make things work in the future, but on the other hand he seems completely done. Have any of you successfully gotten an ex back? How did it happen and what did you do? This guy really means a lot to me and I appreciate any and all feedback.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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I forgot about her and got on with my life. Two years later we met again, and I took a chance on her. We've been married for 31 years.

 

But take particular note of my first sentence. There were no tricks or techniques, I simply moved on.

  • Like 9
newmoon Established Member

newmoon

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it's been a whole week? wow. ok... you need MONTHS, perhaps YEARS to make positive changes in yourself, and for other people. no one is going to believe you've changed in a week, lol. work on yourself for maybe six months to a year before you even contemplate contacting this guy again. by then, you probably won't even want to. it's your heartbreak talking right now and not your rational mind. you need a whole lot more time and distance from him.

  • Like 3
Ifeelok Member

Ifeelok

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Im sorry for what you are dealing with right now, i myself just came out of a 4.5 years relationship i was the one dumped. And i know it hurts really bad specially when you do want to change for the best and show the person you love that you care. However the best thing to do right now is give him space, stay away and work on yourself. As much as i wanted to contact my ex and tell her how much i loved her, i know it wouldnt be the right thing to do she even told me herself that "i cant see or talk to you right now, i need to find who i am". she eventually erased all of our pictures together and blocked me from all social media and my number, she seems so happy without me and it hurts i feel like our relationship didnt mean anything to her. My advice is just work on yourself, fix issues you think are bothering him and hopefully he comes back just like i wish mine comes back one day.

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aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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I agree with the others. Take this alone time to go talk to a therapist. Figure out what you're issues are that you'd treat a person the way you described. It sounds like you totally emasculated him to the point that he was worried about his mental health. I seriously doubt he'd consider dating you again after that.

 

 

Learn from your mistakes. Take some time alone to work on you. LEAVE this ex alone so you both can heal and move on.

  • Like 1
quattrob Established Member

quattrob

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Its quite sad and unfortunate that we only want to change and/or realize our ways were not the best for our partner until they break up with us. This is a case of "too little too late". Sometimes people just takes things for granted and dont realize what they had until its gone. Feel bad for you TC but it's best you move on. Never wait and put your life on hold for someone that may or may not want to start again. Life is too precious for that, learn from all this.

  • Like 3
Jimmyjackson Established Member

Jimmyjackson

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I forgot about her and got on with my life. Two years later we met again, and I took a chance on her. We've been married for 31 years.

 

But take particular note of my first sentence. There were no tricks or techniques, I simply moved on.

 

Why did you break up? I don't believe in fate but your story seems as close as it gets.

  • Like 1
GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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Why did you break up? I don't believe in fate but your story seems as close as it gets.

 

She dumped me because I was getting too serious. She was right, of course, up to that point I wore my f*cking heart on my sleeve, and the experience taught me a valuable lesson: be cool and calm and keep a healthy distance for a decent interval.

Jimmyjackson Established Member

Jimmyjackson

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She dumped me because I was getting too serious. She was right, of course, up to that point I wore my f*cking heart on my sleeve, and the experience taught me a valuable lesson: be cool and calm and keep a healthy distance for a decent interval.

 

Sounds similar to why I got dumped, I mean I got cheated on but I was also to blame. Started getting clingy and needy etc, can see why she lost interest at the same time. I've also learned from it too I feel.

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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I forgot about her and got on with my life. Two years later we met again, and I took a chance on her. We've been married for 31 years.

 

But take particular note of my first sentence. There were no tricks or techniques, I simply moved on.

 

Did you and your wife date during the time you guys were apart?

 

I don't think it's possible to get an ex back when we are constantly thinking about them. I really give up hope. My ex left me for another woman, and I just want to let go of this victimized mentality. i still feel sad, but I do not want to dwell either. I feel like our paths will cross again, but I'm so scared that if I see him, I will break down.

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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I forgot about her and got on with my life. Two years later we met again, and I took a chance on her. We've been married for 31 years.

 

But take particular note of my first sentence. There were no tricks or techniques, I simply moved on.

THAT right ****ing there! Nothing shows how serious you are about changing more than change itself. Your desperation is a mixed message in and of itself.

 

It might take two years, or it might take thirty-one years. But it ain't gonna happen in a couple of weeks or months.

 

Take your XBF at his word, and go work on yourself. You might try to work out the kinks of this new you on a few boyfriends before you show your XBF who you are now. Change isn't easy to get right the first time, you know?

aisuru Established Member

aisuru

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I'm going to share a little secret.

 

Just about every single one of my ex-boyfriends have popped back up in my life again wanting to rekindle. The reality is that by the time they have done so, I was 200% emotionally and romantically checked out. So it was too late.

 

I don't have drama in my relationships and I don't generally have dramatic breakups. When a guy has fond memories of the relationship and no negative/dramatic breakup, I think it's easier for them to think 'what if.'

 

I never wanted any of them back by the time they came back. Whether they broke up with me or I broke up with them.

 

That's the truth.

  • Like 2
GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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Did you and your wife date during the time you guys were apart?

 

Oh hell yeah. I almost got engaged during the interval. THAT would have been one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

theredpill Established Member

theredpill

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When I was young, a few by doing absolutely nothing... the ex, ex also came back 18 months ago, after about 3/4 months - bet ya can't guess what I did? ;)

Thegreatfrazzle Member

Thegreatfrazzle

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She dumped you... her loss. You'll find someone better, because anybody who wouldn't dump you is. If she wants to get back together let her make the first move, she needs to win you back, not the other way around.

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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Oh hell yeah. I almost got engaged during the interval. THAT would have been one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

 

 

Why did you call off your engagement? What brought you and your ex back together?

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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Why did you call off your engagement? What brought you and your ex back together?

 

Man, I'm almost never on LS on the evenings. The only reason I am tonight is because I'm out of town on business.

 

I called off the engagement because I suspected she was screwing around on me. It was for the best, because we would have been a really BAD match.

 

I met my ex again at a party. We decided to bail and go to a nearby carnival (pro tip: scary rides where you get repeatedly thrown against each other makes for one hell of a great date). We hit it off in a big way, and the rest is history. Eight kids later, here we are. :)

 

But I think my story is the exception, not the rule. I have to emphasize the point that once we broke up, I moved on and made no attempt to reach out to her to "get her back". I suspect that that sh*t almost never works.

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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Man, I'm almost never on LS on the evenings. The only reason I am tonight is because I'm out of town on business.

 

I called off the engagement because I suspected she was screwing around on me. It was for the best, because we would have been a really BAD match.

 

I met my ex again at a party. We decided to bail and go to a nearby carnival (pro tip: scary rides where you get repeatedly thrown against each other makes for one hell of a great date). We hit it off in a big way, and the rest is history. Eight kids later, here we are. :)

 

But I think my story is the exception, not the rule. I have to emphasize the point that once we broke up, I moved on and made no attempt to reach out to her to "get her back". I suspect that that sh*t almost never works.

 

Hi Gorilla, nice to hear from you.

 

I'm on LS almost every night since my breakup. :o

 

 

Yes, I understand that your situation was the exception. My ex left me for another woman, they are still together today ( 8 months going strong, I guess), and there's a possibility they're trying to get married.

 

I don't have much on getting back together with him. He has done so much to hurt me and even recently when I reached out to him, he said he never fully loved me, and only stayed with me because he pitied me.

 

I've been carrying feelings for him for the past half a year, and I still feel sad. It has gotten a lot better although I sometimes still think about him. I know it's impossible for me and him, so why do I still have nagging feelings he isn't fully out of my life?

 

 

What helped you to move on? Did you break up amicably and that was why you guys reconnected after two years?

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