She hates him, ?

[lemonadekiwi]

:(I live with my bf and have been with him for a year. I've had a few issues with his sense of humour and I've tried to work through that. (He think it's funny to call me 'woman' sometimes, clicks his fingers at me sometimes to get him food and drinks etc and is very blunt) I know that he doesn't mean it...it's his way of 'joking' but being quite sensitive I have got upset a couple of times. And i tell him that too.

Unfortunately I confided in my best friend about this...as girls do. She's just got engaged and asked me to be maid of honour - and she's fiercely protective of me.

It's my birthday soon...and he made an event on FB and called it 'The woman's birthday' and basically wrote an event which was quite insulting but supposed to be funny. 'So yeah it's her birthday soon. We're doing this. Come along, I don't know who else to invite. So you invite them' which she wasn't happy about at all. She thought it was embarrassing to me but kept her mouth shut. I told him to delete it in the end as I had a falling out with two of the guys he invited. Long story short, they weren't very nice...and we haven't spoke in near 2 months. My friend hates these two as well.

 

Now my bf arranged a suprise bday...and invited those 2 guys. And it was literally a night of drinking at some pretty shoddy places. Because my friend was fuming that he arranged something like that, and invited two people that have hurt me, she thinks he isnt listening to me and that it was selfish. He didnt invite my closest friends, more aquaintances and her. Because of that she left the convo and deleted him off fb. She really dislikes him.

 

I don't know how to handle this. I know he doesn't always do things in the right way, but his heart is good. I don't know what to do. He doesn't realise yet that she's deleted him (or at least I don't think he does), but he doesn't know I know about this party. I also don't wanna go knowing those guys are there anyway. And now i feel everything is awkward. This is proper playground stuff. She hates him.

What do I do? Do i tell him?

Edited August 10, 2015 by lemonadekiwi

[TaraMaiden2]

I'll be honest with you: I had a BF who behaved in a very similar way, and I will say this:

There's many a true word said in jest.

 

His 'rudeness' is a cover, and he uses it in a humorous way, but it's designed quite frankly, to put himself just a notch above you.

 

You say that you've mentioned it to him, but I am sorry - your friend is right.

He's not listening.

Or rather, he's not 'hearing' you, which means an inconsiderate and selfish level of input.

He's not hearing you, because he likes what he's doing, sees no harm in it, and it gives him a sense of superior security.

 

He thinks it's funny.

It won't stop.

And one day, you WILL wonder why you've put up with it so long, because after a while, this will niggle at you, get on your nerves and escalate to causing resentment and emotional pain.

His arranging this 'lad's night out' is just something he would prefer to do, for his liking and not yours.

 

I'm sorry: you need to take the 'but I love him' spec's off because the affection input is imbalanced.

You quite obviously think more of him than he does of you.

It shows in spades.

And you need to call a firm, abrupt and no-nonsense halt to it.

 

As for your friend's actions: They're her decision. This is between them. Stay out of it.

 

She's actually showing more discernment and perception than you are.

I really would, in your shoes, pay attention....

[scooby-philly]

Hey,

 

Sorry for your situation. It sounds awful. Your heart sounds like it's good and your heads sounds like it's in the right place. And it's tough. He maybe a great guy in other ways but in these two areas - his "jokes" and "party" he's way off base.

 

Listen, I'm a guy. I'ma nice guy. I'm an educated guy. I'm still a guy - there are things I say to annoy the one I'm with. But if she told me it bothered her to say it front of others, or even in general, I'd stop. If it was something very un PC, I def. wouldn't do that in public.

 

And...his choice of people for your party means he's not taking the time to get to know you and your friends/family (do you take the time with his?)

 

You're friend isn't helping by disengaging either. But, she's not wrong.

 

Long story short, it's serious conversation time

[kendahke]

I would take a good long read of your post again and if this was your daughter writing this about her boyfriend, what would you say to her?

 

His heart being good is really beside the point. He displays a contempt for you esteem that is breathtaking. He has no problem embarrassing you on a public social media board where your friends and family can see it. And you let him--because you stay with him.

 

Your friend is being protective of you because who are you going to go cry to when he hurts your feelings? I can completely see where she's coming from.

I wouldn't say anything to him about her deleting him. Why does he need to know from you? He can figure that out on his own. If he asks you why, tell him to ask her. Dont' get in the middle of it.

 

Back to him: inviting 2 people that he knows you have had past problems with to a birthday party for you and not inviting friends of yours is really beyond the pale. He's got a very poor consideration for you and it's not likely to get any better. Why would someone who loves and cares for you do that? Oh, that's right: someone who truly loved and cared for you and your feelings WOULD NOT DO THAT. It's a sign of maturity to have some form of awareness of what rolls off your tongue or what actions you choose to engage in. No adult is that inept. They would not willingly put you in a position like that unless they believe that you deserved the public beat down.

 

Surely, you can't be that hard up for a boyfriend that you stay and accept this kind of treatment?

Edited August 10, 2015 by kendahke