Ex posting new overlap relationship photos already after I went NC?

[aliroser]

So I've posted last week here - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/540737-do-ex-s-who-left-us-someone-else-ever-come-back

 

 

Long story short, the ex overlapped me with someone else, he denied it but we ended up splitting anyway. He still denied it for 8 weeks despite her instantly posting couple photos together. Finally after seeing a photo of her with his family I gave him one more chance to give me closure and confess. I wanted him to admit it because I felt all the lies wasn't allowing me to move on. I sent a cool, calm, understanding message and after a lot of pressure form his family and friends he FINALLY admitted it. Telling me they were together, how happy he was, how sorry he was and how he didn't want it to be soon soon but how much he cares for me and wants me in his life still and also meet up with me still as we were going to exchange things. After all the advice on this forum I went NC and felt good for it. I felt in power and I was starting to feel normal again.

 

1 week after that he posted photos of them together with captions such as 'the one' and inside jokes. Right in front of my face. What on EARTH is he doing? Surely he would have been more respectful than to post them so soon?

I'm hoping my my silent reply he didn't just take it as me being cool about it?

 

I'm about to relapse and for the first time be very direct, tell him he treated me disgustingly towards the end, there wasn't much need to be posting so soon etc. Or tell him 'You claim you care about me but posting photos right in front of my face this early on is pretty insensitive and a low blow. You've treated me disgustingly. Give everything back to *** block me on all of your accounts and don't try and speak to me again' But I don't know.

 

I know he's on his honeymoon stage with her and anything I do might not effect him but I want him to think 'damn. That WAS ****ty'

 

This feels awful he's flaunting it. I can't stop thinking 'was I really THAT bad for him to have moved on and be so happy this quickly?'

[Pancake]

I feel really sorry that you feel that way. But don't ever think you weren't good enough. You probably just weren't right for each other. That doesn't mean that I support his behavior, I think nobody should ever feel replaced, and if you think you like someone else, break up with your current bf or gf because obey you don't like them enough.

 

My advice is: Block him on all social media. If you block him you can't find him on social media and you won't have to see any photos that he posted or is tagged in. Its gonna be hard (Im guilty of stalking my exes on social media) but if its so upsetting for you then its gonna be a relief for you to block him. You already felt better going NC, right?

 

Just try not to care too much, I know it hurts but he doesn't have to know. I think he kinda knows what a sh*t move he pulled and feels bad for it but you don't have to tell him just how bad it really is.

 

Keep your chin up high and move on. You'll find someone one day who is 1000x better than him and its gonna happen when you expect it the least. Just trust in that

[minimariah]

1 week after that he posted photos of them together with captions such as 'the one' and inside jokes. Right in front of my face. What on EARTH is he doing?

 

he is living his life and posting pictures on his social network - so he really isn't doing it in front of your face. if you unfollow him, block or even mute - it won't be in front of your face. does he follow you on any social networks?

 

what goes on "in front of your face" is YOUR decision. if you don't want to see him (and there will more of what you're seeing right now) - then remove him from your vision.

 

Surely he would have been more respectful than to post them so soon?

 

sweetheart... he did THIS --

 

Long story short, the ex overlapped me with someone else, he denied it but we ended up splitting anyway. He still denied it for 8 weeks despite her instantly posting couple photos together. (...) he FINALLY admitted it.

 

what on Earth makes you think he'll be respectful NOW...? if you didn't dig, he would still be lying to you! he MOVED ON. that's it.

 

I'm hoping my my silent reply he didn't just take it as me being cool about it?

 

he probably didn't even think about your reply or no - reply or anything else. he won't stop posting those pictures or be happy because you're upset about it - as harsh as it sounds. nothing you can do about it, really.

 

I can't stop thinking 'was I really THAT bad for him to have moved on and be so happy this quickly?'

 

it probably wasn't bad. when folks move on quickly - it does not mean that their previous relationship was a disaster. they simply fell for someone else and moved on.

 

stop measuring your worth by his actions. do NOT in ANY WAY contact him, not even for this --

 

...but I want him to think 'damn. That WAS ****ty'

 

he won't care. he might feel bad for a minute & then he'll get annoyed because you won't leave him alone. he is out of your life and isn't coming back - accept that and start from there. STICK WITH NC no matter what. move on. unfollow, block and mute. send his things via mail & call it a day.

 

any further contact to him would be humiliating for you. the ONLY way is NC. post here if you want to send him something. start journals and write everything down but never send it to him. putting those feelings somehwere does help - sending them to him? not.

 

let that hope go. stop asking about him, stop following him. when you see something about him - block him. delete him, delete the person who posted it... whatever. remove him from your thoughts.

 

NC means NOT stalking his social networks, not looking at his pictures... all of that. let them live their lives, you have your own to live. they might work out and last forever, they might not. the only important thing - he isn't in your life anymore and he isn't going back. the faster you accept that, the faster you'll heal and get over him.

Edited August 10, 2015 by minimariah

[pidgeon1010]

I know it hurts and you're trying to move on but sorry to say, you're doing it to yourself. He is not doing anything to your face. If you truly went NC, you wouldn't be exposed to this. Sounds like he came clean and is moving on with his life. You should do the same. He disrespected you by cheating, the relationship is over. Do you really expect him to be looking out for you? He is looking out for himself and you should do the same. Stop looking at his social media accounts and move on one day at a time.

[aliroser]

MAJOR SOS!

 

 

So after telling a friend about all of this she responds 'Ok, I've messaged him' without my permission she has send him a LONG message stating how he should be more sensitive towards me, I'm still following him and that although I'm 'getting better' I'm still getting over everything...?!!!!! I'm mad.

 

 

How can this be resolved? Now after my dignified silence I look pathetic.

 

I could message him saying '*** told me she sent you a message, I did not give her permission to send that. Yes, posting so soon in front of me was a little insensitive on top of everything else but what's done is done now'... Or??... Help!

[aliroser]

I do NOT want to look pathetic to him on top of all of this

[minimariah]

go straight NC. do not respond, tell your friend to NOT message him anything anymore & to NOT tell you about him and his new girlfriend.

 

so straight up NC, the only way. BLOCK & UNFOLLOW. right now. his number, social networks, mail... all of that. go radio silence.

[aliroser]

Ok but I feel my silence was so strong and now my silence after that message seems totally pathetic, like a sad silence. Ugh. I hate that she pretty much told him off and made me out to be moping about and still all bummed out.

[aliroser]

I just feel all my hard work is gone out the window and she let him know I care... a LOT and it's effecting me. This is NOT good.

If I was to message him rather than remain quiet, is there anything that can help?

 

 

She even said 'obviously her knowing you've moved on is upsetting for her'... UM?!

Edited August 10, 2015 by aliroser

[pidgeon1010]

That's why strict NC is very important, not this half-ass no contact where you're not sending messages but all up in his business on social media. I don't think you should send any follow-up. The "harm" has already been done and there is nothing you can do to change any impression he may have. He knows you have been discussing him with your friend and have been keeping tabs on him, on social media. Please cut me off all social media accounts. You will feel MUCH better.

[aliroser]

Not even a message to let him know I didn't give her permission to send that? Looks like I made her do it and that in itself is bad enough!

[contel3]

There's always a small satisfaction in showing off your new relationship to an ex...it's an ego thing. He knew you were going to see those pictures, but he didn't care.

 

Block him everywhere and don't look at his social media.

[pidgeon1010]

I don't think it makes a difference whether you gave permission or not, so you shouldn't worry about that. Even if he knows that, it still doesn't take away from the content of your gf's message: that you really haven't moved on and have been "stalking" his social media. As the other poster stated, probably an ego boost for him. For the sake of your sanity, block him everywhere you can and work on yourself and your healing. The best way to show that you have moved on is to truly move on. It is hard but you have to make a conscious effort to do so. I am 2 months NC myself and doing much much better. I wish you the best!

[stillafool]

Not even a message to let him know I didn't give her permission to send that? Looks like I made her do it and that in itself is bad enough!

 

No! He's not going to care one way or the other. Just start over in your mind. No contact whatsoever, no following him on social media and move on. He has every right to post what he wants online. You do not have to know about it if you don't look.

[aliroser]

So there is NO way at all I can come out of this not looking pathetic after the message she sent him? Oh dear

[minimariah]

straight NC - do that right now.

 

block him, unfollow everywhere... all of that. do not respond in any shape or form even if he does contact you and says something about your friend's message. his opinion of you isn't relevant for you or your life anymore.

 

focus on healing and moving on. tell your friend to STFU about you to him, even if she means well. at this point, you WANT to contact him and looking for some reason to do so - we have all been there. don't do it.

 

the best ways is straight NC.

and this time - DO IT RIGHT. NC also means no stalking or following or being updated on his life and social media.

 

you won't move on as long as you continue obsessing over your past and his new relationship.

[aloneinaz]

Sweetie,

 

 

He moved on. You or your friends stalking him on social media is the last thing you should be doing. BLOCK him on everything and tell your friends you don't want to know @hit about what he's up to or doing.

 

 

YOU need to find your pride and self respect here and STAY NC.. At this point, who gives a #$#*^ about what he thinks. He's not your problem anymore and is out of your life.

 

 

Want to feel better and not pathetic? NC, BLOCK him, his friends, family, etc..

 

 

This was the great thing about being young before computers and the internet. You broke up and had no way of finding out or spying on an ex after it was over. Social media exasperates more pain and suffering than anything once a relationship ends.

[BC1980]

So there is NO way at all I can come out of this not looking pathetic after the message she sent him? Oh dear

 

Not really. Any further contact will make you look even weaker. But I feel for you, and I'd be so mad at my friend.

[Satu]

This is your friend:

 

*No direct contact in either direction.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

If you do this, it will help.