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needed. Broke up two month ago, flowers delivered for my birthday.

Brokenhearted1994

By Brokenhearted1994
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Brokenhearted1994 New Member

Brokenhearted1994

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So I done all the usual mistakes after a breakup. Breakup was two months ago and it's been very low contact here and there. Until I started no contact three weeks ago, just disappeared, realised it was time to let go and move on. Me and my ex girlfriend were only together for 11 months but had a very loving intense relationship from the start. There was never a really bad reason to why we broke up but we did move too quickly, and we did spend every single day together. So we went on a break, and then she ended it. She's been so cold and distant since the break up but I focused on myself and moved forward with my life, well tried, but seams she always pops back in whenever she feels like it, but then she'll just ignore again. On Thursday she sent me flowers, "happy 21st princess" and when I replied to say thank you she was really cold and distant, it's set me back to square one. I'm trying to tell myself this is just a friendly gesture and I did only reply and say thank you. But I can't stop thinking about it. Why would she sent these then to cold straight away? Any advice would be appreciated.

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Realitycol Established Member

Realitycol

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Because she isn't completely over it. Give more time.

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aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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She sent the flowers for you to break no contact and get you to engage with her. Nothing more, nothing less..

 

 

Don't break NC again. You'll find time and distance from her will make you feel better and better.

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Brokenhearted1994 New Member

Brokenhearted1994

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That's exactly what I thought. When I'm not in contact with her I feel so much better. I thought maybe she would say happy birthday but I didn't count on it. The flowers set me back a little bit because of how she's acted from the breakup. But I think it was just a friendly thing to do. Thanks for the responses.

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Pancake Member

Pancake

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Another possibility is that she feels bad and she kinda wanted to make some of her mistakes up. She could've reacted that way to make it clear that she doesn't want to get back together with you, but she's kinda sorry.

 

But I agree with aloneinaz. She could just simply want a reaction from you after you 'dared' to break off contact and stopped 'sulking' after her (don't really know if thats the case but she sounds pathetic).

 

Whatever her intentions were just try to keep it together. I read somewhere that relationships are sorta like books: You've read the book. The book was ****. Don't reread **** books that aren't worth your time.

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Brokenhearted1994 New Member

Brokenhearted1994

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Pretty much everything after the breakup has been to get a reaction. Like if she thinks I'm moving on she will come back and ask how my love life is, or try and make me jealous and when she doesn't get a reaction she will just ignore me again. She always says "never say never to getting back together" and then she will go cold and distant again. I guess I just need to start no contact again and focus on myself. Thank you,.

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Pancake Member

Pancake

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Sounds like she just wants to keep her admirers which is selfish af. You're better than this :) Go NC and live your life to the fullest without this person who keeps bringing you down.

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Brokenhearted1994 New Member

Brokenhearted1994

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Thank you, that's exactly what I need to do. She gets my hopes up then shoots them straight back down. I guess I'm just the fall back girl, I'm not going to be that person. She clearly doesn't want me but doesn't want me to move on either. Head games is the worst.

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aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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Thank you, that's exactly what I need to do. She gets my hopes up then shoots them straight back down. I guess I'm just the fall back girl, I'm not going to be that person. She clearly doesn't want me but doesn't want me to move on either. Head games is the worst.

 

 

Both of these highlighted areas are FULLY in your control. There are plenty of dumpers out there like this. They don't want you back but.. they do like the fact that they have a back up plan if they get desperate. Knowing there's someone who's pining for you and wants you, feels really good to the dumpers self esteem. They don't want to lose it, thus, they keep you engaged with occasional contact to insure you're still under their spell.

 

 

When the person who got dumped FINALLY figures out to ignore them, block them everywhere, accept that they'd never want to be anyone's second choice and move on, the dumper hates it. It screws w/their ego, self esteem and confidence.

 

 

I had an ex GF that I ended it with. I really cared for her as she was a great person. I just felt she didn't rock my world. I checked up on her off/on for several months afterward. My intentions (I thought) were good but I probably did like that she still wanted me back. She finally stopped replying to my contact and it did hurt a bit as I thought we'd always be friendly and could check in w/each other periodically. She figured out that having any contact w/me was holding her back from moving on.

 

 

OP, ignore her BS, focus on you and move on w/your life.

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Brokenhearted1994 New Member

Brokenhearted1994

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Thank you for your reply.

 

My last conversation with her was me telling her I couldn't and didn't want to have any contact with her, because honestly I was doing it for all the wrong reasons so I blocked all contact and 3 weeks later was when she sent the flowers and the note. I thought it was a nice thing to do and felt I had to thank her for it, but that's the only contact I've had with her since, I've had a couple more messages to which I have ignored but it makes me feel horrible for ignoring her.

 

I'm a lot stronger than I was at the beginning of the break up and I have moved on to a certain point, but I know, as bad as it sounds I'd take her back tomorrow. It's these little breadcrumbs that bring me back to square one, but luckily I'm not as emotionally invested.

 

I think I thought of the flowers to be more than she meant. It was a nice thing to do and I really need to stop giving in and showing her I'm always there when she needs me.

 

What you said makes a lot of sense and makes me see the situation in a different light, so thank you for replying.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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If she still has ways to contact you, you're not doing NC.

 

NC means *No Contact.*

 

 

*No direct contact in either direction.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

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Brokenhearted1994 New Member

Brokenhearted1994

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No contact starting again from yesterday,she has nothing to contact me about anymore since my birthday has now passed so I've blocked all communication. Thanks for all the advice, :)

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Pink Lotus New Member

Pink Lotus

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You're lucky to receive flowers lol, it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago and I got nada from my ex and yes I know that's not what ex's normally do in sending birthday greetings etc. Mind you last year when we were together my birthday wasn't exactly that great either. I think I had to wait for my card and even then he didn't put my name in it lol. At least this year I made sure I was in a different country to celebrate it and although I did feel some sadness I was in a better place :)

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Brokenhearted1994 New Member

Brokenhearted1994

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I felt lucky as well, until it set me back. I didn't expect a happy birthday never mind beautiful flowers, and 3 emails wishing me a lovely day. It was a lovely thought but I was doing well until she got back in contact. It got my hopes up and I thought maybe it could lead to us talking again but I was wrong. At least now she has no reason to contact me anymore. I'll just be glad when I've fully moved on, no more back and forth. I can't wait for the day I could say I'd never take her back, but we have our good days and bad days don't we :)

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Pink Lotus New Member

Pink Lotus

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Yes there are good days and bad days and it isn't easy at all. I think some break ups are easier to deal with then others and the others suck. I feel like my break up is a like a long long film, there's the beginning, the middle, then the bit that just seems to go on for a bit too long. I can't wait for the damn end though and see the credits roll.......

We will be ok though, we have to be :)

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Brokenhearted1994 New Member

Brokenhearted1994

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The hurt and pain doesn't last forever, we just need to adjust to life without them, and of course it's going to be hard, but that's why we have the people that's close to us and the people who help us through by giving advice on these forums. I say, expect the worst, and anything else is only positive. Whatever happens, happens, but live your life to the best you can, and I'll be doing the same. We all deserve to be happy, and if we loved the wrong people that much, just imagine how much we can love the right person

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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The hurt and pain doesn't last forever, we just need to adjust to life without them, and of course it's going to be hard, but that's why we have the people that's close to us and the people who help us through by giving advice on these forums. I say, expect the worst, and anything else is only positive. Whatever happens, happens, but live your life to the best you can, and I'll be doing the same. We all deserve to be happy, and if we loved the wrong people that much, just imagine how much we can love the right person

 

I went through that hurt and pain. I sobbed my heart out every day for two years, and never left the house, except to buy food. Even that was nearly too much for me. I felt alone, lost, and worthless.

 

But slowly, bit by bit, the pain got less and less.

 

One day I was walking along the road, and I felt really strange, and had to stop to figure out what was happening...

 

And then I realised what that feeling was.

 

It was happiness.

 

 

Take good care of yourself.

 

 

You'll be ok.

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Brokenhearted1994 New Member

Brokenhearted1994

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Thank you for that,.

 

Everyone goes through it, people just deal with it in different ways.

 

I'm glad you're doing better, and you found your happiness. I can't wait for the day I can say the same. Onwards and upwards.

 

Take care.

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