yxalitis Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 (edited) Executive Summary: If you date someone, but after two dates (a fair chance given for him to impress you), and you just don’t…”feel” it… Please…for the love of all that is Holy: SAY SO!! You can use whatever coy, twisty, non-confrontational tactic you like! But next time he asks you out, reply with some variation of: “I’m not really ready to date” “I’m not over my ex” “I really like you as a friend” Or even, shock horror the truth: “Look, you’re a great guy, but I’m not really into you” This is easy, it’s just a text! Then if he hassles you, (unlikely but possible) you can block him because…you’ve given him your answer. I remember aeons ago, back in my late teens, I asked a pretty waitress at work out. “She replied, “Thanks, but I’m not interested” After the 5 seconds of disappointment, I was fine! I had NO chance to let my imagination work overtime on what her “maybe” or “I’ll check my schedule” or other hedging response I often get might actually mean! I actually thanks her for her directness. JUST EFFING TELL HIM! The Story: I’m back dating (Yeah, OK I am) Both ladies are busy, I accept that, both single mums with little family support, so I don’t expect to see them often. I’ve had just two dates with both. One I’ll call Che, is a beautiful, 42 Vietnamese lady, delightful, smart, sexy. I had a Sunday date planned, around 5:00 Saturday she called(not texted) to say she couldn’t make it tomorrow (sadface) but she could see me tonight! (Ecstatic face). After that date (dinner followed by a game of pool, where I could be close to her showing her how to aim, hold the pool cue etc. We had a lot of fun) she texted me an enthusiastic note how she would love to play that again, etc. I called her a few days later to say Hi, and try and lock in the date, she had family over the following weekend, but might have Friday free, would let me know. She enthusiastically answered and chatted merrily, her phone manner suggested she was happy I called I text her Thursday, just saying hi…no reply. Saturday morning she texts me, just wishing me a happy weekend. Later that day I texted her that I was seeing a movie with my girls, sent her a photo of them both, got a reply: “They’re beautiful” On Sunday I thank her for her last comment, and ask how her weekend was. I get a curt: “It was great. Have a nice day.” Yes, she was busy, OK, she had family. But if she was interested I’d have gotten more back. But all the communication form her is ostensibly saying I’ll see you later” but in reality is “I’m not interested” Vay is in a similar position, although she doesn’t work, so has more free time. Friday first date: drinks and a movie (Magic Mike, bad choice). I had to apologise for the movie, explaining that my friend cheekily suggested I take her and I naively thought it was a romcom (I had no idea, honestly). She accepted that, and would “let me know” when she was free again. We texted throughout the next week, but I decided to be more firm. In our first date she indicated her first husband had “pursued her” she seemed to indicate she liked to be chased. So I texted her: “I believe we can be good together...come out with me again, it will be fun” She replied: “maybe [sunglasses smily] A couple days later I text her: “Antman was great, saw it with my daughters, you should take [her sonm] Her reply: “yes, together all of us!” After a few more exchanges she agrees to see me Wednesday for another date. I booked a romantic dinner overlooking the bay, and offered to pick her up so she could drink without worry. She accepted this gladly. We had a fantastic time, I could sense I was growing on her, leaning in, holding my gaze, brushing my arm with her fingers. We stayed after the mean for after-dinner drinks, she had a VSOP Brandy, and was quite merry by now, not drunk, but a bit tipsy. I drove her home, and in the car I leaned over and kissed her, it was nice, but light. I was actually content then, so I told her I had a great time, and would love to see her again. She leaned right over and asked me “why do you want to see me, with a cheeky grin” I answered, and she must have liked it, because we then kissed again, very passionately, until I finally stopped breathlessly, and she got out to and walked up the drive to her house, she stopped and waved before heading in. She texted me a “Thank you for a beautiful night, sweet dreams” that night. I replied in kind. Friday I text her a short message. She replies that she is having a party at her friend’s house, and “Have a nice weekend” I also ask, “If you don’t think it’s too early we can take [her son] to see a movie together. She replied [smilyface] Thanks! (remember she had already suggested this) The photo of my daughters that I sent to Che I also sent to her with a similar message, again, I get a short “They’re Beautiful” reply. And since then...nothing, not a word. I like dating, I like the process of watching someone develop feelings, and (hopefully) developing yours for them, but I hate it when people don’t communicate clearly! Are either of these girls interested? Busy is one thing, but it takes a few seconds to shoot through a text, a few minutes to call. *sigh… I’m leaving them both alone now, they can get back to me or not, up to them. Edited August 9, 2015 by yxalitis 1
mrldii Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Got it. This is actually taught on Day 1 of Feminazism 101. Ironic, ain't it? 1
autumnnight Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I agree. Be honest. And let me add these additional instructions: If he asks for a detailed essay explaining why, reiterate for him that you aren't feeling it, and that should be sufficient If he tries to state his case and change your mind, reiterate for him that you already have a mind, you aren't feeling it, and the discussion is closed If he becomes an immature bratty ass and gets nasty, kindly thank him for reaffirming that you made the right decision If he does all of the above and continues communication.....registered cease and desist letters are easy to send If that doesn't work, get an RO HINT: men who are sane and might even be worth giving a second look will accept the first no thank you gracefully and NOT continue down the remainder of the crazy list 3
Author yxalitis Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 I agree. Be honest. And let me add these additional instructions: If he asks for a detailed essay explaining why, reiterate for him that you aren't feeling it, and that should be sufficient If he tries to state his case and change your mind, reiterate for him that you already have a mind, you aren't feeling it, and the discussion is closed If he becomes an immature bratty ass and gets nasty, kindly thank him for reaffirming that you made the right decision If he does all of the above and continues communication.....registered cease and desist letters are easy to send If that doesn't work, get an RO HINT: men who are sane and might even be worth giving a second look will accept the first no thank you gracefully and NOT continue down the remainder of the crazy list Yes, tell ALL YOUR friends, Tell THEM to pass it on to theirs! Eventfully the message will reach all corners of the globe, and no man will ever need to post an: "is she interested, what does this text mean?" thread ever again! "This is my design" (Will Graham)
HereNorThere Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Yes, if you ladies could just let the others in your yoga, cooking and sewing classes, that'd be great. Maybe you could print up some little flyers and put them on the side of the feminine napkins dispensers in your workplace and places like that. Spread the word! 2
mrldii Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Yes, tell ALL YOUR friends, Tell THEM to pass it on to theirs! Eventfully the message will reach all corners of the globe, and no man will ever need to post an: "is she interested, what does this text mean?" thread ever again! "This is my design" (Will Graham) But what's to say those threads won't morph in to "(But) Whyyyyy isn't she interested in me???" 3
autumnnight Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Yes, if you ladies could just let the others in your yoga, cooking and sewing classes, that'd be great. Maybe you could print up some little flyers and put them on the side of the feminine napkins dispensers in your workplace and places like that. Spread the word! For some reason having HNT use the phrase "feminine napkin dispensers" made me chuckle loudly. Should we also add that it'd be great if we made sure our profile photos were less than 10 years old....
Author yxalitis Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 But what's to say those threads won't morph in to "(But) Whyyyyy isn't she interested in me???" This is true... And of course the ladies NEVER ask that question of men...hmmm?
Author yxalitis Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 For some reason having HNT use the phrase "feminine napkin dispensers" made me chuckle loudly. Should we also add that it'd be great if we made sure our profile photos were less than 10 years old.... Better than "feminine-napkin dispensers" That's a WHOLE other thing!
mrldii Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 This is true... And of course the ladies NEVER ask that question of men...hmmm? Actually, I don't see much difference in the topics posted by men as opposed to women, or much difference in the angst and despair surrounding the topics. It wouldn't surprise me if on this site, there are more women than men, just due to its subject matter, but percentage-wise not much of a difference in what we worry and fret about. All the more reason why one would think that regardless of labels and/or previous conditioning, we'd all be a just a tad more understanding and patient with one another. ~sigh~ And, yes, I do want a unicorn that poops marshmallows, too. Oh, AND world peace. 3
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Ladies... spread the word!They better be spreading more than just words It sounds like you need to learn some patience, these women also have other irons in the fire.. sometimes in times like this as long as you are getting that connection like with the second girl then time and patience will bring you back in line again. 1
Author yxalitis Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Actually, I don't see much difference in the topics posted by men as opposed to women, or much difference in the angst and despair surrounding the topics. It wouldn't surprise me if on this site, there are more women than men, just due to its subject matter, but percentage-wise not much of a difference in what we worry and fret about. All the more reason why one would think that regardless of labels and/or previous conditioning, we'd all be a just a tad more understanding and patient with one another. Nice sentiment... And, yes, I do want a unicorn that poops marshmallows, too. Oh, AND world peace. In that order of preference! And...are you going to EAT those marshmallows...ewww
Author yxalitis Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 They better be spreading more than just words It sounds like you need to learn some patience, these women also have other irons in the fire.. sometimes in times like this as long as you are getting that connection like with the second girl then time and patience will bring you back in line again. Patience, yeah, I want to be more patient, and I want it NOW DAMN IT! It's not so much about them confirming the next date, as being very non-communicative. We'll see who gets back in touch first! The ball is in their court re next date.
jen1447 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I like dating, I like the process of watching someone develop feelings, and (hopefully) developing yours for them, but I hate it when people don’t communicate clearly! Are either of these girls interested? It sounds like the first chick was pissed at you, which (while not a good thing) is better than just blowing you off bc it means she had sth to be pissed about. = some investment. 1
Author yxalitis Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 It sounds like the first chick was pissed at you, which (while not a good thing) is better than just blowing you off bc it means she had sth to be pissed about. = some investment. The 1st "chick" Che? Why do you think that she was ticked off somehow?
jen1447 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 This part - On Sunday I thank her for her last comment, and ask how her weekend was. I get a curt: “It was great. Have a nice day.” She was curt. Ambivalent ppl aren't usually curt. And "have a nice day" isn't a blow off line, it's an "eff you" line. If she was blowing you off she'd wait 17 hours to reply and say "heh" or "ok" (with no period to indicate she's not even interested enough to use punctuation), or sth along those lines. Did you do anything to piss her off?
Author yxalitis Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 This part - She was curt. Ambivalent ppl aren't usually curt. And "have a nice day" isn't a blow off line, it's an "eff you" line. If she was blowing you off she'd wait 17 hours to reply and say "heh" or "ok" (with no period to indicate she's not even interested enough to use punctuation), or sth along those lines. Did you do anything to piss her off? Definitely not! Can't think of anything...unless she was expecting me to call sometime on Sunday (she likes it when I call). I texted her once at 10:30pm Sunday night...I can't think of anything else at all.
Author yxalitis Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Might be worth an ask. I rang her..no answer... Either she's busy, adn will get back to me (fine, no problems) Or, she's ticked I didn't call her Sunday, maybe she was free that night. Hmm, well, if she's that easily upset at this early stage, she's not worth pursuing... We'll see. Amazing difference between these girls who are local to me and the working girls with only a few hours free each day in HK who text, call, and send photos all the time! It's called "enthusiasm" why is it so often missing!
Author yxalitis Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 No, she can't be annoyed with me, if she was free, she would have called to tell me, like she did the previous Saturday. I guess she's just been busy...and that she's kind of lukewarm about me. You know, when I think back, all the really keen communicators, the ones who texted and called a lot, all turned out to be nutters! Maybe it's for the best! I mean she is a single Mum with family staying over... Guess I'll just be patient
lino Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 To me, those are actions of women who are minimally interested and keeping you as the back up option or as a text buddy.
Author yxalitis Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 To me, those are actions of women who are minimally interested and keeping you as the back up option or as a text buddy. Hardly a text buddy...they hardly text, only ever in (often belated) reply. Minimally interested I'd agree with. I don't mind pushing a bit to begin with, but after a long passionate kiss, I'd have expected more from Vay. The ones I'm not interested in fall in love and burst into tears, the ones I like aren't interested enough to bother texting or calling me to arrange a new date. ...Maybe I'll move to HK!
GalWithNiceGuyFriend Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Hardly a text buddy...they hardly text, only ever in (often belated) reply. Minimally interested I'd agree with. I don't mind pushing a bit to begin with, but after a long passionate kiss, I'd have expected more from Vay. The ones I'm not interested in fall in love and burst into tears, the ones I like aren't interested enough to bother texting or calling me to arrange a new date. ...Maybe I'll move to HK! This happens to all of us - women and men alike. I once met a lovely guy who ruined it by saying 'I love you, you complete me fully' after ONE date and a couple of texting chats. I was stunned. The other one I met and agreed to have dinner with asked me to send him nude pics of me (after one dinner). He said he didn't realise how beautiful I really am until that dinner day. Of course I put on my running shoes with this one. Then I had immense feelings for a workmate but didn't tell him until after 3 months, and told him I loved him after 1.5 to 2 years. You know what the guy told me? "You don't even know me". Working together for 3 years, a million emails and texts, gifts exchanged, catch-ups here and there (no sex, no kissing)...but you tell me I don't know you! You can imagine how crushed I was. He could have just said 'I don't love you back'. Makes more sense than 'You don't know me'. So, yes, it happens to women too. The men we really like are real trouble.
Lois_Griffin Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Amazing difference between these girls who are local to me and the working girls with only a few hours free each day in HK who text, call, and send photos all the time! It's called "enthusiasm" why is it so often missing! It's much more likely they have a vested interest in finding what they perceive to be a rich white man from America.
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