SycamoreCircle Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I think you're trying to set me up to receive hurtful information. And I don't like it.No. You're free to do as you like. I just think he sounds... faltering. And I think you could confidently broach the subject with a faltering personality to get a clearer understanding of what's going on. Besides, it's good to exercise a little steeliness out there in the dating world.
SycamoreCircle Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 It was a festival, and it was about going together. So yes, it was about me.You're hurt. Toughen up.
Author RoseVille Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 No. You're free to do as you like. I just think he sounds... faltering. And I think you could confidently broach the subject with a faltering personality to get a clearer understanding of what's going on. Besides, it's good to exercise a little steeliness out there in the dating world. I don't agree. It was one date. No explanation is necessary or warranted. 2
Author RoseVille Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 (edited) You're hurt. Toughen up. No, I'm really not. Edited August 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
SycamoreCircle Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I never used either of those terms. But I do think it'd be good for you to toughen up a bit.
Author RoseVille Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 I never used either of those terms. But I do think it'd be good for you to toughen up a bit. Me? That's kinda funny!
SycamoreCircle Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Me? That's kinda funny!Well, I won't press the matter. Sorry it didn't work out.
mrldii Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 So then why did he kiss you at the end of the date? Twice? Why are you being so negative? He did respond to your text this morning, right? Or were you just joking about that? I'm not seeing where she's being negative; she simply commented about the mixed signals being sent/received. I got that when they met, there was mutual attraction (+). Prior to the date, they texted frequently and regularly (+) and made a date for drinks and possibly dinner afterwards (+). At the bar, his body language was closed (-) and he acted disinterested/preoccupied (-), but they went to dinner anyways (+), where it picked up a bit (+). After dinner he kissed her twice (+) and asked her to text him when she got home (+). She did, and he didn't reply (-) nor did he reply (as he usually does) when she texted him again (-). When he did reply, he indicated he'd changed his mind about her/them (-). The scorecard reads 7 (+) and 5 (-), just on her rundown of the events. That's about as close to a 50/50 shot as to whether or not someone's interested as it's gonna get. Seeeeeee, guys?!? It's not just we women who send mixed signals...it's almost *like* it's simply a human condition. 1
Zippy2000 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Pretty much this. He's not really interested, as his behavior in the first part of the date indicates. My guess is he saw a woman at the bar he was more interested in, and did not want her to think you two were a couple. His mind was on that woman instead. This guy seems like he will keep OP around when he is bored, but is looking for someone he likes better. Please stick to the facts. 4
MissBee Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Met a guy a little over a week ago at a birthday party for a mutual friend. We had a great flirty rapport. He got my number, asked our friend for details on me, and texted me often throughout each day during the week leading up to our date last night, being flirty and cheeky but not too much. We met for drinks with plans to maybe have dinner at a restaurant nearby as well. At the bar, his body language was completely closed off, like he didn't want to be there - arms crossed, leaning over the bar, almost looking back over his shoulder to even see me. I was seated with my chair slightly turned towards his with open body language. He just seemed so uninterested all of a sudden. I was pleasantly surprised when he suggested we move on to dinner. That went well, conversation flowed smoothly, lots of laughs. Then he walked me to my car, and somewhat confidentally kissed me, twice. He told me to text him when I got home. Now, silence. Yes, it was just last night, but this change is indicative of the mixed signals we all too often have to deal with when navigating dating someone new. It's frustrating. Yes it's frustrating and there are lots and lots of misses as you search for a hit, lots of false alarms (a miss that looks like a hit for example) and sometimes lots of nonsense. I made a thread of my own dating frustration of seeing a man for three weeks, he was funny, charming, sweet, a gentleman, intelligent, we had great conversation, we went out on several dates, he was good in bed, I met a few of his friends, then boom, find out yesterday he has a gf and has been lying about it . I'm very disappointed and sad about this turn of events as I was really excited about him and he's the first man I've been really excited about since my ex and I broke up last September. So it's on to the next...but not even, because at this point (since the blow is recent) I just can't be bothered and feel it's better to fling myself into other things and leave dating along. Ugh!! Since I was about 19 I remember always saying I wish I could wake up engaged. And it's still true lol. I HATE dating. I hate the process of looking for people, going on dates, wondering if it will work, having things go well and then nothing and all of that drama....I ABHOR IT! I mean, of course it's great when things go well, it's wonderful, consistent and evolves into something but I almost feel like you have to endure so much before that happens, which is why I've always felt like it would be better to cut out that aspect and just wake up engaged then we can go from there lol. 1
Author RoseVille Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Yes it's frustrating and there are lots and lots of misses as you search for a hit, lots of false alarms (a miss that looks like a hit for example) and sometimes lots of nonsense. I made a thread of my own dating frustration of seeing a man for three weeks, he was funny, charming, sweet, a gentleman, intelligent, we had great conversation, we went out on several dates, he was good in bed, I met a few of his friends, then boom, find out yesterday he has a gf and has been lying about it . I'm very disappointed and sad about this turn of events as I was really excited about him and he's the first man I've been really excited about since my ex and I broke up last September. So it's on to the next...but not even, because at this point (since the blow is recent) I just can't be bothered and feel it's better to fling myself into other things and leave dating along. Ugh!! Since I was about 19 I remember always saying I wish I could wake up engaged. And it's still true lol. I HATE dating. I hate the process of looking for people, going on dates, wondering if it will work, having things go well and then nothing and all of that drama....I ABHOR IT! I mean, of course it's great when things go well, it's wonderful, consistent and evolves into something but I almost feel like you have to endure so much before that happens, which is why I've always felt like it would be better to cut out that aspect and just wake up engaged then we can go from there lol. I hate dating too. Ha! I guess that's what it really comes down to. I abhor the process.
fitnessfan365 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I think he wants to sleep w-you, but isn't invested enough to care about getting to know you. That's why he acted like he could care less during dinner, but still went for the kiss. So the question is, what are you looking for Rose? If you want relationship potential, I'd ditch the guy. But if you're up for casual sex, let him do all the initiating and see what happens. 2
Zippy2000 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Facts? This is a dating advice website. If we stuck to the facts, there would be very little to contribute for anyone. Pretty much everything you see here is opinion based on personal experiences. You said "he saw a woman at the bar he was more interested in, and did not want her to think you two were a couple." This didnt happen. Give advice by all means but not made up stories and giving wrong advice based on it. 3
jay1983 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Upon my experience so far here is what I think will happen. He will get back to you eventually and will show interest. You will think you were silly for worrying after all you just had 1 date and the man doesn't have to reply to your text in a second. You will go on another date with him and it'll be fun and hot. He'll keep you interested just enough with his hot and cold games. Eventually you'll sleep with him and he'll disappear for good. TADAM!! You're learning. *handclap*
sportygirl89 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I know that. I'm not asking for advice, I'm venting about the wonky way a person can give mixed signals until the obvious signal is sent. I get you. Guys go for bad girls or girls totally wrong for them. Yet when someone nice comes along they automatically turn her down and say she is "wife material" (but not ****ing material). I actually had a guy off of Tinder one time tell me I was "wife material." Yet I never heard anything after that date. He was a pastor's kid. No no more.
h0000 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I get you. Guys go for bad girls or girls totally wrong for them. Yet when someone nice comes along they automatically turn her down and say she is "wife material" (but not ****ing material). . I think guys like wife material. They are the ones they eventually merry aren't they?..
katiegrl Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 If you read what I initially wrote, I said that was my guess. That guess was based on personal experience and experiences described to me by others. If my posts bother you, feel free to ignore me from now on. I dunno enigma...if he was afraid of appearing (to the *alleged* girl at the bar) like he was on a date, then why did he suggest moving on to dinner? If the girl at the bar didn't think he was on a date while he and Rose were at the bar, then surely she would have presumed that after they sat down for dinner...no?
Author RoseVille Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 I think he wants to sleep w-you, but isn't invested enough to care about getting to know you. That's why he acted like he could care less during dinner, but still went for the kiss. That's not it. Turns out he "didn't remember [me] being chubby." (He said to our mutual friend.) Me? Chubby? I might not be on the VS runway anytime soon, but I'd hardly call myself chubby. I'm a 6 or an 8 dress depending on the brand, have hard legs for days and I'm 5'6" barefoot. I still meet Army standards. I'm pushing 40, so think built like current/thinner Kate Winslet. He met me in shorts and a tank top and flat sandals, borderline frumpy; on the date I was in a flattering dress and wedge heels - smokin'! I assumed he'd think it was an improvement! CHUBBY!!! He, on the other hand, is more than "thick"... I like meat on a guy, but was concerned about what he had going on under his clothes. Maybe its projection. I could really care less. So the question is, what are you looking for Rose? If you want relationship potential, I') ditch the guy. But if you're up for casual sex, let him do all the initiating and see what happens. I'm not interested. In him, or casual sex.
Author RoseVille Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 I dunno enigma...if he was afraid of appearing (to the *alleged* girl at the bar) like he was on a date, then why did he suggest moving on to dinner? If the girl at the bar didn't think he was on a date while he and Rose were at the bar, then surely she would have presumed that after they sat down for dinner...no? We left the bar to go to a restaurant across the street. I think he was drunk when he kissed me, the more I think about it. And maybe he was drunk at the birthday party, too, despite booze not being there.
h0000 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I think he wants to sleep w-you, but isn't invested enough to care about getting to know you. That's why he acted like he could care less during dinner, but still went for the kiss. So the question is, what are you looking for Rose? If you want relationship potential, I'd ditch the guy. But if you're up for casual sex, let him do all the initiating and see what happens. That's not it. Turns out he "didn't remember [me] being chubby." (He said to our mutual friend.) . This guy is so rude..But I have to laugh..Not remembering how your body's like..Was he on drugs before? :lmao: 1
SycamoreCircle Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I think it should be taken into consideration that dates have a kind of ceremony to them. I'll peck a girl on the cheek at the end of the night, or suggest another round even if I know I'm not into her, just for the sake of courtesy. I'm aware of body language enough, though, not to do something strongly indicative one way or the other.* My goal, when I find myself in these situations, is to not make either of us feel uncomfortable, and treat it as a friendly encounter. Admittedly, the choices by the guy are conflicting. I guess we can assume he's conflicted. *Hmm...that's not entirely true. I remember one date where I wasn't into the girl. She seemed really nice and cute but she smoked and it was too early on the heels of my BU. I wasn't ready. At some point, though, our date had been moving at such a comfortable pace(we were at our second spot) that I thought I would kiss her just to see how it felt. Maybe I would feel something different. And, too, I could tell she was interested...so, I figured why not? It was wrong, I realize. I'm just telling this to illustrate the mind of the conflicted.
Author RoseVille Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 This guy is so rude..But I have to laugh..Not remembering how your body's like..Was he on drugs before? :lmao: I guess so! Or drunk! Our friend is in AA so it was just a cookout, lots of kids there too, very casual. Maybe he was drunk when we met and at the end of the date. That would explain everything. He doesn't have to worry about my fat ass anymore though!
katiegrl Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 We left the bar to go to a restaurant across the street. I think he was drunk when he kissed me, the more I think about it. And maybe he was drunk at the birthday party, too, despite booze not being there. Hmmm that sounds kinda strange. Then perhaps enigma was right...and there was a woman at the bar he did not want to know he was on a date. Another woman he's dating? Doesn't matter now...next. Really strange though...and that text he sent in response to yours...that was just the rudest!
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