RoseVille Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Met a guy a little over a week ago at a birthday party for a mutual friend. We had a great flirty rapport. He got my number, asked our friend for details on me, and texted me often throughout each day during the week leading up to our date last night, being flirty and cheeky but not too much. We met for drinks with plans to maybe have dinner at a restaurant nearby as well. At the bar, his body language was completely closed off, like he didn't want to be there - arms crossed, leaning over the bar, almost looking back over his shoulder to even see me. I was seated with my chair slightly turned towards his with open body language. He just seemed so uninterested all of a sudden. I was pleasantly surprised when he suggested we move on to dinner. That went well, conversation flowed smoothly, lots of laughs. Then he walked me to my car, and somewhat confidentally kissed me, twice. He told me to text him when I got home. Now, silence. Yes, it was just last night, but this change is indicative of the mixed signals we all too often have to deal with when navigating dating someone new. It's frustrating.
mrldii Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I gotta ask, rose... why, if the initial segment didn't go well, did you continue on to Act #2?!? I mean if someone acts like they don't want to be there/with me but doesn't have the balls to say/do something about it, I'm happy to help them *out*. 2
katiegrl Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I gotta ask, rose... why, if the initial segment didn't go well, did you continue on to Act #2?!? I mean if someone acts like they don't want to be there/with me but doesn't have the balls to say/do something about it, I'm happy to help them *out*. Wha? And turn down a free dinner? (hehe just kidding Rose, couldn't resist.) :bunny: I do hear ya though. I am thinking we should break down men's behavior into three different categories: BBD = Behavior Before Date BAD = Behavior After Date BAS = Behavior After Sex Try not to fret too much (not that you are) -- he could be following that silly 3-day rule... "Waiting 3 days after a date to call will increase her interest level." --- Doc Love. Many men swear by his advice. 1
LoveRefreshed Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Yeah I mean, if we text the next day, we're told we're needy. 2
katiegrl Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Yeah I mean, if we text the next day, we're told we're needy. Hey I hear you too! *Some* woman will feel that way... And *some* women may assume you are not interested, or playing a game and get turned off. That's the problem with following advice like that. Since women are all different, they will all respond differently to the same behavior. It's best to just be genuine and do whatever YOU feel like doing, and let the chips fall where they may. My opinion...... 4
JewelD Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Met a guy a little over a week ago at a birthday party for a mutual friend. We had a great flirty rapport. He got my number, asked our friend for details on me, and texted me often throughout each day during the week leading up to our date last night, being flirty and cheeky but not too much. We met for drinks with plans to maybe have dinner at a restaurant nearby as well. At the bar, his body language was completely closed off, like he didn't want to be there - arms crossed, leaning over the bar, almost looking back over his shoulder to even see me. I was seated with my chair slightly turned towards his with open body language. He just seemed so uninterested all of a sudden. I was pleasantly surprised when he suggested we move on to dinner. That went well, conversation flowed smoothly, lots of laughs. Then he walked me to my car, and somewhat confidentally kissed me, twice. He told me to text him when I got home. Now, silence. Yes, it was just last night, but this change is indicative of the mixed signals we all too often have to deal with when navigating dating someone new. It's frustrating. I haven't gotten to the actual date part yet, but yeah, talking to new people can be frustrating. You may have been misreading his body language. Maybe he was cold or stressed about something unrelated? I don't know anyone in their right mind who would suggest moving on to dinner if they didn't want to be there. If he was really turned off, he would have just made up an excuse to end the date right there. I'm currently experiencing the silence too. Maybe he's working or with family? If you don't hear from him by tomorrow, I'd say forget him. He's either not interested or playing hard to get, and nobody has time for that bs. 2
Author RoseVille Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 Wha? And turn down a free dinner? (hehe just kidding Rose, couldn't resist.) :bunny: I do hear ya though. I am thinking we should break down men's behavior into three different categories: BBD = Behavior Before Date BAD = Behavior After Date BAS = Behavior After Sex Try not to fret too much (not that you are) -- he could be following that silly 3-day rule... "Waiting 3 days after a date to call will increase her interest level." --- Doc Love. Many men swear by his advice. There was no bad behavior before the date. There was awkward body language DURING the date. All the same date.
Author RoseVille Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 I gotta ask, rose... why, if the initial segment didn't go well, did you continue on to Act #2?!? I mean if someone acts like they don't want to be there/with me but doesn't have the balls to say/do something about it, I'm happy to help them *out*. I guess I figured why not? It was a change in his demeanor that was certainly pleasant and I enjoy the restaurant we'd planned to go to.
mrldii Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Hey I hear you too! *Some* woman will feel that way... And *some* women may assume you are not interested, or playing a game and get turned off. That's the problem with following advice like that. Since women are all different, they will all respond differently to the same behavior. It's best to just be genuine and do whatever YOU feel like doing, and let the chips fall where they may. My opinion...... This is absolutely true...some women DO feel that way. How we know this to be a fact is evidenced on this very board, which is a reflection of the population, in general. When a man calls the next day, some women will complain it's too clingy, some women will complain it's not enough, and some women will think it's just right. So, why do some men continue to date these types ofwomen and then assert that all women complain? Seems to me they should be going out with the Goldilockses (i.e., the women who think what he's doing is "just right"); maybe by doing that, they'd be able to flip-the-script...or at least, write a new one. But, what do I know? I'm just a silly little woman who likes soft, fluffy kittens, who wouldn't know sh*t-from-Shinola about any Goldilocks-standard. 2
yxalitis Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Yeah I mean, if we text the next day, we're told we're needy. Here ya brother!
Author RoseVille Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 Yeah I mean, if we text the next day, we're told we're needy. I texted him this morning to ask if he was still planning on going to a festival here in town today. No response. He's not trying to not be needy. He's so hot-cold my head spun!
xcupid Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I texted him this morning to ask if he was still planning on going to a festival here in town today. No response. He's not trying to not be needy. He's so hot-cold my head spun! You've done more than enough to see if there is anything there. There isn't. He's not interested or he expects you to do the chasing (forget that!). Next! 1
Author RoseVille Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 You've done more than enough to see if there is anything there. There isn't. He's not interested or he expects you to do the chasing (forget that!). Next! I know that. I'm not asking for advice, I'm venting about the wonky way a person can give mixed signals until the obvious signal is sent.
mrldii Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I texted him this morning to ask if he was still planning on going to a festival here in town today. No response. He's not trying to not be needy. He's so hot-cold my head spun! You're a bigger and better woman than I am, Rose. If he's following some sort of 3-day rule because he believes in it; I don't believe in rules regarding matters of the heart. If he's playing some sort of 3-day game because he thinks it's fun/will *get* him somewhere, I don't do games (of manipulation). If he acts like he's not interested, in my book...he's not interested. I don't do men who aren't as interested in me as I am in them. Best of luck with this one, Rose... 2
Author RoseVille Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 You're a bigger and better woman than I am, Rose. If he's following some sort of 3-day rule because he believes in it; I don't believe in rules regarding matters of the heart. If he's playing some sort of 3-day game because he thinks it's fun/will *get* him somewhere, I don't do games (of manipulation). If he acts like he's not interested, in my book...he's not interested. I don't do men who aren't as interested in me as I am in them. Best of luck with this one, Rose... Hmph. I don't think he's playing a game. Do you really? I just think he's not interested. He probably suggested dinner for the same reason I accepted. But the little moan in between our two kisses? That I don't get. I mean I came home last night with the gut feeling he's not feeling it, and today just confirmed it.
mrldii Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Well, if you do text him again (which I know you won't), tell him your "feminazi" buddy mrld says only women are allowed to lead men on and send mixed-messages. It's in The Rules, and sh*t. 1
lino Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Wha? And turn down a free dinner? (hehe just kidding Rose, couldn't resist.) :bunny: I do hear ya though. I am thinking we should break down men's behavior into three different categories: BBD = Behavior Before Date BAD = Behavior After Date BAS = Behavior After Sex Try not to fret too much (not that you are) -- he could be following that silly 3-day rule... "Waiting 3 days after a date to call will increase her interest level." --- Doc Love. Many men swear by his advice. Many women also swear by that advice. If a guy contacts too soon he's seen as 'needy' 'needy' Many guys who follow the 'silly rules' do so because of past experience. Most would rather not have to suppress their affection. 2
Gaeta Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I texted him this morning to ask if he was still planning on going to a festival here in town today. No response. He's not trying to not be needy. He's so hot-cold my head spun! Upon my experience so far here is what I think will happen. He will get back to you eventually and will show interest. You will think you were silly for worrying after all you just had 1 date and the man doesn't have to reply to your text in a second. You will go on another date with him and it'll be fun and hot. He'll keep you interested just enough with his hot and cold games. Eventually you'll sleep with him and he'll disappear for good. TADAM!! 4
Author RoseVille Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Upon my experience so far here is what I think will happen. He will get back to you eventually and will show interest. You will think you were silly for worrying after all you just had 1 date and the man doesn't have to reply to your text in a second. You will go on another date with him and it'll be fun and hot. He'll keep you interested just enough with his hot and cold games. Eventually you'll sleep with him and he'll disappear for good. TADAM!! Ten or so years ago you'd be totally right. But I was only warm on him to begin with, and these days if a guy waits more than 48 hours after a first date to set the next, I don't respond or decline. 1
Author RoseVille Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Pretty much this. He's not really interested, as his behavior in the first part of the date indicates. My guess is he saw a woman at the bar he was more interested in, and did not want her to think you two were a couple. His mind was on that woman instead. This guy seems like he will keep OP around when he is bored, but is looking for someone he likes better. The only other people at the bar were men and a few women who were 25+ years older than we are with their husbands. He's just not interested anymore - in me. And that's totally fine.
carhill Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 My take may seem a bit odd - I see your frustration as an indicator of future success. Why? You care. 2
Author RoseVille Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 My take may seem a bit odd - I see your frustration as an indicator of future success. Why? You care. Thank you. I do care! I just wish the process was easier and more straight-forward.
jen1447 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Is it possible he's uncomfortable in bars/crowds/public places? I don't get the lead-in interest followed by the at-the-moment shutdown (at the bar). Almost sounds like he was overwhelmed. Some ppl do have social anxiety issues.
smackie9 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 So was he drinking at this birthday party before he talked to you? And were there a few cocktails during dinner??
Gaeta Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Ten or so years ago you'd be totally right. But I was only warm on him to begin with, and these days if a guy waits more than 48 hours after a first date to set the next, I don't respond or decline. You will see it coming but he doesn't know it. It's still his game. Lets see.
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