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Love/Pedestal to Complete Crash and Burn -Final Story

loveweary11

By loveweary11
in General Relationship Discussion

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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

Posted
Posted (edited)

I had been seeing this girl for a very, very long time on and off. We lasted through relationships with others. Always came back to each other.

 

And damn it if every stranger who comes up to us asks us when we are getting married, etc.

 

However, we had a rough time living together.

 

For several weeks now, the yoga chick and I have lived together with tons of drama.

 

I'm finally completely disengaged from her emotionally.

 

There were a few factors that just grossed me out.

 

Since I've been with her nearly 24/7,several things about her personality have come to light. I've already went on and on about her beauty, free spirited ways, etc. Now I'll share the negative that got me disinterested in her for good.

 

First, the one that actually didn't matter to me for the first time ever. She has a little gut that developed recently. I was thinking how for the first time, I was able to get over something like this and still find her very appealing. This was a personal first for me. I saw beyond the gut.

 

Second, a little list of things that are actually what put me off of her permanently.

 

Yoga: Does very little of it, yet acts like it's something major in her life

Exercise: Can't even keep up with me half way. Very sedentary.

Cocaine: Needs cocaine all the time. This absolutely repulses me.

Greed: Expects everyone else to pay for everything for her. Tries to skip out on $$ she owes.

 

And the grand daddy of them all!......

 

Found a brand new iPhone in a public bathroom. Plans to steal it rather than open it, call the most recent people in the history and find the owner to return it.

 

This little act made it so I want to vomit when I see this chick now. I'm utterly repulsed between the drugs and stealing a phone. I couldn't be more disgusted by another human being.

 

As hot as she is, she is the most rotten soul I've ever had the displeasure of getting close to.

 

So... I'm done. 100% done.

 

We had been sort of having a good time together until these serious character flaws came to light.

 

I'm so grossed out by her it's not even funny. Now completely disengaged, emotionally.

Edited by loveweary11
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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
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No offense here, but this yoga chick? Is she really that "hot" that you'd overlook all the negatives you listed?

 

I mean, cocaine? Skimming people? Weight gain?

 

Do men really place that much value on looks over persona? Cuz, I don't care how "hot" a guy was, I would not even put them on a baby's booster seat if they had what you said about her - yet you posted about her here like she was Mother Teresa and put her on a pedestal. I mean, this isn't a simple "she doesn't like to floss" - these are major issues here.

 

I don't get you men, I really don't.

 

To me "attractive" isn't just a pretty face and/or body...IMO, it encompasses the "person". I mean, trust me, I've had hottie guys come my way - and trust me, their attitudes/persona were waaay more of a turn off than their looks.

Edited by Gloria25
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Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

Just two comments:

 

1. Cocaine is the ultimate false-ego booster that always brings out the worst in people.

 

2. You are a genuinely evolved person, who has done a lot of self-reflection and growth, so don't waste your time on the pond life.

 

Somewhere out there is a good woman who deserves you.

 

Don't ever settle for less.

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Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am sorry to hear this, but I hardly think that you an innocent victim in this debacle either. You just found out about all this stuff, *after* she came to live with you?

 

I get that you think of yourself as an unconventional free spirit, I think it's cool. Your tendency to "leap before you look" though, until you fix it, will cause you a lot more drama and pain.

Edited by Imajerk17
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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
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Also, what's the deal with every one "shacking-up" (aka "moving in") with someone and not being married and/or within a few months of meeting them?

 

Mind you, I didn't say "knowing" them, I said "meeting" them.

 

In a few months you know NOTHING about someone and just cuz you share toothbrushes doesn't mean you get to know anything more about them. Why? Because until you put a ring on their finger, it's a different mindset. They are only gonna still show you a certain side of themselves cuz it's not official.

 

Also, by shacking up, you're gonna put them on a pedestal cuz the pressure is on you to make it work - especially since finances start getting commingled.

 

You need to date someone (not shacking up, friends, co-workers, LDRs) for at least 1 1/2 to 2 years to really get to know them. In that time you get to see them, how they handle life, their family, etc.

 

So, I think in your situation, you go too fast, too hot, too heavy. You didn't take the time to get to know this woman - yet moved her in, put her on a pedestal and now you're getting to find out who she really is. Again, that's why the 1 1/2 to 2 year rule should be applied. You need to take time to get to know someone before putting them on a pedestal and/or moving to the next step (i.e. engagement to be married - not shacking up).

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craw Established Member

craw

Posted
Posted (edited)

Why is this still a tale? I thought you were done with her already. You keep bringing her up.

 

 

 

Who cares what other people think? I have a lot of guy friends and there's always some fookface who asks if we re dating. NONE OF YO BIZ.

 

 

Sorry no empathy. Snoreeeeeee.

 

Maybe you should reord a sex video. Problem solved.

Edited by craw
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craw Established Member

craw

Posted
Posted
Just two comments:

 

1. Cocaine is the ultimate false-ego booster that always brings out the worst in people.

 

2. You are a genuinely evolved person, who has done a lot of self-reflection and growth, so don't waste your time on the pond life.

 

Somewhere out there is a good woman who deserves you.

 

Don't ever settle for less.

 

I only disagree with the second line, because weary needs to grow up and leave his jersey shore bro behind.

 

It's very obvious when someone has a coke habit, constant talking, rubbing their nose, frequent trips to the bathroom and sniffling. If it's really severe they will have a nose bleed.

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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

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Not looking for sympathy. Just wanted to tell my story and bring an ending to it publicly.

 

Yes, the coke problem was completely hidden until I was with her 24/7 for weeks and she had to let me know.

 

She uses a miniscule amount compared to what I've seen other people use, so it's not noticeable.

 

The amount she had for a week is what I've seen most other people do in 30 seconds. So... none of the obvious signs were there.

 

Yet, she is definitely dependent on it and was freaking out when she ran out.

 

Gloria: Ive known her for 6 years. She was always a fun, party girl who I shared a lot in common with. We always had a great time together and have many similar interests. So.., i gave it a shot and found out she wasn't who I thought she was.

 

This is a positive thing, imo. Shacking up worked perfectly. It shortcutted me to an ending.

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

Gloria: Ive known her for 6 years. She was always a fun, party girl who I shared a lot in common with. We always had a great time together and have many similar interests. So.., i gave it a shot and found out she wasn't who I thought she was.

 

No, you didn't know her and you still don't. Your story of being with her in a "dating" scenario, despite "knowing of" her for 6 years proves that point (mind you, I said "knowing of" rather than "knowing" her).

 

Again, being a "friend", "co-worker", "LDR" is not the same as "dating" someone.

 

When you transition from "friend" to "dating", that person - unless they are perpetrating a fraud - is gonna start letting you see their other "sides"; and, by spending "bf/gf" time with them, you're gonna get more exposure to them than you would than as a friend.

Edited by Gloria25
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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

Posted
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No, you didn't know her and you still don't. Your story of being with her in a "dating" scenario, despite "knowing of" her proves that point (mind you, I said "knowing of" rather than "knowing" her).

 

Again, being a "friend", "co-worker", "LDR" is not the same as "dating" someone.

 

When you transition from "friend" to "dating", that person - unless they are perpetrating a fraud - is gonna start letting you see their other "sides"; and, by spending "bf/gf" time with them, you're gonna get more exposure to them than you would than as a friend.

 

Well, right. Definitely agree. (I usually agree with you. :D )

 

I am just saying I've spent many individual weeks with her in the past. Until it was multiple weeks in a row, she was a mastermind at hiding these negatives.

 

What kills me most is all this spirituality, Karma, fascination with Sanskrit, Buddhism...and she's stealing things from other people.

 

I mean what the heck is that?!?!

 

Isn't there nothing worse in that world?

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted

This is a positive thing, imo. Shacking up worked perfectly. It shortcutted me to an ending.

 

Meh, IMO, you still don't need shacking up with someone to see who they are. If you spend a weekend at their place, visit their place on the regular, and spend "quality" time with them (not just dinner and movies) you can take one look around their place and see if they are nasty, tidy, etc. You can see if they can manage their finances, you can see their eating habits (look in their fridge).

 

And, if they are on drugs, you can also tell.

 

I, mean like craw said, someone using/abusing drugs and/or alcohol show certain signs that you pick up on "if" you're paying attention. Again, you probably didn't pay enough attention to her shortcomings in the 6 years cuz she was just the "cool party girl" you used to hang with - not someone you were dating. Again, mindset from "friends" to "dating" is where we get to see different sides of people.

Under The Radar Established Member

Under The Radar

Posted
Posted
Well, right. Definitely agree. (I usually agree with you. :D )

 

I am just saying I've spent many individual weeks with her in the past. Until it was multiple weeks in a row, she was a mastermind at hiding these negatives.

 

What kills me most is all this spirituality, Karma, fascination with Sanskrit, Buddhism...and she's stealing things from other people.

 

I mean what the heck is that?!?!

 

Isn't there nothing worse in that world?

 

What the heck is with that?

 

Well, hypocrisy is rampant ...... and self awareness is not ...... it's lacking in most people.

 

What would be worse in the world is continuing a relationship with her and enabling such behavior.

  • Like 1
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted
I only disagree with the second line, because weary needs to grow up and leave his jersey shore bro behind.

 

It's very obvious when someone has a coke habit, constant talking, rubbing their nose, frequent trips to the bathroom and sniffling. If it's really severe they will have a nose bleed.

 

I only disagree with what you said ;)

Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

Snip

 

This is a positive thing, imo. Shacking up worked perfectly. It shortcutted me to an ending.

You got your questions answered and came to a conclusion. That's wholly positive.

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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

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Meh, IMO, you still don't need shacking up with someone to see who they are. If you spend a weekend at their place, visit their place on the regular, and spend "quality" time with them (not just dinner and movies) you can take one look around their place and see if they are nasty, tidy, etc. You can see if they can manage their finances, you can see their eating habits (look in their fridge).

 

And, if they are on drugs, you can also tell.

 

I, mean like craw said, someone using/abusing drugs and/or alcohol show certain signs that you pick up on "if" you're paying attention. Again, you probably didn't pay enough attention to her shortcomings in the 6 years cuz she was just the "cool party girl" you used to hang with - not someone you were dating. Again, mindset from "friends" to "dating" is where we get to see different sides of people.

 

Gloria... what are you missing here?

 

I've spent several WEEKS with her in the past, countless 3 day weekends, a million dates.

johan Established Member

johan

Posted
Posted
...until these serious character flaws came to light.

 

I'm so grossed out by her it's not even funny. Now completely disengaged, emotionally.

 

Yes, but will you take action? Just based on your recent history, there hasn't been a character flaw so bad that you actually go ahead and get her out of your life. It's what I was getting at in my response in your other thread. People reading your threads and posts about this girl are learning more about you than about the crazy girl.

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
Gloria... what are you missing here?

 

I've spent several WEEKS with her in the past, countless 3 day weekends, a million dates.

 

But the time you spent with her was in a "friendship" type situation....

 

Which is my point, that you don't "know" someone when you're their "friend"...it takes "dating" them and actually knowing what to look for, to vet them.

 

I think the signs of her being a druggy flake have always been there, but you never paid attention to them cuz she was "just a friend" with whom you did not have romantic interest in.

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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

Posted
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Snip

 

 

You got your questions answered and came to a conclusion. That's wholly positive.

 

That's how I see it as well.

 

In a few weeks, I found out more about her than probably 6 months of less intense interaction would have brought.

 

I'm past her now, which is very, very positive.

 

The little hold she had on me is broken now.

  • Like 2
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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

Posted
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Posted
But the time you spent with her was in a "friendship" type situation....

 

Which is my point, that you don't "know" someone when you're their "friend"...it takes "dating" them and actually knowing what to look for, to vet them.

 

I think the signs of her being a druggy flake have always been there, but you never paid attention to them cuz she was "just a friend" with whom you did not have romantic interest in.

 

Ah, semantics.

 

It's still a "friendship" situation. That's all she does are "friendships."

Under The Radar Established Member

Under The Radar

Posted
Posted

This is why for me, personally, I'm in favor of living with someone before marriage.

 

You learn more about someone in a few weeks of living with them than you may have in the 5 years preceding the co-habitation.

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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

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Yes, but will you take action? Just based on your recent history, there hasn't been a character flaw so bad that you actually go ahead and get her out of your life. It's what I was getting at in my response in your other thread. People reading your threads and posts about this girl are learning more about you than about the crazy girl.

 

Action was already taken. Carving her out of my life, entirely and moving on to others as of this weekend.

 

Met 2 other girls this weekend, have a 1:00 coffee date tomorrow, plans with several others this week. Haven't interacted with the yoga chick all weekend in any way.

 

The iPhone theft incident really freaked me out.

 

I don't need someone like that in my life. She's long gone now, even if she tries to get me back.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
Ah, semantics.

 

It's still a "friendship" situation. That's all she does are "friendships."

 

Oh yeah, I've seen her "type" before...lot's of male "friends"

 

"Friends" giving her rides here/there. "Friends" bringing her lunch on the job. "Friends" working on her car. "Friends" giving her gifts. "Friends" buying her drinks. Friends, friends, friends...

 

And, she tells these guys don't tell anyone that they're more than just "friends" cuz she doesn't like people "gossiping" about her :rolleyes:

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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

Posted
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Oh yeah, I've seen her "type" before...lot's of male "friends"

 

"Friends" giving her rides here/there. "Friends" bringing her lunch on the job. "Friends" working on her car. "Friends" giving her gifts. "Friends" buying her drinks. Friends, friends, friends...

 

And, she tells these guys don't tell anyone that they're more than just "friends" cuz she doesn't like people "gossiping" about her :rolleyes:

 

Yep. That's her alright.

 

Don't forget the cocaine and stealing though! :lmao::sick: :sick:

writergal Established Member

writergal

Posted
Posted
Yep. That's her alright.

 

Don't forget the cocaine and stealing though! :lmao::sick: :sick:

 

Ah, but the question is: are you going to stick around for the FWB situation she offers you or are you actuallygoing to leave her to her NY digs and find yourself another place to crash?

 

I don't get how her cocaine habit was a surprise to you if you've known her for so long. You must have known she was a coke head already but for whatever reason hasn't bothered you until now.

 

Are you sure she stole the iphone? You wrote that she planned to call the recent history on it to return the iphone to its owner.

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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

Posted
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Ah, but the question is: are you going to stick around for the FWB situation she offers you or are you actuallygoing to leave her to her NY digs and find yourself another place to crash?

 

 

I'm so disgusted by her iPhone theft and cocaine thing, I can't even talk to her. I've been avoiding her all weekend. And yes, we are no longer staying in the same place. I'm out.

 

I don't get how her cocaine habit was a surprise to you if you've known her for so long. You must have known she was a coke head already but for whatever reason hasn't bothered you until now.

 

I had known she used it very rarely, but I think her need for it is something more recent.

 

Are you sure she stole the iphone? You wrote that she planned to call the recent history on it to return the iphone to its owner.

 

Am I sure she stole the phone?? I saw it. She told me how she found it. I said she needed to open it up and find the owner. She said she's keeping it. Doesn't get any more clear than that.

 

Damn shoddy Swedish furniture!! ;)

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