Its Justme Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I am in my mid 30's and have never been to a strip club or nude beach. The man I am dating for a while now suggested we go for a fun experience (and no I am not into women by the way). We have a great intimate relationship and also have fun over the phone, but I wonder why he wants to do this sort of thing. We have talked about a few times, and I asked if it was me...if he did not desire me, and his answer was NO. He tried to reassure me that there was nothing wrong with me or our relationship. He says he finds me so attractive and loves how sexual I am and likes how comfortable I am with my body, however, I am still afraid... Is it me? Now, to be honest, I do not think I'm "gorgeous" and do not have a bombshell figure like Kim K, Kate Upton or Nicki Minaj, but I think I am a "cutie" (just think of a caramel skinned African American version of Kate Hudson...petite body, but with a little more hips, butt and thighs). Anywho, I'm afraid that he will desire others over me. Maybe I've seen too many movies with strip clubs and they are over rated...I don't know . Basically, here is what I'm struggling with mentally. My rational/confident side says "Girl, you have nothing to worry about. Be proud that he wants to involve you instead of hide it, lie or deny these types of healthy desires...we are all human and sex is a part of being human. He cares for you...if he didn't, he would do it WITHOUT you. Yes, strip clubs and nude beaches are overrated. Outside of the US, these types of things are the norm. Be grateful that you have someone who wants to be open and honest.":D However, my irrational/insecure side says, "Girl are you nuts!! He needs to look at someone else in order to be with you. He doesn't like you and desires others.":mad: If anyone can break it down for me, I would greatly appreciate it. Serious responses only...and if anyone has done this type of thing with their significant other, responses from you are extremely welcomed. 1
lollipopspot Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 For me, the nude beach would be o.k. - that's participatory - and a lot of people seem to like the feeling of being nude in nature. The strip club would not be o.k. because it's objectifying. Unfortunately the guy who objectifies at the strip club is likely to objectify women at the nude beach too. 7
Satu Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Here in Europe, nude bathing is nothing out of the ordinary. There's nothing weird about it, but it depends on your own culture, whether it will be a comfortable experience or not. Strip clubs are different, because they are about cheap thrills, and I don't go for those. 3
mrldii Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 For me, the nude beach would be o.k. - that's participatory - and a lot of people seem to like the feeling of being nude in nature. The strip club would not be o.k. because it's objectifying. Unfortunately the guy who objectifies at the strip club is likely to objectify women at the nude beach too. I agree with what lollipopspot wrote. I would also add that personally I would never go to a nude beach with a man, unless I really didn't like him and no longer wanted to see him but didn't have the guts to actually tell him so. Oh. Look at that. Personally, I would never go to a nude beach with a man. 2
Gloria25 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I think the man you're dating has ulterior motives here... Why don't you just ask him what he "really" wants here? I feel like he's opening pandora's box. He probably wants to swing, ogle other women/men, etc. But, he's presenting it to you as an "adventure". I've never been to a nude beach and don't plan to. I know what my body looks like, I don't have to show it off to get validation and I don't give out "free previews". An ex-gf and her friends told me they went to one and I just looked at her like she was a stupid kid. Mind you, she was also telling me how she has 'enough love in her for more than one man' (in other words, she's sleeping around). So, you see my point? Nude beaches and strip clubs lead into other stuff... I've been to a stripper club with some gfs. We went with one chick cuz some guy she met took her there. Let's just say that he wasn't serious about her. I've contemplated whether or not I'd go to a strip club with a guy I'm with and I believe it depends on what I want with him. If I want other things/people to come between us and don't see something serious with him, sure, I'd go and have a wild time. 3
sandylee1 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I also think he has an ulterior motive. To get you feeling comfortable and accepting of strip clubs, then next thing he goes on his own, gets a lapdance and is off to a private room for more. Then he'll say, you've been there with me before , it's just fun, no harm done blah blah blah. As a woman, not into women, I cannot for the life of me see what fun I'd have in a strip club. 5
bachdude Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I can not think of any reason a guy would go to a strip club other than to ogle naked women moving their bodies in provocative ways. I mean, that's the whole point of these clubs. Right? So what is going to go on while you are there together? How do you feel about him looking at naked women in your presence? Is he going to keep his eyes completely on you the whole time? If so, why does he want to go to the strip club?
RecentChange Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I guess I will be the "dissenter" here - but many of my views about sex do not fall in line with "mainstream" ideas. Strip clubs never really interested me (I am a straight female), but a few years ago I got invited to a close friend's bachelor party - and went to a strip club for the first time. (yeah, I am that one girl to go out for a night on the town with all the guys - I make an excellent wing man by the way!) Eh' it was kinda fun. The guys I was with do not really frequent strip clubs - and weren't taking it very seriously. But I can tell you as the only woman in the club I was getting plenty of attention from the girls - as they found it fun to give me attention to tease the guys. I can't say it was the girls that really "turned me on" but the highly sex charged scene was fun. When I went home and told my partner (I am using that term for a very long term BF), he was SUPER turned on by the idea of going to a club with me. I never thought it was about the "other girls" but more like watching porno together. 1
EngnimaticResponse Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Since all anyone seem to be doing here is feed your fear, allow me to suggest an alternate "third option". I knew of one who went with her man, not because she was into chics, more that they were kind of kinky and she knew it got his blood going seeing another woman rubbing on her. She'd play it up for his benefit. Some of the girls would even catch on and play along, allowing a little more touching then they would with the guys. Just remember, if one does play along, tip her well. She is at Work after all. 1
kilgore Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I would love to go with the wife to a nude beach. So, yeah, nude beach is fine. Strip club is icky.
Robert Z Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 For me, the nude beach would be o.k. - that's participatory - and a lot of people seem to like the feeling of being nude in nature. The strip club would not be o.k. because it's objectifying. Unfortunately the guy who objectifies at the strip club is likely to objectify women at the nude beach too. Care to guess what percentage of grown men have never been to a strip club? I finally went to one for the first time because of my job [at a high tech firm] and everyone about fell over dead when I said that I had never been to one before. I know this, porn is as much objectification as are strip clubs, and when a study was done to determine the effects of porn on young men, they couldn't find a control group because about 100% of young men were using porn. So apparently all men objectify women.
Robert Z Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) I am in my mid 30's and have never been to a strip club or nude beach. The man I am dating for a while now suggested we go for a fun experience (and no I am not into women by the way). We have a great intimate relationship and also have fun over the phone, but I wonder why he wants to do this sort of thing. We have talked about a few times, and I asked if it was me...if he did not desire me, and his answer was NO. He tried to reassure me that there was nothing wrong with me or our relationship. He says he finds me so attractive and loves how sexual I am and likes how comfortable I am with my body, however, I am still afraid... My first guess would be that he has a long history of frequenting strip clubs and wants you to become a part of his other life. I seriously doubt he just came up with the idea. From what I saw, some men get addicted to this lifestyle. During my stent at strip clubs, I saw a lot of women coming in with their husbands. They wanted the girls to get the hubby all fired up for sex later. Edited August 11, 2015 by Robert Z
road Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I would love to go with the wife to a nude beach. So, yeah, nude beach is fine. Strip club is icky. Problem I have found with nude beaches is that it is no way as in the movies. Those people should be required to wear two swim suits. In case one suit falls off the public will be spared from their ugly. 1
O'Malley Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 OP already sounds uncomfortable with the idea, so no, I don't think anyone should pretend to be the "cool" girlfriend and do something that they'd have zero interest in otherwise. It has nothing to do with appearance or self esteem. If he routinely needs to ogle strangers and have a girlfriend be accepting of that and even participate, you're just not compatible with him.
kilgore Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Problem I have found with nude beaches is that it is no way as in the movies. Those people should be required to wear two swim suits. In case one suit falls off the public will be spared from their ugly. I think that is the beauty of the nude beach- normal bodies
blueskyday Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Here's a good rule of thumb: If you feel like you should do anything so you are considered cool or chill, don't do it! Don't overthink this. It's an emotional thing! Just say No. Really, though, consider dumping him and starting up with a new guy who thinks strip clubs are gross. Do you really want a guy who objectifies women? I think not. I bet you want a guy who cares about your feelings, and cherishes you above all women. Really, I understand young single guys going through a strip club phase, but they usually outgrow it. Anybody older or in a relationship should be beyond looking at people as sexual objects only. I once dated a guy who told me he liked to go to strip clubs. I freaked out. He told me all I had to say was that it was important to me that he didn't go, and he wouldn't. I knew I would simply prefer a guy who I wouldn't have to tell that to. And this guy was a total douche bag. He treated people very badly. No one liked him. Because he was a user. I think that's the attitude of of someone who regularly frequents strip clubs. You sound like a nice person. You deserve a nice guy.
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