vc1990 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 (edited) Things are developing between a guy I really like and myself. The feeling is mutual, and I really like him, everything is good. There's just one thing that leaves me puzzled: He is very expressive of his romantic feelings. It's not uncommon for him to write me romantic texts, etc. Things about how he's thinking of me, or the lighting reminds me of xxxx memory with me, or how much he likes me, or how he can't wait to see me again, etc. Sometimes, really beautifully written summaries of feelings. They're sweet, and they make me smile, but they also scare me, because I've dated my fair share of men, and I've never had one--even ones that professed to really like me--expressing their feelings this openly, WITH the exception of the cheater who definitely wasn't what he seemed. I use to be a romantic, until then. So, watching him do this worries me. MEN, are guys ever expressive of feelings on their own? Is this the norm when you're crazy about a woman? Is it just natural with some men? Is this typical and I've just been dating one manipulative cheater, and the rest guys who didn't really care about me? This new guy isn't very experienced--which is totally okay. We're both 24. Edited August 9, 2015 by vc1990 1
Satu Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 You are probably his first big love. If so, you are a goddess in his eyes. You can always give him a very gentle slap, and tell him to cool off a bit... 4
LoveRefreshed Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Nope. Men must not ever talk about our emotions. He's clearly a woman underneath it all. 4
Yummm Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Haha, the guy sounds like me when I was with my first love. He is clearly a romantic and has fallen head over heals for you. If you think it's too much, tell him lightly, if you don't go with it and enjoy being showered with love 4
xcupid Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Sounds like he's in love with you. Infatuated. Has feelings for you. You should be starting with a clean slate with a new guy. Not comparing him to a cheating ex who used to do the same thing. Be careful how you tell him to back off if you do. I don't suggest you do. You don't want him to feel that he's being chastised for being romantic. It will kill his incentive and then you'll be complaining that he's not romantic enough. It's likely to cool down in time anyway. Just enjoy the ride and be thankful someone thinks that much about you and can express his feelings for you. Many guys can't do that. Good luck! 3
GemmaUK Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 He has you on a pedestal. This can be a bit of a concern actually as it means that he won't expect you to be a normal human being so when he sees that you are he could feel disappointment. I've been on that pedestal and the fall is high. I was not allowed my own opinions, thoughts or reactions to...anything. I agree with Satu, give him a bit of a reality check and tell him to ease off a bit. It may or may not help but is worth a try. 1
LoveRefreshed Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I knew it wouldn't take long for someone to tell you that his behavior should be checked. Good lord, no one wants a romantic man in their life. It's disgusting to think that someone in a relationship would still find their girlfriend beautiful or amazing and want to tell her, or shout it from the top of a mountain. With all sarcasm aside, I am quite certain it's only a pedestal during the just met you to a couple date stage. Once you're boning, I think all this ewie gooey stuff is sweet. But that's me. I wrote a poem once to a girl that was suggested I may be putting her on a pedestal. She ****ing loved it. 3
LoveRefreshed Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I grew up watching movies/stories like Say Anything, A knights tale, Romeo and Juliet. When we're inexperienced, what do we know other than these movies? We are just trying to win the affections of the girl we fancy. We were told to be sweet and romantic, only to have it explode in our face for being sweet and romantic. I learned at an older age, that to get a girl you have to be somewhat of a dick. It works. Then I remember telling this to a kid who was love sick. All the girls around me disagreed and told me to be sweet and romantic. One girl even got pissed and doesn't talk to me anymore to this day. He told me later that he listened to my advice, then scored a date. Huzzah! Women lament about the games and behavior of men. Yet, it's self prescribed dating advice.
oberkeat Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I knew it wouldn't take long for someone to tell you that his behavior should be checked. Good lord, no one wants a romantic man in their life. It's disgusting to think that someone in a relationship would still find their girlfriend beautiful or amazing and want to tell her, or shout it from the top of a mountain. I KNOW! Good grief, folks.There was a thread on these forums just yesterday where a girl was complaining that her man wasn't emotional/expressive/romantic enough. Meanwhile, OP here is concerned that her man is too expressive! Women don't seem to know what they want out of men these days. They can't be pleased. The average man has no chance to find a long term relationship without some woman thinking he's too much or not enough something. I think it's sad. 2
mrldii Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 OP, in my whole entire dating life, I have had two - that is right, I said two - men who did this. They also (coincidentally?) were the type that burned hot-and-heavy real quick and that same flame burnt itself out just as quickly. The four men I have had serious, long-term relationships with, did NOT do this. Ever. Except on birthdays and anniversaries, when hand-delivering store-bought and factory-manufactured cards. Ergo, I could take this as a 100%, tried-and-proven fact that men who do this are not to be taken seriously, have something *wrong* with them, will move on to the next new shiny object just as quickly, and/or (like you do) that they are simply cheaters (like your previous experience indicates). When and if I am with a man who does this, I'll simply enjoy it while it lasts...given that it probably won't. Whether it be for 2 weeks, 2 years, 2 decades, whatever, I'll...just...simply...enjoy...it...while...it...lasts. Best of luck to you... 1
HereNorThere Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Of course.... Where do you think the centuries full of poetry and songs about love and love lost came from? 1
mrldii Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Of course.... Where do you think the centuries full of poetry and songs about love and love lost came from? When I was 15 and full of angst and despair (you know, a 15-YO's job description), I wrote a poem "Why Is it the Best Love Songs are Written by Men?" It was genius...profound beyond my years (and experience). Which, of course, explains why I later burned it...along with a few other gems from that time in my life when I knew everything.
LoveRefreshed Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 OP, in my whole entire dating life, I have had two - that is right, I said two - men who did this. They also (coincidentally?) were the type that burned hot-and-heavy real quick and that same flame burnt itself out just as quickly. Let me mansplain (hahaha, jk) sample size of a population for significant statistical meaning. Nah, I'm lazy.. two men on a grand scheme of human dating is just insignificant. I had a buddy who took a girl on a date, within one week she was in our house constantly. He told me he loved her within 2, was all about her. 10 years later, they are still happily married. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sample_size_determination
mrldii Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Let me mansplain (hahaha, jk) sample size of a population for significant statistical meaning. Nah, I'm lazy.. two men on a grand scheme of human dating is just insignificant... Ummm...I thought that was one of the many points I was making, while trying to be succinct: 1 - or 2 - or 4 - or even a few more - does not a General Rule make. Which is why - when and if - it happens again, I'm simply going to enjoy it while it lasts...whether the reason it stops is because we break up or it just fades like the honeymoon period or because one of us dies. In any event, I'm NOT going to overthink, over-analyze, or over-worry it. Sorry...it's probably because I'm just a little woman that I was unable to clearly state MY opinion. In my defense, in the history of mankind, I - as a woman - am relatively new to this whole "expressing one's opinion"-thingy, so we're bound to make a few mistakes. [i kid, I kid... ] 1
LoveRefreshed Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Hahaha. True. I am just an overly defensive type. Not sure if anyone has noticed that in my posts or not. -_- I think it's so sweet. I have written poems and songs for women and never given them because of this very real fear that it will push them away. I play guitar, for 10 years, and don't even play in front of girls because I am afraid they will think I am showing off/trying to make their panties drop until we've been dating for months. Even if they ask me, I just tell them I'm not very good and don't want to. So I am a supporter of being romantic! Even romantics can realize later that the woman that she appeared to be, or you projected your ideals onto, or that she has shown you, isn't the woman you thought initially and you can move on. So I am sure their is truth to what you say Mrldii
rocketman122 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I KNOW! Good grief, folks.There was a thread on these forums just yesterday where a girl was complaining that her man wasn't emotional/expressive/romantic enough. Meanwhile, OP here is concerned that her man is too expressive! Women don't seem to know what they want out of men these days. They can't be pleased. The average man has no chance to find a long term relationship without some woman thinking he's too much or not enough something. I think it's sad. so true. theyre always thinking if theres a motive and overthink everything. its horrible. they dont know what they want. everything has to be analyzed. no wonder the dating scene looks like it does. geez 1
DJOkawari Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 (edited) Maybe your guy friend comes from this school of thought: I try to treat each new relationship as though it is the "romance of my lifetime". That way, when I meet the girl I'm going to settle down with, we'll have had a beautiful romance where I gave 100% from the start. Love is like poker, except you can't run out of chips, so it's optimal to go all-in all of the time. If it is too much, just tell him. I think he just wants everything to be perfect, so he'll respect that. so true. theyre always thinking if theres a motive and overthink everything. its horrible. I can't speak for all women but from my personal experience I find that when a lady is in love, she begins to analyze it intently. This analysis is a good thing...it means she's thinking about you. Edited August 9, 2015 by DJOkawari
Author vc1990 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 He has not given me any reason to believe he's not genuine. I just wondered from people's personal experience if men can be this romantic, or if this is some façade he's trying to create? I really like him, and I want to believe it's genuine, I've just never ever experienced this before, except with the one guy, who was buying me flowers, etc etc to try to camoflouge what he was doing. 1
SycamoreCircle Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Haha, the guy sounds like me when I was with my first love. He is clearly a romantic and has fallen head over heals for you. If you think it's too much, tell him lightly, if you don't go with it and enjoy being showered with love Freudian slip.
GemmaUK Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 He has not given me any reason to believe he's not genuine. I just wondered from people's personal experience if men can be this romantic, or if this is some façade he's trying to create? I really like him, and I want to believe it's genuine, I've just never ever experienced this before, except with the one guy, who was buying me flowers, etc etc to try to camoflouge what he was doing. You know from personal experience that it can be a camouflage as do I so just keep your eyes open and listen to your gut. For me, my guy became very jealous and possessive to a completely irrational degree (this was only the first of many signs). It only got worse from there but I had never experienced it before, thought he was messing about and shrugged off my gut instinct.
lana-banana Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 We've been dating more than a year and my boyfriend is always telling me how much he loves me and how special and beautiful I am. He sends "thinking of you"-type texts when I'm not around. Sometimes he sends me Bruno Mars lyrics/videos and then immediately rants about how I've turned him into someone who likes Bruno Mars. He's very expressive but it never feels smothering or over the top, and we are able to have logical, responsible discussions about serious issues (including our feelings). I don't think you have anything to worry about unless his behavior makes you genuinely uncomfortable. 1
todreaminblue Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 i think its sweet when guys do this and they are genuine feelings being expressed......thats when its beautiful.......deb
Stillits Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I find it a little concerning that when it comes to whether a woman is emotionally expressive or not, it comes down to different personalities, but if it is a guy who is emotionally expressive, he must be having some issues/burn out quickly/be a cheater. Isn't it just simply possible that he is more in touch with his emotions and therefore feels a need to express all the nice things he thinks about a woman? I get that sometimes it can be too much if it's 24/7 emotional expression (in lack of better word) but I'd rather have a man who isn't generally afraid to express his emotion than a man who is afraid to because he doesn't want to appear "soft" and "unmanly"..
Redhead14 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 He has not given me any reason to believe he's not genuine. I just wondered from people's personal experience if men can be this romantic, or if this is some façade he's trying to create? I really like him, and I want to believe it's genuine, I've just never ever experienced this before, except with the one guy, who was buying me flowers, etc etc to try to camoflouge what he was doing. How long have you been seeing him? If it's only been a few dates, I'd been concerned. Have you had a conversation with him about what he is looking for out of his dating journey? Has he told you he's looking for a relationship with someone -- what's his dating goal? Some guys will say they want a relationship for themselves, but you need to observe how they date you after that. They will say that knowing that most women want a relationship. He has not given me any reason to believe he's not genuine -- Has he been consistent in dating you? Making and keeping regular dates and dates that aren't just about being at each other's places? Is the communication in between dates consistent and of quality -- and not just "romantic"/flowery? 1
BluEyeL Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 My ex husband was like this and this is why we lasted 20 years. I love that c*ap! No matter what he was doing wrong I would forgive him because he was so romantic. I would say everyone is unique and you should not jump to any conclusions based on previous guys you dated. Just observe his actions and draw conclusions based on that.
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