Time to let go

[cole28]

Time to let go I guess. I feel like I am going nuts. I guess I should fill you in...

I met M.S in Middle School when we were 13. (We're now 26). Our friendship developed into something more serious as we got into High School. He was the soccer jock and I was the popular field hockey player. We had lots of friends and just seemed to Click. We went to all of our proms together, etc.

When it was time to go to college he chose to go to a school an hour away and i decided that I wasn't ready to move away from home yet so I decided to stay in our home town and went to community college. Anyways, we thought that it might be easier to be "friends" throughout college.

Needless to say he got a girlfriend. Believe it or not it didn't really bother me because in my heart I felt that no girl could ever compare or come close to the bond we had developed. I will not lie, he cheated on her with me every time I came to visit. I feel bad now but we were kids, college kids at that. I just thought I needed to let us both experience life. I thought as did he, that in the end we would end up together. I wanted him to do things without me, experience life without me,you know?

I also got a boyfriend. Nothing serious, just someone to hang with to fill my time away from M.S. Then the unexpected happened. I got pregnant. Not to M.S. I decided to own up to my responsibility and had my son. M.S. was deeply hurt. I think back now and it hurts me too. I was on the pill and this was not supposed to happen, I was only 20. I always thought M.S and I would have a baby one day.

The years passed and our love simmered down to a real friendship, (no hooking up). I shared all of my dreams and hopes with M.S. He drowned his hurt by submerging himself in soccer and school. I thought at this point that we would remain forever friends.

I was a single mom. (a week before I had my son I walked in on his father with some chick. Ahem.) I had a lot of help from my mother.

One day M.S called me to tell me that he was going to Grad School in Virginia. I clearly remember the crushing, choking feeling effect his words had on me that day. I cried, I bawled. M.S. had a new girlfriend now. I felt I had no right to interfere with his happiness. I wanted to ask him not to go. But that was out of the question. I wanted him to pursue his dreams.

I got on with my life (or pretended to), met a new guy. I can't honestly say now looking back that I was in love. Maybe rather distracted. I had a huge emptiness in my heart and jumped in way too fast with this guy. I guess trying to fill the void.

New guy showered me with attention and also had a child 2 weeks younger than mine. A little adorable girl. I think I tried to make it work for stupid reasons.

Anyways, he asked me to marry him. I totally regret that I said yes. M.S and I didn't talk as much anymore. At the time I knew I'd always love him but felt that we were going in 2 completely different directions. So, I got married. Even invited M.S. Of course he did not come. In my head I thought he did not romantically love me anymore. Deep inside I was doing everything I could to deny that I truly loved him.

My marriage turned into a total debacle. When things fell apart I called M.S. my best friend now. I then ran down to see him at grad school. I can't explain the feelings that I was feeling. I remember looking at him in a new different light. I loved this man. I had totally hurt this guy. He confided that he had never stopped being in love with me. I only wished he would have told me before all of this mess.

He dumped his girlfriend for me and we got back together.

Story should end there, right? Not quite. I just wanted to give you a little background info before i go into the "now".

Everything was great for 8 months. He came home for the summer and we had a ball. I finally felt like I was where I was supposed to be for once. There was no doubting I was totally, truly in love with him.

He encouraged me to go back to school and finish getting my degree. I thank him so much for that.

Sent me flowers for my birthday that said..."to a cool girl" (are you kidding me?) This was the beginning of some hurt.

Christmas 04: he leaves his cell phone at my mom's house. I go through it and read his text messages. Find one from a girl. So, I called her. She told me that they were friends in undergrad. (funny I never heard of her). SHe said that sh didn't know of me. Then she said that she was under to assumption that they were going to be together. WHAT? I called his parents house and told him to come get his phone. He got there and I confronted him. He denied liking her at all. Said they were just friends. I threw his **** out on my porch and told him to leave. He left the next day for FL. for a coaching convention. Didn't hear from him for a week. He finally called on New Years. Crying, wanting me back. Saying everything I wanted to hear. He came home and we got back together.

Transfered from Virginia to a school near home to be near me with only a couple months til graduation.

Signed with a professional soccer team. Beginning of some changes in his personality. A little cocky now. Traveled a lot. Would go days without calling.

Started applying for jobs. Eventually he landed a pharmaceutical sales position with Pfizer. Amazing job! I was so proud of him! He immediate bought a house. Didn't ask me to move in. I was a little hurt.

For his job they are required to go away to training alot. (uh oh).

This is the beginning of a long turn of events.

When he got back from training in N.Y I rooted through his stuff and found a letter to some girl from there. It was awful. He might have well have taken my heart ot, throw it on the floor and stomp on it. It was AWFUL. Said she was the most beautiful person he ever met. He had a crush on some bimbo from training. I confronted him and he down played the whole situation. Saying it was just a crush, no big deal. I was deeply hurt. A little trust was gone now.

Everything has been ****ty since then (8 months ago). I do not trust him but then I do. It's hard to explain.

He went to Mexico with old college buddies and did not call me until day 6. At this point I decided to dump his ass. How disrespectful. When he finally called I told him that we were through. He said we weren't and that when he got back he wanted my son and I to move in.

I then called the girl from training. She said that he had just sent her flowers for Valentine's Day. WHAT? I then ran into an old acquaintance of ours from high school and asked him if they had fun at the hockey game they went to a couple of weeks before because I found the ticket stub in his car before he left for Mexico. The friend laughed and said, "is that what he told you?" Then the guy said he didn't want to get involved but M.S had taken some other girl. I think I'm a complete idiot. He came back from Mexico and completely kissed my ass. Promised that everything was innocent. We started to be together a lot again. I can't help it, he's all I know and I love him.

He left for training again on Easter. They always fly in the same people, because they are all at the same training level. I was so nervous. I knew SHE would be there. While he was away I really began to question him. Was all of this stuff coincidental? Just seemed like way to much for me to handle. So when he got home I told him I couldn't trust him and I wasn't happy. I loved him but he was doing too much shady stuff.

Our separation lasted for a week. (we've never gone longer than a week not talking in 13 years). Once again I found myself not being able to stay away. We went out and he ended up coming back to my apartment. He said he missed me so much. No one was like me, I was so special. He pictured me when he pleasured himself.

A couple of days later i went to his house and found a receipt from a coffee shop in Atlanta , Georgia. I then recalled being at his house a couple of weeks earlier when his phone beeped that he had a text message from GA Brooke. Geez, here we go again. The weekend in question , I had no idea he flew down there. I then called his phone to ask him about it. He didn't answer so I got into his voice mail. (I know him so well I guessed what his password would be).

He had one saved message. It was some girl with a southern accent thanking him for their weekend together and that she just pulled into her driveway and got all of the flowers he sent. I was shaking, hurt, mad... tears pouring out of my eyes.

What the hell? He had slept with me 4 times since the date on the receipt!!!!

I text messaged him, "So, you send them all flowers" He wrote back.."stop stalking me"

So once again I was devastated. Unfortunately Thursday night I went out and got tanked up. Next thing I know I'm sitting on his couch in the dark. Apparently, I decided to go see him. He was upstairs sleeping and there I was on his Freakin couch. I then called him. He still had no idea I was downstairs. This is when I felt absolutely stupid. This was kind of stalking. He came downstairs to get a drink, rounded the corner and saw me just sitting there. He closed his phone and asked me what I was doing. "I just came to said hi" I said. OH MY GOSH. I then began crying and telling him how ****ty the stuff he had done to me was.

He began crying and said he loved me. He said that since I had text him he had been laying on his couch for a week and almost lost his job. The district manager had to come to the house and look for him. I felt bad. But why? He created all of this. He then said he went to a doctor and they put him on meds.We fell asleep cring in eachother's arms.

In the morning we woke up and had sex. He then told me that he was seeing her. This guy is screwed up, huh? I just don't know what to do. I lied and told him that I had Ga girls number and that if he didn't tell her I was going to.

On my ride home he called twice. I had to go to work and he said to call him later that night.

I called and he didn't answer. I waited til the next day (yesterday) and tried calling again.... Still no answer. So, I checked his voice mail again. Real bad. He saved a message from his counterpart (a female) that said hi to him and then "Hi (my name) just wanted to say hi because I know you'll hear this."

I felt so embarrassed. Then there was a message from GA girl. "Hi boo boo, honey. I just got your message, call me back. Sounds like you just lost your best friend."

HE SAVED THOSE KNOWING VERY WELL THAT I WOULD GET INTO HIS MAILBOX.

I need help. I'm consumed with this hurt and obsessiveness with him now. What do I do? He says he loves me and that he prays sometimes that I would get pregnant. Is he crazy? He's making me crazy I think. I'm not a stupid person. I am attractive and lots of other guys want to go out with me. Why am I stuck on him?

[moon]

It sounds like it's REALLY time to let go. This guy is totally leading you on. Sadly, he might take up with one of these girls he's carrying on with on the side and leave you more devasted. This guy sounds stuck in two worlds. He has you from his distant past, pushed into the present and he has his other girls, one after the other.

 

He doesn't sound like he really wants to grow up right now and be in a mature relationship with you. Considering you have a son and probably other more pressing things to deal with, I'd cut this guy loose. Sadly, it sounds like you are in a very obsessive frame of mind right now. You feel you know this guy so well that you can abuse your own relationship and listen to his voice mails and other things that are really downright none of your business. You should know that. You have no right to listen to voice mail or to break into his house---even if he welcomes you later. You need to get some boundaries with yourself. He will be calling you a stalker and meaning it pretty soon. You have let yourself go over the line of justified worry to major invasion of privacy. Impulse sometimes tells us to do these things when we are very curious and want to know......but it sounds like it's becoming a pattern with you. You need to stop yourself from doing that NO MATTER WHAT. That type of behavior will most likely escalate and before you know it you'll be tailing him in your car and peeking in windows....now come on. What good will that really serve? You've got your evidence. Yes, this guy IS CHEATING ON YOU. He is, he is, he is. You want to know that and you know.

 

So do yourself a favor and keep your distance from Mr. Casanova and his ten girlfriends. I mean, according to your letter, he obviously has feelings for you, but I think this is another one of those very important cases when love just isn't enough. He refuses to include committment, monogomy, trust, honesty and actual caring for your well being. He's totally messing with you. This could be your downfall if you let it.

 

So, keep your distance. Give YOURSELF some boundaries. I am sure you are hurting a great deal, but that's what dumb love does to you---the type of love that isn't good for you---toxic love. It doesn't sound healthy anymore.

 

So, get some space and distance and stay away from his personal property. Get some therapy and give yourself a break. This guy is playing you, but you have to say enough already!!!! I am sure this is a very tough situation for you, but you have to read between the lines.

 

Good luck.

[cole28]

Thank you for the advice. I just want tyou to know that I am feeling a little better now. It's so weird, I think of what I have let him do to me. What I have let myself turn into. Not good. I am my own person. I need to have control over what I do. No matter what he does, I have realized that I will only hurt as long as I ALLOW him to get away with hurting me.

Well last night he called at 9 to wish me a happy mother's day. (Oh, how sweet of him). I told him that it was not necessary to call me anymore. He asked why I was being a bitch and so defensive. I did not bring up her or anything else related to that situation. Eventually I got sick of talking to him about nothing so I told him I had to go. He said that he would drive here (35 min. way). I ended up hanging up on him.

Today is a new day.

[NiCoLe20]

^ this is a start! im proud that you had the courage and respect for yourself to say that to him. why have u let him get away with all this in the past? if he truely loved you more than a ''best friend'' he wouldnt have slept with all these other girls.... then again you dont know if he acutally slept with them but im pretty sure he's hooked up with them... anyways.... this guy isnt worth it... you really need to let go and move on and start a new life WITHOUT him in it. he's just dragging you down hun... i would stop texting, emailing, and calling him... set up the no contact and let him worry about what your doing and stuff like that... leave this guy alone... he just lies about everything. time to move on!!!