veganpilot Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 (edited) We have been on two dates before and it had sizzling chemistry where the atmosphere was flirting. 5 weeks later since our last date, we have still been flirty online but he was a lot less flirty when we met up. He seemed really excited to see me and did flirt from time to time but less. He asked me about my family, career and life. He also told me personal things, about how he is broke and had trouble paying the bills and everything. He barely had money for a haircut and car fuel! Also talked about visiting his family and how much he misses them. His body language was open though but we sat at a comfortable distance. Turned off his phone when someone was calling him, never went on it. We were supposed to go somewhere else after the date but he was busy but regretful. What concerns me is that the date was very short, maybe more than an hour. When we hugged, he squeezed me close , put his chin on my shoulder and my rubbed back. I feel the spark is gone or is he just depressed? What can and should I do to fire the sparks again? Edited August 9, 2015 by veganpilot
Ct543 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 He is probably just more comfortable around you and feels like he can tell you stuff and have real conversations don't sweat it
katiegrl Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 We have been on two dates before and it had sizzling chemistry where the atmosphere was flirting. 5 weeks later since our last date, we have still been flirty online but he was a lot less flirty when we met up. He seemed really excited to see me and did flirt from time to time but less. He asked me about my family, career and life. He also told me personal things, about how he is broke and had trouble paying the bills and everything. He barely had money for a haircut and car fuel! Also talked about visiting his family and how much he misses them. His body language was open though but we sat at a comfortable distance. Turned off his phone when someone was calling him, never went on it. We were supposed to go somewhere else after the date but he was busy but regretful. What concerns me is that the date was very short, maybe more than an hour. When we hugged, he squeezed me close , put his chin on my shoulder and my rubbed back. I feel the spark is gone or is he just depressed? What can and should I do to fire the sparks again? Five weeks since your last date? Did I read that right? That doesn't sound good, why so long? That combined with no more playful flirting, second date (five weeks ago?) lasting a little more than an hour (he cut it short), indicates (to me anyway) that there's not much there on his end and you should probably move on. No there is nothing you can do to "get" the sparks back or reignite a man's interest. He is either interested in you or he's not, in fact the more you try to "get" him to be more interested, the LESS interested he will be. Sorry.
katiegrl Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 veganpilot, is this the same guy you cancelled dates with, and then he turned it back on you by breaking dates with you?
Author veganpilot Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 Yeah it is. We were supposed to go for a drive after but he said he was booked. He looked really regretful though. It's strange how we flirted on text pretty well but he couldn't really flirt in person that much. We did sorta though. He said he had a **** week and he had no income since he has a casual job. He complimented me on my dress but when I asked him if I looked better with brown or black hair, he said I looked great in both and that women in uniform are hot. I also said he was a really bad singer and he laughed, saying thank you. He also said he would look better for me later, like those photos he used to have. He looked really bad, and was really tired. I feel sorry for him. I don't care that he is broke and has barely got enough money for fuel and a haircut. He is a genuinely kind person, helping old women on the road and stopping buses for them out of courtesy. I want to be in his life.
Author veganpilot Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 He was really excited to see me though. We flirted over text and he implied that he really missed me. At the end of the date, he said we should meet up soon in he city again and do whatever surprise that I wanted. It was a really boring date. We sat at the airport watching planes and there was nothing else to do. It ended naturally and not abruptly.
Empyrea Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 He does sound like he might be depressed.. he probably shouldn't be in a relationship until he works out his issues. He'll only bring you down with him.
Author veganpilot Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 I don't mind. I want to make him feel better and happier. I want to bring positive energy into his life. He said his family never gave him much love while his older brother was privileged. His father had a pilot's license and took his brother up into the air. I want to take him up in the air to get a chance at something he never experienced in smaller aircraft.
katiegrl Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 He does sound like he might be depressed.. he probably shouldn't be in a relationship until he works out his issues. He'll only bring you down with him. I know a bit about depression, having worked with clinically depressed people while getting my nursing degree. To me his behavior sounds more like a *sadness* he feels after acknowledging (on your last date) that the spark is gone and the attraction he felt for you initially is no longer there. He is disappointed, sad...and that is what you were witnessing ....IMO. His hug reflected a sort of bittersweet acknowledment that things just don't feel the same anymore ...even though clearly he still feels fondness for you and cares about your feelings. His compliments about your dress, etc meant nothing .... I wouldn't consider that flirting. In fact his whole delivery in that regard was rather blah. Again, jmo but he's just not feeling it anymore. He realized that within the first hour of seeing you, hence his sudden excuse he had to leave. Of course he sounded *regretful* about it, I am sure he genuinely felt bad about not feeling it anymore and disappointing you.. Did you expect him to be excited about having to leave? I think you should accept this and move on. You only had 2-3 dates ...your last date being five weeks ago... you even acknowledged it was boring, not much to say, spark gone. No doubt he felt the same, cut the date short, feels sad about it .... sorry hon I really think this is done. 1
GemmaUK Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 He was faking all being well I think on the earlier dates. Not the chemistry but how his life really is right now. Simply, he doesn't have any of his s**t together and without that all being OK he isn't prepared to have someone in his life. He has probably only scraped the top of the barrel of issues he has. People can shut down emotions over that kind of thing and it's obviously a big cause of stress for him. I think he is letting you down gently. It can be easy to believe you can date and hold your side of that up initially with all of the excitement of a new person but when it comes to the real thing it can basically not be practical.
Author veganpilot Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 I really regret it. Sparks never fade with family but sparks will with romantic interests I wish I have stayed instead of going on a holiday. I wish I made more time for him during the exams. I focused so much on my career that I left him out. I feel very sad about this, and Katie is absolutely spot on. I am very scared that I will make the same mistake in the future. I think I lost my spark for him because I am seeing someone else that is more attractive, and he did not seem so attractive to me anymore. I tried to bring the spark back but I don't think it will ever happen, and he needs to get his life sorted. I think we could at least be friends at this stage.
Author veganpilot Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 But we're both sad and disappointed about this. If only things had a happy ending. I need to focus on my studies and career right now and hope that I can forget him.
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