Have you ever had an infatuation that killed your sex drive?

[bp123]

There have been some times in my life when I developed an extremely intense infatuation for a girl. During this time, I can't stop thinking about her and my libido totally vanishes. Maybe after one or two weeks my sex drive finally comes back.

 

It's an interesting phenomenon, although I've never heard anyone else mention it. Has this happened to anyone else?

[Michelle ma Belle]

Nope. I usually experience quite the opposite.

[Gloria25]

Ever talk to a counselor about that?

 

Sex is linked to "intimacy"...it's not just about a physical release.

 

If you find yourself losing sexual desire for someone you are into, then you probably fear intimacy. In other words, you lack of libido doesn't have to do with sex drive, it has to do with allowing yourself to be vulnerable and experience intimacy with another person you might actually give a hoot about.

 

There was a scene from the movie "Shame" where dude took out a chick for dinner and he really liked her. But it was a struggle for him to have sex with her. They tried and he just couldn't perform. She was like "it's ok" and went home. He sat in the hotel room and as soon as she left, he called a hooker and was boinking the hooker like crazy.

 

In that movie dude had like issues for sure. I won't give away the movie, but it was a good watch. Some of the sex scenes might make some people uncomfortable, but I think you need to see the raw sex scenes/situations to see what's going on with this guy.

[Gloria25]

Nope. I usually experience quite the opposite.

 

Yep, same here...

 

The more I'm into someone, the more I wanna get naked with them...

[mrldii]

Nope. I never let a fantasy override my reality, in ANY situation.

 

 

I most assuredly would not allow a fantasy of another man interfere with the currently-naked-and-right-in-front-of-my-face reality of sex with a real man, right here and right now.

 

[bp123]

Ever talk to a counselor about that?

 

Sex is linked to "intimacy"...it's not just about a physical release.

 

If you find yourself losing sexual desire for someone you are into, then you probably fear intimacy. In other words, you lack of libido doesn't have to do with sex drive, it has to do with allowing yourself to be vulnerable and experience intimacy with another person you might actually give a hoot about.

 

Well like I said, the lack of sexual desire only lasts for 1-2 weeks, and then it comes back and I have no problems thinking about the person in that way.

 

I asked my psychologist about it last week. He saw two possibilities:

 

1. The infatuation was so strong that it didn't leave room for anything else including sexual desire.

 

2. I may have thought of the girl as like an angel sent from heaven and therefore didn't want to debase her by thinking of her sexually.

[carhill]

OP, so, with these infatuations, did any of them come to fruition (intimacy and/or sex) and, if so, how did things go?

 

When you speak of infatuation are you talking more about the mesmerizing in the head infatuation or the buzz in the balls infatuation? IOW, is your first reaction more of blur in the eyes or an erection in the pants?

 

Given that you apparently resolve this issue in a couple of weeks and function normally after that, I'd continue working on the process with the psychologist. In solving this concern, you may learn tools which will help you in other relationship areas, since all kinds of challenges are presented in relationships and, yup, some of them are sexual. Good luck!

[bp123]

OP, so, with these infatuations, did any of them come to fruition (intimacy and/or sex) and, if so, how did things go?

 

No, I've never been with a girl.

 

When you speak of infatuation are you talking more about the mesmerizing in the head infatuation

 

This.

[carhill]

Probably two issues are working concurrently:

 

1. Emotional response is overwhelming sexual response

 

2. Virginity

 

I dealt with those issues, mostly in my 20's, when meeting and dating women. Most guys get the sex stuff out of the way in their teens so things get integrated early when the brain is still developing.

[OpenBook]

I asked my psychologist about it last week. He saw two possibilities:

 

1. The infatuation was so strong that it didn't leave room for anything else including sexual desire.

 

2. I may have thought of the girl as like an angel sent from heaven and therefore didn't want to debase her by thinking of her sexually.

 

For me, it's the latter. Sexual desire is a very primitive, guttural thing. (Funny, I just noticed the auto-spellcheck here; I typed an "e" instead of the 2nd "u" in "guttural" and it automatically corrected it. Neat!) Part of the magic of infatuation is elevating the object of your admiration into the heavenly heights - which is ANYTHING but primitive and guttural. I can relate; I've done the same thing. I may or may not have a sex drive when this happens; I have no idea and nor do I care. It's like I'm under a spell or something, I'm just stunned in awe that I've had the incredible luck to even encounter this fabulous creature, much less interact with him.

 

When I come down to earth, it's always with an ugly thud. Oomph. But it's the best place to be. I'm in control over my emotions and my life when I'm firmly grounded... and wildly out of control during the infatuation. Yeah, you never feel more alive than when you're enamored. But feelings are so ephemeral and fickle.

[Popsicle]

Nope. I usually experience quite the opposite.

 

Yes, this.

 

I don't think of sex as only primitive though. It's very emotional for me, so sex and emotion (heavenly ones) go together.

Edited August 15, 2015 by Popsicle