Gf of 4.5 years dumped me, is there anyway shell be back?

[Ifeelok]

Hey Guys,

This is my first post here at love shack and would really like some help and advice. I apologize ahead of time if this is to long. My ex Gf and I dated for almost 5 years (4.5 to be exact). It has been about a month and a couple of days since she left me, so far I have gone NC on her and yes it is hard but I keep telling myself I can overcome this. At first when we dated I left her twice and she took me back both times. The first time was due to me being scared to commit to a relationship and we separated for about 3 weeks. then I came back we worked things out and dated again. The second time I believe I got the GIGS Syndrome if that is even a thing. lol and did not talk to her for about 6 months. I came back again and begged her to take me, while I was gone I didn't meet any other women it just didn't feel the same without her so I decided to go back to her, she took me back and made me promise I would never leave her again, cheat or lie to her.

 

so I kept my promise until this day. Like many relationships we argued and most of the time it was my fault and most arguments were about little things. In May of this year we took a trip to Portland everything seemed good she was happy I was happy we smiled, made love everything was good. came back and a month later she dumped me. Now this is where I am confused about this whole situation and I would like some help. She broke up with me on Wednesday, and the weekend before she was going to Vegas with friends and I said sure no problem go ahead have a good time. on Friday she slept over saying how much she loves me and how lucky she is to have a good guy like me, and that she loved that I took care of her. She went to vegas that weekend and returned Sunday night, she text me to pick her up and grab dinner so we did and everything was going good saying she missed me and that she had a great time. Monday and Tuesday we didn't see each other but kept contact via text, on Wednesday I picked her up grabbed coffee and had a small argument. I asked her if everything was ok and she said yeah, I asked because she seemed quite and very distant. so I asked her what was wrong again and she got upset saying "you always think there is something wrong when I don't talk to you that much".

 

so I said ok, no problem. we drove to my place parked and told her we are growns up lets talk about this and fix the issue we have, she said right now we are having a rough patch every couple has it and I agreed. I asked her what bothers yo about me that you need me to fix, she said you get upset easily and you always push things aside when we argue. So I said ok I will fix my anger issues and change for you. I told her the only thing that bothered me about her is that I wished she showed a bit more affection that was it, she replied with "I do, you just never notice" and I said ok that is my fault. so I asked her do you want to sleep over or take you home and she said whatever you want? it was late so I decided to taker home, on the way to her house everything seemed normal we talked about her day and what not, I arrive to her house and she says park around the corner which was a bit strange to me so I said sure. we parked turned off the car and said whats up, and that is when she began to cry and saying "I cant do this anymore, Ive had it up to here I'm sorry I just thing whats best for both of us right now to be be apart." this came as a shocker to me so I didn't know how to react. she wanted to kiss me and cuddle me and I said no you just broke my heart. She kept crying for a good 30 minutes and trying to cuddle me so I finally said ok sure lets cuddle. the next day I tried to take her to dinner so we can see if we could work it out and basically nothing changed, she said I don't want to argue I have made up my mind, I think right now whats best for both of us is time apart, focus on yourself and I will focus on me, I need to see who I am in this world I need to try and fin myself.

 

I feel like you smother me too much sometimes and I cant breathe, so I said I'm sorry I don't meant to let me change or atleast give me the chance to show you I can change what is it that bothers you so much about me. and she replied with you depend to much on your mother, you get upset easily and you don't talk care of yourself like you used to. I replied with you are right absolutely right and I can change that. I asked her how long have you been feeling like this and she replied with for the last two years, that upset me so much because for two years i felt like i was played.. now I dont know if she said this because of the moment or if she actually meant it, she doesn't seem that cruel of a person to use me like that. then I was confused even more when she followed up with a I'm going to block you from social media and don't take it personal I need to do this for myself, maybe in the future if you are single and I'm single we can work it out. I cant see or talk to you right now, and kept saying I don't want to resent you I just don't want to resent you.

 

idk why she would I didn't do anything to her. but whatever I told her I needed to go home and try and soke all of this in... the next night I called her and asked two simple questions, do you love me and he honest? she replied yes I do I will always love you you are my first love my first everything, I lost my virginity to you how can I not love you. the second questions was do yo want me to wait for you or move on with life and forget about you and she replied with a idk, I don't know what to tell you right now. I asked again and received the same answer. so I hung up and that was that. a couple of weeks ago I received a missed facetime from her around 1 am on Wednesday, now idk if this was an accident or not but I decided not to call back and left it as is. I'm trying to understand why. could it be she doesn't love me anymore? shes moving on from me? or maybe she has the GIGS?lol she erased all of our pictures from social media, but weirdly still follows my family and friends, and they told me that she throws indirect insults towards me for some reason.. I have not said one bad thing about her since the brake up..

 

I just would love to know the truth and maybe I will never get it. its hard to move on knowing that I still love her and knowing that I have her letter she wrote to me saying how every other relationship she ever had was a disaster and they didn't value her, but when she met me she was happy because I made her happy and I loved her for who she was and not her looks. this is jus super shocking to me, she would always talk about getting married and how happy she was and wanted to have our own place. now I have no idea what shes up to or what. her b day is Monday and she will be turning 24 I will turn 25 in Sept. and as much as I would love to text her I am not, she wanted me to keep away so I am doing as she has asked.

 

I have been hitting the gym and have lost 15lbs. been hanging out with friends and trying to keep busy, but its hard not thinking of her every little thing reminds me of her. I cant see myself being with any other girl at the moment. I have been with many girls before but this one is the only one that really meant the most to me, I fell in love with her as a person not her looks not anything else. it makes me sad to know that she might not even miss me right now.

 

I feel like all the small things I did for her as in, paint canvas pictures for her, take care of when she broke her ankle and make sure she was well taken care of. even when she was sick spent the whole day taking care of her, massaging her back and feet after work. all these things I feel like she doesn't care about anymore and it makes me sad, yes I wasn't the perfect bf not the best looking or fittest but I did love her and take care of her, I feel like she doesn't care about me anymore and its just depressing. I would really love some advice or opinions on this and once again I apologize for the long story.

[EgoJoe]

She probably cheated on you in Vegas.

 

She didn't want you to park in front of her house? She wanted to cuddle you after breaking up with you (having all your benefits and none of your baggage) she blamed everything on you and claimed that you didn't notice her efforts.

 

You don't want this one back. She sounds like a text book, blame shifting basic bitch. You can and will do better.

 

Decide to move on for you. Picture your brightest future and go after it everyday.

 

Fyi the blocking on social media is due to the fact that there is someone else. Some women do this these days because they are told by other low class women fairy tale BS and that men are to be used.

[Dudearino]

You don't want this one back. She sounds like a text book, blame shifting basic bitch. You can and will do better.

 

Decide to move on for you. Picture your brightest future and go after it everyday.

 

Fyi the blocking on social media is due to the fact that there is someone else. Some women do this these days because they are told by other low class women fairy tale BS and that men are to be used.

 

Agreed with EgoJoe 100%. As I'm about 2 months in after BU now.

 

My ex blocked me because "She was figuring things out"... Come to found out the DAY she blocked me she was in a LD relationship announced on facebook (Still think she's in rebound mood/GIGS). Nevertheless, they are in some fairytale world, and you have to let them realize that the world isn't a fairytale. Some other guy will rub them the wrong way. Nothing is perfect! Whether or not they suffer is up to them not you. Let their free will reign, and stay away until you have a clear mind and her too if you ever want to talk down the road.

[Ifeelok]

She doesn't that type of girl but the again not every girl is an angel. i appreciate that reply and the advice. I'm not very religious but one thing I do know is that God works his magic in mysterious ways. Maybe right now she's by enjoying the single life and I'm over here sad, but I know with time the tables are going to turn. And not only is she going to regret it but it will hit her worse than it hit me.

[EgoJoe]

The writing is on the wall OP. When in doubt, dig for evidence the truth will help your perspective change. It will hurt like a son of a bitch though.

[Gus Grimly]

I'm a month and a few days into my post-BU as well. My Ex sounds a lot like yours as far as blaming everyone else goes. It's hard to deal with people who never can take the blame and always have an excuse for everything.

 

I'm with EgoJoe, I think she cheated on you as well. It's tough to admit, but the clues are there. Most of us who are in a romantic relationship can tell when something doesn't feel right and things aren't on the "up and up". I've not heard one tale where someone was suspicious of their significant other and it turned out just to be nothing but a goose chase.

 

In my situation, I dug for evidence. My Ex already has a new boyfriend after 3 weeks post BU and they took a romantic trip over the weekend? Uh, that doesn't happen over night. So, now I was right to believe she was cheating on me and that was the true reason for the Breakup, not the lame excuse she gave me.

 

So I would try to put the puzzle pieces together and see what you can come up with.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm not sure if she cheated in Vegas, but it does sound like she could be interested in someone else or at least this weekend away perhaps made her realize she doesn't want to be tied down now. Maybe someone caught her eye there. You are both still quite young.

 

I have a feeling she's got some resentment from your past break-ups, and she is tired of your temper (if that's indeed an issue) but I think there is more to it than that. I don't understand why she'd have wanted you to park around the corner from her house. That is strange. Did you ask her why you couldn't just drop her off at her house as you normally would?

 

There seems to be some things she's not telling you. But it doesn't matter much in the end. This isn't working anymore and you will sooner or later move on without her.

[bubbaganoosh]

You want to know the real reason. If you get it I promise you that what you here will still give you doubts.

 

Her claim that her feelings changed two years ago will play on your mind and why you had to park around the corner for some reason. Was she hiding something? If she gives you the answers you might accept them but not at 100%. Some mart will have doubts.

 

Best bet is what your gut is telling you. If you feel something is wrong then it is.

 

It was mentioned before about her trip to Vegas. Maybe something happened, maybe not. It could have been the freedom she had there.

 

My advice is move on and stay N/C with her. If you don't then all the work you go through to heal goes right out the window.

[Thegreatfrazzle]

To end a relationship after such a long time together shows exactly what she thinks of you. Life is hard enough without trying to hold onto people who do not respect and appreciate you. You may think she was brilliant in every way, but she did this to you. Why would you want to get back with her after this?

 

I too cared very much for my ex, did so many lovely things for her as you did, and this is how we get repaid?!?! It's madness isn't it! The only advice I'd say in this regard is that one day, she is going to meet someone, and she is going to think of you when her new man doesn't do anything nice for her, not like you did. And where will you be? With somebody who values everything you do for her, and not only be thankful but actively repay you with kindness in return. One day she will realise how much she fu£ked up, and you will be happier without her.

 

As for getting back together, forget it. As someone who has gotten back together with a girl who dumped him, you will always doubt her sentiment when she says I love you, or anything for that matter. My relationship only lasted about a month before she broke up with me again. Spare yourself the hearbreak and let her go immediately, it isn't worth delaying your pain.

 

Also, don't mean to upset you, but she sounds like a right bit@h. My situation sounds very similar to yours, so message if you want any advice.

[Ifeelok]

As much as I love her and want to see the positive in her, I believe she is hiding something. She promised me that it wasn't another guy and that she's doesn't want to date anyone, she said she needed to do this for herself. Erased all of pictures together from IG, but yet still follows my family and friends? I just feel like I wasted energy and time. I mean she said it herself every past relationship failed miserably until she met me, I made her feel happy like a real women and respected her and this is how she repays me?

 

I just hope she doesn't regret her decision as for now just trying to become a better person, not thinking of dating anyone at the moment. Now I'm. I doctor but I did see something online that caught my attention. Basically it said she could be depressed and is taking it out on me. She wasn't happe at home with her family, wasn't happy with her job and ALWAYS slept when she came over. Also is ant to add when she was a young girl she mentioned to me she was molested... When she lost her virginity to me she didn't tell me until months after we did. Because she was afraid I would leave her, it makes me sad because I'm a good guy with a good heart. I hope she realizes that with time. Since we have been apart I haven't said one bad thing about her if anything just positives.

[Thegreatfrazzle]

I'm sorry, but she just doesn't care about you. It is the worst feeling in the world when you love someone but they stop loving you back. You seem genuinely hurt by this experience, and as I would have told myself a few months back, the pain does go away. The best thing you can do is let her go, she already has, so have some dignity and walk away. By 'staying around', ie, having some sort of contact or having her still in your life in someway, all you are doing is allowing yourself to be hurt for longer.

 

You seem like a great boyfriend, any girl should be lucky to have someone like you. And as with your ex girlfriend, if you want to be with the wrong girl this much, imagine how great it will be when the right one comes along.

[Gus Grimly]

As much as I love her and want to see the positive in her, I believe she is hiding something.

You know her pretty well if you feel like she's hiding something I wouldn't be surprised if it were true.

 

If you're smart about it, you can piece together the clues. Strange things she said, erratic behavior, sudden coldness towards you, unwilling to give a second chance, etc. Things like that are all red flags. If you need to know the truth, I'd say dig but don't be surprised if you get burned. It happened to me. :[

[Ifeelok]

I appreciate it all the responds and advice it does help me a lot. I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurting, I wake up sometimes hoping she's next to me like the old days. But I'm slowly starting to convince myself that it won't happen. Like I said I have not contacted her at all not social media or via cell phone. I have been getting in better shape and have been more calm lately, I would be lying if I said I wasn't doing it for her but I am I want to show her what she's losing a good guy with a good heart... I'm still in shock I mean every where we went everyone would say how good I treated her and how lucky she was to have me but I guess none of that and everything else I did mattered to her.

 

I still text with her older brother but we don't talk about her we talk about fitness. And at least it makes me happy to know that himself and his mother not say I'm a good guy and they wouldn't want anything more than me being with her, but at the end of the day it's her decision and all I can do is keep away like she asked and work on myself. Once again thanks for everything guys, I just wish after so many years the least she could have done is tell me truth to get some closure.

 

I have a good paying job, I'm almost 25 meaning I'm not a kid anymore I need to get my head right. She's only a year younger then I am, but I guess maturity wise I'm much older.

[Ifeelok]

See that's the thing the weekend before she said how much she loved me and was lucky to have me in her life, came back from Vegas saying she missed me and that she wished i would have gone too. We had dinner she slept over everything was fine then two days later says she can't be with me anymore? Makes no sense to me. I even told her that if she did something in Vegas to tell me and that maybe just maybe I could forgive her since I know we all make mistakes. But she swore to me that she didn't do anything that it's not another person to her... That she needs to find herself and see who she is... I do admit tho we spent too much time together basically everyday for the last years

[dumbass2]

See that's the thing the weekend before she said how much she loved me and was lucky to have me in her life, came back from Vegas saying she missed me and that she wished i would have gone too. We had dinner she slept over everything was fine then two days later says she can't be with me anymore? Makes no sense to me. I even told her that if she did something in Vegas to tell me and that maybe just maybe I could forgive her since I know we all make mistakes. But she swore to me that she didn't do anything that it's not another person to her... That she needs to find herself and see who she is... I do admit tho we spent too much time together basically everyday for the last years

 

When actions don't match words, it's because someone is not being fully honest and telling the truth.

[ExpatInItaly]

When actions don't match words, it's because someone is not being fully honest and telling the truth.

 

Exactly. Something is missing in her explanation of this break-up.

 

However, you might never know exactly what that was. Sometimes it's better not to know, because the complete truth can be devastating. I speak from experience here.

[Goshdarnit]

I was really taken back reading your story. Her break up words, including the "I don't want to resent you," "I'll always love you, you're my best friend," "but I feel smothered," all identical to my previous ex's. The cold behavior. The sense of her hiding something. The only difference was we were LD. Additionally, I also had become short and I'll tempered with her. And in case you're wondering, I do believe that eventually built up over time for her. There's a lot she may be hiding, but she did give you some straightforward clues.

 

And your reaction thus far, exactly like mine. Called her once to try to clear things up. Gave up. Went strict no contact. Did not message her on her bday. Her mom tried to stay in touch and I cut that too (although I guess it's OK to chat to the bro about fitness etc.)

 

Several months later, she's in a new relationship. The facetiming thing probably wasn't an accident. Mine liked a post of mine and stayed on my social media as well. You'll be tempted to read into all of that. Don't. Fact is, she didn't try any harder after trying to FaceTime. Also, be prepared to not hear from her ever, and for her to eventually be in another relationship. Be prepared, if things turn out better than that, great.

 

Your head is in the right place about it. Your focusing on self improvement early in the break up is fantastic. Keep it up and keep us posted. We've been there.

 

Do I think she is just a selfish, guilt tripping girl like the others suggest? Well, a little. But I also think it would be foolish for you and detrimental for your future relationships not to reflect on your part in this. It takes two to break a relationship. Sometimes the blame is equal, sometimes not.

Edited August 19, 2015 by Goshdarnit

[Ifeelok]

Hello guys, I wanted to give you guys an update on this. its been almost two months since we broke up. and recently came to find a picture on IG of her in vegas for her birthday. On the picture shes sitting down in the pool while a guy is grabbing her by the waist and they are smiling. Now i know that could mean anything but it hurt me to see that honestly. The worst part is this guy is her co worker her supervisor to be exact. Now idk if they are dating or not, but i know they have been going out for dinner more often now and i know this from a mutual friend we have. Could this guy be a rebound or is it GIGS? idk point of the matter is it doesnt mean anything anymore, she left me and honestly i wish she would have had the courage to at least tell me the truth.

 

The best thing to do is do absolutely nothing, im going to keep on doing me, going hiking, working out and trying to stay positive. I found out she unblocked me on social media a couple of days ago, but i had to block her so i didnt see anything. i also deleted a couple of her friends so i wouldnt have to see pictures of them together. It just hurts that someone tells you they love you and you treat them with respect and love them for so many years and not even 2 months later shes with someone else.

i feel like i have been played, I feel like a fool like I wasnt worth or meant anything to her, I hope one day she regrets leaving me. As much as it hurts me and I cried doing this i had to erase every picture we ever took, they go back to 2011 all those memorys gone now. she seems happy without me so there wasnt any need on having those memorys anymore.

Edited August 19, 2015 by Ifeelok
Forgot to add more details

[aloneinaz]

You're not going to move on looking at anything or hearing any about her. You need to stop getting updates, looking on social media or your friends social media. She's move on w/her life and is probably dating that guy you're referring too.

 

 

What she said when you were together may or may not of been true when she said it. The majority of people hear those things and then a day/week/month later, they are dumped. Don't focus on her words. Her action of dumping you are what matters.

 

 

Deleting her pictures is a good step. Insuring she's now blocked is a good step. STOP getting updated on her. She's not your worry or problem anymore, she's your ex who's not in your life.

 

 

Keep working on you and recognize that MILLIONS of folks have been exactly where you are. They all dusted themselves off and moved on w/their lives. I'd also say a vast majority of them now look back and are glad they aren't with the person who dumped them.

[Chi townD]

See that's the thing the weekend before she said how much she loved me and was lucky to have me in her life, came back from Vegas saying she missed me and that she wished i would have gone too. We had dinner she slept over everything was fine then two days later says she can't be with me anymore? Makes no sense to me. I even told her that if she did something in Vegas to tell me and that maybe just maybe I could forgive her since I know we all make mistakes. But she swore to me that she didn't do anything that it's not another person to her... That she needs to find herself and see who she is... I do admit tho we spent too much time together basically everyday for the last years

 

 

 

Dude, this is a case of what happens in Vegas DIDN'T stay in Vegas. She was out there with her single friends and decided she wanted to be single too. And probably acted on that desire. She was probably goated by her friends as well. If you REALLY think about it, the changes in her when she came back were probably pretty obvious. She with you and zoning out, spaced out. Like she was a thousand miles away.

 

 

And I HATE that break up excuse "She needs to find herself" REALLY?!?! Do me a favor, stand in front of a mirror, HOLY SH*T!!! There you are!!! Frickin stupid.....

[Ifeelok]

I want to give you guys an update on this and hope i can get some feedback again. So it has almost been two months since we broke up and last made contact, she hasnt tried calling me or anything only thing was i found out she unblocked me on social media and asked one of our mutual friends if she and I speak. (this is weird since this mutual friend lives in NY and we live in CA and we only met once, but kept super cool.) Also i saw a picture online of my ex in Vegas for her birthday and next to her is a guy whos grabbing her by the waist and they are smiling, i wont like it hurt me a lot to see that. The worst part is this guy is her coworker, i know it just a picture and it can mean anything but they are in Vegas they are super close to each other in that picture so i think the worst of course.

 

She wasnt one to go out and start dating guys like crazy or even have sex immediately, I mean she lost her virginity to me and it took months for her top even feel somewhat comfortable around me. Shes very insicure about herself and body, and i feel like with this guy didnt even take long. I ask myself could this guy be a rebound? Using him as a way to try and forget about me and get over me? I do think her friends had somewhat of an influence on her tho, she wasnt the partying type or even one to drink very often. She was more into staying in at home watching a movie and relaxing. I find it funny how quick she changed, now i havent said anything bad about them nor will i ever. But to be honest i kind of chuckled seeing him, the guy probably weights about 155 where im 223lbs.Dont think this matters very much, but i just laugh looking at him and seeing how pony he is compared to me.

 

 

Another thing is that im really trying to stay positive about everything, she used to tell me she never was into Asians (Shes Vietnamese) only hispanics and white guys. But this guy is asian and kind of completely different than me. Style, music taste, looks everything pretty much.

 

I know it sounds dumb but i still love her and would like to give it another shot if possible, at the moment im really just focusing on myself trying to be come the best person i can be. She used to love Hiking, and now i really doubt she has gone at all since she left me. As where im going every weekend now and taking two camping/hiking trips these upcoming weeks.

[Diezel]

Why would you want to give someone a second chance when they didn't want to work on it the first time around?

 

Forget that and go find someone who'll appreciate you right off the bat.

[Chi townD]

If she unblocked you on social media and you saw that pic. Dude, like I said, Vegas didn't stay in Vegas. Maybe it was her way of telling you that something happened without actually telling you. That she WANTED you to see that pic.

 

 

So, if she unblocked you on social media, then you turn around and block her. Do it today. You don't need to see that crap. My thoughts on it, when she went to Vegas, she already knew she was going to break up with you. And since she was in Vegas and her girlfriends already knew her plan, they probably encouraged her to have a good time, to live it up as if she was single. So, in her head, she convinced herself she was already single and got with this guy. When she went to Vegas, she already broke up with you, you just didn't know it.

 

 

Here's the rub, if she wants to talk, she doesn't need to go through a mutual friend that lives on the other side of the country. She's a big frickin girl. She's the one that broke up with you, she's the one that probably cheated on you, she's the one that broke your heart. Therefore, she's the one that has to put forth the effort. And I have a feeling that if you block her on social media, she'll notice. And chances are you won't hear from her. And in my opinion, that's for the best. You don't deserve to be treated that way. You deserve BETTER! You just got to believe that you do.

 

 

So, promise me you'll block her?

[Ifeelok]

youre absolutely right i am going to block her and i do deserve better, i treated her well and always respected her and always told her to be herself around me to never change. the picture in vegas i saw it through a mutual friends profile, this was after we had broken up tho. however you are right if she really did want to contact me she would, she knows my number and where i live.

 

i deserve better, eventually shell realized she messed up and shell come back begging me by then i hope to find someone that appreciates all my love.

[Chi townD]

youre absolutely right i am going to block her and i do deserve better, i treated her well and always respected her and always told her to be herself around me to never change. the picture in vegas i saw it through a mutual friends profile, this was after we had broken up tho. however you are right if she really did want to contact me she would, she knows my number and where i live.

 

i deserve better, eventually shell realized she messed up and shell come back begging me by then i hope to find someone that appreciates all my love.

 

Don't even hope for that. Right now, block her and do a strict NC. Then, focus on YOU. Start making positive changes in YOUR life. Find fun things to do! Things you enjoy! Travel! Go see what's out there! Have a blast! And then, if she comes sniffing around, you might discover that you're enjoying your new single life that you've created for yourself more than when you were in a relationship with her.