confusedgirl91 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Hey! so ive been seeing this guy for 6 months, we arent serious as he wants to go so slow because of his past. He has been gone for a couple of months on a training course. hes due back next week and ive been so excited! but he went out with his friends last night, and he told me he got chatting away to this girl, just having a laugh, and he dared her to give him a lapdance..and she did. Not only this, but he told me he was "impressed" and lost £20 to her after betting the girl she couldnt impress him with her moves. He says he then walked her home, nothing else happened. Do I have a right to be mad? Should I cut my losses and run? And now im pretty sure hes got this girl's number, but because we arent official i dont feel i can say anything If it was an actual professional id maybe understand but a random girl in a club..? somebody help me im lost
RoseVille Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Nope, no right to be mad. He's telling you something, if you're willing to listen. He's not interested in a relationship with you. But you already know that. 1
TunaCat Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 If you guys aren't official, then no you have no right to be mad. Just because he got her number doesn't mean he's going to do anything about it. Even if he did do something about it, you couldn't complain because you aren't official. And actually him walking her home is a point in his favor. That's a nice gentlemanly thing to do. Especially considering that it was dark and she was alone.
newmoon Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 he was gone for a few months and you've been seeing him 6 months? so, the math would equal probably 3 or 4 months you've known him? he's actually telling you where you stand. listen.
xcupid Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 You hardly know him. And he's a free agent since you and he aren't official. I'd say there's a caution flag waving right now. At least he told you what happened.
autumnnight Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 First, free agent blah blah or not, I completely understand why it hurt, and I empathize. That said, yeah, if you weren't the first person he wanted to see AND he got "impressed" with another girl to boot, then he probably isn't thinking relationship. I'd cut your losses. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Instead of believe anything is a forgone conclusion, why not just ask him why he felt like he should tell you that story about the girl? Pause, and wait for his answer. I'm not always interested in giving crystal ball advice (this will happen, this won't happen). Why not at least, no matter what happens, get your dignity back. Show him you matter and he stepped out of line by asking him the question. Right now he's treating you like a buddy or FWB or doormat by telling you this story. It's disrespectful. Sure, you guys are not official so technically he can do what he wants---but does he have to stomp on your heart and act like an ass in the process? Not, with your permission. That is the most offensive thing is that he thought he had the leeway to tell you that. Turn the ship around by asking him why did he do that. Try to say it neutral so you can have a normal talk. Perhaps he's just clueless (doubtful) and needs a lesson. Maybe he is looking for you to show him some backbone. Even good things (as in a greater understanding of one another or let him get to know you in ways he doesn't already) will come out of this seemingly bad event. I know plenty of stories, where actually a disagreement or calling someone out on their bad behavior, actually turned them into a good couple. Good luck. Anyway, if you are going to lose him or dump him or be dumped, I would rather go out strong in this case rather than say nothing.
Dork Vader Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I'll never understand this nonsense of labels. Are you two sleeping together? Then it's not, not serious.. This idea that intercourse is not serious is non-sense. You're sharing bodily fluids with a person that can give you serious disease that will last a life time. You can also potentially end up with a kid. I'd say that's fairly serious stuff. If you're cool with him fooling around with other women then no you have no right to be mad. But I for one expect a degree of exclusivity even when it's just a FWB thing. IMO you should just move on. The guy is an a-hole. If he wants to have fun flirting with other women he can, he's "single" but he shouldn't be throwing it in your face. I'm sure he would not exactly be thrilled if you got a lap dance from another man. Find a guy that will at least show you a degree of respect. This man has none for you. All you are too him is a piece of meat that he can fun with when he wants. He might show you a tad bit more just to keep you happy and around but beyond that he has absolutely no regard for you or your feelings 1
yxalitis Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I'll never understand this nonsense of labels. Are you two sleeping together? Then it's not, not serious.. This idea that intercourse is not serious is non-sense. You're sharing bodily fluids with a person that can give you serious disease that will last a life time. You can also potentially end up with a kid. I'd say that's fairly serious stuff. If you're cool with him fooling around with other women then no you have no right to be mad. But I for one expect a degree of exclusivity even when it's just a FWB thing. IMO you should just move on. The guy is an a-hole. If he wants to have fun flirting with other women he can, he's "single" but he shouldn't be throwing it in your face. I'm sure he would not exactly be thrilled if you got a lap dance from another man. Find a guy that will at least show you a degree of respect. This man has none for you. All you are too him is a piece of meat that he can fun with when he wants. He might show you a tad bit more just to keep you happy and around but beyond that he has absolutely no regard for you or your feelings Totally agree. I have been there, done that, and in my experience, this FWB things is almost always because one person wants a relationship with another person, who only wants sex. The hope is that over time the other party will develop feelings. Unfortunately, it often doesn't work this way. The only "successful" FWB ro FB relationships are where othe factos intervene. They both have partners who don't satisfy them sexaully, and get together on a semi regular basis. They live far apart, and can only meet up on occasion, one is about to move away permaenetly...eetc But for two people who know and like each other enough to be friends, who live within distance of each other, who enjoy sex together, but to not consider this relationship to be serious..are fooling themselves. I've been on this forum a while now, this post is like so many others before it... You are into him, he isn't into you, leave him, find someone who worships you.
Poppyolive Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 First, free agent blah blah or not, I completely understand why it hurt, and I empathize. That said, yeah, if you weren't the first person he wanted to see AND he got "impressed" with another girl to boot, then he probably isn't thinking relationship. I'd cut your losses. These are wise words. Not official, You're Not the first person he sees after his time away He calls and tells you about another girl. Hes impressed & got her number. Why waste your bloody time feeling mad, sad, angry...these are not actions of someone into you. Find someone that is in to you. You will destroy your Lil head and heart being with him Let him go.
joseb Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 These are wise words. You're Not the first person he sees after his time away . From my reading of it he is still away. Regardless, i would end this unless you are happy with a casual thing where you see other people.
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