Letter to my ex.....send if i eventaully want to reconcile?

[aloneinaz]

I had an old boss who use to say to people "Son, you need to weld a D-ring on your head, then grab the d-ring and pull your head out of your AZZ!"

 

 

I think the OP needs to do the same thing as EVERYONE is saying the same thing to him yet it's clearly not sinking in..

 

 

I'll try one last time.. OP- you blocking her and her reaction to it demonstrates that you're WAY to concerned about what someone who doesn't want you in her life. At what point should you grab your pride and self respect and move on?

[Waynester]

Agree with everything said by others.. It's done, over, finished. You need to maintain your own self respect, you know deep down the reason for sending the letter is to try and get her back. It's like reverse psychology, if she sees I'm happy, things are going well...she might think 'hmm, maybe I was hasty in letting him go'

 

Unfortunately it's a fantasy....she left, let her go. No contact is the way to go, your lives have deviated, gone their separate ways so block her on social media. You certainly don't need to see or hear how things are going for her, it will just be a form of emotional torture for you.

 

I did something very similar a few months ago, poured my heart out, thanked her for being so wonderful, apologising for things I perceived were wrong and my fault. Basically I did it in the vain hope that it would get her back. All it did though was erode my self esteem and made me regret sending it. Thinking about it now, I feel foolish for doing it.

 

Move on my friend. Walk towards the sunlight, and let the shadows fall behind.

[HowMightI-live]

So, ive sent my ex THE LETTER after she broke up with me and i honestly cant say i regret it. I wasnt exactly in the same situation as you, as their were no other party involved nor was the break up suprising or ambigious. We had been having problems for some time and she chose to finally leave. At the time, i blamed myself for the breakup and felt as if it was entirely my fault. There were issues that i chose to ignore and neglect but so had she. I think all and all she was just tired of pretending that either of us were really making an effort. We were both tired of trying, she had just worked up the courage to leave first. For that reason i was tormented because i felt like, had i done more we would still be together. THe regret was killing me so i wrote the letter, told her how i felt it was MY fault and how differently i would do things if i was given the chance. That letter changed everything and yet nothing at all for me. It changed nothing because it didnt make a difference to her, sure she appreciated what i said but she wasnt coming back. It changed everything because it was at that moment that i truly let go. I let go because i had given my all to get her back and she said no. And it was that 'NO' that started me on my healing process. Today, i no longer feel like the break up was entirely my fault. SUre i did in that moment but with distance comes clarity. I think it was just one of those things that sometimes just doesnt work out and im not sure i would be where i am today had i never sent the letter. i probably would still be sitting around wondering what if.. That being said, im not sure what im advising you to do. Im a firm believer in NC all the way but sometimes there are exceptions. If its honestly weighing heavy on your heart and you feel like it'll brng you closure by sending it then i say send it. But that also means you need to be willing to accept whatever consequence comes with it. You need to be willing to accept that you might not get the respond you were hoping for and you need to be willing to move forward and close the book when you dont.

[Gus Grimly]

It changed nothing because it didnt make a difference to her, sure she appreciated what i said but she wasnt coming back. It changed everything because it was at that moment that i truly let go. I let go because i had given my all to get her back and she said no. And it was that 'NO' that started me on my healing process.

I had this exact same experience. Well, it was also combined with a phone call to my Ex. She had to tell me directly because I just wouldn't take 'no' for an answer; "You've said everything you can say and I've listened. There's nothing more you can say or do that will change my mind." Why was it so easy for her to throw me away like that? Because she found someone else. Just as your Ex has. They don't require our services any longer, you've been replaced.

 

Do what you have to do and then move on. If you need to send a letter, fine, but realize it's not gonna do anything. You can say you're sorry till the cows come home and she will still not care. Letting go is the hardest part. But once you start to release your grasp, you will begin to slowly heal.

[Satu]

"Have object B."

 

"No thanks, I don't want object B."

 

"But it's a really nice one."

 

"I've thought about it, and I just don't want it.

 

"Just try it, you'll love it."

 

"No. I don't want it. Why can't you accept that?"

 

"I'll keep it for you, so you can have it later, when you change your mind."

 

"I won't change my mind. I don't want it."

 

"Just remember that I've got it, and you can have it any time you want."

 

"I just don't want it."

 

"But..."

Edited August 9, 2015 by Satu

[soulsurfer611]

thanks for the advice guys....i guess the pill is just a little hard to swallow still=/ i do appreciate the advice