Letter to my ex.....send if i eventaully want to reconcile?

August 8, 2015

Dear Emma,

Now that some time has passed, I just thought I’d say some last words. I won’t lie, after hearing about some of the things that happened behind my back while we were still together—I was pretty hurt. But, now that everything is said and done and I’ve come to accept everything and move on, I’ve let go of any negative feelings. I know I hurt you too, but now more than anything, I’m just thankful. I just wanted to thank you for a great 3 years. We had our highs and lows, but we really had something special, didn’t we? Bonds that great seldom happen in life. I don’t know about you, but I’ll always remember all the beautiful memories we created together, from the moment we met in art class, with a smile on my face. I hope you can too. Those 3 years were some of the best of my life and I’m glad I got to spend them with you.

I also wanted to apologize for some of my shortcomings. After some reflection, I realize I really didn’t place myself in your shoes well enough when it came to the whole Alandra situation—and for that I’m truly sorry. It was a new situation for me that I didn’t know how to handle the right way. Ironically, we aren’t even friends anymore. ****ty timing huh? We were never more than friends, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t my #1 priority. You were, I was just fighting for what I thought was a real friendship. I see now how that situation must’ve made you feel. But we can’t change the past. We both made our own mistakes in the relationship; I wanted to apologize for mine. At the end of the day we will have both grown and become better people because of them.

I learned a lot from our relationship and will be able to be an even better partner someday because of it. I hope all is going well for you in LA. It’s weird having not talked to you for so long. But now that we have gone our separate ways in life, whether we ever talk again or not, I genuinely just wanted to wish you nothing but the best in your future and I hope you find all the happiness and fulfillment you deserve.

-Andrew

August 8, 2015

Okay, so you wrote the letter. It was very nice. Now rip it up.

It's just my opinion, I think no matter what you say, nothing is going to change her mind. If you need to send it so you can move on, then go for it. But really, it's just going to give her power over you. I've been there. I've sent the letter. It wasn't the magical aphrodisiac I thought it would be. It actually made me look more pathetic and added more fuel to her fire.

August 8, 2015

I'd be tempted to wait for more input from others, this is just my opinion.

Don't send it or anything else like it I implore you, if you're the one who got dumped - leave the girl alone. Never apologise for your shortcomings, you're human, we all have them, so does she - just work on them.

It seems like such a sweet gesture, she will see it as a way to contact her again - this could be bad or worse and it's highly likely it won't have the result you maybe seeking.

Whether you reconcile in the future is all down to the work you do on yourself, become a better of you, not what you say in a letter.

If she ever gets in touch, invite her out on a date, no faffing around.

If you dumped her, yeah send away

Edit Gus beat me to it

Edited August 8, 2015 by theredpill

August 8, 2015

As I said on your other thread, DON'T send it.. EVER! She's dumped you and kicked you to the curb. She's now sharing a bed w/her new BF. You want to send that to her to further blow her ego into the stratosphere? OMG.. she's so print that letter out and have great laughs at your expense after her new BF and friends read it..

Seriously, you wrote that letter with your heart but your brain needs to be the one to tell you to rip it to shreds. Don't send that letter. You will really feel rotten and stupid for day/weeks and months afterward. It won't bring her back nor tug at her heart strings and make her run back to you. It will only do the opposite.

Your only chance at getting back w/her is to vanish. Out of sight, out of mind. She'll be curious as to why you're not calling and texting, begging for another chance cause "she's all that and a bag of chips". If you really want to look attractive to her, vanish.. Even better, start dating again so she can go through what your doing. She'll think "OMG, I must not of meant anything to him if he's dating all ready" and maybe even panic a bit thinking you're over her and she'll never date you again.

Either way, don't send the letter! Stay vanished from her life. Heal and then get out and tear it up some while you're still young.

August 8, 2015

thanks guys. Yea as much as I want to I will fight the urge to send anything .. I have deleted her off all social media but she can still see my posts on facebook if she wanted to...should I block her so she cant see what I'm up to or let her see me out doing stuff and being happy?

August 8, 2015

Don't send it.

As wonderful as you believe the relationship to have been, it wasn't wonderful enough to make her stay.

She's gone from your life.

August 8, 2015

.should I block her so she cant see what I'm up to or let her see me out doing stuff and being happy?

I blocked my Ex, her entire family and all her close friends. I'll take the block off in 30 years or when I need more room if there's another 'Ex' in my future.

Do it, it's the only way. Not knowing is even worse than knowing. But you don't need to be reminded how happy she is while you are suffering.

August 8, 2015

I blocked my Ex, her entire family and all her close friends. I'll take the block off in 30 years or when I need more room if there's another 'Ex' in my future.

Do it, it's the only way. Not knowing is even worse than knowing. But you don't need to be reminded how happy she is while you are suffering.

I have the self control to not look at hers, but I know she doesnt have the self control to not look at mine...thats why I was asking

August 8, 2015

thanks guys. Yea as much as I want to I will fight the urge to send anything .. I have deleted her off all social media but she can still see my posts on facebook if she wanted to...should I block her so she cant see what I'm up to or let her see me out doing stuff and being happy?

YES! BLOCK her, all her friends and family so she has no access to "spy" on you. What you are doing now is NONE of her business! Also, by blocking her and everyone she knows, you can't see what she's up to, which is important.

Again, you want to disappear from her life. Out of sight, out of mind so you can heal from it quicker.

August 8, 2015

thanks guys. Yea as much as I want to I will fight the urge to send anything .. I have deleted her off all social media but she can still see my posts on Facebook if she wanted to...*should I block her so she cant see what I'm up to or let her see me out doing stuff and being happy?

*It doesn't matter what she thinks about you. It matters what you think about you.

*No direct contact in either direction.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend, block or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

Take care.

August 8, 2015

I blocked my Ex, her entire family and all her close friends. I'll take the block off in 30 years or when I need more room if there's another 'Ex' in my future.

Do it, it's the only way. Not knowing is even worse than knowing. But you don't need to be reminded how happy she is while you are suffering.

YES! BLOCK her, all her friends and family so she has no access to "spy" on you. What you are doing now is NONE of her business! Also, by blocking her and everyone she knows, you can't see what she's up to, which is important.

Again, you want to disappear from her life. Out of sight, out of mind so you can heal from it quicker.

Is it kinda sick that I want her to have a harder time with all this by being able to see me "not being affected" and being happy on social media? I have done a good job of not keeping tabs on her because I know it will only bring me pain. I just kinda wanted her to have a harder time with it by seeing that Im doing great. Sorry if this sounds repetitive. Im in a wierd place right now

August 8, 2015

Is it kinda sick that I want her to have a harder time with all this by being able to see me "not being affected" and being happy on social media? I have done a good job of not keeping tabs on her because I know it will only bring me pain. I just kinda wanted her to have a harder time with it by seeing that Im doing great. Sorry if this sounds repetitive. Im in a wierd place right now

By desiring to have an effect on her, and wanting to 'tweak her thinking,' you are allowing her to have an effect on you, and allowing her to 'tweak your thinking.'

You're playing mind games with yourself.

August 8, 2015

By desiring to have an effect on her, and wanting to 'tweak her thinking,' you are allowing her to have an effect on you, and allowing her to 'tweak your thinking.'

You're playing mind games with yourself.

You're right... I also just didnt wanna make it look like i was letting this all get to me by blacking her a month after the break up. i felt like that woul in essence be telling her im still emotional and am still getting over her

August 8, 2015

You're right... I also just didnt wanna make it look like i was letting this all get to me by blacking her a month after the break up. i felt like that woul in essence be telling her im still emotional and am still getting over her

Once again, for emphasis:

It doesn't matter what she thinks about you.

It matters what you think about you.

She's gone, but you're still here.

August 9, 2015

Is it kinda sick that I want her to have a harder time with all this by being able to see me "not being affected" and being happy on social media? I have done a good job of not keeping tabs on her because I know it will only bring me pain. I just kinda wanted her to have a harder time with it by seeing that Im doing great. Sorry if this sounds repetitive. Im in a wierd place right now

I've been there. For a year straight, I kept my twitter public in hopes something would get my ex mad bc I knew he stalked me...

But you know what? The truth of the matter is... he never really cared.

After 5 months of not talking, he then messaged me something very rude and hurtful to crush my feelings, then I finally decided to block him and me and him both have had eachother blocked ever since, I think I would say it's been 2 months, and it's not going to change.

Yeah, we want them to see us happy. But trust me, they'll go out of their way if they wanted to to see us happy anyway... they can go on a fam members page, a friends page, etc.

If they really want something, they'll find a way to do it.

I suggest you just block her and move on. Because when theyre not blocked, you always have something in the back of your mind saying to yourself, "maybe this could work...maybe they will come back..let me give it time..."

Unforunately, it's over. and we just have to deal with it and love ourselves and refind our own worth that has been there all along.

Its all about self empowerment.

She doesn't matter. YOU matter.

xoxo:love:

August 9, 2015

I've been there. For a year straight, I kept my twitter public in hopes something would get my ex mad bc I knew he stalked me...

But you know what? The truth of the matter is... he never really cared.

After 5 months of not talking, he then messaged me something very rude and hurtful to crush my feelings, then I finally decided to block him and me and him both have had eachother blocked ever since, I think I would say it's been 2 months, and it's not going to change.

Yeah, we want them to see us happy. But trust me, they'll go out of their way if they wanted to to see us happy anyway... they can go on a fam members page, a friends page, etc.

If they really want something, they'll find a way to do it.

I suggest you just block her and move on. Because when theyre not blocked, you always have something in the back of your mind saying to yourself, "maybe this could work...maybe they will come back..let me give it time..."

Unforunately, it's over. and we just have to deal with it and love ourselves and refind our own worth that has been there all along.

Its all about self empowerment.

She doesn't matter. YOU matter.

xoxo:love:

I know you're right. I guess theres just still this part of me that feels wierd about blocking her like a month later into the breakup...like it would let her know im still being affected or something like that? Ugh its all so confusing. I feel stupid for even asking questions like this. I've done tons of reading on the internet about like subtle tactics to make your ex miss you/regret leaving and stuff like that. And if Im being completely honest with myself, im still in a place where I want to be able to talk to her down the line after everything has settled. I still feel like there is a lot of "unfinished businesss." I made my instagram profile private a few weeks after we broke up and she accidentally followed me and then unfollowed me real quick...I know she is the type to check on my profile and see what im doing. she has posted quotes about our relationship as recent as a week ago. things like " we had the right love at the wrong time" and other emotional quotes. some about moving on and some sad etc. I do not want to give her the satisfaction of knowing im still affected by it, yet i still want her to have those feelings of regret when she sees how im not affected and am happpy and making improvements in my life. does any of that make sense? fml.

August 9, 2015

I know you're right. I guess theres just still this part of me that feels wierd about blocking her like a month later into the breakup...like it would let her know im still being affected or something like that? Ugh its all so confusing. I feel stupid for even asking questions like this. I've done tons of reading on the internet about like subtle tactics to make your ex miss you/regret leaving and stuff like that. And if Im being completely honest with myself, im still in a place where I want to be able to talk to her down the line after everything has settled. I still feel like there is a lot of "unfinished businesss." I made my instagram profile private a few weeks after we broke up and she accidentally followed me and then unfollowed me real quick...I know she is the type to check on my profile and see what im doing. she has posted quotes about our relationship as recent as a week ago. things like " we had the right love at the wrong time" and other emotional quotes. some about moving on and some sad etc. I do not want to give her the satisfaction of knowing im still affected by it, yet i still want her to have those feelings of regret when she sees how im not affected and am happpy and making improvements in my life. does any of that make sense? fml.

You make TOTAL sense. but trust me when I say that those ex relationships that seem to have "unfinished business" are that way for a reason.

I felt that way with my ex for over a yr...waiting for his call/text... wishing he would beg for me back... after breaking up and not even having a true reason as to why...

But the thing is...****ty people don't change. ****ty people don't care about your feelings. ****ty people care about themselves.

I don't know this girl but she seems a lot a bit self involved and does not care much about anything other than herself.

I guarantee you will find someone more beautiful and better all around once you finally just let go and go back to your old shining, self.

Don't let her take your shine away.

It'll be okay...it just takes time...

Try not to analyze the situation or Ask too many questions bc none of us will ever have the answers. I never had the answers in my last relationship and still dont. But atleast I'm in a place where those answers don't mean anything to me anymore.

Ii'm happier without those answers and happier without him in my life.

You will get to that point.

You just need to learn to let go and think positive.

It's not the end of the world.

There is so much more out there for you to see.

Focus on you and the rest will come.

Baby yourself and do things that make you happy in the meantime.

xox

August 9, 2015

You make TOTAL sense. but trust me when I say that those ex relationships that seem to have "unfinished business" are that way for a reason.

I felt that way with my ex for over a yr...waiting for his call/text... wishing he would beg for me back... after breaking up and not even having a true reason as to why...

But the thing is...****ty people don't change. ****ty people don't care about your feelings. ****ty people care about themselves.

I don't know this girl but she seems a lot a bit self involved and does not care much about anything other than herself.

I guarantee you will find someone more beautiful and better all around once you finally just let go and go back to your old shining, self.

Don't let her take your shine away.

It'll be okay...it just takes time...

Try not to analyze the situation or Ask too many questions bc none of us will ever have the answers. I never had the answers in my last relationship and still dont. But atleast I'm in a place where those answers don't mean anything to me anymore.

Ii'm happier without those answers and happier without him in my life.

You will get to that point.

You just need to learn to let go and think positive.

It's not the end of the world.

There is so much more out there for you to see.

Focus on you and the rest will come.

Baby yourself and do things that make you happy in the meantime.

xox

so do you think it would do much harm either way? I unfriended her already i was just thinking blocking her would let her know she was affecting me. sorry if this sounds repettive-__-

August 9, 2015

You will begin to feel at peace with all this when you accept the fact that you have no way of making her feel what you want her to feel.

Once you really get that, things get easier.

August 9, 2015

so do you think it would do much harm either way? I unfriended her already i was just thinking blocking her would let her know she was affecting me. sorry if this sounds repettive-__-

I dont think blocking her is a way of being mean. I think blocking her is your way of saying "I'm done with this crap and I'm moving on with my life"and she will get the hint, whether it hurts her or not.

To be honest, it hurt worse when one of my ex blocked me than when he just didn't do anything at all. I'm being 100% real.

When you block someone, it says a million unsaid words.

Make a statement and show her you are stronger and are moving on.

Most of all, show yourself you are all these things and show yourself you are worthy of way more.

August 9, 2015

Listen my friend, I'm in my 40's. When my last ex and I broke up (she dumped me) and I was DONE! I blocked her a couple of days later. I could CARE LESS what she thought as I KNEW I'd never date her again.

It's about what's best for you and doing this is the first step.

August 9, 2015

I know everyone will advise otherwise, but we had a real strong connection and a good relationship that Id be open to revisiting in the future. I intend on moving on and by no means am going to be keeping tabs on her as i will be working on improving myself and living my own life. I do however want to somewhat leave the door open for any future reconciliation...that is why im a little heisitant to BLOCK her. I figured unfriending was sufficient and will stay strong in not checking her profile. It could only help a possible reconcilation if shes able to see my stuff but Im not seeeing hers right??

August 9, 2015

I know everyone will advise otherwise, but we had a real strong connection and a good relationship that Id be open to revisiting in the future. I intend on moving on and by no means am going to be keeping tabs on her as i will be working on improving myself and living my own life. I do however want to somewhat leave the door open for any future reconciliation...that is why im a little heisitant to BLOCK her. I figured unfriending was sufficient and will stay strong in not checking her profile. It could only help a possible reconcilation if shes able to see my stuff but Im not seeeing hers right??

If she really wants to get back together with you, you blocking her wouldn't stop her from doing so. If anything, you blocking her might make her eventually wonder what you're up to. So yeah, what you are saying is absolutely wrong. It doesn't matter whether you block her or don't block her as far as her changing her mind, so basically, all not blocking her is doing is keeping you stuck. You're leaving that door open and sitting there wasting your time looking back to check if she's going to pop in. If anything, you giving her a window in your life allows her to wean off of you. If you are depressed, then she's glad she broke up with you because no one wants to be with a sad bastard. If you are trying too hard to look cool and unaffected, she'll think you're a douchebag for either a) trying to rub it in her face or b) trying so hard to deceive her. If you are just living your life, she'll feel fine knowing that there's nothing for her to feel guilty about. So yeah, your logic isn't correct.

Close the f--king door. Lock it. Make her have to knock on the door if she chooses. All you are doing with your current non-blocking mindset is screwing yourself from healing and moving forward because you are more concerned about not looking affected than you are about actually evolving and improving. Guess what -- you are affected! You trying to pretend like you aren't affected is making yourself look weaker than someone who admits that they are hurt and need some time to get things together.

Stop trying to manipulate the situation. Block her and decompress.

Edited August 9, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

August 9, 2015

If you're not looking at her social media, how do you know she has been posting sappy breakup quotes?

August 9, 2015

I know everyone will advise otherwise, but we had a real strong connection and a good relationship that Id be open to revisiting in the future. I intend on moving on and by no means am going to be keeping tabs on her as i will be working on improving myself and living my own life. I do however want to somewhat leave the door open for any future reconciliation...that is why im a little heisitant to BLOCK her. I figured unfriending was sufficient and will stay strong in not checking her profile. It could only help a possible reconcilation if shes able to see my stuff but Im not seeeing hers right??

You just don't get it. We all had a real strong connection in our relationships too! Otherwise we wouldn't have been in a relationship with them.

It's not up to you to leave the door open to revisit the relationship. You seem to think you have a say in this matter. You don't.

It does not matter what she thinks! Block her.

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Letter to my ex.....send if i eventaully want to reconcile?

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