soulsurfer611 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 So me and my ex met in Highschool. I was a senior, she a sophmore. Sparks flew immediately. We were together for 3 and a half years, I am now 21 and shes 20. We had plans to move up to LA together because she had to do a year of school up there. We had an intense, passionate relationship. we definately had our highs and lows, mostly due to her jealousy and insecurity issues. But the level of love we had for eachother was indescribable. about 2 months ago, we had been fighting over stupid **** and I had just gotten done with finals, I was stressed and it just got to me more than usual. I broke up with her impulsively that night and took all my things home with me. The next morning I realized what a mistake I had made and immediately called trying to get her back. I convinced her to take me back by the end of the day but needless to say she was still very shaken up over the whole ordeal. 3 weeks go by and in a week and a half she was scheduled to move up to LA for school. I had told her that it was in my best interest to stay down here in San Diego for one more semester just to ensure I got the best possible grades so I could potentially get into Berkeley. I didnt want to ruin my chances by being in a new city without the support system im used to. I had a surgery about a week and a half before she was about to leave and I was sstarting to get comfrotable that our relationship was headed in the right direction again as far as us healing as a couple. I told her it was fine for her to go do things with her friends instead of staying in and watching movies with me ALL DAY because I knew it would be boring for her.. She starts going out with coworkers almost every night and I started to feel insecure about some of the things she was doing...staying out till 2 in the morning, posting suspicious looking pictures with this guy from her work etc. I was in a weakened state mentally and physically from the surgery so i began to act beta and insecure. after 5 days of not seeing me she came to me and said she wanted to break up. She said she couldnt get over the fact that I had ended things with her and that it just wasnt the same anymore. after a few days of not talking I realized i never wanted to be without her so I asked her to marry me impulsively as a way of showing her I dont ever want to be without her Come to find out, I was right in being suspicious. she had been hanging out with this guy from her work and as soon as she broke up with me immediately trasnitioned into dating him. She lined him up and monkey branched. She officially got into a relationship with him within a week of breaking up with me, moved up to LA, and this guy moved up there to be close to her as well. I am devastated. I've gone NC for a little over a month. I keep having this urge to send her an email apologizing for some of my wrongdoings in the relationship. My bestfriend died when I was 15 and I became very close friends with a mutual friend who was a girl. I openly called this girl my sister for years and it created problems in my relationship eventually because I failed to introduce them right away and my girlfriend always saw her as a threat because she just saw her as some girl who I hung out with one on one whenever she came into town. I keep wanting to apologize for how I made her feel with that whole situation. Me and that girl arent even friends anymore which makes me feel stupid for fighting for that friendship. I keep wanting to email my ex and let her know I have realized what I did wrong in hopes that maybe one day she'll see that we still have a lot of potential....after things dont work out with her and this coworker...who knows when that will be. IM NEW TO THIS FORUM BUT HAVE BEEN READING TONS OF STUFF ON HERE. PLEASE GUYS I COULD REALLY USE SOME SOUND ADVICE. I AM DOING MY BEST TO TRY AND MOVE ON BUT IT ALL STLL FEELS LIKE A BAD DREAM. LITERALLY A MONTH AGO ME AND THIS GIRL WERE TALKING ABOUT KIDS, A FAMILY, AND A LIFE TOGETHER.
Gus Grimly Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Welcome to LS. Well, first off I'm really sorry to hear everything you've been through. I'm sure you feel hopeless right now. I know your pain. A similar thing happened to me. I was in a 4 year LTR, engaged, my EX slept with a guy about 3 weeks after she broke it off. I can't even imagine sleeping with another woman right now, even after a month. Some people check out of a relationship before they end it. Some need another in their life because they can't be alone so they'll quickly begin a new relationship immediately. Others just do it for selfish reasons because they lack empathy. One thing you have to understand, the woman that you love don't love you any longer. There's nothing left to hold onto. It's over. The question I had to ask myself was; Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me? Why would I want to be with a woman who treats me like dirt? We need to retain our standards, have self-respect. We must cut these people who treat us poorly out of our lives. Don't apologize or beg for her back. I did exactly what you want to do, call her, send her e-mails letting her know that you've realized the folly of your ways. Trust me, it's not gonna work. In fact, it will only diminish all the progress you've made thus far. You need to stick to NC and try to get better. You never know, there may be a silver lining, but realistically the forecast doesn't look good. You're still young, I recommend you try to move on and find someone new. 3
Author soulsurfer611 Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 Hey Gus, thanks for the advice. I've been doing tons of reading and unfortunately cant help but keep hoping that she'll remember the bond we had and the good times and hopefully will make her want to reconcile one day. I know she still loves me. I have seen her posting all kinds of quotes directly referencing our relationship over the past few weeks so i know im still on her mind even though shes with this new guy...you cant just erase all those memories and they say you never forget true love. I know what we had was the real thing. I am doing my best to move on and try not to cling on to those hopes, but i'll admit they are always in the back of my mind. Hypothetically, If I wanted to be able to reconcile with her one day, would the best course of action be to just completely keep NC going until/ if she reaches out to me? I know thats the wrong question to be asking right now, but I just feel like we both know we had something special that you cant just up and start right away with someone new so easily. 1
Gus Grimly Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I know she still loves me. I have seen her posting all kinds of quotes directly referencing our relationship over the past few weeks so i know im still on her mind even though shes with this new guy...y She's dropping breadcrumbs. You need to BLOCK her from all social media, text, WhatsApp, phone etc. She knows you are probably looking at it. There are good memories in every relationship or you wouldn't be in one. You are reacting normally, we all have that knee jerk reaction. We all panic that we'll lose the "best thing that's ever happened to us". Realistically, we put these women on a pedestal and we idolize them. We give them far more credit than they deserve. They're people just like us. You need to take her off the pedestal and put yourself up there for a while. I wish I could tell you, "Don't worry man, she'll come back.", but I can't. Life sucks sometimes and you have to endure the hurt and pain. I know you love this woman, but she's playing games and messing with you. Stay vigilant and get your power back. 3
aloneinaz Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Gus gave you some good advice. Keep reading threads on this site to include the NC thread. Listen, right now you need to think with your brain and not your heart. THE LAST THING you want to do is break NC and send her an email or text confessing all your sins!! It will only turn her off, make you look un-attractive, needy and clingy. What you need to do is stay vanished from her life. BLOCK her on all social media and DON'T spy on her nor try to keep up with what she's up too. It will only keep you stuck, obsessing over her, etc.. If you vanish from her life, she will not be able to see what you're up to. It will provide her with an opportunity to miss you and you'll become mysterious in a way to her. It doesn't mean she'll come back to you either but.. you won't turn her off by looking like a wuss, confessing your un-dying love, either. As Gus said, you're young. Those young relationships flame out all the time. Why? Because kids your age want other relationship experience too. You guys need to get out there and sow your oats before getting serious and talking marriage at such a young age. 2
Satu Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) *We had an intense, passionate relationship. we definately had our highs and lows, mostly due to her jealousy and insecurity issues. But the level of love we had for eachother was indescribable. IM NEW TO THIS FORUM BUT HAVE BEEN READING TONS OF STUFF ON HERE. PLEASE GUYS I COULD REALLY USE SOME SOUND ADVICE. I AM DOING MY BEST TO TRY AND MOVE ON BUT IT ALL STLL FEELS LIKE A BAD DREAM. *LITERALLY A MONTH AGO ME AND THIS GIRL WERE TALKING ABOUT KIDS, A FAMILY, AND A LIFE TOGETHER. Pretty much all relationships people have at your age are intense and passionate, as a result of inexperience and hormones. It feels as if your whole life depends on this relationship, with that person, but it doesn't. The love was 'indescribable' because you don't know what love is yet. That is something that takes a long long time to learn. When you've experienced it, you'll be able to describe it. Relationships at your age are often full of drama: very high highs, and very low lows, and arguing over things that aren't worth arguing about. Not many last beyond a few years. As regards "*LITERALLY A MONTH AGO ME AND THIS GIRL WERE TALKING ABOUT KIDS, A FAMILY, AND A LIFE TOGETHER." Thats just talk, play, make-believe. There's nothing wrong with it, but there's no real substance to it. It's the talk you have to make yourselves feel good. All young lovers have those talks. None of what I've said is very uplifting, but it's all true. So here's the bottom line: She has a new boyfriend, and there'll probably be others after him. Soon enough, you and another girl will fall 'head over heals in love' with each other, and there'll probably be others after her. Your ex is gone. Let her be gone from you. Nothing you could do or say can make her feel the way you want her to feel about you. Cry your tears, lick your wounds, and know that this pain will pass. Work on acceptance. You'll be ok. Take care. Edited August 8, 2015 by Satu 3
Recommended Posts