Gf dumped me out of the blue, trying to understand why?

[Ifeelok]

Hey Guys,

This is my first post here at love shack and would really like some help and advice. I apologize ahead of time if this is to long. My ex Gf and I dated for almost 5 years (4.5 to be exact). It has been about a month and a couple of days since she left me, so far I have gone NC on her and yes it is hard but I keep telling myself I can overcome this. At first when we dated I left her twice and she took me back both times. The first time was due to me being scared to commit to a relationship and we separated for about 3 weeks. then I came back we worked things out and dated again. The second time I believe I got the GIGS Syndrome if that is even a thing. lol and did not talk to her for about 6 months. I came back again and begged her to take me, while I was gone I didn't meet any other women it just didn't feel the same without her so I decided to go back to her, she took me back and made me promise I would never leave her again, cheat or lie to her. so I kept my promise until this day. Like many relationships we argued and most of the time it was my fault and most arguments were about little things. In May of this year we took a trip to Portland everything seemed good she was happy I was happy we smiled, made love everything was good. came back and a month later she dumped me. Now this is where I am confused about this whole situation and I would like some help. She broke up with me on Wednesday, and the weekend before she was going to Vegas with friends and I said sure no problem go ahead have a good time. on Friday she slept over saying how much she loves me and how lucky she is to have a good guy like me, and that she loved that I took care of her. She went to vegas that weekend and returned Sunday night, she text me to pick her up and grab dinner so we did and everything was going good saying she missed me and that she had a great time. Monday and Tuesday we didn't see each other but kept contact via text, on Wednesday I picked her up grabbed coffee and had a small argument. I asked her if everything was ok and she said yeah, I asked because she seemed quite and very distant. so I asked her what was wrong again and she got upset saying "you always think there is something wrong when I don't talk to you that much". so I said ok, no problem. we drove to my place parked and told her we are growns up lets talk about this and fix the issue we have, she said right now we are having a rough patch every couple has it and I agreed. I asked her what bothers yo about me that you need me to fix, she said you get upset easily and you always push things aside when we argue. So I said ok I will fix my anger issues and change for you. I told her the only thing that bothered me about her is that I wished she showed a bit more affection that was it, she replied with "I do, you just never notice" and I said ok that is my fault. so I asked her do you want to sleep over or take you home and she said whatever you want? it was late so I decided to taker home, on the way to her house everything seemed normal we talked about her day and what not, I arrive to her house and she says park around the corner which was a bit strange to me so I said sure. we parked turned off the car and said whats up, and that is when she began to cry and saying "I cant do this anymore, Ive had it up to here I'm sorry I just thing whats best for both of us right now to be be apart." this came as a shocker to me so I didn't know how to react. she wanted to kiss me and cuddle me and I said no you just broke my heart. She kept crying for a good 30 minutes and trying to cuddle me so I finally said ok sure lets cuddle. the next day I tried to take her to dinner so we can see if we could work it out and basically nothing changed, she said I don't want to argue I have made up my mind, I think right now whats best for both of us is time apart, focus on yourself and I will focus on me, I need to see who I am in this world I need to try and fin myself. I feel like you smother me too much sometimes and I cant breathe, so I said I'm sorry I don't meant to let me change or atleast give me the chance to show you I can change what is it that bothers you so much about me. and she replied with you depend to much on your mother, you get upset easily and you don't talk care of yourself like you used to. I replied with you are right absolutely right and I can change that. I asked her how long have you been feeling like this and she replied with for the last two years, that upset me so much because for two years i felt like i was played.. now I dont know if she said this because of the moment or if she actually meant it, she doesn't seem that cruel of a person to use me like that. then I was confused even more when she followed up with a I'm going to block you from social media and don't take it personal I need to do this for myself, maybe in the future if you are single and I'm single we can work it out. I cant see or talk to you right now, and kept saying I don't want to resent you I just don't want to resent you. idk why she would I didn't do anything to her. but whatever I told her I needed to go home and try and soke all of this in... the next night I called her and asked two simple questions, do you love me and he honest? she replied yes I do I will always love you you are my first love my first everything, I lost my virginity to you how can I not love you. the second questions was do yo want me to wait for you or move on with life and forget about you and she replied with a idk, I don't know what to tell you right now. I asked again and received the same answer. so I hung up and that was that. a couple of weeks ago I received a missed facetime from her around 1 am on Wednesday, now idk if this was an accident or not but I decided not to call back and left it as is. I'm trying to understand why. could it be she doesn't love me anymore? shes moving on from me? or maybe she has the GIGS?lol she erased all of our pictures from social media, but weirdly still follows my family and friends, and they told me that she throws indirect insults towards me for some reason.. I have not said one bad thing about her since the brake up.. I just would love to know the truth and maybe I will never get it. its hard to move on knowing that I still love her and knowing that I have her letter she wrote to me saying how every other relationship she ever had was a disaster and they didn't value her, but when she met me she was happy because I made her happy and I loved her for who she was and not her looks. this is jus super shocking to me, she would always talk about getting married and how happy she was and wanted to have our own place. now I have no idea what shes up to or what. her b day is Monday and she will be turning 24 I will turn 25 in Sept. and as much as I would love to text her I am not, she wanted me to keep away so I am doing as she has asked. I have been hitting the gym and have lost 15lbs. been hanging out with friends and trying to keep busy, but its hard not thinking of her every little thing reminds me of her. I would really love some advice or opinions on this and once again I apologize for the long story.

[theredpill]

Please break up the text by paragraph and you will get more responses - it's very difficult to read at my age