A Stupid Affair

[Horton]

I agree. When an anonymous stranger online makes veiled or direct threats, it is time to stand up and take notice.

 

Especially when the person is a narcissistic body builder with a prison record and a God complex.

 

Heather I know you don't want to be lectured on here, so I'll try to say this as gently as I can. I think this is all the more reason to tell your spouse the whole truth about what you did. If he finds out later on down the road that this guy has a record and has made threatening comments, I believe reconciling is going to be even more of a struggle than it already would be. I know if I was your husband and especially if we had children I would be none to happy about being kept in the dark about something that could potentially lead to a dangerous situation no matter how unlikely it might seem.

[autumnnight]

Especially when the person is a narcissistic body builder with a prison record and a God complex.

 

Heather I know you don't want to be lectured on here, so I'll try to say this as gently as I can. I think this is all the more reason to tell your spouse the whole truth about what you did. If he finds out later on down the road that this guy has a record and has made threatening comments, I believe reconciling is going to be even more of a struggle than it already would be. I know if I was your husband and especially if we had children I would be none to happy about being kept in the dark about something that could potentially lead to a dangerous situation no matter how unlikely it might seem.

 

This is really solid advice. The best way to take at least SOME power away from this narcissist blankety-blank is to give your H all the information. Trust me on this, you give him ALL the info, including the threats and creepiness, and even in his hurt he will likely go "protective bear" because regardless of his hurt, he DOES love YOU, and an interloper making threats and trying to mess with your life in his will NOT be one bit welcome. You probably won't have to Wonder about Mr. Interweb anymore

[Heatherknows]

I don't mean to throw a monkey wrench into the conversation about prince charming and unrealistic expectations, but I just went back and read your posts again and I'm a little concerned that maybe you aren't being as cautious as you should be. I'm not saying you should panic or anything, but the posts I quoted (particularly the ones in bold) are a little bit alarming IMO.

 

I know what you mean but my gut tells me he's too narcissistic to like me anyway. He's traveling across the country to meet lots of his "forum fans" who'll be more than happy to give him all the accolades he desires.

 

I'm positive that he has other women he's chatting with now that are telling him sexual things and making him feel good. He probably doesn't even remember that I've ever existed or barely remembers.

 

He loves attention and admiration; he doesn't care who gives it to him as long as there are lots of people giving it. Plus, his forum friends don't like me and I'm sure if he mentions my name they will make me seem very undesirable therefore making me less of a target. Not good for my ego but great for my safety.

Edited August 11, 2015 by Heatherknows

[Heatherknows]

This is really solid advice. The best way to take at least SOME power away from this narcissist blankety-blank is to give your H all the information. Trust me on this, you give him ALL the info, including the threats and creepiness, and even in his hurt he will likely go "protective bear" because regardless of his hurt, he DOES love YOU, and an interloper making threats and trying to mess with your life in his will NOT be one bit welcome. You probably won't have to Wonder about Mr. Interweb anymore

 

I get what you and Horton are saying but the phone call he stated "If we met I was going to do (insert scary thing.)" But we didn't meet and remember he then decided he never wanted to hear from me again. Then less than 24 hours later he states on the forum that he's going to meet with me. I go on the forum and told him "he's insane." But we sent each other PM's and they were very bland. In my heart I think he is happy I'm out of his life. He believes he still has access to me but he doesn't. He just has an email account that I've locked myself out of. He probably won't send any PM's to that account again. I know for a fact he's telling another woman that "he can sleep with her if he wants" and he is going to be meeting her in person. The reason why I know this is because for some reason he told me that he said this to her during our last phone conversation.

 

Like I said the whole thing is weird and repulsive and my contact with him and those forum weirdos is a major blemish on my soul. I just want to put it behind me and forget that site and the people on it even existed. In a couple of days I'll probably forget more and in two weeks I'll never think about it again. But hugs for caring!!!

[World's.Edge]

A few telephone calls and the last one was highly emotional and he states he cannot flirt with me anymore because I'm on his mind all the time and other stuff along those lines.

This is typical scumbag bull****. It's meant to get in your head and eventually lead to him having sex with you. You should be glad that you didn't fall for this. I've seen and heard this so many times, you won't believe how many intelligent women fall for this s***. It still amazes me.

 

My husband is a good man who loves me. I don't have the passionate marriage I always dreamed of but that's just the way it is. It's a hard pill to swallow for me. Really. It makes me sad and depressed to know that I will never know passion again. I must come to terms with that if I'm going to survive in this world.

Well this completely idiotic. You don't have to come to terms with anything.

 

Heather, you are an adult so behave like one. If there are issues in your marriage then you address those, like an adult.

 

You confront issues and you work through them. It's that simple, do not make excuses. If you feel that there are elements lacking in your marrriage and relationship with your husband then you tackle those. You're a fool if you don't. There are clearly issues in you and your marriage if you spent months flirting with a stranger. Tell your husband, talk to him.

 

Having and feeling desire and passion in a marriage is great but this fantastical idea of a passionate romance is juvenile.

 

This is how utterly bored people generate drama in their own lives...It is not easy but with enough effort, you can generate your own personalized drama..

I agree.

 

I get the sense that maybe you don't have all that much going on in your life that gives you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. This, coupled with poor boundaries and self-esteem issues is what leads to bad choices and behaviour. Your issues are not external, they're internal. You can't expect some outside force to bring meaning and passion into your life or validate you. That has to come from within. If you don't feel good about yourself, then work on that. Hit the gym, eat healthy, invest your time in experiences and activities that give you a sense of purpose, that occupy your time and make you feel good.

 

Also spend time with your husband, stay in, go out, take a dance lesson together, hike, run a marathon, buy a stripper pole, whatever. If you don't change your life then you alone are responsible for whatever measure of suck befalls you.

 

You're not helpess or a victim of your life and circumstances. Do not indulge any drama in your life, you're not in high school. No one is going to change your life and make it want you want for you. You have to do that.

Edited August 14, 2015 by World's.Edge

[Heatherknows]

This is typical scumbag bull****. It's meant to get in your head and eventually lead to him having sex with you. You should be glad that you didn't fall for this. I've seen and heard this so many times, you won't believe how many intelligent women fall for this s***. It still amazes me.

 

 

Well this completely idiotic. You don't have to come to terms with anything.

 

Heather, you are an adult so behave like one. If there are issues in your marriage then you address those, like an adult.

 

You confront issues and you work through them. It's that simple, do not make excuses. If you feel that there are elements lacking in your marrriage and relationship with your husband then you tackle those. You're a fool if you don't. There are clearly issues in you and your marriage if you spent months flirting with a stranger. Tell your husband, talk to him.

 

Having and feeling desire and passion in a marriage is great but this fantastical idea of a passionate romance is juvenile.

 

 

I agree.

 

I get the sense that maybe you don't have all that much going on in your life that gives you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. This, coupled with poor boundaries and self-esteem issues is what leads to bad choices and behaviour. Your issues are not external, they're internal. You can't expect some outside force to bring meaning and passion into your life or validate you. That has to come from within. If you don't feel good about yourself, then work on that. Hit the gym, eat healthy, invest your time in experiences and activities that give you a sense of purpose, that occupy your time and make you feel good.

 

Also spend time with your husband, stay in, go out, take a dance lesson together, hike, run a marathon, buy a stripper pole, whatever. If you don't change your life then you alone are responsible for whatever measure of suck befalls you.

 

You're not helpess or a victim of your life and circumstances. Do not indulge any drama in your life, you're not in high school. No one is going to change your life and make it want you want for you. You have to do that.

 

Thank you for this post. I do need to work on myself and my own issues which I have been doing but apparently there is a lot of work that still needs to be done. I did take out two books on marriage today from the library. One is about marriage as a whole and the other deals with marital sex and the lack thereof. I feel as if I'm always trying to work on becoming happy and fulfilled and it's frustrating. I think I spend too much time alone and that's a problem. I talk to my mom and girlfriends on the phone but it isn't the same as interacting face to face with others.

[World's.Edge]

Thank you for this post. I do need to work on myself and my own issues which I have been doing but apparently there is a lot of work that still needs to be done. I did take out two books on marriage today from the library. One is about marriage as a whole and the other deals with marital sex and the lack thereof. I feel as if I'm always trying to work on becoming happy and fulfilled and it's frustrating. I think I spend too much time alone and that's a problem. I talk to my mom and girlfriends on the phone but it isn't the same as interacting face to face with others.

 

Yeah we all have our issues, no one's perfect. Happiness and fixing your issues shouldn't be your goal or a measure of a successful or satisfactory life.

 

Work on yourself and continue to learn and grow and strive to be the best version of yourself.

 

You know what problems you have, you can address them. You spending too much time alone, easily remedied. Leave the house, it's a huge world. Interact with people, you can start of small. Start jogging with a partner/partners. Socialize with your friends and family, invite them over or visit them. Meet them somewhere you can eat, have drinks or just hang out. Adopt a puppy (I'd recommend a labrador retriever), take him/her for walks. Volunteer, get a part-time job, attend events and concerts, go to a play or movie, take up a martial art, join a gym, whatever. So many options.

 

With your husband, communicate with him, go on dates, engage in fun and intimate activities. Flirt, buy seductive clothing, have sex in public (!), build sexual tension, hold hands, cuddle, take a vacation away or evening walks, whatever. There are so many avenues for you to pursue together. Really dedicate yourself to working on the type of relationship you both want. You shouldn't put in lackluster effort, become frustrated and give up after a short while like many peope do, truly dedicate yourself.

 

Unless you use the internet for business or vital communications I recommend taking time off these forums. These forums can be helpful and a great resource but they can also be indulgent and become a crutch. It's helpful to read and gather information but if you're not implementing what you've learned then there's no point.

 

It's time to be proactive in making the changes in your life that you want. Set goals and stay committed to achieving them and affecting changes in your life. Be patient, real changes take time, however do start... as in NOW!!

Edited August 14, 2015 by World's.Edge

[Heatherknows]

Yeah we all have our issues, no one's perfect. Happiness and fixing your issues shouldn't be your goal or a measure of a successful or satisfactory life.

 

Work on yourself and continue to learn and grow and strive to be the best version of yourself.

 

You know what problems you have, you can address them. You spending too much time alone, easily remedied. Leave the house, it's a huge world. Interact with people, you can start of small. Start jogging with a partner/partners. Socialize with your friends and family, invite them over or visit them. Meet them somewhere you can eat, have drinks or just hang out. Adopt a puppy (I'd recommend a labrador retriever), take him/her for walks. Volunteer, get a part-time job, attend events and concerts, go to a play or movie, take up a martial art, join a gym, whatever. So many options.

 

With your husband, communicate with him, go on dates, engage in fun and intimate activities. Flirt, buy seductive clothing, have sex in public (!), build sexual tension, hold hands, cuddle, take a vacation away or evening walks, whatever. There are so many avenues for you to pursue together. Really dedicate yourself to working on the type of relationship you both want. You shouldn't put in lackluster effort, become frustrated and give up after a short while like many peope do, truly dedicate yourself.

 

Unless you use the internet for business or vital communications I recommend taking time off these forums. These forums can be helpful and a great resource but they can also be indulgent and become a crutch. It's helpful to read and gather information but if you're not implementing what you've learned then there's no point.

 

It's time to be proactive in making the changes in your life that you want. Set goals and stay committed to achieving them and affecting changes in your life. Be patient, real changes take time, however do start... as in NOW!!

 

Amazing post. And I do need to limit my internet usage it's a bit too much. I need to work myself back into the real world and seek out more activities. I'm too much of a hermit at this point.

[Hope Shimmers]

I know what you mean but my gut tells me he's too narcissistic to like me anyway. He's traveling across the country to meet lots of his "forum fans" who'll be more than happy to give him all the accolades he desires.

 

Wow, this guy sounds like a real piece of work.

 

Were you the only one he had an A with, do you know?

[Heatherknows]

Wow, this guy sounds like a real piece of work.

 

Were you the only one he had an A with, do you know?

 

Nope. Several months ago he traveled to Cali to meet with another woman and he has told me so much stuff about her and what she did for him it's crazy. He made unflattering comments about her when he had hopes of getting into my pants. I can't reveal details because if someone from that site reads this they will know who I'm talking about and it could get ugly.

 

I came on that forum and I'll admit I acted sexually provocative. This angered everyone because I stole the attention their "God" was giving them. This forum consists of mostly homosexual (closeted) males and a few not so pretty females. They loathed me. But I'm out of the picture. They got their "God" back and I will hopefully learn from this miserable experience. Sexual attention from males other than my husband is crap.

Edited August 15, 2015 by Heatherknows

[singer23]

So, you are not being honest. You are angry at someone and you are lashing out. Once the anger stops, you will stop posting here, will probably create another account on that site and get in contact back with him..

 

And you are still idealizing the OM in your posts. Your posts are that of a scorned lover..

 

Why don't you create a second account and make a public post about the guy to everyone in the community ?

 

he has revealed so much stuff to you and you know there will be future victims on the site.. So why not go nuclear on him in the site ??

 

Make a detailed post offsite- pastebin or something, compile the document about him and send the link to all the major posters on that forum detailing what kind of guy he is, including the wife. Once you are done PMing everyone, make a thread about it and post the text. if the moderators of the forum delete it and ban your account, you will still have sent the message to the most of the forum members, who will be wary and will atleast stop worshipping him.

Edited August 16, 2015 by singer23

[Heatherknows]

So, you are not being honest. You are angry at someone and you are lashing out. Once the anger stops, you will stop posting here, will probably create another account on that site and get in contact back with him..

 

And you are still idealizing the OM in your posts. Your posts are that of a scorned lover..

 

Why don't you create a second account and make a public post about the guy to everyone in the community ?

 

he has revealed so much stuff to you and you know there will be future victims on the site.. So why not go nuclear on him in the site ??

 

Make a detailed post offsite- pastebin or something, compile the document about him and send the link to all the major posters on that forum detailing what kind of guy he is, including the wife. Once you are done PMing everyone, make a thread about it and post the text. if the moderators of the forum delete it and ban your account, you will still have sent the message to the most of the forum members, who will be wary and will atleast stop worshipping him.

 

If I did do something like that he will find me and kill me. Your advice is horrible.

 

Also, it would accomplish NOTHING. The people on the forum will say "Oh that girl asked for it. She came here flaunting herself and acting crazy with all her ridiculous posts and accounts. We forgive our savior he didn't know what he was doing."

 

Plus, telling his wife is evil. She probably knows what her husband is and decides to look the other way.

 

I'd get killed and everything would remain as it is. Thanks.

Edited August 16, 2015 by Heatherknows

[singer23]

If I did do something like that he will find me and kill me. Your advice is horrible.

 

Also, it would accomplish NOTHING. The people on the forum will say "Oh that girl asked for it. She came here flaunting herself and acting crazy with all her ridiculous posts and accounts. We forgive our savior he didn't know what he was doing."

 

Plus, telling his wife is evil. She probably knows what her husband is and decides to look the other way.

 

I'd get killed and everything would remain as it is. Thanks.

 

 

He will find you and kill you ? Is this real life ? Did you seriously say that ?That guy talked a good game about himself if you actually believe it.

 

What is he ? A hired assassin who does contract killing on the side ?(Maybe he actually told you that).

 

Cowards like him present a persona online. The real him is a coward who hides behind a screen looking for gullible women like you. No wonder you fell for his 'charisma'. If there is way, I would easily bet that 80% of stuff he told is bull****.

 

And why would telling his wife be evil ?

 

Actually, i take everything back i said about you. You are actually terrible naive and gullible.

[Heatherknows]

He will find you and kill you ? Is this real life ? Did you seriously say that ?That guy talked a good game about himself if you actually believe it.

 

What is he ? A hired assassin who does contract killing on the side ?(Maybe he actually told you that).

 

Cowards like him present a persona online. The real him is a coward who hides behind a screen looking for gullible women like you. No wonder you fell for his 'charisma'. If there is way, I would easily bet that 80% of stuff he told is bull****.

 

And why would telling his wife be evil ?

 

Actually, i take everything back i said about you. You are actually terrible naive and gullible.

 

Can I prove the stuff he said was true? No. But he did speak openly on the forum about his violent past.True or not he presents himself as someone who is aggressive.

 

Look, I'm no longer in contact with him anymore. Every day that goes by that I don't interact with him is a good day. One day soon I will forget he even existed. Right now my focus is on my real life and improving my marriage. That is where my hope and heart is and that is what will make my life happy.