Mr. Lucky Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I'm not revealing the forum but it has nothing to do with swinging. He wouldn't let a man go five feet near his wife. He's very possessive. With all due respect, you only know what he's told you and/or allowed you to find out. The persona he's presented could be real or it could all be a con, that's how the game is played. For some, the reward is simply hooking you in. Glad to hear you're reinvesting in your marriage. To continue the financial analogy, much higher rate of return ... Mr. Lucky 2
Author Heatherknows Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 With all due respect, you only know what he's told you and/or allowed you to find out. The persona he's presented could be real or it could all be a con, that's how the game is played. For some, the reward is simply hooking you in. Glad to hear you're reinvesting in your marriage. To continue the financial analogy, much higher rate of return ... Mr. Lucky I'm postive most of the emotional stuff he told me was to get sex. It had to be because he didn't know me that well. I was probably a bit of fun and excitement and when the thrill wore off he pulled away and found something better to do. It's my fault for playing in a bad place. I was craving some attention he gave me a lot then took it away. I need to find better ways to feel good about myself. 1
qubist Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I'm postive most of the emotional stuff he told me was to get sex. It had to be because he didn't know me that well. I was probably a bit of fun and excitement and when the thrill wore off he pulled away and found something better to do. It's my fault for playing in a bad place. I was craving some attention he gave me a lot then took it away. I need to find better ways to feel good about myself. I agree with you 100%, he was telling all that to get sex from you, it's one of the most common thing that's going on online, there are forums that teaches techniques of how to make married women fall for you. it's a interesting subject it has a lot to do with today society and how marriages are structured that make them venerable, look at the stats, 60% of marriage end in D the rest are not necessary happy marriages. any ways there are predators that take advantage of that and search for desperate wives that are more confused than unhappy and manipulate them just for SEX. it is scary!! I'm glad for you that you know now, you should change your name to "Heather really knows now" 1
Author Heatherknows Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 I agree with you 100%, he was telling all that to get sex from you, it's one of the most common thing that's going on online, there are forums that teaches techniques of how to make married women fall for you. it's a interesting subject it has a lot to do with today society and how marriages are structured that make them venerable, look at the stats, 60% of marriage end in D the rest are not necessary happy marriages. any ways there are predators that take advantage of that and search for desperate wives that are more confused than unhappy and manipulate them just for SEX. it is scary!! I'm glad for you that you know now, you should change your name to "Heather really knows now" In real life I don't engage in conversations with men for more than a few seconds and all my friends are female. My husband is the only man I know well and talk with and we've just celebrated our 14 year anniversary. I googled "how to seduce a married woman" like suggested on this thread and the subject matter made me sick. Because there is a lack of sex and passion in my marriage I guess I still believe there is some handsome sexy man on a white horse who'll sweep me off my feet and show me why life is worth living. I grew up believing in fairy tales. I have immature views about life which I understand intellectually but not emotionally. The guy probably asked me questions and my answers probably fit an "easy target" profile. OK. So I'm going to start there. Right now, I'm an "easy target." I have to learn to protect myself from this stuff. My husband is a good man who loves me. I don't have the passionate marriage I always dreamed of but that's just the way it is. It's a hard pill to swallow for me. Really. It makes me sad and depressed to know that I will never know passion again. I must come to terms with that if I'm going to survive in this world. 2
qubist Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 In real life I don't engage in conversations with men for more than a few seconds and all my friends are female. My husband is the only man I know well and talk with and we've just celebrated our 14 year anniversary. I googled "how to seduce a married woman" like suggested on this thread and the subject matter made me sick. Because there is a lack of sex and passion in my marriage I guess I still believe there is some handsome sexy man on a white horse who'll sweep me off my feet and show me why life is worth living. I grew up believing in fairy tales. I have immature views about life which I understand intellectually but not emotionally. The guy probably asked me questions and my answers probably fit an "easy target" profile. OK. So I'm going to start there. Right now, I'm an "easy target." I have to learn to protect myself from this stuff. My husband is a good man who loves me. I don't have the passionate marriage I always dreamed of but that's just the way it is. It's a hard pill to swallow for me. Really. It makes me sad and depressed to know that I will never know passion again. I must come to terms with that if I'm going to survive in this world. Heather, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish you would understand that you feelings had absolutely nothing to do with lack of passion, what you really lack is self confidence. there is only one person in this whole world that can give you happiness believe me and that person is YOU. As human,we are a mentally week individuals that when not satisfied we tempt to blame it on our environment. unless you find peace with who you are you won't be happy even if you have the "passionate marriage" you crave. you were an easy target, but you are lucky too because it could've been worst, I have seen worst. just focus on yourself and be positive, try to be happy with what you have that will help you and push you to work on all things that bothers you in life including your marriage. 1
Author Heatherknows Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Heather, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish you would understand that you feelings had absolutely nothing to do with lack of passion, what you really lack is self confidence. there is only one person in this whole world that can give you happiness believe me and that person is YOU. As human,we are a mentally week individuals that when not satisfied we tempt to blame it on our environment. unless you find peace with who you are you won't be happy even if you have the "passionate marriage" you crave. you were an easy target, but you are lucky too because it could've been worst, I have seen worst. just focus on yourself and be positive, try to be happy with what you have that will help you and push you to work on all things that bothers you in life including your marriage. Thank you Qubist for your thoughtful insight. I've been trying to find peace within myself through different healthy ways and I haven't been successful. I get great advice: volunteer, do nice things for others, read self-help books. I've done it all for years to get better. I take meds for depression and I've been in individual therapy before, nothing seems to help. But when a man that I find attractive flatters me and makes me feel as if I'm the most desirable woman in the world (as this man did) it stirs up my brain chemistry. I go from feeling like a train wreck to feeling like a Goddess. Then, in one quick swoop, it is taken away from me and I crash. I'll probably do housework and sleep most of the day.
Author Heatherknows Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) For any women who are reading this thread and find yourself in a similar situation: Seduce a Woman - How to Seduce a Married Woman Into Bed Many women are dissatisfied at home sexually; you could even suggest the most women are dissatisfied at home sexually. Think about what is happening at the home of most married women. Most marriages have lost their spark, spontaneity, creativity and passion. These are the things that women crave. If you want to seduce a married woman, you need to demonstrate that you can bring that back and that it would be harmless fun. You will need to demonstrate two things. The first, that it really is just harmless fun. In my very first phone conversation with this man he asked me about my sex life with my husband. He also pointed out that when his wife comes home he will let her know about this phone call because he tells her everything. I doubt he told his wife that he asked about my sex life. I should have stopped it then but was excited to have the attention. Instead of being turned off by his sexual talk I was turned on. My body started to get aroused at his conversation and I didn't want him to stop talking this way. It wasn't graphic but it was sexual. Lots of flattery about how "intriguing" I was. I'm not intriguing. I'm ordinary. Edited August 11, 2015 by Heatherknows
jenkins95 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) You seem like such a lovely person Heather. I see that what you have done weighs very heavily on you. In reality, what you have done is so much less than what others on here have done - including myself. You are a good person, and you are human. We need a little excitement and passion sometimes - it is certainly one of the major addictions in my A. And I know what you mean about being made to feel attractive. I put on weight and felt neglected during a period of depression. My AP suddenly made me feel like a desirable man - something I thought I would never ever feel. Don't be too hard on yourself. I grow in admiration for you with every new post of yours that I read. I think we are at similar stages in life, both married for well over 10 years, and marriage can become routine. Like you, I love those fantasies. I am quite child-like and find it hard to accept the mundane grind of life. When a beautiful, exciting woman looked at me with desire..... Well.....you know! I am ashamed of what I did and will desperately try to find excitement and passion within my family life. For all the excitement, escapism and bliss that any kind of A gives us, the negative emotions start to increasingly take over. At first for me, it was complete bliss with a little bit of guilt thrown in. Now that has been turned on it's head! And there are so many other neagtive emotions too. Keep posting Heather, you are a wonderful, sensitive person and you will be OK. You H is lucky to have you. Let's help each other - we are all hurting. PM me if you like - it would be great to hear from you. Edited August 11, 2015 by jenkins95 1
Author Heatherknows Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) My AP suddenly made me feel like a desirable man - something I thought I would never ever feel. Thank you for your kind words. There are many here will call me names like "cake eater" and worse. I just want to be happy and fulfilled and I thought that a little sexual banter would be OK since my husband was so not interested in sex. (Something we are working on.) No little girl dreams of marrying the handsome prince and then getting some on the side. LOL. For one, it's gross. I don't want to have sex with someone I'm not married to. I was never comfortable with pre-martial sex when I was single and thought once I got married it would be really fun because then I can explore all kinds of kink without feeling ashamed. I'm somewhat angry at my husband for not being more sexual and hopefully, in time, I can change him or at least come to a happy middle ground. I swear I think the guy from the forum read this piece of info: Stay at Home Wives: A little trickier as they are totally dependent on their husbands income but if the husband is an out of shape, boring, beta then you just need to provide the DRAMA that cheating women swear they don't want. The secret is they are bored as f*ck and crave excitement. You can play lots of hot/cold games with these ladies-its catnip. He played hot/cold games the whole time and often asked about the appearance of my husband. Also, during one of the first phone calls he asked "Is my husband the jealous type." But he would follow up with "I love my wife...she's the best...etc." Edited August 11, 2015 by Heatherknows
turnera Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) My husband is a good man who loves me. I don't have the passionate marriage I always dreamed of but that's just the way it is. It's a hard pill to swallow for me. Really. It makes me sad and depressed to know that I will never know passion again. I must come to terms with that if I'm going to survive in this world.Was he passionate when you were dating? If so, then his not being passionate now is a CHOICE. One that can be changed. Have you read His Needs Her Needs yet? You simply must read this book. It will help you 'grow up' about your marriage and how to make it rock steady and very fulfilling. For now, until you read it, know this: to stay in love with each other, you MUST spend at least 10 hours a week (preferably 15) together, doing 'dating' stuff. That's time away from kids, housework, tv/computer/electronics, jobs. Find it in any way you can - having a cup of coffee together in the morning, meeting up for lunch now and then, going on a picnic without the kids, playing a board game together...FIND WAYS to spend time together, just the two of you. THAT is how you get the passion and desire back, and keep it. Edited August 11, 2015 by turnera 1
Author Heatherknows Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Was he passionate when you were dating? If so, then his not being passionate now is a CHOICE. One that can be changed. Have you read His Needs Her Needs yet? You simply must read this book. It will help you 'grow up' about your marriage and how to make it rock steady and very fulfilling. For now, until you read it, know this: to stay in love with each other, you MUST spend at least 10 hours a week (preferably 15) together, doing 'dating' stuff. That's time away from kids, housework, tv/computer/electronics, jobs. Find it in any way you can - having a cup of coffee together in the morning, meeting up for lunch now and then, going on a picnic without the kids, playing a board game together...FIND WAYS to spend time together, just the two of you. THAT is how you get the passion and desire back, and keep it. Although passion wasn't an element of the marriage to begin with I thought I could create it somehow. I married a man with good character and hoped that passion would evolve.
turnera Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I think if you follow the advice in HNHN, and spend the hours together, you'll be surprised at how much enjoyment you both start getting out of the marriage. And maybe even passion, as he matures and feels safer with you. 2
Author Heatherknows Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 I think if you follow the advice in HNHN, and spend the hours together, you'll be surprised at how much enjoyment you both start getting out of the marriage. And maybe even passion, as he matures and feels safer with you. I'll read the book. He won't. Nor will he go to MC. But maybe I can do the work for both of us.
Horton Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 My husband knows enough. I don't need to rub it into his face. As long as this is your modus operandi you will never have the close unshakable bond with your husband that you desire. There can be no true intimacy without complete transparency between the two of you. Just two people trying to keep their stories straight and lumbering along through life. My husband is a good man who loves me. You should take a look at the OW forum on here and witness the countless women who regret wasting years of their lives being some married guy's side piece and see if all of this is still enticing to you afterwards. In other words, why not count your blessings and be thankful that you have a good man by your side? 1
Author Heatherknows Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 As long as this is your modus operandi you will never have the close unshakable bond with your husband that you desire. There can be no true intimacy without complete transparency between the two of you. Just two people trying to keep their stories straight and lumbering along through life. You should take a look at the OW forum on here and witness the countless women who regret wasting years of their lives being some married guy's side piece and see if all of this is still enticing to you afterwards. In other words, why not count your blessings and be thankful that you have a good man by your side? I have been reading that forum! OMG I know how those women feel. The married guy throws some crumbs of passion your way, you get hooked, want more, let him sort of abuse you in order to get the crumbs..terrible cycle. It's a hideous rollercoaster of emotions. I hated it but loved it but hated it. I have so much. I need to tell myself that. I have so much. 2
Horton Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Because there is a lack of sex and passion in my marriage I guess I still believe there is some handsome sexy man on a white horse who'll sweep me off my feet and show me why life is worth living. I grew up believing in fairy tales. I have immature views about life which I understand intellectually but not emotionally. The guy probably asked me questions and my answers probably fit an "easy target" profile. OK. So I'm going to start there. Right now, I'm an "easy target." I have to learn to protect myself from this stuff. My husband is a good man who loves me. I don't have the passionate marriage I always dreamed of but that's just the way it is. It's a hard pill to swallow for me. Really. It makes me sad and depressed to know that I will never know passion again. I must come to terms with that if I'm going to survive in this world. It's almost cruel the way society has filled the minds of young girls with these unobtainable goals in regards to the 'perfect man' and of course the husbands whom they end up marrying could never possibly live up to the 'prince charming' that only exists in their heads. I get the feeling that you're starting to see things for how they truly are and not how you always hoped they would be. That's a scary place to be, but you don't have to stay there indefinitely. This is still salvageable. 2
Author Heatherknows Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 It's almost cruel the way society has filled the minds of young girls with these unobtainable goals in regards to the 'perfect man' and of course the husbands whom they end up marrying could never possibly live up to the 'prince charming' that only exists in their heads. I get the feeling that you're starting to see things for how they truly are and not how you always hoped they would be. That's a scary place to be, but you don't have to stay there indefinitely. This is still salvageable. I've been brain storming with my girlfriends on how to create more passion in my marriage. It's so frustrating because I really love romantic passion but can't seem to stir it up. And I'm somewhat angry that my husband isn't a more sexual person but I did know that going into this marriage. It's how I knew he wouldn't cheat on me. Nothings perfect but I wish it were anyway. 1
Horton Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I have been reading that forum! OMG I know how those women feel. The married guy throws some crumbs of passion your way, you get hooked, want more, let him sort of abuse you in order to get the crumbs..terrible cycle. It's a hideous rollercoaster of emotions. I hated it but loved it but hated it. I have so much. I need to tell myself that. I have so much. I've noticed most of the married OW on there usually mirror your own statements about their husbands. That he's a good man, a good father and a (mostly)good husband but that the passion in their marriage is lost and they want to be romanced again and have that close emotional connection. What's really striking though is how often the affair just devolves into mere animal lust. What begins as 'star crossed lovers' and 'kindred spirits' tends to end up being just a booty call in the family minivan behind an Arby's. Romeo and Juliet indeed. If you read their stories all the way through they almost always follow the same script just with a different cast of characters. They compromise so much in their pursuit of what they believe to be lacking in their marriages that they completely lose themselves in their affair. They always think they'll never get caught or that if they do get caught they won't care and yet they almost always do get found out eventually. It's easy to state in the midst of an affair that they won't care if they get caught but when you have a devastated husband and crying children in your home, reality tends to come crashing down on top of you. And if they thought the marriage was passionless before, good luck trying to bring that passion back when their husband has a 24/7 porno starring her and the OM running through his head. It's all just so fruitless.
autumnnight Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I've been brain storming with my girlfriends on how to create more passion in my marriage. It's so frustrating because I really love romantic passion but can't seem to stir it up. And I'm somewhat angry that my husband isn't a more sexual person but I did know that going into this marriage. It's how I knew he wouldn't cheat on me. Nothings perfect but I wish it were anyway. I want to echo tunera's book suggestion. Even if he won't read it, if YOU begin implementing it from your end, if he is invested in the marriage, there will be a change. And even if he doesn't want to read it at first, when he sees the changes in you and how YOU following it benefits him, he might be more open to reading it. It's worth a really good 150% try, IMO. And I agree with Horton's assessment of how Hollywood and society has lied to us. No, we don't have to settle for celibate humdrum, but the hearts and flowers, lightning from the sky, model we have been sold is just a lie that allows us to become discontent. I cannot believe I am saying that, but I had to learn it the hard way. 1
Author Heatherknows Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 I've noticed most of the married OW on there usually mirror your own statements about their husbands. That he's a good man, a good father and a (mostly)good husband but that the passion in their marriage is lost and they want to be romanced again and have that close emotional connection. What's really striking though is how often the affair just devolves into mere animal lust. What begins as 'star crossed lovers' and 'kindred spirits' tends to end up being just a booty call in the family minivan behind an Arby's. Romeo and Juliet indeed. If you read their stories all the way through they almost always follow the same script just with a different cast of characters. They compromise so much in their pursuit of what they believe to be lacking in their marriages that they completely lose themselves in their affair. They always think they'll never get caught or that if they do get caught they won't care and yet they almost always do get found out eventually. It's easy to state in the midst of an affair that they won't care if they get caught but when you have a devastated husband and crying children in your home, reality tends to come crashing down on top of you. And if they thought the marriage was passionless before, good luck trying to bring that passion back when their husband has a 24/7 porno starring her and the OM running through his head. It's all just so fruitless. I know you speak the truth. I never even met with the OM and I already feel gross and disgusting from giving him my time and attention. I told my girlfriend detailed scenarios of things he said to me. It was abuse more than anything else. I wish I could go back in time and not have joined that forum. I was in such a bad place back then. My head was messed up because my dog and cat just died and my husband was really neglecting me. I was looking for attention, passion and fun. I wish I could take back every email I ever sent that guy and every phone call (there were about five) but I can't. I hate myself for ever talking to that guy. He made me look foolish on the forum. I lost my dignity and sense of value all for a small piece of passion. He is just a sleazy guy from the internet looking to get laid. I know that now.
Author Heatherknows Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 the hearts and flowers, lightning from the sky, model we have been sold is just a lie that allows us to become discontent. I cannot believe I am saying that, but I had to learn it the hard way. I know what you're saying only too well.
autumnnight Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I know what you're saying only too well. I'm not going to share the specifics of my story, long ago or recent, but I can tell you that someone who will love you, be true to you, stay, cherish you, and really be WITH you is work more than 1,000 fireworks. 2
Author Heatherknows Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 I'm not going to share the specifics of my story, long ago or recent, but I can tell you that someone who will love you, be true to you, stay, cherish you, and really be WITH you is work more than 1,000 fireworks. I think for some reason I needed to go through the humiliation and insanity of joining that forum and getting my emotional butt kicked from this ridiculous roller-coaster as sort of a wake-up call to my marriage.
Horton Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I told my husband about some of the flirting but not about the phone calls. It isn't so anonymous because there are a lot of real pictures posted. It was a bodybuilding site. He wanted to meet me in person I said "no" he didn't like that. He's very charismatic; you should see how all the men and women on the forum fawn all over him. My husband knows a lot about the flirting and how I was into the guy and everything. He just doesn't know about the phone calls. I never met him in real life and I never will. He said something very scary on the phone about what would have happened if we did meet. After he said he didn't want to talk to me anymore and I threw his number away he wrote on the forum that he's planning to meet me in person. I told him I'd keep my account activated but then I decided this thing is just too freaking weird and maybe he wants to hurt me or something he does have a prison record. I don't mean to throw a monkey wrench into the conversation about prince charming and unrealistic expectations, but I just went back and read your posts again and I'm a little concerned that maybe you aren't being as cautious as you should be. I'm not saying you should panic or anything, but the posts I quoted (particularly the ones in bold) are a little bit alarming IMO.
autumnnight Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I don't mean to throw a monkey wrench into the conversation about prince charming and unrealistic expectations, but I just went back and read your posts again and I'm a little concerned that maybe you aren't being as cautious as you should be. I'm not saying you should panic or anything, but the posts I quoted (particularly the ones in bold) are a little bit alarming IMO. I agree. When an anonymous stranger online makes veiled or direct threats, it is time to stand up and take notice.
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