ZA Dater Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 In other what makes a person attractive? Perhaps this is a somewhat open question but I would be interested to hear from ladies any generic attributes they find attractive. Then from the guys, how much should one "sell" ones achievements and how much should one "boast"?
hakim Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 In other what makes a person attractive? Perhaps this is a somewhat open question but I would be interested to hear from ladies any generic attributes they find attractive. Then from the guys, how much should one "sell" ones achievements and how much should one "boast"? Attraction is not created, it's discovered. 2
Author ZA Dater Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 Attraction is not created, it's discovered. Well in the context you go out with someone. How do you sell yourself as best you can to be an attractive as you can?
hakim Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Well in the context you go out with someone. How do you sell yourself as best you can to be an attractive as you can? If you're going out with someone, there isn't anything you should do other than be yourself and treat them with respect. 5
carhill Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 If you examine your longest and most meaningful friendships in life, you'll get some clues. The rest is sexual chemistry. It's either there or it isn't. Sure, if you're easy on the eyes and a clever raconteur you'll have a bit easier time at the beginning but that's just sizzle. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 If you examine your longest and most meaningful friendships in life, you'll get some clues. The rest is sexual chemistry. It's either there or it isn't. Sure, if you're easy on the eyes and a clever raconteur you'll have a bit easier time at the beginning but that's just sizzle. Interesting, wish I know more about this chemistry and how to acquire some of it.
carhill Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 If you've ever pursued chemistry in the literal sense, the general concepts are the same. Some chemicals get along, some do not, some create new substances, some create wonderful benefits, some blow up in your face, some do nothing. 2
GemmaUK Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Interesting, wish I know more about this chemistry and how to acquire some of it. You can't acquire chemistry, it's there and grows or it's not and won't. Selling achievements and boasting are both totally off putting to me on a date. The latter may be fizzling out the former if that is what you do on a date. 4
Author ZA Dater Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 You can't acquire chemistry, it's there and grows or it's not and won't. Selling achievements and boasting are both totally off putting to me on a date. The latter may be fizzling out the former if that is what you do on a date. To be honest just trying to look at myself harshly and understand where I go wrong, if that is possible lol.
autumnnight Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 1. Positivity 2. Openness 3. Tact/emotional intelligence 4. Humor 5. Friendly assertiveness 6. Positivity 6
GemmaUK Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 To be honest just trying to look at myself harshly and understand where I go wrong, if that is possible lol. Perhaps you attempt to have chemistry with people you don't feel chemistry for and you only see that they are attractive. I can absolutely find a man attractive but can also feel no chemistry whatsoever. Equally you could put a man in front of me who is not what I would describe as my physical type and can feel massive chemistry. I would still go with boasting as being off putting though. It's not attractive to me. 1
Satu Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 In other what makes a person attractive? Perhaps this is a somewhat open question but I would be interested to hear from ladies any generic attributes they find attractive. Then from the guys, how much should one "sell" ones achievements and how much should one "boast"? If you'd like the real answer this is it. From my journal: To be loved, be loving. To find peace, be peaceful. To find forgiveness, be forgiving. To be cared about, be caring. To be treated kindly, be kind. To be understood, be understanding. To have friends, be friendly. Etc. 5
Phoe Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 In the sense of "attraction", well, you can't MAKE it happen. But in a sense of being generally more likable, in my opinion, it's simply a matter of being true to yourself, genuine, while having warmth and kindness towards others. Seems fairly straightforward but it's not always the easiest balance to strike. Nobody's perfect, and nobody should even try to be perfect, but I think putting effort into being the best person you can be, is definitely something that others will notice in a positive way. 1
katiegrl Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 If you're going out with someone, there isn't anything you should do other than be yourself and treat them with respect. Agree. ZA it's about your energy and if your energy clicks with hers.. That's chemistry. Before boyfriend, when I dated, I couldn't stand when a man tried to *sell* himself. That alone is a huge turn off! If a man is confident, comfortable in his own skin, and genuine, all that leads to having positive energy. And people with positive energy attract more people to them than those who do not have positive energy. There have been many books written about that very thing. Those who are bitter, frustrated and jaded generate negative energy which repels people, no matter how hard they try to hide it. You can't hide your energy. It's there, and people can sense it. 3
Satu Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Be exactly the same person on the outside, that you are on the inside. Authenticity is very sexy. 3
Author ZA Dater Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 Agree. ZA it's about your energy and if your energy clicks with hers.. That's chemistry. Before boyfriend, when I dated, I couldn't stand when a man tried to *sell* himself. That alone is a huge turn off! If a man is confident, comfortable in his own skin, and genuine, all that leads to having positive energy. And people with positive energy attract more people to them than those who do not have positive energy. There have been many books written about that very thing. Those who are bitter, frustrated and jaded generate negative energy which repels people, no matter how hard they try to hide it. You can't hide your energy. It's there, and people can sense it. Thank you for this great post, I get where my issue is now, can't really change it but your post has made me see it. Thanks.
elaine567 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 You have to be somewhat interesting, there has to be something about you that sparks interest. It could be just pure looks, it could be a great smile or twinkly eyes or a fantastic speaking voice or how you dress, your manners, your mannerisms etc. I once had a crush on a guy who wore this cool bracelet, he had other good points too, but that bracelet sparked my interest. It showed me, he was not just some run of the mill guy. Once that interest is sparked, it has to be backed up with what you say and how you say it. I once knew this guy who if you actually analysed what he said he was very interesting, but because he spoke in a monotone everyone switched off as soon as he opened his mouth. Having things in common is also very important, or just a common thread even. People like reference points. "I stayed in Manhattan for a bit, oh so did I, when were you there?" Listening and asking pertinent questions is also a good trick. People tend to like people who really listen to them and who can give good input back. Sense of humour is very important too. Are you funny? Can you see the funny side of situations? People who naturally laugh a lot, are optimistic, are friendly and open tend to be liked. They are good company, and they tend to make everyone else relax and enjoy themselves. Flirting is good, most women enjoy flirting, but it has to be titrated well to the response. Cold stares in return are NOT a good sign.
katiegrl Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Thank you for this great post, I get where my issue is now, can't really change it but your post has made me see it. Thanks. Wow .....I did not expect that, but you are very welcome! Good luck!! :bunny:
elaine567 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Thank you for this great post, I get where my issue is now, can't really change it but your post has made me see it. Thanks. Of course you can change it. People change themselves every day, but you have to WANT to change it.
todreaminblue Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 i think what satu wrote from his journal is perfect.......especially if you want friends be friendly.....if you want love be loving...friendship is part of love..... i also feel that if you truly want to meet like minded individuals who you mesh with ,you treat others how you want to be treated.....then if you find people who treat you the same way you treat them you have lasting friendships with like minded souls........... i have made friends from all walks of life.......and there is a common denominator.......i am myself when i make friends....and i listen......good luck......deb
Author ZA Dater Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 Of course you can change it. People change themselves every day, but you have to WANT to change it. Agree to disagree on that one. Some things can be changed others can't, some things do leave scars others don't. This has been an informative thread. There probably being a direct correlation between how many friends one has to ones ability to date. In summary I probably dont sell enough and people don't like my voice or my vibe. Am at the give up stage.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 i think what satu wrote from his journal is perfect.......especially if you want friends be friendly.....if you want love be loving...friendship is part of love..... i also feel that if you truly want to meet like minded individuals who you mesh with ,you treat others how you want to be treated.....then if you find people who treat you the same way you treat them you have lasting friendships with like minded souls........... i have made friends from all walks of life.......and there is a common denominator.......i am myself when i make friends....and i listen......good luck......deb I am always me just people clearly don't find me attractive.
katiegrl Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 (edited) I am always me just people clearly don't find me attractive. ZA, maybe you didn't get my post after call. Your above post reflects a defeatist attitude and low self-esteem (negative energy). Women are going to sense that negative energy and not be attracted. Which then adds to your negative attitude and the vibe you give off, which in turns adds to women not being attracted, and on and on it goes. Nothing gets resolved and you continue feeling like a loser who isn't attractive, and women continue not being attracted! All this negative energy you are exuding isn't getting you anywhere! Yes it IS your vibe/energy that is turning women off. But you can change your energy/vibe by becoming a more positive person and thinking more highly of yourself! It's not that you are not attractive to women..... it's that you *think* you are not attractive that is working against you here. Again, it's all in the attitude and if your attitude is negative in that you think you are not attractive to women .......then for sure you won't be attractive to women! There are things you can do to raise your own self-esteem and feel better about yourself. There are so many things I can't list them all here, but helping others/volunteering is one. Becoming a more interesting and well-rounded person is another. Start taking classes in things that interest you ....not only will you learn something new but you will meet like-minded people (men and women) and you never know what can develop from that. Join a support group! Support groups are awesome ..... you get to interact with people (men and women) who are experiencing the same issues you are (as well as different issues), discuss ways of improving your respective situations, all while getting good solid support from each other! All this adds up to you feeling better about yourself, feeling like a more attractive person (inside and out) .....which will in turn change your *vibe* from negative to positive ....which will lead to -- guess what? Attracting more women (attract more people) to you in general!! Positive energy/vibe = attracts people to you. Negative energy/vibe = repels people. Edited August 9, 2015 by katiegrl
SammySammy Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 How To Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie The most popular business book of all time for great reason. 1
Empyrea Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I agree that you should just be yourself and that way you will attract the right type of person for YOU. If you pretend to be someone else, you'll attract the wrong kind of people who will only be disappointed once the mask drops or you'll be disappointed, because you can't be yourself around them. That being said, a few characteristics that you SHOULD adopt to better yourself and to attract people are - happy, confident, passionate. That's all. And the good thing is that they're kind of interlinked. Once you find something you're passionate about, you will be happy doing it, you will become good at it, and gain confidence from it. A person who is passionate about something, radiates confidence and happiness ALWAYS attracts other people. Wouldn't you want to be around someone like that?
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