Outback Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Hi team, Thank you for having me aboard, i hope you all might have some constructive advise for me. I am having trouble communicating with my wife, been together 5 years married almost 2. I work in the family business with my parentsand my sister heading up sales and marketing, my wife is in health and well being (party plans) It is a bunch of frustrations but it boils down toshe dismisses me alot, as in i will have an idea or suggestion for something and she does not even consider it before putting it in the bin. Add in she is obsessed with this party plan called plexus slim (which she not made a dollarout of in 3 years of work), and constantly tells me because i dont belive in it i don't belive in her,which i dont know how to respond to. Now i do most of the washing, most of the dishes, cook half the meals, work 60 hours a week, and run both our kids to their respective sports (apparently thats my thing) I encourage her to go and di stuff with her friends and enjoy life, but i get my ass kicked if i want to go motorcycle riding with mates or something I don't want the above to sound like a winge or a complaint, but j am lost how to get her to see we are not operating like a team, and it feels like she is borderline narcissistic. Thoughts and advice appreciated
spiderowl Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) Perhaps she is narcissistic and unrealistic. It sounds like you are doing an awful lot and she is expecting you to support her even if it is not earning anything. That might not matter if it was her hobby and you were both happy with her enthusiasm for it. It clearly means a lot more to her than a means of making money. You sound unhappy with this relationship. You could try going to counselling with your wife (or without her) but if she is not willing to listen to you and to change certain expectations, then you may have to decide whether it is worth continuing with her. I see you have children which makes it all the more difficult. Can you think of instances in which your wife showed that she thought about or cared about your feelings? I am wondering if she is capable of empathy or is extremely self-centred. I know that having a family tends to detract from the main relationship because both partners are usually so distracted looking after the children, but did she ever care about your feelings or the things that matter to you? One thing I learned from my marriage was that we weren't working as a team, going in the same direction. He had his own direction and I had mine and consequently everything that mattered to me, he resisted and it diluted my energy and made me depressed. Later on, I realised that the Lenny Kravitz song 'Are you going my way' was an amazing way of expressing something key to a successful marriage, the ability to care about each others' goals and to work together towards them. Leaving one partner to do all the 'responsible' family work while the other plays is not fair. Edited August 8, 2015 by spiderowl 2
MuddyFootprints Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I'm going to recommend you do some reading on mlm and direct marketing and its effect on marriages. It's doubtful that she will listen to you, but you need to fully educate yourself about what you are up against. 1
Author Outback Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 I'm going to recommend you do some reading on mlm and direct marketing and its effect on marriages. It's doubtful that she will listen to you, but you need to fully educate yourself about what you are up against. Thank you, i appreciate the words, i will take a look
sandylee1 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I know communication difficulties can arise, but is there a point that you just say..."I'm happy for you to go out with your friends and if you don't want to that's fine, but I need a social life outside our marriage/family and I don't understand why you take issue with me going out with my mates" As long as you are not going out excessively, then what exactly is her problem? You do a lot around the from what you've said. Direct talking does the trick, as long as you're dealing with a reasonable person. Marriage doesn't mean you stick to each other like super glue, as that's when people's world collapses if you ever split up , because you've stopped hanging out with friends and have isolated yourself during the marriage.
Gloria25 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Sorry, I have no advice for you... It would be one thing if she'd be open and/or receptive to you communicating your needs - but from that you've posted here, it's all about her. Oh wait, I do have some advice - "acceptance" The sooner you come to terms with the fact that "it's all about her", the happier you'll be and accept your role as her cheerleader, personal assistant, whatever (anything except her "husband"). In the mean time, get a lawyer on the sly and see how you can get credit for your contributions to her success so that if one day you decide to divorce, you can take her to cleaners and/or bankrupt her. But, if I'm correct this business isn't going anywhere? Well, another reason to get a lawyer, to protect the your family's finances from her piss-poor decisions. I mean, if she wants to treat this "marriage" as a "partnership" where she's the boss, ok, fine, we can play her game. I mean, people get sued in businesses all the time when they take advantage of other's ideas and/or contribution to the business' success and/or get pushed out if the business isn't making a profit.
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