iknowiknow Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Ok, so...i met this man last year and we dated for a while. Then we just stopped talking then a few months later he calls me up to reconnect and we start hanging out off and on. I never took it all that seriously since how he conducted himself the summer before at first. Then we just started to call each other and stay on the phone for hours, text each other and hang out. Yea, I caught feelings again. Mean while, yea we slept together too. So, last month I won a weekend getaway to NYC. I decided this was it I will invite him to go with me and possibly this weekend we could just start over. Granted he knew I could ask any of my female friends to go with me but instead I asked him. When it started to look like that he might not be able to go on the trip due to work ( which he just started so I understood). I told him no worries, I can enjoy NYC by myself. But no, he insisted...he even looked up specific flights that would work for him and then the trip sponsor agreed and thus we were off to NYC. So when I go pick him up at his place..i could tell a female was there but it really did not bother ( you know hair claw was left *who wears those things anymore anyway*). I just brushed it off and we went on the trip. We stayed in the room together and spent a full day in Central Park taking pictures and going to Museums. You can only imagine how the night went. Anyway, I degress I new something was up..i just felt it. So when we came back he started to get distant So I new what i found in his house meant he most likely seeing someone. So, I asked him if I could just come over on a Sunday watch movies or whatever like i have done many times 2 weeks after the trip ( we live an hour away from each other). HE says, Oh, sorry but I already have plans. That is when I new it was another lady he was dating and mind you he just called me the other night after I sent a text to him about needing help with a job. Then He goes, "I have been pretty occupied with someone lately, not been hanging with friends and family* and I said " well I already had a feeling you were even before we went to NYC" and he goes "yea, things have moved pretty fast lately". So i said "I guess that means you want me to leave you alone." Now, I am just irritated I took him on the trip with me. I should of known nothing would come from it and I would come out feeling like an idiot. Just my damn luck. Did I handle it well? Is he telling me this as a way to say F*** off*? I think it is his way of saying F** off.. ughh..
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 It sounds like you have pretty low standards when it comes to men. This guy treated you like a fwb at best and you are giving him a free weekend in NYC. Even after figuring out he is seeing somebody else... If you're going to sleep with somebody without commitment and without agreeing to exclusivity you're essentially agreeing to a fwb arrangement. Which is fine if this is all you want but if you actually want more, like you do, you can't just keep your fingers crossed he'll magically one day fall for you and want to date you seriously. If you want more than a casual relationship you need to make that known before you start sleeping with someone. Is he telling you to f off? I don't know, it's not like he was ever taking you as anything serious. Right now he's got a new flavor of the month, once that comes to an end at some point in the future, I'm sure he'll come back to you for more fwb since you're his backup girl. But next time don't jump right into it or you'll be back where you're now.
Author iknowiknow Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 oh we were dating then we went off and were dating again after a months of just hanging out other wise I would not have asked him on the trip. I just thought the trip would just ya know, make it solid ( i cannot find the right words here). we were not fwb at the point I took him to NYC . The reason i did not say anything about the hair claw is because he has 5 sisters that come over all the time. My point is if he did not give sh** in the first place, why on earth would he even come on the damn trip while he is dating someone else. Yea he told me afterwards but I never give second chances but unfortunately I did and I am surely not going to give a 3rd chance after this. i am actually disgusted..
ExpatInItaly Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 He went with you because it was free (or at least, I'm assuming it was if it was a prize. Correct me if I'm wrong) But it didn't mean something more serious would come of it. If that's what you'd hoped for, you really should've asked if him about it before the trip. And he shouldn't have accepted the invite either. Anyway, yes, it now seems as though he's trying to give you the brush-off. Him telling you he's occupied with someone else and it's moving quickly is an indirect hint to you that he's not interested in something more with you. I think he took the offer but wants to make it clear that he's into someone else. 1
Author iknowiknow Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) Yep..i just needed to get this off my chest. I am just irritated not devastated. He literally called me 2 days ago too lol..men. My last message to him ..ok..i am done. Leaving you alone now even as a friend- GOOD BYE! Edited August 8, 2015 by iknowiknow
Lois_Griffin Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 My point is if he did not give sh** in the first place, why on earth would he even come on the damn trip while he is dating someone else. Because free trip. The guy is a user and opportunist.
mrldii Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 OP, on behalf of single men everywhere, let me just say for them: "Now you know how we feel!" Paid-for weekend getaways or not, it's always best that one be upfront about their expectations of a blossoming relationship that will lead to something more concrete and definite, then just assuming since they feel like moving ahead with it, the other person is also on-board. Best of luck to you, OP...
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