Justachip Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Hi everyone, I am feeling confused over something and need some insights. Would be nice to talk about it also. I recently met a girl from school and we hit off really well. Everything we talked or teased about each other just feels so right and comfortable. During our group meetings, she'd sit in a corner with me and we'll have heart to heart talks while the rest of our friends played games and caused a lot of noise. She'd also tickle me on the waist and allowed me to touch her hair because we were sharing a small bag. I sometimes notice her looking my way from the corner of my eyes. I started thinking about her everyday of my life. Maybe it's a strong infatuation that came at the wrong time? You see, I just left the military where it is dominated by males and having a girl that I get along well is a fresh feeling in my books. I learnt from the start that I should be staying away from her. We aren't compatible as individuals, but I'm infatuated with her. I recently also learnt that she was looking out and dating different guys to gauge their compatibility. Due to my busy work schedule, I couldn't ask her out and I feel that the other guys took the chance to ask her out. Is it acceptable that she's not dating exclusively? Right now, she seems to be gravitating towards just one guy. I feel like my chances are gone but I don't think we're even compatible in the first place. The golden questions are: "what should I do about how I feel? I want to forget her" we are in the same group of friends and it's hard to avoid her. "Should such situation call for competing with the other guys?" "Should I take that as a red flag and run for my life?" Thanks for taking time to read my feels.
Qboro90 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Single people date around. That's what being single is. You have no claim over this girl and she has no loyalty to you, nor should she. Your interactions have simply been in a school setting so while you are over thinkin. This way to much I bet she hasn't given it a second thought. If you have monitored who she's dated or interested in then you clearly like her. Ask he out on a date. You might not be as incompatible as you think. Even if you are tho then by taking her out you will be able to know for sure and forget about wndering "what if". But as far as her dating other guys or being interested in multiple people being a red flag. I think that's a bit extreme. She's just doing shat singles do.
Author Justachip Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 I should have worded my question properly. To add on to what I said, she gives me the feeling that she's only using me as a backup. She's predominantly fixated with a particular guy, but she still tries to flirt with me. My previous relationship ended with cheating, and I'm being extra cautious this time round.
caringsister Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) I learnt from the start that I should be staying away from her. We aren't compatible as individuals, but I'm infatuated with her. Right now, she seems to be gravitating towards just one guy. I feel like my chances are gone but I don't think we're even compatible in the first place. The golden questions are: "what should I do about how I feel? I want to forget her" we are in the same group of friends and it's hard to avoid her. "Should such situation call for competing with the other guys?" "Should I take that as a red flag and run for my life?" she gives me the feeling that she's only using me as a backup The way I see it is if you keep your head focused in the direction of hoping to have something with this girl you are going to end up getting hurt. Don't be someone's second choice or backup plan. If you allow yourself to be her down time you will disapointedly be cast aside when her interest peaks elsewhere. In other words if you continue on with this girl you are setting yourself up for a heart break. There are plenty of women in the world why go for the one that you are not compatible with and who's interest is in someone else? Respect yourself, believe the red flags that are clearly waving in front of your eyes and run for your health, happiness and wholeness. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Edited August 8, 2015 by caringsister
Phoe Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 She definitely owes you nothing, and is totally allowed to date as many men as she wants, BUT if dating someone who multidates is not okay with you, then don't date her! That's totally fine too. And yes, there are women out there who do not multidate. But multidating aside, I agree with the above poster that wonders why you would put any more effort into a woman you aren't compatible with in the first place, who is more interested in someone else. Bad times!! 2
Author Justachip Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 Thank you all for spelling it out so clearly for me. It is as my friend said, that it'll end in heartbreak if I continue. I have already started NC with her and will only agree to meet up with her together with friends. Dating around is not wrong and I do not own her. But the type that dates around and keeps backups is definitely not the type for me. In the meantime, I just want to focus on studies and a fruitful career. If someone else comes along, great. If not, great too as I am self sufficient. Cheers 1
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