Can't stand my brother's boyfriend's girlfriend and it's causing major issues!

August 8, 2015

My boyfriend and his older brother are only a year apart and very close. By way of background, I am 25, my boyfriend ("Mike") is 27, and his brother ("Jeff") is 28. We all went to undergrad together and all three of us get along really well. Throughout undergrad for four years, Jeff was dating this girl called Amy who became one of my best friends. Amy is super fun, outgoing and all-around awesome person. The arrangement worked really well because the four of us would go out all the time and go on group trips and activities together. Unfortunately, when Jeff move to another city to go to law school, him and Amy ended up breaking up due to long distance. Amy and I are still best friends and hang out all the time.

Jeff recently moved back to his hometown where his brother and I live and he brought back a new girlfriend "Kim", who doesn't IMO fit at ALL who I thought he'd end up with. For starters, she's Asian and I just don't see what they could possibly have in common with their cultural differences. I'm not racist (I have tons of friends of different races) but I was raised to believe that dating outside of your race only ends in trouble due to the insurmountable differences (just look at Obama's mother). She's also way older than him - 33. I just don't see how he could've gone from dating this 25 year old super pretty redhead Irish girl to an Asian girl a decade older than his ex! In addition, she barely drinks and isn't very outgoing - she always wants to go home before midnight, saying she's "tired". Jeff, Mike, Amy and I were always big partiers and stayed out late clubbing, and now Jeff leaves early with Kim. She also refuses to smoke weed with us (she says it's because she works as a prosecutor but I think that's a BS reason - no one cares about pot) and now Jeff doesn't either because of her.

I care deeply about Jeff as he's like a brother to me, and I am seriously worried about what this woman's intentions are with him. My mom told me that most Asian women are golddiggers and only want to marry a white man so that they can have his money. (One of her friends went to China and brought back a Chinese bride with him and then once they got back to Canada she left him and took half his money.) Kim works as a District Attorney and she's always joking about how little money she makes. Jeff is a corporate lawyer and makes a lot of money which is I'm sure the main reason why she's dating him.

I am also worried about her age. At 33, I'm sure she wants to get pregnant and have kids right away. Jeff is still young and I'm sure he still wants to enjoy some of his youth before he settles down and has kids. I'm convinced that she's going to do something like stop taking birth control without telling Jeff and trap him into a marriage where I'll never see him again.

My boyfriend refuses to listen to me on this issue and it's causing a huge rift in our relationship. He says PC things like skin color doesn't matter, which I know he picked up from his liberal hippie parents who also don't have a problem with their son dating an Asian. I have also told him that unless he wants his future niece or nephew to suffer everlasting psychological damage that comes with being a mixed race child (just look at Elliot Rogers) he should intervene before it's too late but he refuses to, saying it's his brothers life. I also tried to bring up the impact this will have on things like our future wedding, future Christmas cards, etc in that we will have to leave his brother and his girlfriend out of photos because having the only Asian person amongst everyone else being white will look very odd and ruin the pictures. He told me I was being petty and that he would not leave his brother out of future photos. Another thing is that it's going to cause major issues with my parents once they find out my boyfriend's brother is dating an Asian (I haven't told them yet) and this will mean no joint Christmases, Thanksgivings, etc. My boyfriend absolutely refuses to see the problems this will cause in the future and now changes the subject whenever I bring it up.

I don't know what to do and it's causing major issues in me and my boyfriends relationship because him and his brother are very close and now the four of us barely hang out any more. How can I get him to see my side of things?

August 8, 2015

Are you kidding me?

So what if Kim doesn't fit who you thought Jeff would end up with! It's not your life. If Jeff is happy that's all that should matter. If you are truly his friend, then you should be happy that he's happy with Kim.

You really are a horrible person.

God forbid this girl doesn't drink! What a travesty *eye roll* And who cares if she isn't very outgoing! And given by the way you talk about her, can you honestly blame her? And she doesn't smoke weed like you all do? What a horrible human being she is *eye roll*

She's a prosecutor. Clearly she doesn't want to smoke pot. You need to stop being a judgmental person. She just may not like the habit. I cannot blame her for that.

If Jeff doesn't want to be a part of the party scene any more, that's okay. You have to accept that. If you can't accept that, then that's your problem.

His parents sound AWESOME. And yeah you do sound like a racist. You talk horribly about his parents "liberal hippies"? Really, you think that's an okay way to talk about people?

Your boyfriend sounds awesome and I'm so confused as to why he's putting up with you. He is right. Skin color doesn't matter. He loves his brother and so he's supporting the choice his brother is making about who he wants to date.

You are so focused on race and your mixed race comments are making me disgusted. I am mixed race and I had NO issues as a child. Your comments about leaving his brother and Kim out of future wedding photos because she's Asian and your photos would look weird, is utterly disgusting to me. And why exactly do your parents need to know the race of your boyfriend's brother's girlfriend? That is so weird & creepy to me.

If your boyfriend is smart, he'll never see your side of things because you are an awful person. Oh and hopefully he won't be your boyfriend for very long.

August 8, 2015

I can't even touch this one with a ten foot pole. You're worried that an Asian person will ruin your Christmas pictures? Seriously? Thank God she's not black [/sarcasm]. Infact, I really hope we're getting trolled here...

Why don't you try being happy for your brother that he is happy instead of playing into racial stereotypes? Not every Asian woman is a gold digger. Gold diggers come in all shapes, sizes and colors, my dear. Try actually getting to know her. At 33, she has a good job and is settling. People grow out of the party scene. And yes, as someone who has the misfortune of working in the same field as her, smoking pot does matter. As a prosecutor, her cases could be thrown out if anyone ever found out she was smoking marijuana. It's a stretch, but it has happened before. She could land herself in a lot of trouble. You really need to respect the fact that someone doesn't want to do illegal drugs.

August 14, 2015

Wow, so many negative responses to someone just asking for advice on how to HELP someone I care about who I think is in trouble. As I said in my original post, I am NOT a racist and have many friends of all different races in fact. I just think that this relationship is going to cause major problems for Jeff if it continues and that she is up to no good.

For those attacking me because I think her presence would ruin future pictures - I'm guessing you are either men or the kind of women who elope because you don't want to coordinate a wedding. Wedding pictures have symmetry and uniformity - that's why there's equal number of groomsmen and bridesmaids and that's why the bridesmaids have matching dresses. Having a non white person with everyone else white would look very strange, like a wedding picture where all the bridesmaids dresses were yellow but one was red. This isn't racist - it would also look really weird if there was one white person in an all Asian wedding photo.

I should explain that I don't really care if she smokes pot or not, I simply brought up that example up as a way to show that she's uptight and not that much fun. Also, there is a 0% chance she'd get caught smoking pot so her excuse is still BS to me - in this city, if a cop catches you with a joint, they just chuckle and tell you to throw it away - no one cares and no one ever gets arrested for it.

It's great that the above poster had no issues as a mixed race child but sadly, that's the exception and not the norm. Studies have shown that children of mixed race parents suffer from schoolyard bullying, identity issues, depression and anxiety. They don't identify with either race and are excluded from belonging to that race so they are left isolated and alone. They also tend to look strange, because biologically speaking, biology didn't intend for the races to mix.

Having a future niece/nephew who is mixed race and a sister in law who is Asian will cause HUGE problems for me and my family, as once they find out (my parents don't know yet) they will probably forbid me and my future children from going to Christmases, Thanksgivings and birthdays at their house. This means my future children will have no relationship with their grandparents on their father's side.

I can't put my finger on it but I know this woman is up to no good and it pains me to watch Jeff fall into her trap. I don't know what to do, other than warning Jeff in person since my boyfriend refuses to talk to him about it. But I'm afraid that that will cause further problems between my boyfriend and I - he already got mad at me for trying to talk to their parents about it. If anyone has any suggestions on how I could go about fixing this, they'd be much appreciated!

August 14, 2015

My boyfriend and his older brother are only a year apart and very close. By way of background, I am 25, my boyfriend ("Mike") is 27, and his brother ("Jeff") is 28. We all went to undergrad together and all three of us get along really well. Throughout undergrad for four years, Jeff was dating this girl called Amy who became one of my best friends. Amy is super fun, outgoing and all-around awesome person. The arrangement worked really well because the four of us would go out all the time and go on group trips and activities together. Unfortunately, when Jeff move to another city to go to law school, him and Amy ended up breaking up due to long distance. Amy and I are still best friends and hang out all the time.

Jeff recently moved back to his hometown where his brother and I live and he brought back a new girlfriend "Kim", who doesn't IMO fit at ALL who I thought he'd end up with. For starters, she's Asian and I just don't see what they could possibly have in common with their cultural differences. I'm not racist (I have tons of friends of different races) but I was raised to believe that dating outside of your race only ends in trouble due to the insurmountable differences (just look at Obama's mother). She's also way older than him - 33. I just don't see how he could've gone from dating this 25 year old super pretty redhead Irish girl to an Asian girl a decade older than his ex! In addition, she barely drinks and isn't very outgoing - she always wants to go home before midnight, saying she's "tired". Jeff, Mike, Amy and I were always big partiers and stayed out late clubbing, and now Jeff leaves early with Kim. She also refuses to smoke weed with us (she says it's because she works as a prosecutor but I think that's a BS reason - no one cares about pot) and now Jeff doesn't either because of her.

I care deeply about Jeff as he's like a brother to me, and I am seriously worried about what this woman's intentions are with him. My mom told me that most Asian women are golddiggers and only want to marry a white man so that they can have his money. (One of her friends went to China and brought back a Chinese bride with him and then once they got back to Canada she left him and took half his money.) Kim works as a District Attorney and she's always joking about how little money she makes. Jeff is a corporate lawyer and makes a lot of money which is I'm sure the main reason why she's dating him.

I am also worried about her age. At 33, I'm sure she wants to get pregnant and have kids right away. Jeff is still young and I'm sure he still wants to enjoy some of his youth before he settles down and has kids. I'm convinced that she's going to do something like stop taking birth control without telling Jeff and trap him into a marriage where I'll never see him again.

My boyfriend refuses to listen to me on this issue and it's causing a huge rift in our relationship. He says PC things like skin color doesn't matter, which I know he picked up from his liberal hippie parents who also don't have a problem with their son dating an Asian. I have also told him that unless he wants his future niece or nephew to suffer everlasting psychological damage that comes with being a mixed race child (just look at Elliot Rogers) he should intervene before it's too late but he refuses to, saying it's his brothers life. I also tried to bring up the impact this will have on things like our future wedding, future Christmas cards, etc in that we will have to leave his brother and his girlfriend out of photos because having the only Asian person amongst everyone else being white will look very odd and ruin the pictures. He told me I was being petty and that he would not leave his brother out of future photos. Another thing is that it's going to cause major issues with my parents once they find out my boyfriend's brother is dating an Asian (I haven't told them yet) and this will mean no joint Christmases, Thanksgivings, etc. My boyfriend absolutely refuses to see the problems this will cause in the future and now changes the subject whenever I bring it up.

I don't know what to do and it's causing major issues in me and my boyfriends relationship because him and his brother are very close and now the four of us barely hang out any more. How can I get him to see my side of things?

He does see your side of things...he just doesn't agree with you. What to do? Wait patiently 'til he comes to his "liberal hippie" common-senses and dumps you for being a bigoted racist (as you, yourself, indicated with these comments), who's "not really a racist" because, after all, '[you] think everyone should own one' or some sort of *nonsense* like that.

Best of luck to "Mike", "Jeff", and "Amy"...

August 15, 2015

Is this a joke? I think it must be. But in case it isn't.....

I have to say, your post is full of stereotypes and it is ugly.

Your post also comes off extremely controlling. Your boyfriend is entitled to his own opinion and Jeff can date an Asian even if you and your parents do not approve. Whether or not your parents approve need be of no concern to Jeff.

It is none of your business who your boyfriend's friend dates and it is irrelevant that the dynamic will be different now than it was in the past with Amy.

You really expect Jeff to care about any of this stuff?

August 15, 2015

You're not capable of hearing reason but here we go anyway!

It's great that the above poster had no issues as a mixed race child but sadly, that's the exception and not the norm. Studies have shown that children of mixed race parents suffer from schoolyard bullying, identity issues, depression and anxiety. They don't identify with either race and are excluded from belonging to that race so they are left isolated and alone. They also tend to look strange, because biologically speaking, biology didn't intend for the races to mix.

Do you think Brazilian people look strange? They're some of the most racially mixed people and are also regarded as among the most attractive. Why do you think so many VS models are Brazilian?

I am predominantly 2 races but my racial heritage includes 4. I was not bullied, I know who I am, I'm often complimented on the way I carry myself, I'm neither depressed nor anxious. I've also been proposed to by 3 men, my sister is married and my brother is constantly drenched in women. We're sought out for our exotic looks and have never had problems forming friendships or romantic relationships. I identify with the 2 races I most look like but am accepted by people of all 4 and everyone else for that matter.

Having a future niece/nephew who is mixed race and a sister in law who is Asian will cause HUGE problems for me and my family, as once they find out (my parents don't know yet) they will probably forbid me and my future children from going to Christmases, Thanksgivings and birthdays at their house. This means my future children will have no relationship with their grandparents on their father's side.

You could think for yourself and form outside opinions outside of your parents' narrow views. Also, you're not fit to raise a well rounded child and if your boyfriend is smart he won't reproduce with you.

For those attacking me because I think her presence would ruin future pictures - I'm guessing you are either men or the kind of women who elope because you don't want to coordinate a wedding. Wedding pictures have symmetry and uniformity - that's why there's equal number of groomsmen and bridesmaids and that's why the bridesmaids have matching dresses. Having a non white person with everyone else white would look very strange, like a wedding picture where all the bridesmaids dresses were yellow but one was red. This isn't racist - it would also look really weird if there was one white person in an all Asian wedding photo.

So my sister should destroy her wedding photos? See if you can follow along... My dad is races A, B, and C. My mom is race D. All 3 of us kids are races A-D. My sister married a guy of race B and my boyfriend who is also in the pictures is races B and C. I thought it was just a family photo but now I realize it's a ridiculous abomination!

The strange thing is that no one in our extended family told us how horrible the pictures would be. They totally should have tried to prevent the wedding and save us the shame, right? Because there's no way a loving couple should be allowed to marry if the photos aren't perfectly symmetrical.

If anyone has any suggestions on how I could go about fixing this, they'd be much appreciated!

You shut up and mind your own business. Who Jeff dates is none of your business. Who he dates is certainly none of your parents' business. Stop being such a self-righteous, unattractive, unreasonable, nosy, meddling bigot before your boyfriend decides you're not worth the drama. There is dignity in silence and you're behaving in a very undignified manner. Take a lesson from Kim and grow up.

August 15, 2015

As a non-pot smoking female prosecutor of a mixed race (one being Asian) who often dates slightly younger 100% white men, I'm literally LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL'ing all over this. I almost feel like I'm getting punked! :lmao:

The creative writing I read here sometimes...

August 15, 2015

As a non-pot smoking female prosecutor of a mixed race (one being Asian) who often dates slightly younger 100% white men, I'm literally LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL'ing all over this. I almost feel like I'm getting punked! :lmao:

The creative writing I read here sometimes...

I also am a non-pot-smoking female, so I wonder if that means I'm a prosecutor and just don't know it

or if I'm Asian and just don't know it.

Maybe it just means I can't date younger men. Or, hang out with "OP", "Jeff", and "Mike".

Hmmmm...

August 15, 2015

For those attacking me because I think her presence would ruin future pictures - I'm guessing you are either men or the kind of women who elope because you don't want to coordinate a wedding. Wedding pictures have symmetry and uniformity - that's why there's equal number of groomsmen and bridesmaids and that's why the bridesmaids have matching dresses. Having a non white person with everyone else white would look very strange, like a wedding picture where all the bridesmaids dresses were yellow but one was red. This isn't racist - it would also look really weird if there was one white person in an all Asian wedding photo.

WRONG! I am a woman and was talking a full blown wedding with my now ex. Wedding pictures have family and friends who you love no matter WHAT!

That's what matters to me.

I don't need matching numbers of groomsmen & bridesmaids. When I get married, I want those who love us to be in our wedding party. If that means I have 2 bridesmaids and my future fiancee has seven, I don't care.

I don't care if my bridesmaids wear matching dresses. As long as they are in the color chosen by me, I don't care. I value their friendship and love over any uniformity bull-crap.

As long as they are comfortable in the dress they chose. That's what matters to me.

You need to fix your priorities OP.

August 15, 2015

[quote=

Having a future niece/nephew who is mixed race and a sister in law who is Asian will cause HUGE problems for me and my family, as once they find out (my parents don't know yet) they will probably forbid me and my future children from going to Christmases, Thanksgivings and birthdays at their house. This means my future children will have no relationship with their grandparents on their father's side.

I hope your boyfriend wises up and sees you for what you are and he dumps you.

You sound like some out of touch racist from the 1950's whose so narrow minded that it's really scary. Piece of advice. Grow up real quick because some day your going to open up your bigoted mouth to someone with no tolerance and your wannabe master race ass will get kicked seven ways to Sunday.

August 15, 2015

This is a joke/troll.

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Can't stand my brother's boyfriend's girlfriend and it's causing major issues!

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