outdated Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 I thought I was doing well, but this morning I am absolutely wrecked. I can't get her out of my head. NC for a while and want to call her. I know that she doesn't care, but still I can't stop thinking about her. I feel like I'm driving myself crazy. The worst part about it is that NC will have to end soon as I have to go get stuff from her house. I don't want to start this all over again! How is she handling this? She's obviously not as torn up as me. Any advise from the ladies?
Fallen_Angel Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 Some days will be better than others. I have days where everything I see and hear reminds me of my ex, and those days are torture. Don't pick up the phone! I sometimes see myself dialing the numbers, but I listen to the dial tone and then put the phone down. But don't beat yourself up for thinking about her. If you repress all the things you're feeling now, they'll just come back to haunt you later. Let it all out - just like that awesome Tears for Fears song - shout if you must! I've only dumped a guy once, and that was a loooooooooong time ago. Feels like several lifetimes, in fact. Everyone told me he was devastated, and I felt horrible, but at the same time I didn't have feelings for him. (This was back in high school, so it was awkward from the get-go; his friends basically pushed us together because he liked me and I wasn't strong enough to say no.) After all was said and done we didn't talk at all. In fact I don't think we spoke for two whole years, when we were both in the same class. Anyhow, the point here is I'm sure she's thinking about you; after all, your relationship meant something to both of you, correct?! Perhaps she's going the same route as my ex and pretending to be "stoic." He claims he tries to put on a front. I don't know how true that is, since we're not around each other and don't really have any mutual friends. As for getting your stuff back, one of my friends advised to make it like pulling off a bandaid. Do it once, get everything that's yours, don't prolong it, and go. Bring a friend. There's safety in numbers!
Three of Swords Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 It really bites when you are doing so well and then these emotions of longing come and swallow you up, chew you up and spit you out. It's like slogging your way up a steep and slippery slope only to mistep and slide past where you started from. However, you will remember how you got up there and the way back to where you were will be a bit easier and perhaps quicker. What works for me - time. And Going for a walk, talking to a friend, wallowing in music, crying (for the emotional release), forcing myself to get out in the world. ie - last night I too was feeling blue and lonely. Saturday date/party night and here I am alone - again!! I could have gone home, sat at the computer or lay in a funk in my bed - but I made myself go for a long walk to a Chapters I love to go to (about an hour walk from work). I stayed there until they were about to close reading relationship books (might help if there is a next time) and looking at room painting ideas, etc. Walked back home - another hour of walking. Sat at the puter - went on LS, had a good cry (for the emotional release ) and wnet to bed. Still alone - but the night past and I did SOMETHING at least. The walk is good for the body as well as the mind. It's all about one step at a time - damnit. And I love an instant result. But that just doesn't happen. Take care of yourself. B.
Author outdated Posted May 8, 2005 Author Posted May 8, 2005 Thanks guys, I already feel a little better. I didn't call, and that is good. I played my guitar and the urge to call her went away. The sad thing, is that even though I felt I loved her so much, do you know that I haven't cried once about this. Not one tear. I don't know why. This is what makes me think she was right to end it. Maybe we were just prolonging a greater agony. I love this site- it's really helped me out a lot. Am I heartless, or still shell-shocked. It''s been seven weeks... and yes I am counting.
HotCaliGirl Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 If it's any consolation, there are a lot of us who are still hurting and going through what you are. Don't worry that you haven't cried, everyone expresses their feelings in different ways at different times. I don't think it has anything to do with how deeply you feel towards her, but if the thought that it is a sign it was meant to be helps and that the break-up was something bound to happen at some time, then even better. If I were you, I'd have her box all your belongings and either mail it to you or place it on her doorstep at an agreed upon time so you could pick it up. I wouldn't want to see her at this stage while you are still upset. It will just make you feel worse, for a longer period of time...
dgiirl Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 Oh goodie, i'm not going crazy. I was doing so well with the tears. Everyday I seemed to be crying less and less. But the last few days I cant seem to stop crying. I've been doing the usual, getting off the ground and getting out doors which is helping, but everytime i'm alone, I start crying again. I feel the intensity is almost like day one again. It's horrible.
YouGotServed Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 I feel for you and I know what you are going through. There will be times that are good and times that are bad. You will wonder to yourself how come she does not have anymore feelings. The truth is, the feeling was probably lost awhile ago and there is nothing to change the past. If you have not shed one tear, then its best to express it in other ways. I still shed tears and it has been over 2 months since my ex left me. But, if you need to shed a tear, then do so because it will get your anger and sadness out. Time will allow yourself to heal and definitely you should get your things back. Hang in there!
Author outdated Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 you guys rock. Thanks so much, I needed it.
WithOrWithoutYou Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Yep, it hurts. And no, you are not the only one going through something very similar. If the no contact is helping you, you might be better off to just forget that stuff, or find another way to get it back. The no contact doesn't necessarily have to end even if you need that stuff. Have a friend pick up your stuff, or send her a check for $30, and a note that says "Hello. Please put my things in a box and send them to me UPS Ground. This should cover any expenses associated with that. I appreciate it. Thank you." -yourname
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