HappyNow70 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I was wondering how many on here actually have had the MM leave his wife? If so, did it work out the way you imagined? Was it everything you dreamed of?
minimariah Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 there are a few on the board who did end up with their MM - i personally know quite a few postaffair couples in real life. so yeah, people do leave... both MMs and MWs - although, i think MWs tend to leave more...? just from my experience. one more interesting thing (again, just my experience) - i know a lot more MM + MW couples than i do MM/MW + single OW/OM.
Hope Shimmers Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Not every OW wants that end result. In my long-term A I wanted it very much at the time, but it took him 8+ years to divorce and by then I didn't want it anymore. In a recent, very short EA I never wanted him in real life future for a second and would have run like hell in the other direction. Not everyone's motivations and end games are for that outcome.
waterwoman Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Of course they do. I know one 10 yr marriage- happy as far as I know - that came from a brief affair and a quick divorce. The MM in question went looking for a relationship to supplement his marriage and when he found what he wanted he was prepared to make changes to keep it.
DKT3 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 there are a few on the board who did end up with their MM - i personally know quite a few postaffair couples in real life. so yeah, people do leave... both MMs and MWs - although, i think MWs tend to leave more...? just from my experience. one more interesting thing (again, just my experience) - i know a lot more MM + MW couples than i do MM/MW + single OW/OM. Had a guy tell me the other day "if I ever cheated on __________ it would have to be with some who has as much to lose as me" Married people rarely leave for their AP's. Women do so more then men, niether do it often. 5
daisygirl19 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Mine did, and while we are happy, there are a lot of challenges and it's not an easy road. Is it everything I dreamed of? No. It's a lot of work and there's a lot of pain involved for all parties. Do I hope it WILL be everything I dreamed of as we work through all of the issues associated with being a "regular" relationship after starting it in the worst way possible? Absolutely. We wouldn't be doing all of this hard work otherwise. 3
Sassy Girl Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Dad did. He's been married to his OW for almost 30 years now. Came to me recently complaining about his marriage- the same complaints he had about my mother. So yeah, turns out he's the problem. Surprise surprise . Sister and her AP left their respective marriages for each other. Turns out he was having several EAs and a full blown PA with another married woman which started before my sister even left her husband. She had a newborn baby with him too whe she found out, and didn't want to split custody, so she's trying to make it work. Turns out he has MAJOR issues. Go figure. I've said before: I would never want a real relationship with my xMM. I would never trust him. I saw what he did to his wife of 20 years. The mother of his children. No way I'd invest in that. 11
Hope Shimmers Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I've said before: I would never want a real relationship with my xMM. I would never trust him. I saw what he did to his wife of 20 years. The mother of his children. No way I'd invest in that. Yeah, that's how I feel too. And I wish I could go back and UN-do all of it. 3
ladydesigner Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I saw what he did to his wife of 20 years. The mother of his children. No way I'd invest in that. The bold is very good indicator of how EVERY woman will eventually be treated in MM's life. People don't change overnight that is for sure! In answer to the OP, lots of people leave for their AP's, but that doesn't mean the relationship is going to work or be healthy. My parents were both M the time they met, had exit A's and left immediately to be together. My mother has never REALLY faced why she has had her A's. She went on to have 3 more A's on my dad. They are still together and it is not an ideal M and never has been I guess. 1
Gloria25 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Of the two MM I knew of that left their wives, one he didn't want to be "tied down" with me or anyone (those were his words) so he moved to another state and was sleeping around. I blocked any/all communication with him... Another, I found out he remarried - but as you can see it was not with me. But, looks like he got the same kind of wife he divorced from Both of those situations, there were no kids involved in the marriage and I believe I was the "exit affair". Look, very, very, VERY rare they leave their wives...and even 'if' they do, they usually bring the same problems they had into their next RLs cuz they never seek proper counseling and/or take responsibility in their role for what went down in the marriage. Don't sit around waiting for a married guy to leave his wife, just do him (sex that is) and keep on living your life till he gets tired of doing you. You may sit around thinking his wife is "all wrong" for him and whatnot, but there is "something" she does for him - even if it is unhealthy to your average Jane/Joe. Like, let's say she withholds sex from him. Ok, he may not even care cuz he prefers porn instead of real intimacy. Married people are together for a reason that only "they" know...they are like salt/pepper shaker pairs. Let them be and stop thinking they are gonna break up. 3
CarrieT Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 My husband's father had an affair when his children were grown and moved out. He ended his marriage to be with the affair partner. They are now in their mid-80s and have been together for 35 years.
GoldieLox Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Like someone else said, there are a few posters whom post regularly where it happened to. Sometimes, people in affairs do realize they really should be with their APs because that's the person they were meant to be with. I have seen it happen IRL several times. Oops! Should they get divorced first? Of course... but if if's and but's were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas. A lot of MM (and some MW, let's not be sexist here) have the AP as either A) a supplement to fill voids, where they just get the best of both worlds- Cake Eating 101.. or B) they really do love the AP, but not enough to leave their marriage for. They still love their wife (refers back to cake eating), they don't want to leave their kids, they are just too damn comfortable, they are conflict avoiders, they don't want to put in the work and effort, you have your pick. 1
HappyAgain2014 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I've said before: I would never want a real relationship with my xMM. I would never trust him. I saw what he did to his wife of 20 years. The mother of his children. No way I'd invest in that. Amen to that. Regardless of what a MM says about their OW and how unhappy their W makes them, there was a day when he loved her enough to marry her and have children with her. I always knew I'd wait for my day when he believed I didn't make him happy. I now know his marriage wasn't broken....he was. Toxic at best. 4
HappyAgain2014 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 There's a couple of OWs on here whose MM left their marriage. A few more who left and rather quickly returned to their wives. Most are still waiting or ended their affairs. I don't think anyone gets what they expected from an affair, regardless of the outcome. 3
NewLeaf512 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 There's a couple of OWs on here whose MM left their marriage. A few more who left and rather quickly returned to their wives. Most are still waiting or ended their affairs. I don't think anyone gets what they expected from an affair, regardless of the outcome. I don't think I know anyone in RL who was an OW/OM who ended up with AP. I really agree with Happy. No matter what the outcome is never what anyone expects. Never ends with anyone riding off into the sunset. 2
Mascara Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I know a few couples. But the only ones that now have happy, long marriages are those whose first marriages - the ones they cheated in - were between very young people (teens/early 20s) who should never have got married in the first place. The one I know best - Friends of my parents - married at 18, had an affair with each other at 21, now married to each other for over 40 years, and they're still besotted with each other. I know a few who were older and had much longer first marriages before divorcing and marrying their OP. Neither of those are particularly happy. Well, they may be mostly happy, but there's definitely an undercurrent of brittle mistrust with them. 1
SoulCat Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 My ex husband left me for his OW. As far as I know they are still together 4 years on. Are they happy? I have no idea but the last time I saw him he looked like cr@p. As far as I'm concerned his OW is welcome to him, I would not want to be with someone who'd throw the person they were committed to under the bus without a second thought. 5
cocorico Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I was wondering how many on here actually have had the MM leave his wife? If so, did it work out the way you imagined? Was it everything you dreamed of? OK, I'll bite. Yes, my H left the xBW, and yes, it's everything we dreamed of. Did it work out the way we imagined? Not in the short term. We expected that he'd have to stay until the kids were grown, and then leave. As it turns out, they were up for him leaving sooner, and for leaving with him. So we played Happy Families for a couple of years, and then they went off to live their own lives. Another aspect that was unexpected was the xBW's behaviour. I'd heard from his family and his colleagues about her, but had no idea just how bad it was. Many years later, she still hasn't moved on, still resorts to petty theft and vandalism when we go away, still tries to slander him / us with anyone prepared to listen. Fortunately, she's well known for how she is, so it's more of an irritation than a problem, but it has estranged her from her kids. Besides that, things are great. We enjoy each other more each day, and are grateful every day to have each other. We take care of our R, and of each other and ourselves, and relish our time together. 3
SoleMate Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Married people are together for a reason that only "they" know...they are like salt/pepper shaker pairs. Very well said! To OP, a few MM do leave their marriages (not always for the OW). I'd say 3% tops. But 94% of OW believe or hope they will win that prize. 2
NewLeaf512 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I've never been a BW only an ashamed of myself OW I can only role play in my mind about what it would be like to be a BW. Depending on a lot of factors especially if children were involved I would probably want to keep it together. I think I'd try really hard at first, but as someone who over thinks everything I don't think I could last too long in the marriage, but someone here wisely said the salt and pepper comment.. Seems to be true
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I was wondering how many on here actually have had the MM leave his wife? If so, did it work out the way you imagined? Was it everything you dreamed of? Sometimes they do but very, very rarely because of the OW and usually because the W wants out too. 3
Zagan Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Very rarely. I know a fella who left his wife for an OW who was pestering him constantly to do it, then he went running back to his wife leaving nothing behind but a pair of shoes with smoke coming out of them about 3 weeks later. It's more common for women to leave their husbands for other men because women tend to enter affairs for emotional reasons so they are usually already long emotionally detached from their partners. The majority of men enter affairs for the physical side and other than being bored sexually with their wives and feeling like the spark has deteriorated, have no other issues with the marriage, so are unlikely to give everything up for new found excitement, especially if there are children. That being said .. The majority of MM will tell the OW they are unhappy and want to leave .. It's the only way to keep them dangling on a string and therefore a constant supply of sex/excitement. 2
goodyblue Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 My h left his ex w for me after a short A. We are happy. 2
Morro72 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 My mother was OW to an MM who left his wife for her. She seemed to be happy but I think the key to happiness in her case was realistic expectations. 1
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