slt0797 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months now and we've only been on 5 dates because he was out to Europe a lot for work. It was going good and even when he was in Europe he would still text me once a day at least. It was progressing nicely and he would always initiate dates. Then on our fifth date last Sunday, it was a long date about 7 hours which ended up in us doing everything but sex. He of course asked for it and I said no because I'm not ready and told him next time. He said ok. At the end of the date he said 'take care and have a nice week'. Then we were flirt texting all week until Wednesday and I haven't heard from him since (2 days) which is weird because he will always text me everyday. What is this guy's deal? Did he lose interest?
Bigmess2 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 There must be something in the air.... I'm dealing with the no texting after texting all the time too
LoveRefreshed Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Three months, five dates? That is 1 day every other week? Seems like he's probably seeing other women. That, and holding out on sex is a good way to lose a guys interest. Not that you have to put out, but the "next time" thing after doing everything but sex is strange. I personally don't see the difference in oral sex and sex. But that's me. I have almost always had sex with every girl I've kissed. I think once in my life, I went down on someone and didn't have sex with them. I've gotten sex from more women than I've gotten blow jobs from. So for me, I would be put off by it. Almost like you'd be someone who would get super emotional afterwards (big turn off for me) or you would hold it as bargaining power in a relationship. Who knows though. You know him, try calling him, just to talk. Don't say something like "Checking up on you because I haven't heard from you in a few days". More like, "I just saw this and I thought of you. How are you doing?"
rocketman122 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 holding out on sex or having sex early wont affect the outcome of a guy to stay or not. if a guy likes you and is wants to have a LTR he will stay. a guy who has sex and leaves shortly after knew that already. he was waiting for that and after that would leave. there are circumstances though when the guy wants a LTR b ut even a short while after having sex, things are not going well and a breakup happens. the intention for a LTR is sincere though. so a person might say "thats why you should wait" and thats a crock of shett because it could be a month, two or 4 months after things dont go well. me personally, I always have the mindset for a LTR and if a woman held out too long for sex, then I would lose interest. I wouldnt wait for sex just to have sex and walk away. sex actually keeps me interested in her and if there isnt sex, I see her as a friend and just move on. so sex, I stay, no sex, I leave. 3 weeks is my limit. 1
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months now and we've only been on 5 dates because he was out to Europe a lot for work. It was going good and even when he was in Europe he would still text me once a day at least. It was progressing nicely and he would always initiate dates. Then on our fifth date last Sunday, it was a long date about 7 hours which ended up in us doing everything but sex. He of course asked for it and I said no because I'm not ready and told him next time. He said ok. At the end of the date he said 'take care and have a nice week'. Then we were flirt texting all week until Wednesday and I haven't heard from him since (2 days) which is weird because he will always text me everyday. What is this guy's deal? Did he lose interest? What does "doing everything but sex" mean? Does it means getting physical but not going all the way because you stopped it in the middle? Before you've established the physical side of the relationship don't go anywhere near the bedroom unless you're ready to go the full mile. It sends the wrong message - that you're a tease, that you don't know what you want, that you're not in charge of your sexuality, that you're not sexually attracted to the guy...All these things are a turn off to a man. If you're not sure you're ready to sleep with someone stay away from the bedroom until you are. If this is what happened he could have been weirded out by it, tried to get over it for a couple of days but eventually decided that he can't get back to the previous level of interest hence the silence since wed. 1
Author slt0797 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 To be honest I was tempted to sleep with him but neither of us had protection so I held out. I am still interested in him though- is this salvagable? How do I text him back to let him know I'm still interested? 1
LoveRefreshed Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Call him. Do not text him. Call him and tell him you were thinking about him. That is alllll you need to say. Then ask him how he's doing, and let it flow normally from there. 2
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 To be honest I was tempted to sleep with him but neither of us had protection so I held out. I am still interested in him though- is this salvagable? How do I text him back to let him know I'm still interested? Well, a guy should never get sexy with a new girl without being prepared. So he is as responsible for messing up the relationship dynamic as you are (provided this is what turned him off) It is probably salvageable. If he maintained contact with you while working abroad it means he is probably relatively invested. Give it a try
LoveRefreshed Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Well, a guy should never get sexy with a new girl without being prepared. Unless he's gambling for love without a glove. Which of course I do not support. ! 1
Author slt0797 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 I agree! I think we have a strong physical attraction as much as emotional but I still have to protect myselff! I appreciate your suggestion about calling but I don't want to. I am not a caller and I think it would make things even weird because the conversation will be awkward (knowing myself over phones). If I were to text him, what could I say? Thank you all for your insight! Much appreciated!
Gary S Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 You can't even get a relationship off the ground without at least one date a week.
stillafool Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I agree! I think we have a strong physical attraction as much as emotional but I still have to protect myselff! I appreciate your suggestion about calling but I don't want to. I am not a caller and I think it would make things even weird because the conversation will be awkward (knowing myself over phones). If I were to text him, what could I say? Thank you all for your insight! Much appreciated! Do you find it awkward when you speak with him in person? Just text him that you were thinking of him and hope he's having a nice day/night.
Author slt0797 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 No, in person conversation is good- able to talk about our families, life goals, etc. I just don't do phone calls very well anymore (either with friends or boyfriends) because I'm such a texter. Phone calls for me are reserved for emergencies and family.
Author slt0797 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 I also told him that I liked him on the 4th date and he said he liked me too...
Poppygoodwill Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 okay, well if you don't call people then text him. Take the initiative, be brave, and assume it's all fine. Be sincere: you ARE thinking about him and want to check in. If you've gone this far and have declared you like one another, then you don't play coy and expect him to chase you. The relationship is evolving and your behaviour and his should evolve along with it. Take the initiative; text him and see what's up. 2
thecomputerguy Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 You can't even get a relationship off the ground without at least one date a week. I somewhat agree with this. Dating someone thats far away enough to not see every week is a good example. But I don't have any examples to back it since all of mine mainly didn't go anywhere once the relationship started.
stillafool Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I also told him that I liked him on the 4th date and he said he liked me too... Saying you "like" someone is not saying that now you are a couple. It's obvious you guys "like" each other that's why you spend time together. I'm sure you both "like" your same gender friends as well.
Author slt0797 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Ok I just sent him a flirty, light hearted message and ended with hope that he is having a very happy Friday! Wish me luck!!
katiegrl Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 At the end of the date he said 'take care and have a nice week'. Then we were flirt texting all week until Wednesday and I haven't heard from him since (2 days) which is weird because he will always text me everyday. What is this guy's deal? Did he lose interest? I have asked my brother this before, and he said he probably checked in with his friends, told them you're holding out on sex, and they advised him to pull back a bit (causing you to become a bit anxious) so that the next time you see him you will agree to have sex.....but who knows really. That said, I saw that you texted him.... let us know if/when he responds and what he says!
fitnessfan365 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Ok I just sent him a flirty, light hearted message and ended with hope that he is having a very happy Friday! Wish me luck!! My advice was actually going to be that you do exactly that since he's basically been doing all the initiating. Guys appreciate when a woman takes an active interest. Hopefully he'll use this as an opportunity to plan the next date.
Author slt0797 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 So he responded flirtatiously too! I take it as a good sign...but still no mention of seeing me again? Should I initiate the date?
MrMeh Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 So he responded flirtatiously too! I take it as a good sign...but still no mention of seeing me again? Should I initiate the date? Yes. Guys like to feel wanted to. If he avoids you after constant invitations then use common sense and move on. Good luck.
katiegrl Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 So he responded flirtatiously too! I take it as a good sign...but still no mention of seeing me again? Should I initiate the date? Yes! And tell him you'd like to rip his clothes off next time you see him too! (j/k -- hehe) 1
Author slt0797 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 So my initial text was something about my lunch that has some sexy, flirty message behind it. To which he responded I should have gone over to his place for lunch and he could have satiated my appetite!! I said 'oh but I didn't get an invite...' And he said 'to be honest I only just remembered you were so close' ( I work 5 minutes away from where he lives...' I'm trying to ease up into asking him out but what the heck does his response mean?? Am I just over reading this?
Strahatmak Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I have asked my brother this before, and he said he probably checked in with his friends, told them you're holding out on sex, and they advised him to pull back a bit (causing you to become a bit anxious) so that the next time you see him you will agree to have sex.....but who knows really. That said, I saw that you texted him.... let us know if/when he responds and what he says! I would thought the guy was playing games on this, too. Is this even a healthy development...?
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