abby_tx Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I met a guy online who I was originally iffy on meeting in person. I was iffy for three reasons: he was a few years younger than me, I wasn't that attracted to him, and he texted me way more than I wanted before we had even met. But he was funny, confident, and easy to talk to so I thought I might as well give it a try. So we have our first day and I'm surprised. I had a really nice time. I also felt chemistry and attraction. At the end of the date, he hugged me goodbye then sent a text later that night saying, "Let me know when you make it home. I had such an amazing time." Post-date things feel different. Conversation via text is awkward. He starts or ends all texts with "lol" which I heard is a sign of lack of confidence. Plus he isn't so persistent anymore. No replying to texts seconds after I send him one, etc. Things should be new and fun and if it's this weird conversing with him now I'm not sure I should bother with a second date. I don't know what changed. Maybe my age hit him hard.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Perhaps he didn't feel the spark in person. It's nothing personal, maybe the chemistry was just not clicking. How much of an age difference is there? I would ease up on the texting. If he wants to see you again, he will ask. 5
RoseVille Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 He probably didn't feel the spark or is unsure that you felt one too (if he did). Like Expat said, I'd ease up on the texting. If he lacks confidence, you don't want that. 1
Author abby_tx Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Perhaps he didn't feel the spark in person. It's nothing personal, maybe the chemistry was just not clicking. How much of an age difference is there? I would ease up on the texting. If he wants to see you again, he will ask. 6.5 year difference. Something I was very uncomfortable with but my friends insisted me to try. I think I look a lot younger than my age and he acts older than his. I actually don't text a lot, so if I ease up that would mean no to go to no contact. Guess I'll try that.
Author abby_tx Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 He probably didn't feel the spark or is unsure that you felt one too (if he did). Like Expat said, I'd ease up on the texting. If he lacks confidence, you don't want that. I wondered if he didn't feel the spark, but then thought he shouldn't have texted he had an "amazing time" if he didn't. But you're right. I'm too damn old to have to wait for a guy to get confidence.
fitnessfan365 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 (edited) This is why texting is one of the biggest problems in dating IMO. Take the OP for example. She's trying to psychoanalyze what "LOL" means, freaking out over not getting an instant response, etc.. If you had a nice time on date one, just keep it simple. Send him a text saying "What did you have in mind for our second date?" Then let him plan it, and focus on how he is in person. If that goes well, just keep trying to plan dates, and keep texting to a minimum. Texting isn't dating! I'm too damn old to have to wait for a guy to get confidence. That's an interesting statement coming from the woman who's acting insecure and freaking out over the secret meanings of text behavior. Confidence is a two way street. Edited August 7, 2015 by fitnessfan365 5
Author abby_tx Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 That's an interesting statement coming from the woman who's acting insecure and freaking out over the secret meanings of text behavior. Confidence is a two way street. Touché. I think I am scared to give him a chance when I have reservations and end up liking him then him turning around and being the one to reject me. So I'm nitpicking every behavior so I can jump ship before I'm in too far!
mrldii Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 This is why texting is one of the biggest problems in dating IMO. Take the OP for example. She's trying to psychoanalyze what "LOL" means, freaking out over not getting an instant response, etc.. If you had a nice time on date one, just keep it simple. Send him a text saying "What did you have in mind for our second date?" Then let him plan it, and focus on how he is in person. If that goes well, just keep trying to plan dates, and keep texting to a minimum. Texting isn't dating! That's an interesting statement coming from the woman who's acting insecure and freaking out over the secret meanings of text behavior. Confidence is a two way street. ABsoLUTEly agree. As these boards prove, there is no one sex/gender who is more guilty of overanalyzing every little word, gesture, moment of silence, hidden messages in texts, etc., than the other. It was a first date. YOU enjoyed yourself. Enjoy that. Enjoy that you had a pleasant time doing something enjoyable with another human being. If you two see each other again, look forward to the possibility that you will once again have an enjoyable time. And then, enjoy it. Gosh...I remember when dating was fun. *GASP* Is it us - the daters, ourselves - that have made it not so, anymore?!?
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I met a guy online who I was originally iffy on meeting in person. I was iffy for three reasons: he was a few years younger than me, I wasn't that attracted to him, and he texted me way more than I wanted before we had even met. But he was funny, confident, and easy to talk to so I thought I might as well give it a try. So we have our first day and I'm surprised. I had a really nice time. I also felt chemistry and attraction. At the end of the date, he hugged me goodbye then sent a text later that night saying, "Let me know when you make it home. I had such an amazing time." Post-date things feel different. Conversation via text is awkward. He starts or ends all texts with "lol" which I heard is a sign of lack of confidence. Plus he isn't so persistent anymore. No replying to texts seconds after I send him one, etc. Things should be new and fun and if it's this weird conversing with him now I'm not sure I should bother with a second date. I don't know what changed. Maybe my age hit him hard. First off, if you feel something is "off" trust your intuition, it doesn't lie. If someone LOLs at me i take it to mean that they're not taking the conversation seriously. Which is fine, but if your guy wasn't doing it before and now his communication style has changed it could mean he's trying to take the intensity down to a more casual, friendly level because he didn't feel attraction on the date. Which could also explain why he takes longer to reply. Wait a few days and if he's still slow to reply and not asking you out on a second date you've got your answer. 2
Author abby_tx Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 First off, if you feel something is "off" trust your intuition, it doesn't lie. If someone LOLs at me i take it to mean that they're not taking the conversation seriously. Which is fine, but if your guy wasn't doing it before and now his communication style has changed it could mean he's trying to take the intensity down to a more casual, friendly level because he didn't feel attraction on the date. Which could also explain why he takes longer to reply. Wait a few days and if he's still slow to reply and not asking you out on a second date you've got your answer. He wasn't saying lol this much before. He was saying longer, more thought out jokes. But yeah. He hasn't texted since yesterday afternoon which is odd since he texted daily before. Plus it's the weekend. This kinda sucks but oh well. Onward and upward.
Zagan Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I don't think in this case 'lol' means lack of confidence, I think he's been out with you and changed his mind because of lack of 'spark' or whatever and short sentences with a 'lol' is just a conversation filler because he has nothing else to say. Forget about him. 1
Author abby_tx Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 I don't think in this case 'lol' means lack of confidence, I think he's been out with you and changed his mind because of lack of 'spark' or whatever and short sentences with a 'lol' is just a conversation filler because he has nothing else to say. Forget about him. Hmm good point. But I'm curious, as a guy why do you think he would text back that he had an "amazing" time after the first date THEN change his mind?
Versacehottie Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I agree you are putting too much focus on LOL. When i say it has nothing to do with my confidence level (if anything means i'm comfortable/and confident). I just try to approximate the way my speaking is in text (one of the beauties/curses of texting). I wouldn't speak that way with someone who hadn't met me in person in case they would think I was ditzy or lame. But once someone knows me it just means I'm laughing and now that they know my cadence/speech patterns, they should "get it". Could it be that he's using LOL because you now know each other in person? And it matches his speech pattern which you now know? And he is more comfortable with you whereas before he was trying to put on his older, more distinguished mannerisms to earn your respect and because he was nervous trying to impress you? I would be more worried if frequency of contact is dropping off. Though to be honest, sometimes when guys get what they want (a first date with you in this case), they don't do the courting stuff as much (via text). They revert to using text as they normally do, to quickly make plans, say they are running late, etc. Not for "chatting". Annoying and confusing but yes they do this.
Author abby_tx Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 Update: I ended up texting him saying, "I had a great time, but I have to be honest. I don't think this is working." He texted that he agreed and that was it. I'm proud of myself. Instead of wondering and worrying, I got conclusion on this one and now I can open myself to others! 1
fitnessfan365 Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Touché. I think I am scared to give him a chance when I have reservations and end up liking him then him turning around and being the one to reject me. So I'm nitpicking every behavior so I can jump ship before I'm in too far! Abby be honest. Did this end up being the case here? Reading what you wrote in this thread, it seemed like you liked the guy but were determined to push him away to protect yourself. Also, when you contact a guy saying "it isn't working" he'll most likely agree just to save face. After all, you can't expect someone to put themselves out there and push for more when they're rejected. Just saying...So my advice for the future is to not think so much or over analyze like you did with this guy. Just take it one date at a time. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Post-date things feel different. Conversation via text is awkward. He starts or ends all texts with "lol" which I heard is a sign of lack of confidence. Plus he isn't so persistent anymore. No replying to texts seconds after I send him one, etc. He just wasn't excited about you once you met in person. But don't worry about it. It's much better to know this now, rather than get involved with a guy who's not into you.
Author abby_tx Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 Abby be honest. Did this end up being the case here? Reading what you wrote in this thread, it seemed like you liked the guy but were determined to push him away to protect yourself. Also, when you contact a guy saying "it isn't working" he'll most likely agree just to save face. After all, you can't expect someone to put themselves out there and push for more when they're rejected. Just saying...So my advice for the future is to not think so much or over analyze like you did with this guy. Just take it one date at a time. There is probably some truth there. I did want to protect myself. But I also had doubts from the start. He's so much younger and in a doctorate program with very little time so even if he DID like me, I doubt it would have ended up being anything serious. I just didn't really want to let a guy keep me dangling for whatever reason. I have a really impossible time not over analyzing things. My friends all said I need to try multidating so I don't get all worked up over one guy. Question - how long would you wait for a second date with someone you hit it off with?
Author abby_tx Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 He just wasn't excited about you once you met in person. But don't worry about it. It's much better to know this now, rather than get involved with a guy who's not into you. That's what I thought. And if that's the case, it IS better to know ASAP. Don't waste my time, guy!
Zagan Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Hmm good point. But I'm curious, as a guy why do you think he would text back that he had an "amazing" time after the first date THEN change his mind? Maybe he's just one of those people who don't like to be brutally honest. He very well may have had an amazing time, or atleast a good time, just not in 'that' way. I've read a lot on here about people online dating and most appear to go on several a month regardless of whether they had one good one. So maybe he had a different date and just clicked better with that person. Could be any number of reasons really, it's not worth frying your brain over it.
lino Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Touché. I think I am scared to give him a chance when I have reservations and end up liking him then him turning around and being the one to reject me. So I'm nitpicking every behavior so I can jump ship before I'm in too far! Do you realise how pathetic that sounds? Next time you wonder 'why is dating so hard!' and 'why are there no god men available!' re read what I've quoted above over and over and that'll be your answer. Attitudes like this is exactly what has f#cked it all up.
Author abby_tx Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 Do you realise how pathetic that sounds?. Yes. That's why I'm here.
Gary S Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I would not take text so seriously, it's a poor form of communication. I guess you'll find out if he likes you if he asks you for a second date. Text means very little, people text their friends too. 1
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