Hamzazaid Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 My story is quite long if I were to list every single detail in it, and so I will try and make it as short as I possibly can. I met a girl during my first year of uni in 2009, and fell madly in love with her. We stayed together for the coming years and had always hoped it would lead to getting married. Early this year, in January, I had proposed to her, and she accepted it, and so we actually went on to getting engaged and wearing the rings etc. The shock came one month later, when she told me to my face that she had "below zero feelings" left towards me and that it was a mistake to say yes to the engagement. Of course myself and everyone around me found it really odd as an excuse, after having been together for almost 5 years you could say. So, to say the least, she broke off the engagement, and despite me trying to the extreme to keep her, even after she broke it off, she just wouldn't react to it, she just wanted it to be over. Only very soon after that, I had heard that she had started seeing someone from work (who I had once suspected) while we were together, but of course she denied it. This was what less than a month after we split up that she started seeing this guy, and now 6 months later, I hear they are in love and on the verge of getting engaged. Now comes the part where I need everyone's help.. I have been hurting none stop for 6 months now, there is not a second that goes by during by day that I do not think of her. As unfortunate as it is, I am still madly in love with her, and miss her like none-stop, and that is because what I had for her in the past and up till today is unconditional love. I am hurt beyond what anyone can imagine, I'm suffocated. Now deep inside, I know that me and her will never be again, especially that she is actually in love with this new guys (although, I had hoped it was a rebound at first, I was wrong, as now they are supposed to be getting engaged very very very soon) I am in fear of always feeling this way, I just have no control over what I feel or my thoughts, and the pain is making me loose who I am as a person. Everyone around me, and I mean everyone around me tells me how she is the biggest bitch for what she did, and how she never will truly be happy because of the personality she carries. However, I am blinded to anything that anyone around me says, as I still think of her differently, just like I always did back when we were together. So the moral of the story is, guys, it's been 6 months today since she dumped me, and still the pain has not gotten any easier, nor have I been able to stop loving her.. what do I do? Would really appreciate replies from people who have gone through something like this, and how they are doing months, or possibly years later.
FusionCutter Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Stop all contact stop all social media stalking, just stop it all. Then get rid of anything that reminds you of her. Old gifts old pictures, etc. 2
qubist Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Hamzazaid: you are very lucky, what happened to you is very common nowadays but you are lucky she pulled out before you had invested too much. you weren't married and have no kids no financial attachment to her. pain need time to ease and you should be able to to forget. i know it hurts now but in the long term you will realize one day how lucky you were. You were blinded by her you didn't see who she really was and if you married her you would've suffered more. I know it is not easy to wake up from a good dream but you gotta do it. go out man you are still young do the fun things that you like and may be meet some one else. the best way to forget about a woman ..... is another woman that is a fact 4
CarrieT Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Six months is nothing. I would be willing to put $1,000 in a bank account and pay it off to you if you are in the same state after six years. The destruction of a relationship that brought me to this site in 2008 was only a 2 1/2 year relationship but devastating. It took me a full two years to get over him. Another full two years of meaningless dating. But a year after that, I actually met someone. It took me five years to love and trust again. Again, six months is nothing considering you were together for five years. 3
Unlucky_I_Guess Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 My story is quite long if I were to list every single detail in it, and so I will try and make it as short as I possibly can. I met a girl during my first year of uni in 2009, and fell madly in love with her. We stayed together for the coming years and had always hoped it would lead to getting married. Early this year, in January, I had proposed to her, and she accepted it, and so we actually went on to getting engaged and wearing the rings etc. The shock came one month later, when she told me to my face that she had "below zero feelings" left towards me and that it was a mistake to say yes to the engagement. Of course myself and everyone around me found it really odd as an excuse, after having been together for almost 5 years you could say. So, to say the least, she broke off the engagement, and despite me trying to the extreme to keep her, even after she broke it off, she just wouldn't react to it, she just wanted it to be over. Only very soon after that, I had heard that she had started seeing someone from work (who I had once suspected) while we were together, but of course she denied it. This was what less than a month after we split up that she started seeing this guy, and now 6 months later, I hear they are in love and on the verge of getting engaged. Now comes the part where I need everyone's help.. I have been hurting none stop for 6 months now, there is not a second that goes by during by day that I do not think of her. As unfortunate as it is, I am still madly in love with her, and miss her like none-stop, and that is because what I had for her in the past and up till today is unconditional love. I am hurt beyond what anyone can imagine, I'm suffocated. Now deep inside, I know that me and her will never be again, especially that she is actually in love with this new guys (although, I had hoped it was a rebound at first, I was wrong, as now they are supposed to be getting engaged very very very soon) I am in fear of always feeling this way, I just have no control over what I feel or my thoughts, and the pain is making me loose who I am as a person. Everyone around me, and I mean everyone around me tells me how she is the biggest bitch for what she did, and how she never will truly be happy because of the personality she carries. However, I am blinded to anything that anyone around me says, as I still think of her differently, just like I always did back when we were together. So the moral of the story is, guys, it's been 6 months today since she dumped me, and still the pain has not gotten any easier, nor have I been able to stop loving her.. what do I do? Would really appreciate replies from people who have gone through something like this, and how they are doing months, or possibly years later. Pretty close to my own story... Like has already been said, go complete NC and get her out of your life. I know how you are feeling (I'm only 3-4 months in myself), but I have hope that it gets better. I'm to the point now where I finally actively avoid any chance to run across her and I have no urge to ever speak to her again. Maybe that'll change someday but somehow I doubt it. Stay strong brother; you'll make it. 1
Chi townD Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Okay dude, here's the thing. She was cheating on you, make no mistake on that one. Once you had your suspicions and questioned her about this guy, you were right on target. Therefore, you can assume that this was going on BEFORE you asked her about his guy. Plus, she's been seeing him for six months and you hear there's talk of engagement. Very few couples get engaged after just six months, so you have to assume that they were cheating on you a lot longer. So, how do you get over this? There's a few things and I'm sure you're sick of hearing about it but, time. It does take time. I mean, you were with her for 5 years and was about to dedicate your life to her forever. So, six months is just a drop in the bucket. You NEED to do a strict NC (No Contact) You know WAY TOO MUCH about her life. Therefore, you are not in strict NC. This includes BLOCKING her on all of social media. This includes telling your friends and family that you don't want to ever hear anything about her or even her name. IF they're really your friends, they'll respect your wishes. She should be dead to you. Now, here's the kicker. She MIGHT reach out to you in the future. See, right now, she's in the honeymoon phase of her new relationship. Yes, I know that I said that they've been seeing each other for a while now. But, the honeymoon phase of the relationship started when they went public with it. They didn't have to hide it anymore, so they didn't have to restrict their relationship. But, once the honeymoon phase of their relationship ends and things become routine for them, she might start thinking about you. See, MOST girls hate the fact that there might be a person on this planet that doesn't think that they are a nice person or even hates them. So, she might reach out to you to see if this is the case. She KNOWS that she hurt you. She KNOWS that she broke your heart and she KNOWS that she did you wrong. So, there's a strong possibility that guilt is going to start to creep in. So, she'll throw you a breadcrumb. It could be anything from a simple "Hi" text or a "Happy Birthday" text. IGNORE IT! She's trying to get you to respond. She'll want nothing more than to get you into the "friend zone" so you can ease the guilt she might be having. She'll want nothing more than to say to herself, "Oh look! We're being civil to each other! He doesn't hate me. He's doing fine and sounds happy. So, I guess the break up was a good thing after all." And you'll ease her guilt. We want our Ex's to hold onto that guilt. Not to punish them, but to have them learn from it. That you can't treat people the way she treated you and expect people to be okay with it. When you don't respond, you give her NOTHING! She doesn't know where your head is at. She doesn't know if your happy or sad. She doesn't know if your angry or indifferent. YOU GIVE HER NOTHING! Another reason that our Ex's try to get a hold of us is because for some dumbass reason, they think they're doing us a favor but it's probably one of the cruelest things they can do. If you eat the breadcrumb, they might come back with this, "Look, I wanted to be the one to tell you this before you heard it from someone else. I felt I at least owed that to you. I'm getting married." or "I'm pregnant". For the life of me, I don't know why they do this, but some do. And you don't need to hear that crap. Now, I already told you about NC. But, you also need to make positive changes in your life and you need to keep BUSY! You need to always be doing something. Fill your schedule EVERYDAY with things to do. KEEP BUSY AND DO FUN THINGS! Get new hobbies. Plan trips to get away with friends. Travel! Go see the world! Get out there! 4
Seeker12 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Hamzazaid i feel for you man, my break up was very different to yours, the RS did last a similar amount of years, and my NC period began when you broke up with your ex. After the breakup my ex did say that she didnt feel anything for me etc. etc. And you know what, thats just how it is, dont look too deeply into it anymore, back then i overanalysed it and was like oh how could she, but now, 7 months on, 80% of me couldnt care less. Now in terms of my progress, 7 months on overall im doing fine, i have messed up NC a few times (no direct contact) but hearing off her mates etc. which did set me back, but i have always come out stronger. Every now and then would i hit a downer, but thats only for a while, and they are becoming fewer and further between now. I dont even see it as NC anymore. Anyway, what you need to do is go through the emotions, make sure your out there socialising, go out with mates, start applying for jobs etc etc little successes makes the day seem a lot sweeter, but also strict NC, any bit of news will still drag you down, 7 months down the line and only now do i feel comfortable hooking up with someone new and just carrying on with life. Stop stalking her on whatsapp etc. if you are, and just think of it like this, you dodged a bullet man, youre fortunate this happened now in a sense and youre going through this pain now, instead of you finding out 3-4 years into your marriage shes either been cheating on you or wants to leave you. 3
Gus Grimly Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Hey there welcome to LS! I have a similar experience. I was with my Ex for 4+ years and we were engaged for 2 years. Not to get too detailed, she broke it off. 2 weeks later I broke NC trying to figure out the truth. All I found was an angry, cold-hearted woman. Someone I never met before who blamed me for everything that went wrong in the relationship. She was very cruel and left it hanging by a thread. I discovered a week later that she had reactivated all her OLD profiles (OKcupid, Match, POF etc.) and that she hooked up with a guy she cheated on me 2 years prior, and also a new guy she met on OKCupid. The person I thought I knew was gone and in her place was the person who lacked empathy, guilt, remorse and shame. She was in bed with 2 different men only THREE weeks after we broke up. As of today, it's been a month since she ended it and I've pretty much be a wreck the whole time. I'm forcing myself to strict NC again and made some big plans to change my life. I have to leave this person who I no longer recognize behind. I need to leave all the baggage associated with her behind too. It has been tough, but we must carry on. We must become the best version of ourselves. I have a problem with lingering in the past, I'm gonna work on that first. Just keep NC. You gotta do it. Out of sight out of Mind. I know the "not knowing" craving can be hard to bear. Trust me, the truth will only hurt you more. Trust the advice here. I broke NC, it helped me, but it also put anger in my heart. I don't know if that's a good thing. 3
lolablue17 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 In addition to all the wise advices you got from everybody, There is one more thing i think you should think about. You've been together for few years, you proposed. she said yes, and after a month she said she has zero feelings to you. A lot of drama, and YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED A THING! It was out of the blue for you. Sorry for telling you that but you were probably sleeping during your relationship, at least the last period, to be able to miss and being blind something like that. Try to figure out how did you miss all that, for your next Gf. Try to understand what was wrong, and to fix it for your future R. 2
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