LivingDeadGrl Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 If you've read any of my other threads you know I am going through a break up and set to move out for Aug 15th. My ex is a liar, cheater and has stabbed me in the back many times. Once I moved out he still wanted to keep in touch and see how things go. As much as I knew it was better to just end it all together, I considered it because unfortunately I still love him. So last night I discover he is talking to not only 2 other women but 3, flirting with them, calling them gorgeous etc. The 3rd woman I had never even heard of until last night, I guess he had been keeping her a secret. I was crushed! I cried so much over this. I now no longer even want to be his friend or have him in my life, he says they are "just friends" (these friends and his inappropriate relationships are the reason im leaving). He says he calls everyone gorgeous, he doesn't. He even called me a B*tch to one of them. He has lied to my face so many times regarding these women and I know this, I know who he is and what kind of guy he is. I just don't understand how I can still love someone who hurts me so badly and doesn't give it a second thought? I told him he's an awful person... Once I move I plan on going NC and or very minimal contact because we have financial things to get settled and we own a house together. I am so hurt and can't understand why. I guess maybe because I had hoped in the future he might get himself together and it could work out some day. I feel like he was only saying that to use me for sex or keep me on the back burner in case it doesn't work out with one of them. Also fyi - he is moving one of these "friends" into the basement of our house after I move to help her get out of her abusive relationship. Ugh, someone please enlighten me.
SycamoreCircle Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Sorry for your pain. Read up on NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Your ex certainly qualifies for some of the traits of that disorder. You know the drill. NC. Get your head straight. Move on. Again, I'm sorry. 1
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 I agree he has narcissistic traits. I think he deep down has very low self esteem and looks to other women for an ego boost. I hope he enjoys himself.
Gus Grimly Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 .... he says they are "just friends" (these friends and his inappropriate relationships are the reason im leaving). "Just friends". That's the oldest line in the book. I discovered my Ex had reactivated her OKcupid account. When I asked her why, she said she thought she saw "James", the guy she cheated on me with 2 years prior, at the movie theater the other night and was just contacting him through OKcupid to see if that was really him. A few weeks later they were dating. "If doesn't make sense, then it's not true". I usually try to go by that. Go with your instincts. "We", the victims, usually know when things don't feel right. If you feel like you're being lied too, there's a reason. 3
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 "Just friends". That's the oldest line in the book. I discovered my Ex had reactivated her OKcupid account. When I asked her why, she said she thought she saw "James", the guy she cheated on me with 2 years prior, at the movie theater the other night and was just contacting him through OKcupid to see if that was really him. A few weeks later they were dating. "If doesn't make sense, then it's not true". I usually try to go by that. Go with your instincts. "We", the victims, usually know when things don't feel right. If you feel like you're being lied too, there's a reason. Completely agree. I don't trust anything he tells me anymore, his words are poison. I think I was in denial for so long because i wanted to believe him. 2
Gus Grimly Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Completely agree. I don't trust anything he tells me anymore, his words are poison. I think I was in denial for so long because i wanted to believe him. Denial really did a number on me with my current Ex. I just couldn't see that red flags, even though I'd been beaten over the head by them repeatedly. I made excuses for mt Ex's bad behavior. I gave her numerous second chances. Like you, I wanted to believe everything she said. Ugh. That was a mistake. We just have to cut these people who treat us like dirt out of our lives for good. No more second, third, or fourth chances. No Contact forever. 2
pillowpuffs Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've been there. It hurts like a b*tch and unfortunately like you, I don't understand how he could treat me like I was nothing and yet I still love him. It's just how it is I guess. It is a really good thing that you don't want to be friends and that you don't want to have him in your life. That's a big step. Your NC journey or minimal contact journey will be much easier that way. Stay strong. 3
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Denial really did a number on me with my current Ex. I just couldn't see that red flags, even though I'd been beaten over the head by them repeatedly. I made excuses for mt Ex's bad behavior. I gave her numerous second chances. Like you, I wanted to believe everything she said. Ugh. That was a mistake. We just have to cut these people who treat us like dirt out of our lives for good. No more second, third, or fourth chances. No Contact forever. Ugh you're so right!! I am a firm believer of treat others as you want to be treated. I can't imagine treating anyone the way he has treated me. Like I am worthless. Are you mad at yourself for all the chances you gave? I think about all the times I kept giving him chances and wish I could go back. He didn't deserve even the second one :/ I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've been there. It hurts like a b*tch and unfortunately like you, I don't understand how he could treat me like I was nothing and yet I still love him. It's just how it is I guess. It is a really good thing that you don't want to be friends and that you don't want to have him in your life. That's a big step. Your NC journey or minimal contact journey will be much easier that way. Stay strong. Thank you. I think once I am out of the house it will be much easier. I hope. 2
Gus Grimly Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Are you mad at yourself for all the chances you gave? I think about all the times I kept giving him chances and wish I could go back. He didn't deserve even the second one :/ hope. Mad doesn't even cut it. I'm sick over it. I gave my Ex 2 HUGE second chances. Both of which any other guy would have been long gone. Ugh, my heart gave in, never again. The breakup was a good thing, now that I've seen her true nature, I'm so thankful to have dodged a bullet. You did as well. Don't ever question yourself. These people are only out for themselves. The moment it's not fun anymore they will find a way out, and try to find better. Don't ever stay with a liar. Be with someone you trust. Personally, I try to be fully transparent with everyone, especially significant other. Honesty and trust and great qualities, just be aware of red flags. 3
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Mad doesn't even cut it. I'm sick over it. I gave my Ex 2 HUGE second chances. Both of which any other guy would have been long gone. Ugh, my heart gave in, never again. The breakup was a good thing, now that I've seen her true nature, I'm so thankful to have dodged a bullet. You did as well. Don't ever question yourself. These people are only out for themselves. The moment it's not fun anymore they will find a way out, and try to find better. Don't ever stay with a liar. Be with someone you trust. Personally, I try to be fully transparent with everyone, especially significant other. Honesty and trust and great qualities, just be aware of red flags. It sort of makes me sick, too. Just even that I still love him irks me. The relationship was over a while ago, I think it was just hard for both of us to let go. Last night he said if I hadn't said I was leaving he would have asked me to leave. I don't know how much I believe that. I think he would have been content in having his cake and eating it too. He also said that girls like me don't stay with guys like him. I don't know what that even means, but it sounds like he never had enough confidence in himself. He is who he is and I can't change him. He will get bored of the next one too and do the same things to her. Like you said, I would much rather be with someone who I can trust and doesn't lie.
jaskiegs Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Read this article. I've found that it's useful to understand the science of what is going on. When a heroin user keeps using, they often know it's bad but can't stop it. You know he's a jerk but still love him. Here's why: The Biology and Neuroscience of Breaking Up | BPDFamily 1
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Read this article. I've found that it's useful to understand the science of what is going on. When a heroin user keeps using, they often know it's bad but can't stop it. You know he's a jerk but still love him. Here's why: The Biology and Neuroscience of Breaking Up | BPDFamily Good read, and so very true. I am going to allow myself to go through all the emotions and heal and move on. It's going to be painful and it's going to suck, but I know he is not the one for me.
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