Diezel Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 For the sake of you and this new guy, stay single until you are well and truly over your ex. From the sounds of it, you're not ready to be dating again yet. This, a million times, this... over and over and over again. You are young, 23, and have some growing and learning to do. Stay single for a while. 1
Author amkxoxo Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 My new guy was practically in love with this girl years ago. She was a friend and he told me he chased her and chased her, and would have done anything for her, but she didn't feel the same way and she never reciprocated any feelings for him. He still hangs out and talks to her. I question if he is hanging out with her if he still lusts after her and loves her, but knows he can't have her. I'm no better a person. My ex came over last night. We went out and grabbed some food and brought it back to my place. We made fancy drinks and ate and caught up. We had a fun time. We listened to music and he found out I was extremely ticklish. I find he used that to try and have some physical contact with me. Our chemistry was there. It never leaves. He told me he regrets fawning over his ex like he did. He told me she was one of the first girls he met in college and she wasn't good for him, but he went for her anyway. He said he pretty much settled for whatever was there, and she was the first one there. They were such different people and he wished he had seen it sooner. He and I are so similar, but we have our different beliefs on life. He told me he wished he didn't spend so much time fawning over her after their breakup, and I guess she kind of kept him around a little on the side after she left him, and he jumped for her. He says he sometimes thinks about how he should have just let her go, ignored her, and he could have really tried to have something with me, long distance or not. Because he said a year later, we are back living in the same place. It kind of made me happy to know that he recognized the ironic fate that he and I living in the same place was. I couldn't believe we both moved back to the same place where we first met. I never thought I would ever be close to him again. I didn't say one word, about any of it. I didn't know what to say. I think he sees how well he and I get along. He says he always secretly thinks I hate him for all he put me through. I told him that wasn't true. He told me how he feels like he fu*** up so many people's lives and sometimes its better if he just is single. I laughed and told him he already ****ed up my life back years ago, and look at us now. I was there sitting in front of him laughing and having drinks. He was like "see, see I messed up your life." I again agreed that he did, but again, let him know that I was still here talking to him and I was perfectly fine. I wasn't going to deny that he didn't hurt me, but I wanted him to know that here I was, I was fine, and I was sitting there with him again. Him ****ing up my life no longer meant anything to my life, because I moved on with my life and made it better myself and it wasn't going to get messed up again by him. Only I can let it get messed up. He kept up the flirtatious tickling and we ended up on my couch. Tickling led to hand holding, led to cuddling, led to falling asleep on my couch for a while. When we woke, I went to the bathroom and when I came back I found him cleaning my kitchen. The cute guy I know him to be helping me clean. He tickled me again and then picked me up and brought me in my bedroom. We cuddled, touched, and made out on my bed for a while. He finally said he should go home because he barely got any sleep the night before and he was tired and didn't feel well. We parted ways. He gave me one of his cute hugs when he left. He always used to nuzzle my neck with his face. He loves it. And he left. I still have no clue what this is or what this could mean. He claims that in a year when his lease it up, he might want to move back closer to his home town, or somewhere totally different, across the country. I think he thinks a big drastic move will make his life happier and better, but its not such an easy fix. He's a great guy and I know he cares about me, but I still do not know if he will ever commit, or want to have me for his own. I am not a good person, and I cheated on the new guy I am dating with my ex. I look at my ex and I say, wow he and I would be so great together. He and I look good together and have chemistry and he is the type of person I would love to be with. I think we could be a great power couple. But then I look at my new guy who isn't my type at all looks wise. He isn't my same nationality. But he is a more stable choice than my ex. He treats me well. He is a loyal to me, from what I know, since we aren't serious yet. He cares about me and he does some things I wish my ex did. But my ex has things I wish this new guy had. I'm afraid that if I pick m ex, and wait around, that I will end up alone, if my ex leaves or never commits and I will lose my new guy as my friend, his friends, and my life will shatter into shambles. But If I chose this new guy, I will lose any chance with my ex forever. This guy I have been dreaming about having back for years now.
Diezel Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I am not a good person, and I cheated on the new guy I am dating with my ex. But then I look at my new guy who isn't my type at all looks wise. He isn't my same nationality. But he is a more stable choice than my ex. He treats me well. He is a loyal to me, from what I know, since we aren't serious yet. He cares about me and he does some things I wish my ex did. Sounds to me like new guy deserves better than you. If he knew all this, you wouldn't be the "more stable choice" by a longshot. STOP. DATING. Get your act together. 5
Versacehottie Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 ugh. I think you think this drama is cute. It isn't. In a way, I think you think this means you are highly desirable and playing these guys--when you are likely being played as well. Not cool 1
katiegrl Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 ugh. I think you think this drama is cute. It isn't. In a way, I think you think this means you are highly desirable and playing these guys--when you are likely being played as well. Not cool +1000 What goes around, comes around. Maybe not right away, but it always does. Treat people the way you wish to be treated. If you don't, which clearly you are NOT, it will all come right back at ya one day and bite you in the ass Your behavior here is deplorable. Everything is all about you you you. Do you have a conscience?
Author amkxoxo Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 That is not what I think and I feel bad it came across that way. I do not think it is cute and I don't find it an ideal situation to be in. I have been holding back tears all day because I cannot stand the situation I am in. Its upsetting. I still like my ex a lot, but I truly don't know if he will ever love me. I also really like this new guy, but I worry about our future together as well. I don't know where I belong and who I belong with. These men are both great men and both totally different. I give different pieces of me to each of them, because they each bring out a different side of me. I enjoy hanging out with them each differently, because I have a different experience with both of them. This new guy fought for me and I am stuck between him and my ex. My dilemma is that my ex isn't totally set on us being together. He is a slow mover. He hasn't done anything to try and be more official with me. I want that but I know if I push him, he will run away. With this new guy we are taking it slow, but we are dating and seeing where it leads. I can't just up and leave this new guy, because technically I am not leaving him for anything solid. Same with my ex though. I am currently seeing someone else, and I want to be with my ex. I like them both. If both were interested and willing in the same manner, I would choose my ex. But my ex right now is the underdog. He isn't making a move to pursue anything further and this new guy is. I am happy with this new guy more often because he is stable like I had said. I don't have to second guess or wonder about him. My ex is a shot in the dark, the wildcard, the diamond in the rough whom still sees himself as a dirty rock. Choosing the dirty rock, hoping he sees himself as a diamond someday is what I did with him years ago. I put all my eggs in one basket and I was a hot mess when it fizzled out. I won't do that again. This new guy makes me feel good about myself, but at the same time he isn't my normal type. We aren't the same ethnicity and that makes life hard. My ex and I are. It would be easier for us to date than me and the new guy. My ex is a better match for me, but this new guy and I are happy when we are together. I'm not a bad person, but I feel like I am in a bad situation.
Diezel Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I'm not a bad person, but I feel like I am in a bad situation. Just minutes after having said this: I am not a good person, and I cheated on the new guy I am dating with my ex. You're not a bad person. You're not a good person. This is a bad situation? It's easily fixable. STOP DATING. There, no more problem. You are causing ALL of this, leading two men on. After who knows what history with your ex. You're 23, you're an adult. Stop making excuses for yourself. Again, you shouldn't even be dating. You don't know what kind of a person you are. Why not be single and figure it out? You're talking about these two men as if it were a competition. Guess who is going to end up losing? Whoever you stay with. 1
kendahke Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 My ex is a better match for me, but this new guy and I are happy when we are together. I'm not a bad person, but I feel like I am in a bad situation. take responsibility for yourself and get out of the bad situation. 2
rester Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I can't just up and leave this new guy, because technically I am not leaving him for anything solid. So you are just holding onto these guys until something "solid" comes along? Why can't you be single or focus on one guy? You are not being honest with the new guy and you are using him to get over your ex. I am currently seeing someone else, and I want to be with my ex. I like them both. If both were interested and willing in the same manner, I would choose my ex. But my ex right now is the underdog. He isn't making a move to pursue anything further and this new guy is. I am happy with this new guy more often because he is stable like I had said. I don't have to second guess or wonder about him. My ex is a shot in the dark. If you are holding this info back from the new guy you are being incredibly dishonest. That's why you have been crying. You know you are treating him like dirt. I agree with others that you need to make time for yourself to get over your ex and that doesn't mean using others to do so. You are going to hurt this guy tremendously. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 That is not what I think and I feel bad it came across that way. I do not think it is cute and I don't find it an ideal situation to be in. I have been holding back tears all day because I cannot stand the situation I am in. Its upsetting. I still like my ex a lot, but I truly don't know if he will ever love me. I also really like this new guy, but I worry about our future together as well. I don't know where I belong and who I belong with. These men are both great men and both totally different. I give different pieces of me to each of them, because they each bring out a different side of me. I enjoy hanging out with them each differently, because I have a different experience with both of them. This new guy fought for me and I am stuck between him and my ex. My dilemma is that my ex isn't totally set on us being together. He is a slow mover. He hasn't done anything to try and be more official with me. I want that but I know if I push him, he will run away. With this new guy we are taking it slow, but we are dating and seeing where it leads. I can't just up and leave this new guy, because technically I am not leaving him for anything solid. Same with my ex though. I am currently seeing someone else, and I want to be with my ex. I like them both. If both were interested and willing in the same manner, I would choose my ex. But my ex right now is the underdog. He isn't making a move to pursue anything further and this new guy is. I am happy with this new guy more often because he is stable like I had said. I don't have to second guess or wonder about him. My ex is a shot in the dark, the wildcard, the diamond in the rough whom still sees himself as a dirty rock. Choosing the dirty rock, hoping he sees himself as a diamond someday is what I did with him years ago. I put all my eggs in one basket and I was a hot mess when it fizzled out. I won't do that again. This new guy makes me feel good about myself, but at the same time he isn't my normal type. We aren't the same ethnicity and that makes life hard. My ex and I are. It would be easier for us to date than me and the new guy. My ex is a better match for me, but this new guy and I are happy when we are together. I'm not a bad person, but I feel like I am in a bad situation. I think you can't really be complaining about not being invited to do things all the time with this new guy when you'd rather be with someone else anyway. You're playing games. You're trying to become a priority in the new guy's life when your heart and mind are with someone else. I think maybe your ego was bruised when he didn't invite you along to a couple of these nights, but not because you're really into him. You seem to be using him as a filler, at the risk of sounding very blunt. What exactly are you doing here? 2
Author amkxoxo Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 (edited) I do really like this new guy though, I just have deeper history and meaning with my ex. I enjoy time with my new guy, I enjoy kissing him, and I enjoy our friendship that we built and that turned into more. He is a good man and I appreciate him in my life. My ex and I have such a deep history. We have known each other for close to 4 years now. We have similar families and lifestyles and we understand each others beliefs. We have similar ideals of what we want for the future. He is the creative side of me. I see it as this. I am seeing it as a competition in my head, but it isn't one. I am not with my ex. I have been going out on dates with my new guy. But I am not his girlfriend. I am technically not with either of them, but since my new guy and I have been going on dates, I respect him and consider it dating, but not a relationship. We like each other and if it grows we may be together. With my ex, I don't have any clue what he and I are doing. I don't consider what we are doing dating. Its so sporadic and random. He seems to like me but he never goes any further with it. I don't know how he feels or if he will ever want to be anything more with me. My new guy does want more, but we aren't rushing into it. We both are unsure if we want relationships with each other. We both have reservations with each other. My new guy knows of my ex, our history, and that I still talk and hangout with him. He knows of my unresolved feelings with him. I have told him all of it. Edited August 12, 2015 by amkxoxo
Author amkxoxo Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 I'm such a nice person, I care so much, and I've always been an innocent, sweet girl. I feel like that is lost on here. I care so much about people and their happiness. I am such a good friend to my friends and always give them well thought out good advice. I listen when I need to listen. I would be such a good girlfriend to someone. Heck, I'm still kind of a virgin still. Sometimes I even wonder, if I'm so sweet and nice and put together that my ex is almost intimidated. He feels not good enough for me. My new guy said he didn't feel good enough for me and has done some really nice things to prove he cares. I think about people I care about a lot, and sometimes I will be out and I see little gifts people would like and I pick them up, even when I am low on money, because I know they would like it. I value family over everything and I love my family. I love someone who loves their family too. My new guy doesn't have great family relationships and has a lot of issues with his mother and his father, whom he lives with. He doesn't speak to his mother. He lives with his father who he loves very much, but he also lives with the woman his father had an affair with years back, and their child, whom his father had while he was still married to his mother. My ex has a family like mine. Big, close knit. Parents are still married. We both have siblings. We were raised in the church, but he and I are both not super religious. We love our grandparents and aunts and uncles and we see them often. We grew up creative and played sports, and our parents supported us. His mom sounds a lot like my aunt, whom I love very much. He too loves his aunt. We are of similar nationality and this is I think why we grew up so similar. I care about people. I overthink situations. I'm a girl. I have a good life. A good full time salary job. A great apartment. I have a good group of friends. I have a lot to offer.
Versacehottie Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Listen sorry if it feels like I'm kicking you when you are down. Your posts are kinda all over the place--well except for one thing; you are really being self-centered. I'm all for multi-dating and can see that if you are not in an exclusive relationship yet with the new guy that it would be fine to date others. But in your case, seeing your ex who you have deep feelings for, is just not fair to the new guy. Your heart is not open, which is when I recommend multi-dating. If I look into my crystal ball, i think you will actually end up getting burned. Ex's are ex's for a reason. And he's reluctant now and claims he's not quite relationship material. He is telling you nothing of significance will happen as things stand now. Believe him. New guy sounds like a pretty good guy. And fun. You just don't see it that way and honestly have some unreasonable and immature expectations when it comes to him. Which makes me think you have some exploring of your own to do. To get over the ex, discover who you are for real. It's important to be at a relatively clean slate and know who you are to have a good relationship. You are only seeing these guys (particularly the new one) in comparison to the old one and what he can do for you. You are treating him like a filler. He sounds cooler than that and not quite the doormat type. I do think it was an ego thing that bothered you when you couldn't get things to go exactly your way with the new guy (content of OP). I think what most of us are picking up on is that: You don't even know what it truly is that you want from this new guy, not only big picture, in the small day to day interactions as well. Incredibly frustrating, passive-aggressive and unfair. It sounds hard but maybe you should move on from both of them. Take some time; sort yourself out. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I'm such a nice person, I care so much, and I've always been an innocent, sweet girl. I feel like that is lost on here. I care so much about people and their happiness. I am such a good friend to my friends and always give them well thought out good advice. I listen when I need to listen. I would be such a good girlfriend to someone. Heck, I'm still kind of a virgin still. Sometimes I even wonder, if I'm so sweet and nice and put together that my ex is almost intimidated. He feels not good enough for me. My new guy said he didn't feel good enough for me and has done some really nice things to prove he cares. I think about people I care about a lot, and sometimes I will be out and I see little gifts people would like and I pick them up, even when I am low on money, because I know they would like it. I value family over everything and I love my family. I love someone who loves their family too. My new guy doesn't have great family relationships and has a lot of issues with his mother and his father, whom he lives with. He doesn't speak to his mother. He lives with his father who he loves very much, but he also lives with the woman his father had an affair with years back, and their child, whom his father had while he was still married to his mother. My ex has a family like mine. Big, close knit. Parents are still married. We both have siblings. We were raised in the church, but he and I are both not super religious. We love our grandparents and aunts and uncles and we see them often. We grew up creative and played sports, and our parents supported us. His mom sounds a lot like my aunt, whom I love very much. He too loves his aunt. We are of similar nationality and this is I think why we grew up so similar. I care about people. I overthink situations. I'm a girl. I have a good life. A good full time salary job. A great apartment. I have a good group of friends. I have a lot to offer. Ok, live in accordance with your values. You say you're nice. Be nice. Ask yourself if it is fair what you are doing and how you are treating him. A lot of "nice" people also have a passivity problem which exhibits itself a lot like yours does. Good job, great apartment--sounds smart girl too. Well don't be stupid in your personal life. Ex is a dead end at this point. Smart girls have no problem walking away from that. They don't need to jump to another guy to fill the attention. They want better for themselves and are CLEAR on that, in their heads and how they conduct their lives. Old guy is not better. He had his chance. His situation is no better now. Insecure people try to repair unfixable relationships to get a sense of worth. You can give your worth to yourself by acting in accordance with your values and doing what's not the easiest path, sometimes harder (be alone) to get what you want in the long term. If you have a lot to offer, don't waste it on an ex with no promise OR with a new guy that you are not excited about and dragging through your neuroses. Get clear and get happy, then try a relationship with someone.
Author amkxoxo Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 I've been alone. I've been alone for two years now. I have gone out on dates with different men. Some great, and some not. It has taught me a lot about what I want in a man and the good and the bad of my ex. I know what I like and what I don't like. I am young. I have been exploring my sexuality more and what I like and don't like. I have gotten more daring and courageous myself, when it comes to men. I was shocked at some of the things my ex said last night about his regrets with his ex, and his regrets with me. For the longest time I felt like you said, "He had his chance." I got over him. I realized how many other guys were out there, and I met some really awesome ones. I realized that I could meet someone else. I was alone for a while. I was happy going out with friends, dancing, drinking, laughing and having the time of my life. I did it and I enjoyed it. I had a guy friend whom I used to go out with a lot about a year ago. We were great together. We had a great time together. I didn't see it until way after, but I missed out on someone who would have been great for me. He started having feelings for me and I ignored them because I wanted to be alone and I wasn't ready and he backed off because I backed off. We both have tricky schedules and I have tried to make plans with him just to catch up, but we never do. I lost out on someone who would have been a great fit for me. We were both genuine people. I did the alone thing. Its not like I haven't. At this point I am sick of being alone and I am ready to share my good life with someone else. This is our second and only other chance. My ex and I. This is it. I know it sounds stupid and I sound selfish, but we both moved back to a town, and its so ironic and I can't believe. As stupid and cheesy as it sounds, its fate. This new guy to me is a test of fate. He isn't my type. I immediately wrote him off. I didn't like him. I didn't give him a chance because he isn't my race and I am usually not interested in men that are not my skin color. But our friendship grew and we talked and hit it off. I still didn't see it. I wasn't attracted to him. But I couldn't keep denying it. It was there. He swore he would win me over when I told him my feelings for my ex. I had moved on from my ex, but he was back in town. I knew there could be something happening and I let him know this from the beginning. I am scared this could end up ending badly for everyone. I am trying so hard to have the best of both worlds, but I don't know what to do. If I leave my new guy, and wait around for my ex, I know he could never come around and then I will be back in the dark pit of depression I was in before. I know if I pick my new guy, then I probably shouldn't see my ex anymore, even as a friend. I feel like I am trying to plan for the future instead of thinking of the now. I just read what I wrote and I see the flaws. I am already planning who I need to be with, while I am not really with either of them. I know tons of guys, including the new guy I am seeing, who date around and they think its fine. I am dating. I am not exclusive with anyone. I am living my life. I don't need to choose unless one party or the other party decide they want to become more serious. I am trying not to get ahead of myself. My ex last night shocked me a bit though. When he and I were together he acted like he liked me, because he did. Last night, for whatever reason he genuinely acted like he wanted me and liked me. He seemed so happy with me. He wanted me. He flirted with me and treated me like a guy who truly wants to win over this girl. Even though I told him I already had all the stuff for him to come over, he stopped at multiple stores, spent a decent amount of money buying things to make it extra special, because he knew I would like that. It was a different him. But at the same time I cannot go all in, thinking its something, because years ago I did that and the next time I saw him, it was a total 180 degrees. I can't get my hopes up.
Versacehottie Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I immediately wrote him off. I didn't like him. I didn't give him a chance because he isn't my race and I am usually not interested in men that are not my skin color. But our friendship grew and we talked and hit it off. I still didn't see it. I wasn't attracted to him. But I couldn't keep denying it. It was there. He swore he would win me over when I told him my feelings for my ex. I had moved on from my ex, but he was back in town. I knew there could be something happening and I let him know this from the beginning. I am scared this could end up ending badly for everyone. I am trying so hard to have the best of both worlds, but I don't know what to do. Then write off the new guy anyway. The more you write, the more obvious it is. He's your fallback plan because you don't want to be alone. Ugh. And you're not entirely comfortable with the race difference and not that attracted to him. Ugh. And yeah, bingo! It probably won't end up good for everyone. But I don't see any point in continuing with the new guy. Take your chances with the ex or do some MORE soul-searching. BTW, trying to have the best of both worlds at someone else's expense isn't nice or mature. It doesn't matter if you've "warned" him. That's a bullsh*t move anyway.
Diezel Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I've always been an innocent, sweet girl. I feel like that is lost on here. I see it as this. I am seeing it as a competition in my head, but it isn't one. I am not with my ex. I am scared this could end up ending badly for everyone. I am trying so hard to have the best of both worlds, but I don't know what to do. I have a lot to offer. Sorry, but you are DEFINITELY not "innocent". This whole thread is laughable if you want to say innocent, because you know EXACTLY what you are doing but are playing "victim" in a circumstance where you are the clear instigator and puppet master of it. You don't sound convinced about either one of them, but still, you are holding onto those strings, just waving them around like marionettes until something better comes along. And if it ends up badly, it'll end up badly for one of them, or both. You have nothing to lose in this situation. You can just happily move onto someone else. You've definitely hedged your bets in this scenario and are playing with house money. So stop throwing "innocent" and "sweet" around. It may apply to other aspects of you life, but definitely not in the romantic aspect. So "sweet" and "innocent" that you're still kissing a guy whose race CLEARLY makes you uncomfortable? Yeah. Not innocent at all. You definitely need more time alone to grow as a person, because I can totally see you in the future telling new guy that you two are over just because his race doesn't line up with your expectations. And to think, I got upset when women told me they didn't date outside of their race, but at least they were upfront and honest about it and wouldn't budge from that stance... you, you're still using it as an excuse and as an ace in the hole. Sad, just sad. Almost delusional. Both these guys would be better off with you in their lives.
Author amkxoxo Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 I haven't planned this. I haven;t sat plotting this out. I don't mean to hurt them and I am not waiting around for something better. I care about my ex deeply, and if he came around and wanted a relationship again, I wouldn't move onto something else, I would stick with him. I have a long history with my ex and he and I know each other very well. I care about this new guy. I have feelings for him. I have gotten over the race issue. I just know because my ex is my same nationality, that it would be easier to be together. I am not saying I won't be with this new guy because it will be hard. Hard or not, he and I like each other. We are still getting to know each other, as my ex and I know each other already, like I mentioned. I am not playing around with these guys. I knew this could happen, but wasn't setting myself up for this. If I knew exactly what I was doing. I wouldn't be in this forum asking for help. I'm a smart girl, but I am dumb when I am in love. I've made stupid mistakes trying to find love and happiness. I am not perfect, but I am not trying to intentionally hurt anyone.
Versacehottie Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 You need to make a definitive choice about how you are going to move forward. The "victim" label that diezel mentioned seems quite accurate. Even worse is playing the victim when you have caused all this confusion. You keep talking about your ex as if he is a real viable choice. As far I can tell, he isn't offering you anything. So it's not like you are truly torn between two guys. In your mind, yes but not for real. You are hedging your bets and using the second guy while you wait for your ex ship to come in. It's messed up. I think you have quite a bit of learning to do still about being compassionate and not self-centered. Being nice to your family doesn't extend to how you are treating others in the world. I'm going to guess the family dynamics are not exactly as you perceive them. They probably let you get away with a lot of bratty and selfish behavior or you wouldn't be having these problems. Good luck sorting this out.
Jacob_Duluoz Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 You could also go out and find guy #3 behind the curtain. 2
Diezel Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I have gotten over the race issue. I just know because my ex is my same nationality, that it would be easier to be together. I am not saying I won't be with this new guy because it will be hard. You can't be serious? You can honestly say with a straight face you are over the race issue and then say it would be easier together with your ex because you are the same nationality. You know you can proof-read before you click Submit, right? Because within this own thread, there are so many contradictions, self-conflicting points, and oversights on your behalf. I've read some of your other threads in the past, the way you talk about people in your life and the way you perceive yourself in their lives is very different. Same with these two men. At some point, they will catch on, and you'll be forced to make a decision, unless they make one for you and then you'll play "victim" all over again. 3
MovingOnIsHard Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Can we rename this thread as "unfiltered rambling of a confused girl"? There are so many contradictions here. You say you're over the race thing with this new guy... so why keep bringing up how compatible you and your ex is because you're both the same nationality? Also, you want the best of both worlds? What does that mean? You get your new guy to wine and dine you while you're pining for your ex? You can't use other people as crutches while you're sorting yourself out. Abort everything. 3
MovingOnIsHard Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 My new guy was practically in love with this girl years ago. She was a friend and he told me he chased her and chased her, and would have done anything for her, but she didn't feel the same way and she never reciprocated any feelings for him. He still hangs out and talks to her. I question if he is hanging out with her if he still lusts after her and loves her, but knows he can't have her. I'm no better a person. My ex came over last night. We went out and grabbed some food and brought it back to my place. We made fancy drinks and ate and caught up. We had a fun time. We listened to music and he found out I was extremely ticklish. I find he used that to try and have some physical contact with me. Our chemistry was there. It never leaves. He told me he regrets fawning over his ex like he did. He told me she was one of the first girls he met in college and she wasn't good for him, but he went for her anyway. He said he pretty much settled for whatever was there, and she was the first one there. They were such different people and he wished he had seen it sooner. He and I are so similar, but we have our different beliefs on life. He told me he wished he didn't spend so much time fawning over her after their breakup, and I guess she kind of kept him around a little on the side after she left him, and he jumped for her. He says he sometimes thinks about how he should have just let her go, ignored her, and he could have really tried to have something with me, long distance or not. Because he said a year later, we are back living in the same place. It kind of made me happy to know that he recognized the ironic fate that he and I living in the same place was. I couldn't believe we both moved back to the same place where we first met. I never thought I would ever be close to him again. I didn't say one word, about any of it. I didn't know what to say. I think he sees how well he and I get along. He says he always secretly thinks I hate him for all he put me through. I told him that wasn't true. He told me how he feels like he fu*** up so many people's lives and sometimes its better if he just is single. I laughed and told him he already ****ed up my life back years ago, and look at us now. I was there sitting in front of him laughing and having drinks. He was like "see, see I messed up your life." I again agreed that he did, but again, let him know that I was still here talking to him and I was perfectly fine. I wasn't going to deny that he didn't hurt me, but I wanted him to know that here I was, I was fine, and I was sitting there with him again. Him ****ing up my life no longer meant anything to my life, because I moved on with my life and made it better myself and it wasn't going to get messed up again by him. Only I can let it get messed up. He kept up the flirtatious tickling and we ended up on my couch. Tickling led to hand holding, led to cuddling, led to falling asleep on my couch for a while. When we woke, I went to the bathroom and when I came back I found him cleaning my kitchen. The cute guy I know him to be helping me clean. He tickled me again and then picked me up and brought me in my bedroom. We cuddled, touched, and made out on my bed for a while. He finally said he should go home because he barely got any sleep the night before and he was tired and didn't feel well. We parted ways. He gave me one of his cute hugs when he left. He always used to nuzzle my neck with his face. He loves it. And he left. This sounds really disgusting. You're supposedly dating this new guy and your doing this with your ex behind his back. What are you doing, lady?
Versacehottie Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 This sounds really disgusting. You're supposedly dating this new guy and your doing this with your ex behind his back. What are you doing, lady? Oh, she warned new guy:sick: which i guess means you can do whatever you want
usernametaken Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Can we rename this thread as "unfiltered rambling of a confused girl"? There are so many contradictions here. You say you're over the race thing with this new guy... so why keep bringing up how compatible you and your ex is because you're both the same nationality? Also, you want the best of both worlds? What does that mean? You get your new guy to wine and dine you while you're pining for your ex? You can't use other people as crutches while you're sorting yourself out. Abort everything. THIS. It started with her insecure ramblings about not being included in activities with the new guy, and now it's morphed into a "woe is sweet innocent me, pining away for my ex, and PS, I'm maybe a lil bit racist." Get your stuff together. End it with the new guy for his sake - you're just using him to bolster your ego. And forget about the ex, unless you want to stay in a toxic state of never moving on. 1
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