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Posted (edited)

So I just started dating this new guy a few months ago and I thought things were going really well. He says all the right things and always takes me out with him and insists on paying. My family lives a good two hours away and I often go home on the weekends to see them, since I work 9-5 during the week. My new guy, John works full time too, but more sporadic hours, with Thursdays and Sundays off and sometimes he will work 9-5 or he will work 2-9pm.

 

I know a lot of his friends and most of them seem to like me. He has taken me to their houses for little get together's. He took me to one of his guy friends birthday party a while back. Sometimes he has invited me and I cannot go because I am home visiting my family, or sometimes I am sick. I have a medical condition which sometimes messes with my life. It makes me feel fatigued and sick. I often just spend the night laying on my couch resting. It doesn't happen a lot, but after a full day of work, I am tired.

 

This past weekend, I went on a 5 day vacation with my family. John told me he would miss me, and I knew I would miss him. I saw on social media that he went out with his friends and seemed to do all these fun activities while I was gone. I was happy he got to spend so much time with his friends. I was having a great time on my vacation. On my vacation I spent time trying to pick out the perfect souvenir/gift to bring back for him. I found this really nice, not overly expensive zip up jacket.

 

When I got back I saw him right away. I gave him the gift and he was really surprised. He then pulled out a gift for me. He got me an item I had really wanted for my apartment. I playfully got mad at him for getting me such a gift, but it was thoughtful and nice. The next day he gave me a poem he wrote when I was gone. It was all about how much he missed me. It was adorable and I was surprised he put time into it like he did.

 

It was now a Wednesday night and I asked John if he could help me lift something in my apartment. He came and helped and before he left he threw out "well you won't be seeing me until Saturday or something"

 

I then asked him why, since we see each other a lot and he seemed to miss me so much when I was gone. He told me he was leaving my house to go to a friends house for drinks and games, and would be out late. Then Thursday night he and some friends were going to a downtown area to some bars for drinks and dancing. And then he said that Friday one of his friends who lives far away is coming to town. Its a girl friend. And he really wants to spend time with her. I am not threatened by this girl at all, and I know they are genuinely just good friends.

 

What bothered me was that I was not invited to any of these things. I love going out and drinking and dancing. And I didn't understand why he didn't want me to meet his good friend. The whole idea just rubbed me the wrong way. I playfully told him "So I guess I am not invited to any of these things?"

 

He started giving me excuses about how he was going to his friends house for drinks and video games and would be there late and how I have to sleep for work. Then he tells me how going downtown isn't his plan, and he was just invited to go. And he tells me how he barely ever gets to see his friend that's a girl and he really wants to catch up with her.

 

All excuses. Just because someone else invited him downtown, doesn't mean he can't bring me or other people. Its never stopped him before. He brought me to his friends birthday party, when I clearly wasn't invited. When I have been the one to make a plan, he brings extra people. This to me was a ridiculous excuse.

 

I think this whole thing started to strike a negative cord with me, because my ex used to do this every weekend. Every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday he would makes excuses of why I couldn't go out with him and his friends, and the number one excuse was that it was not his plan and that he can't just invite me. Every weekend I went through this and it was horrible. Some weekends I would get so fed up, I would sit crying. My ex was a good man, but he wanted too much freedom form me to live the bachelor out on the town lifestyle. It was a big problem he and I had.

 

I couldn't hide the look on my face that it irritated me, because John started trying to make it better. I probably wouldn't have gone to half of the things anyway, but it was the fact that he didn't even ask and was all " See you later this weekend" that bothered me.

 

He even went as far to say that he didn't know if I liked going out drinking and dancing. I almost bust out laughing. I am a dancer. I have been dancing jazz, and hip hop for twenty years at an academy. I love dancing. I grew up dancing ballet and I still practice as much as I can, because its a passion of mine. And in the past when we were first friends we used to go out drinking downtown all the time. To me, this was just another excuse.

 

Yes, I wish I could have gone to have drinks and play games with him and his friend on Wednesday, but I did have to work like a regular adult the next day. This is also what irritated me. He is tired all the time. He told me he was tired and then stayed up until all hours with people on a Wednesday. Its unnecessary. He should have been more mature and gone to sleep, work or not the next day.

 

Thursday rolled around and I was quite over the situation. He wanted time with his friends, so I was going to make other plans. Suddenly he starts texting me and telling me I should come downtown with them. This made me angry. I told him No and told him that I was not an after thought. I told him that last night he didn't want me to go and now he feels bad so I'm allowed to go. I told him he should go out and have fun without me.

 

Then this made him mad and he turned it around to say how he invites me a lot of places and I often can't go or say No. I asked him what that had to do with the current situation and reminded him that I often am home with my family or sick. I don't say No just to say No. I got even more pissed that he got mad at me. What the heck was he mad for? He is still going out.

 

He then started begging me to go downtown with them and to come to see his long time girl friend the next day. I reminded him that he wanted to spend time with her alone. He then said how they were going to the movies and a few other friends were going too. What happened to the him spending good quality time with her? Now it was a public outing to the movies with other people too. I was so confused about why I couldn't have gone to that originally. He and I go to the movies all the time, by ourselves and with friends. Its not a big deal. And its not like you can catch up with someone during a movie anyway. Its ridiculous. He begged me and begged me and I said No over and over. I told him I made other plans, which now I have.

 

The whole thing is ridiculous and I don't understand his reasoning. It reminds me so much of my ex and it puts a bad taste in my mouth. I'm not sure what to think of it now. Did I overreact? I wasn't mad he didn't ask me, I was more surprised originally that I wasn't invited to things he normally invites me too and that he was so casually "see you Saturday"

 

What mad me mad was excuses he mad. He claims he didn't make excuses, but they are excuses to me. Was I wrong? Was he wrong? I don't know what to think.

Edited by amkxoxo
Posted

I think you are extrapolating your ex's behavior onto the new guy. It's possible he might be like the ex, but it's also possible he might not be. It's too early to tell. And frankly the fact that despite the relationship being so new, you were annoyed about him spending 4 days with people other than you, would be a red flag to him. Heck it would even be a red flag to me, and I'm a girl.

 

If this was a guy you've been in a relationship with for a long time and he never invited you to meet his friends at all, I'd say you have a point. In this case I do think your grievance is unjustified.

 

The argument after that was just poor communication is my bet.

  • Like 6
Posted

Maybe he realized he hurt you and had a change of heart. It at least shows that he cares about you and how you feel. It is also a good sign that he invited you to see this "girlfriend", as at the beginning of the post I saw it as a red flag that he did not want you to meet her. Keep your guard up, but give the guy a chance and best of luck.

  • Author
Posted

I don't want him to think I'm some crazy girl. He really likes me. I know he does. He got mad at me for doubting him. I wasn't doubting him as a person, I like him too. I was just a little taken back when he suddenly had all these plans and I was thrown to the side. I want him to have friends and have time with them without me.

 

To me if he wanted a night out he could have easily said "hey I think I am going to go out with some guys, or have a night out with my friends and we can see each other Saturday."

 

The way he put it was a little shady with excuses. I saw him going out downtown drinking and dancing without me as a red flag, because what doesn't he want me to see. Him talking to girl? Flirting with girls? Dancing with girls at a club? It seemed shady. And I also felt him wanting to spend alone time with his girl friend as a red flag too.

 

It bothered me, because these are things he would normally ask me to go to with him and he didn't so I suddenly felt like something was wrong. My insecurity started getting in my head saying "Oh he doesn't want you around anymore."

 

My ex messed me up. I felt unwanted a lot, and then he would make it up to me. That was our constant roller coaster together. Up and down. Together and then me thrown to the side. I won't ever be treated that way again.

 

Last night after my heated text messaging talk with John, he texted late at night asking to come and see me. I was confused and asked him why? He said never mind and he would talk to me another time. I then said he was welcome to come and see me, I just figured you were out already. He then said he was leaving to go out at the moment and he would talk to me some time this weekend. That is the way we left it. I don't want him to break up with me. We were good friends before this and us dating has been going great. I don't want to ruin it.

Posted

You can't be embracing this-

 

 

" I want him to have friends and have time with them without me."

 

 

And then post what you did.

  • Like 4
Posted (edited)
I don't want him to think I'm some crazy girl. He really likes me. I know he does. He got mad at me for doubting him. I wasn't doubting him as a person, I like him too. I was just a little taken back when he suddenly had all these plans and I was thrown to the side. I want him to have friends and have time with them without me.

 

To me if he wanted a night out he could have easily said "hey I think I am going to go out with some guys, or have a night out with my friends and we can see each other Saturday."

 

The way he put it was a little shady with excuses. I saw him going out downtown drinking and dancing without me as a red flag, because what doesn't he want me to see. Him talking to girl? Flirting with girls? Dancing with girls at a club? It seemed shady. And I also felt him wanting to spend alone time with his girl friend as a red flag too.

 

It bothered me, because these are things he would normally ask me to go to with him and he didn't so I suddenly felt like something was wrong. My insecurity started getting in my head saying "Oh he doesn't want you around anymore."

 

My ex messed me up. I felt unwanted a lot, and then he would make it up to me. That was our constant roller coaster together. Up and down. Together and then me thrown to the side. I won't ever be treated that way again.

 

Last night after my heated text messaging talk with John, he texted late at night asking to come and see me. I was confused and asked him why? He said never mind and he would talk to me another time. I then said he was welcome to come and see me, I just figured you were out already. He then said he was leaving to go out at the moment and he would talk to me some time this weekend. That is the way we left it. I don't want him to break up with me. We were good friends before this and us dating has been going great. I don't want to ruin it.

 

Whatever your ex did to you is NOT your boyfriend's fault. Your boyfriend actually sounds great .... so what if he wanted a couple of nights out with his friends (without you), a relationship does not mean being joined at the hip.

 

You even said you probably would not have gone anyway, so give the guy a break. He ended up inviting you because he realized him NOT inviting you hurt you. And now you're mad at him for that?

 

The guy is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.

 

I would suggest you resolve your insecurities and trust issues caused by your ex before embarking on any relationship. The last thing you should be doing is burdening your boyfriend with those insecurities .... they are not his fault and franky not his problem.

 

I see absolutely nothing wrong with your boyfriend's behavior here....

 

Apologies this was blunt, but I really do think you are over-eating.

 

Good luck.....

Edited by katiegrl
  • Like 3
Posted

I agree with the previous comments on a couple different points:

 

He seems like he's a decent guy and likes you and....respects you. He bought you a gift and it was thoughtful. You'd be surprised how many women either don't appreciate stuff (they just assume their BF should do this or do that) or don't want it & show appreciation for it (i.e. they hide their feelings or they can't feel like their dependent on a guy).

 

If it's true that he's only going because he's invited then he's probably just trying to be a good friend

 

He sounds like he realized he may have hurt you by not inviting you or just coming out and telling you. Let him apologize and truly accept it.

 

You told him you're okay with his having balance in his life. Give it to him - especially if he's supportive of you seeing family and of your medical needs

 

 

 

 

 

Now, he did say something weird - "I won't be be seeing you till..." Maybe he was trying to assert a little bit in the relationship - he could have just as easily said see you later or see you on Sunday. Sounds like he wanted you to inquire what he was up to. Or maybe he wanted to judge your reaction - maybe he's had possessive, controlling women in the past. Sounds like your reaction "I'm not invited to any of these things" caught him off guard.

 

 

That said, I think this maybe just a communication issue as someone said. Let him talk about how he feels about you too and make sure you express only why you felt hurt and what you were looking for in a response.

  • Like 1
Posted

This is what happened:

 

(1) You two spend a lot of time together.

(2) You leave.

(3) He realizes that he also wants to spend time with his friends.

(4) He misses you.

(5) You come back and he now is confronted with the choice of how to balance this and awkwardly does so by stating "You won't see me til..."

(6) He wants to keep the best of both worlds and has all the reason in the world to do so.

 

He doesn't need to invite you everywhere. You two just set a precedent in the beginning to do a LOT together, so now that he wants some private time of his own, you are shocked.

  • Like 3
  • Author
Posted

That is exactly what is happening. What do I do about it? I am shocked!

 

Maybe I messed things up by stating how I felt about being shocked to him. I don't want him to think I'm crazy. I'm not. I just care a lot.

Posted

Then just lay low for a couple of days. If you don't want the "crazy" label then don't start acting crazy. Let this all simmer down and back off it completely. Don't try and have some talk about it, continuing it bring it up with just make it a larger issue. Your BF probably now thinks that he has to invite you everywhere all the time or risk a similar reaction.

 

In the future, if/when he invites you somewhere and you don't want to go, make it clear that you're supportive of him going. Say, "have a great time with your friends," or something like that, so he knows you're not stewing at home.

 

But for now, yeah just drop it.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted

I feel so bad now. I don't want or need him to invite me everywhere, nor do I want to go everywhere with him. I didn't mean it to be that way. I was just surprised he had three days of fun activities and I wasn't invited to any of them. I don't want him to think I'm needy or need him to be there for e 24/7. I am very independent and I have proven that to him in the past. I just enjoy spending time with him, and him and his friends. I like to feel wanted and feel included.

 

I never think people notice me or want me around, even though they do. Its not insecurity, its more I just don't think people notice. I also care so much that sometimes I forget that people don't care as much as I do, because I care a lot. I know he likes me. He has proven it to me by his words and his actions. I just got spooked when he suddenly didn't want anything to do with me until Saturday. His actions weren't showing he liked me anymore and I got all self conscious.

 

I did find his wording "I guess I won't be seeing you until Saturday" a strange way to put it. His wording more than anything made me react the way I did. If he had just said "Hey so I have some things to do, but we should be able to hangout on Saturday." I wouldn't have even thought about it so deeply. He was busy with plans and I would have gone to make my own plans, as I have now.

Posted
I feel so bad now. I don't want or need him to invite me everywhere, nor do I want to go everywhere with him. I didn't mean it to be that way. I was just surprised he had three days of fun activities and I wasn't invited to any of them. I don't want him to think I'm needy or need him to be there for e 24/7. I am very independent and I have proven that to him in the past. I just enjoy spending time with him, and him and his friends. I like to feel wanted and feel included.

 

I never think people notice me or want me around, even though they do. Its not insecurity, its more I just don't think people notice. I also care so much that sometimes I forget that people don't care as much as I do, because I care a lot. I know he likes me. He has proven it to me by his words and his actions. I just got spooked when he suddenly didn't want anything to do with me until Saturday. His actions weren't showing he liked me anymore and I got all self conscious.

 

I did find his wording "I guess I won't be seeing you until Saturday" a strange way to put it. His wording more than anything made me react the way I did. If he had just said "Hey so I have some things to do, but we should be able to hangout on Saturday." I wouldn't have even thought about it so deeply. He was busy with plans and I would have gone to make my own plans, as I have now.

 

Why do you feel bad? For voicing your opinion? For letting your anxiety show? Everyone wants to feel included. That's normal.

 

Yeah, sure, you could've maybe addressed it in a more direct manner. Instead of saying "I guess I'm not invited to any of these things," which puts the blame on him and risks him getting defensive (which he has), you could've said, "I want to come," or "can I come along?" Expressing your needs and wants is always better than pointing out how others have done wrong.

 

HOWEVER, so what if you flubbed up a little? If you both sincerely like each other, this will probably blow over, but you need to try and not make a bigger deal of it than it is.

 

I've done this. Once, I tried to tell my BF that it's easier on me if we made plans to see each other a day or two ahead a time, instead of day-of. He completely misinterpreted it as me not liking it when he had other things to do and he got SUPER defensive. It was a big, fat miscommunication on both our parts, and we both misread each others' intentions.

 

Neither of you are "wrong," you've just misconstrued each other. But that's what being in a relationship is. It's getting hurt by things that were not intended to be hurtful; it's learning how to voice needs and wants in a way that the other person can understand and accommodate; it's focusing more on sincerity and intention than execution; it's not jumping to negative conclusions when something does not go as expected. You say in your first post that he "says all the right things," but I would try and let go of the notion that someone is forever going to say the "right" things. Everybody's a bonehead from time to time.

 

OK, so he didn't invite you to do these things and then brought it up in worst way possible—in a way that made your anxiety spike. He probably didn't know it was going to trigger that response in you, so this is where you give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

You wanting to spend time with your BF does not make you a "crazy" person. Nor does stating your displeasure when he does something that hurts or offends, intentionally or not. I have a friend whose BF used to go ballistic when he was not invited along when she made plans. He said it really bothered him and that he felt left out. For her, she wasn't intentionally leaving him out, she just didn't think to invite him.

 

Tomorrow's Saturday; you're supposed to see him. Chances are, you'll both be on eggshells a bit. If you bring it up, say something direct like, "I feel left out when you don't invite me along," or, "I like it when you invite me out with your friends," and leave it at that. Do not rehash what he did or didn't do, or did or didn't say. That will not be helpful. If he likes you, he probably wants to make you happy, so you telling him specifically what will make you happy—being invited—will help him know how to do that.

 

And then go from there.

 

But don't feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. Neither of you did.

  • Like 1
Posted
And frankly the fact that despite the relationship being so new, you were annoyed about him spending 4 days with people other than you, would be a red flag to him. Heck it would even be a red flag to me, and I'm a girl.

 

Bingo. This is exactly what I was thinking as well. This is a new guy in your life and you two aren't official. Yet you're freaking out because he wants to spend time w-other people in his life away from you. In my opinion, this is natural and perfectly healthy.

 

Speaking as a guy, I can say that I like to introduce the woman I'm seeing to friends and family on my own time frame. So if I told my GF that I had something planned w-a buddy and she suddenly started complaining that she wasn't invited, it would definitely turn me off.

Posted
Bingo. This is exactly what I was thinking as well. This is a new guy in your life and you two aren't official. Yet you're freaking out because he wants to spend time w-other people in his life away from you. In my opinion, this is natural and perfectly healthy.

 

Speaking as a guy, I can say that I like to introduce the woman I'm seeing to friends and family on my own time frame. So if I told my GF that I had something planned w-a buddy and she suddenly started complaining that she wasn't invited, it would definitely turn me off.

 

I don't think that's what she's say exactly, though.

 

It's not that he's hanging out with other people, it's that he's already set a precedent for inviting her along whenever he is going out with his friends. What I understand her to be upset about is that now he has not invited her, and she feels slighted. In her mind, she feels as if something has changed, and she feels, in her words, "self-conscious" about it.

 

She's stated repeatedly in this thread that she doesn't mind if he goes out without her; it's that he's acting outside of an established pattern and that has set her on edge, probably because of past experiences.

 

The problem is that this guy has probably interpreted her reaction as you did—that she's upset that he's spending time with others. Hence, it's a communication issue.

Posted

I think he was acting ambiguous because he felt there probably will be repercussions if he honestly came out and told you that he didn't want you to come with him. So he acted a little weird about it. Everyone is right, he feels bad now that it really did hurt you and he was making up for it....heck maybe he was buttering you up with the nice gifts and poem so you wouldn't feel too much of the blow off he was about to give you.

 

This is a new relationship and you both are still feeling each other out on what is acceptable or not. This is where you both need to start discussing relationship expectations, and boundaries to make it clear, and everyone is on board with everything.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted

Yes to everyone. I have met his friends. Normally he takes me out or asks me to go out with these people. That is why this sudden departure from his normal freaked me out. I thought, oh jeez this will be the pattern every weekend now. It made me afraid. I go home a lot of weekends to see my family. He complains I am not around on weekends. I stay home this weekend and he makes other plans. It makes me think that this is his lifestyle every weekend when I am not around, and now that I am around more, I am finally seeing it for myself. We hangout a lot on Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays and not too much on the weekends. Its been because of convienance, but now that I am more free on the weekends he wants freedom etc... My ex was the same.

 

This guy is not my ex. I need to remember that. I don't think he is doing this to hurt me.

Posted

I think the thing that stood out to me the most was how he and his 'friends' were going out 'drinking and dancing' and you weren't invited.

 

 

Who was he going to be 'dancing' with? His buddies?

Posted
I thought, oh jeez this will be the pattern every weekend now. It made me afraid. I go home a lot of weekends to see my family.

 

I think you need to try and relax a little bit. :) IF it becomes a pattern, then address it. Otherwise don't torture yourself and him by extrapolating once incidence (which isn't wrong in and of itself) into a pattern when there isn't yet one.

 

That being said... is this the guy whom you said only wanted to be FWBs in your thread a month or two ago, or do I have you mixed up with someone else? If it is you, then I can understand being anxious about things, in which case I would have to question if this guy is the right one for you. Does he make an effort to make you feel loved and cared for in general?

Posted (edited)
I think you need to try and relax a little bit. :) IF it becomes a pattern, then address it. Otherwise don't torture yourself and him by extrapolating once incidence (which isn't wrong in and of itself) into a pattern when there isn't yet one.

 

 

---

 

**That being said... is this the guy whom you said only wanted to be FWBs in your thread a month or two ago, or do I have you mixed up with someone else?***

 

-------

 

If it is you, then I can understand being anxious about things, in which case I would have to question if this guy is the right one for you. Does he make an effort to make you feel loved and cared for in general?

 

I remember her thread (and just checked to confirm)..... apparently there appears to be a lot more going on in this relationship other than him not inviting the OP out with his friends one weekend...

Edited by katiegrl
  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

I sucked it up and friday sent him a heart text message. I wanted it to tell him that I still care about him. Then at around 10pm, he texted me to ask me what I was doing. I told him I had plans. He then said "Oh well some of us are going back to my house to drink and do fun stuff if you and whomever your with wants to come."

 

This was a ice gesture, but by 10pm I did have a plan and I wasn't going to run to his house. I also was annoyed because he was only inviting me to appease me. I told him "Thank you but I am a little tied up right now, so I probably won't make it."

 

It was true. I was out shopping with my mother and we were far away and having a great time.

 

He texted me back and said "You're tied up?"

 

I never answered. I was busy. I forgot about it.

 

It is now Sunday morning and I haven't heard from him at all. I was kind of surprised since he was Mr. "Guess I will see you on saturday" guy

 

It is now Sunday morning and I saw on social media all pictures of him and his friends at his house last night. He never asked me to have drinks at his house last night, nor did I hear from him at all. Why couldn't I have gone and drank with all him and his friends, like I have done many times before. I was not invited. I'm officially agitated by it. This is stuff my ex would do. Everything about it screams my ex.

 

What makes it worse is that my ex and I are still friends. But I have been avoiding hanging out with him or talking to him since I have this new guy and this new guy doesn't like my ex. I did it out of consideration for my new guy. But I saw pictures last night of a bunch of his friends at his house drinking, and one of them was the girl he was in love with years ago. I am not threatened by this girl. I know he is friends with her. But here I am not hanging out with my ex, who is a long time good friend, and he has her at his house, but doesn't ask me, the woman he is dating. Its bulls***

 

I'm more mature than this.

Posted

What in the heck?! You are NOT more mature than this! You never texted him back and wonder why you didn't get an invite?? Are you kidding me?! You are being immature! You say you aren't a certain way but that's exactly how you are behaving! Come on now! Stop it!

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)
What in the heck?! You are NOT more mature than this! You never texted him back and wonder why you didn't get an invite?? Are you kidding me?! You are being immature! You say you aren't a certain way but that's exactly how you are behaving! Come on now! Stop it!

 

Agree and actually he DID invite her. It was late but she said in the beginning of her post, he invited her (and whomever she was with) to join him and his friends at his house for drinks.....

 

Apparently he invited her too late though, so she got pissy.

 

IMO the problem here (or one of the problems) is he is a spontaneous, flexible, easy-going social guy and the OP is not. She appears to be more rigid in how she *prefers* things ...with certain expectations of how he *should* behave, and clearly he is not living up to her expectations, and she is unhappy.

 

OP, do both of you a favour and just dump him already. You're not compatible..

Edited by katiegrl
Posted
Agree and actually he DID invite her. It was late but she said in the beginning of her post, he invited her and whomever she was with to feel free to join him and his friends at his house for drinks.....

 

Apparently he invited her too late, so she got pissy.

 

IMO the problem here (or one of the problems) is he is a spontaneous, flexible, easy-going social guy and the OP is not. She appears to be more rigid in how she *prefers* things ...with certain expectations of how he *should* behave, and clearly he is not living up to her expectations, and she is unhappy.

 

OP, do both of you a favour and just dump him already. You're not compatible..

 

I missed that part but that only makes to worse! Goodness! If she doesn't want him, I'll take him lol no I'm kidding but it's definitely you, OP. He isn't the type of guy you want to be with, so far it seems like he hasn't done much that would put him in the wrong, unless there is something you aren't adding or some background that we don't know.

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Posted

I made other plans so by the time he asked me at 10pm, it was too late. I wasn't mad that it was late, I guess I was disappointed because if I hadn't already made plans, I would have gone. Last night, the night after friday, I figured I would hear from him and again was disappointed when he didn't, so again I made other plans. Seeing this morning that he had a party at his house with bunch of friends and didn't care that I was there. If he missed me so much while I was gone on vacation and cared enough to get me a gift, and then to be suddenly, "I will see you on saturday" to not even try to see me on saturday and have a party, doesn't make sense to me. He claims he wants to be with me, but then doesn't try to take me around his friends and hold my hand or show me off like he claims he wants.

Posted

When I first started dating my boyfriend, if we were both doing our own thing with friends on any given night (even Saturday nights sometimes), he would check in with me via text around 10 or 11 and ask what we were up to.

 

Many times we all (me and my friends and him and his) would meet up later and all hang out together. It was a blast!!

 

I was 32 at the time and he was 38! Not kids, but so what? I guess you think that once a person reaches a certain age they're supposed to act a certain way, not be spontaneous.

 

That's fine I guess, to each his own, but you are are gonna have a difficult time navigating a fulfilling relationship with a guy who IS spontaneous and doesn't wish to conform to such rigid rules and expectations.

 

JMO

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