a letter to my ex

[skweezd]

I'm just going to put this here so I keep to my NC rule

 

Matt

 

I don't think I'm going to say anything now that I didn't say to you last weekend, in fact this may even be the fourth or fifth time I'm repeating myself. I don't know why I do this, it's not like there will be a different answer this time around... I guess I'm just incredibly frustrated.

 

Five years... five incredible years... yes we've had our ups and downs, but I can truly say there was more happy times and I did feel very lucky to have you. I never told you this before, maybe just didn't have the right moment, but I used to think about this saying when I thought about our relationship.... "he chased me until I caught him". It was me who was so ignorant in the beginning of our relationship and I didn't cherish what was right there in front of me. I was selfish and immature in many ways. You were always so patient and stood by my side when I didn't deserve you. I still remember that light bulb moment when I realized I loved you more then I knew. It was at Rick's cabin during the 4th of July parties, and I remember kissing you as if we were crazy teens. I remember holding you in bed and never wanting to let go.

 

Our relationship took a turn once I moved in, and I can't say it was a turn for the better or for the worse. It was definitely a learning experience for me. I was never in a situation when I moved into someone else's home, as you know I had two experiences where someone else had lived with me. I never really understood how uncomfortable it can be to invade someone else's space. And in our situation I always felt like I was just there, like it wasn't really my home. I tried, and at times I feel you tried making it comfortable for me too. In the end, when it really came down to it you made it very clear to me that you had no true intentions of having it be our home where I could be with my family too. And it's such a disappointment that you cannot see me as a valuable partner in your life, someone you wouldn't ever want to live without. Now I feel like I've wasted the last few years with someone who never really had the intention of seeing me as wife material.

 

I just cannot cry about this any longer. All that was said is really all I needed to hear. Time to begin picking up the pieces and getting my life back. I will always love you

[Satu]

It's ok to write letters like that, but it's best not to send them.

[skweezd]

Oh yes, not sending. The only thing that would come from that is just more disappointment

[YellowPetal]

I wrote a letter to my ex too, and now I'm glad I didn't send it to him because I found he cheated on me.

[Gus Grimly]

I wrote a letter to my ex too, and now I'm glad I didn't send it to him because I found he cheated on me.

 

I wrote the heartfelt letter. Sent it. She told me she needed a few weeks to respond. Found out she was sleeping with 2 guys at this point. Guess she was letting me hang by a thread "just in case".

 

I felt like a real loser having sent it. It's a good lesson I learned. Actually, I learned so much from my current BU than any before, thanks to all the great advice on this forum and learning the hard way.

[skweezd]

I have also been wondering if he had another side interest since he seemed so cranky and emotionally distant then started using terms like "mine" and "yours" towards the end. Maybe I'll never know, what I do know is that just hearing other's stories has helped me tremendously. Thank you to all.