bballqueen0744 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 So my boyfriend just completely blindsided me and broke up with the reasoning that there were too many risks involved to make our relationship work. I'm 26 and he's 24. We've been together for eight months and live about two hours away from each other. He said that his original plan was to work full time for two more years before going back for a second Masters degree. He also said that he may want to travel some in the future too before settling down. We've talked about the future before and he's told me multiple times that I have all the qualities that he would want in a wife someday. He told me today that having a long distance for the next few years along with the fact that he doesn't know where he’ll be, was too much to risk and that it would be harder for us to breakup in the future if we were together longer. I gave him a lot of suggestions as to how we could make it work but he kept coming up with excuses. He said that he had discussed this with his family and friends and they agreed that he needed to focus on himself. He said he really cared about me and still wants to be friends. Does breaking up with someone due to too many risks seem like a valid reason to breakup? I'm just really hurt and never saw any of this coming.
CarrieT Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 It isn't the risks. He was using that as an excuse. He simply wants to keep his options open throughout the next few years and at your age(s), it is completely valid. Both of you are going to go through a whole bunch of changes before your 30th year. Trust me on that one. Being single during that time and just dating others is not a bad strategy. 2
aloneinaz Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Sadly, it doesn't really matter what excuse he provided to end the relationship. The message was he didn't want to continue in the relationship w/you any longer. I know it hurts but understand that relationships run their course and end. To be honest, to me, it's probably for the best for YOU. That's a pretty big distance to keep a relationship healthy and viable. You now have an opportunity to find someone new, where you are and be able to spend more time with them all week. I suggest you read the NC thread on this site. It's the best thing to do in order to move on away from this relationship. 1
Holmes85 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 He knew the risks involved 'before' getting in the relationship with you. He has just cooked up some theories to feed you, just because he needs an excuse to breakup with you, you probably provided him none during the relationship, so he had to come up with something himself. Breaking up without saying anything would make you see him in a different light, he of course doesn't want that, because he wants to keep his 'options' open with you. Don't set yourself up for a backup plan for this guy, be with someone who knows what they want and aren't thinking petty excuses to breakup with you. 2
PegNosePete Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Does breaking up with someone due to too many risks seem like a valid reason to breakup? Sorry to say, people don't need a "valid reason" to break up. He broke up with you because he wanted to break up with you. That's why your suggestions on how to make it work, were met with "excuses". He simply felt that he wanted to break up, and used the risks as the reason. You can't use logic to defeat someone's feelings. If I were you I would decline his offer of friendship. That is going to hurt you immensely if you still have feelings for him. Tell him that you don't feel you can be friends with someone you have feelings for, and leave it at that. NC time. 1
Author bballqueen0744 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 He knew the risks involved 'before' getting in the relationship with you. He has just cooked up some theories to feed you, just because he needs an excuse to breakup with you, you probably provided him none during the relationship, so he had to come up with something himself. Breaking up without saying anything would make you see him in a different light, he of course doesn't want that, because he wants to keep his 'options' open with you. Don't set yourself up for a backup plan for this guy, be with someone who knows what they want and aren't thinking petty excuses to breakup with you. Thank you for everyones help! I think this post is very true. We got along great and even he said that I was a great girlfriend since there was never any drama in the relationship. It just makes me sad that he suddenly changed his mind when we had talked about the future and he had told me that I had all of the qualities that he was looking for in a long term relationship girlfriend.
Author bballqueen0744 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Sorry to say, people don't need a "valid reason" to break up. He broke up with you because he wanted to break up with you. That's why your suggestions on how to make it work, were met with "excuses". He simply felt that he wanted to break up, and used the risks as the reason. You can't use logic to defeat someone's feelings. If I were you I would decline his offer of friendship. That is going to hurt you immensely if you still have feelings for him. Tell him that you don't feel you can be friends with someone you have feelings for, and leave it at that. NC time. Thank you! I've been no contact since the last discussion we had together and I don't plan to reach out to him anytime soon. I think it's unfair and kind of selfish that he expects me to want to go to being friends after we've been dating. I need to try to move on now.
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