sms7 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Hi, everyone! A little background about my situation: my ex (22F) and I (24M) broke-up (she dumped me) after a 6 month relationship that turned LD for the last month or so. She went to study abroad, she started to detach, and then decided that she saw me as "more of a friend than a boyfriend" and lost romantic feelings. She was planning to stay abroad for additional months or maybe a year or more, but ended up having to return home after about 2 weeks post-breakup. The relationship was great and we had very small, infrequent issues that were quickly resolved through communication. Also, she didn't try to resolve her changing feelings before she ended things; she blindsided me with the breakup, and ended things RIGHT before I finally decided that it was time to discuss the issue. Toward the end of the relationship I barely heard from her, and when I did her responses were very apathetic, but once she came home she was open to talking everyday. This was insulting to me... once she was home I felt like I was convenient to talk to because she was no longer able to keep herself distracted by a big, new world she was discovering while abroad. She was also very happy abroad, that experience was one of 2 times where she truly felt happy in life. We kept up contact for a bit after the breakup until, like I said, I started to feel like she was only talking to me because I was convenient, so I decided to message her and tell her it would be best if we stopped conversing for a while so I had time to heal. I noticed contact only started to rekindle feelings so I know NC was for the best. She agreed that time would be good, although she was very cold during this conversation and put up all sorts of walls. Today marks one month of NC. And it was today that I received 2 snapchats from her. I noticed she sent them after viewing a snapchat story of mine where I was juggling and just having fun with friends. Her first message said, "I know I'm not supposed to message you", followed by "but for future reference: you can juggle?". I can't say that viewing these messages set me back, but they were a little insulting. Her first message is a lack of respect to the "NC to heal" request that I made, and to make it worse, she KNEW she shouldn't have messaged me, but did it anyway. The second message: why ask if I can juggle? She could clearly see me juggling in the video... We both hope to have some type of friendship in the future, but that may've just been something we said while emotions were hot. During her breakup speech she said that she hopes I would continue to be friends with her in the future, but when I told her that it would be best to start NC, she gave mixed signals (mostly negative) about being friends again. Now, she says "for future reference" as if she is certain we will be friends again. I know that it is too soon for me to talk to her, and NC has been helping with my healing. I'm curious to hear your thoughts about her messages and my situation? Thanks, everyone!
theredpill Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 What do you really want? Go watch the Corey Wayne get your ex back vid on YouTube, not only will this help you get the information you are clearly after quickly, but provide direction on what to do if she's only giving you breadcrumbs. Best solution is to just walk away and move on, you found her, you'll find someone else. In my experience, finding someone else is the best thing you can do, even if your ex is the love of your life and you want them back. My last ex came back, I'd already found someone better but if I hadn't and wanted her back, this is the only strategy that worked and it gives you options, bonus!
darkbloom Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 You should delete her off snapchat. Asap. She should have no idea what's going on in your life. 1
aloneinaz Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Hi, everyone! A little background about my situation: my ex (22F) and I (24M) broke-up (she dumped me) after a 6 month relationship that turned LD for the last month or so. She went to study abroad, she started to detach, and then decided that she saw me as "more of a friend than a boyfriend" and lost romantic feelings. She was planning to stay abroad for additional months or maybe a year or more, but ended up having to return home after about 2 weeks post-breakup. The relationship was great and we had very small, infrequent issues that were quickly resolved through communication. Also, she didn't try to resolve her changing feelings before she ended things; she blindsided me with the breakup, and ended things RIGHT before I finally decided that it was time to discuss the issue. Toward the end of the relationship I barely heard from her, and when I did her responses were very apathetic, but once she came home she was open to talking everyday. This was insulting to me... once she was home I felt like I was convenient to talk to because she was no longer able to keep herself distracted by a big, new world she was discovering while abroad. She was also very happy abroad, that experience was one of 2 times where she truly felt happy in life. We kept up contact for a bit after the breakup until, like I said, I started to feel like she was only talking to me because I was convenient, so I decided to message her and tell her it would be best if we stopped conversing for a while so I had time to heal. I noticed contact only started to rekindle feelings so I know NC was for the best. She agreed that time would be good, although she was very cold during this conversation and put up all sorts of walls. Today marks one month of NC. And it was today that I received 2 snapchats from her. I noticed she sent them after viewing a snapchat story of mine where I was juggling and just having fun with friends. Her first message said, "I know I'm not supposed to message you", followed by "but for future reference: you can juggle?". I can't say that viewing these messages set me back, but they were a little insulting. Her first message is a lack of respect to the "NC to heal" request that I made, and to make it worse, she KNEW she shouldn't have messaged me, but did it anyway. The second message: why ask if I can juggle? She could clearly see me juggling in the video... We both hope to have some type of friendship in the future, but that may've just been something we said while emotions were hot. During her breakup speech she said that she hopes I would continue to be friends with her in the future, but when I told her that it would be best to start NC, she gave mixed signals (mostly negative) about being friends again. Now, she says "for future reference" as if she is certain we will be friends again. I know that it is too soon for me to talk to her, and NC has been helping with my healing. I'm curious to hear your thoughts about her messages and my situation? Thanks, everyone! Listen, you seem to have a clear understanding of everything that's going on here and what the right course of action is. She dumped you over seas because she was either seeing someone there or wanted to start dating someone there. When she returned, that option was gone so she reconsidered you until something else came along. You should stick to NC and you know this. You've already acknowledged that it's helped you, so why change anything. She's reaching out to you because she's lonely, bored or maybe horny. She LIKES knowing you're there as a potential back up plan. It strokes her ego and self esteem. You ignoring her will send a signal that you're no longer her back up plan and you've accepted her decision and you're moving on. You're at the prime age to be dating others, sowing your oats and getting more life experiences. Don't miss that opportunity to recycle a failed RS with someone who's already kicked you to the curb once. 2
Author sms7 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Listen, you seem to have a clear understanding of everything that's going on here and what the right course of action is. She dumped you over seas because she was either seeing someone there or wanted to start dating someone there. When she returned, that option was gone so she reconsidered you until something else came along. You should stick to NC and you know this. You've already acknowledged that it's helped you, so why change anything. She's reaching out to you because she's lonely, bored or maybe horny. She LIKES knowing you're there as a potential back up plan. It strokes her ego and self esteem. You ignoring her will send a signal that you're no longer her back up plan and you've accepted her decision and you're moving on. You're at the prime age to be dating others, sowing your oats and getting more life experiences. Don't miss that opportunity to recycle a failed RS with someone who's already kicked you to the curb once. I also think that I know the right course of action after reading through these forums -- thanks, everyone! "When she returned, that option was gone so she reconsidered you until something else came along." -- could that explain her iciness when I finally decided to start NC when she came back from over seas? She was sometimes stubborn when she couldn't get her way. Like other people have said, sometimes you receive a message from your ex JUST as you're moving on... this happened to me a few times, and I caved, but I won't let it happen this time. I learned my lesson. Also, back in January we unofficially dated for about 2 months until one day I think the limbo got to her and she said she'd rather just stay friends. It was instant... she just woke-up and had a change of heart. Then, maybe after a month we went on to officially date. I knew I was taking a chance with her, she's a wild card, but it was fun while it lasted. She just seems to be a classic example of someone who just doesn't know what they want.
aloneinaz Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 could that explain her iciness when I finally decided to start NC when she came back from over seas? She was sometimes stubborn when she couldn't get her way. What happened when you started NC is she knew she was losing her power over you. She "assumed" that you'd always be at her beck and call for HER needs. So, of course she became nasty about it. Like other people have said, sometimes you receive a message from your ex JUST as you're moving on... this happened to me a few times, and I caved, but I won't let it happen this time. I learned my lesson. See, you learned another great life lesson thru this process. When someone dumps you and then reappears when you're almost over it, you ignore them. Nothing good will come from it, especially if you're not emotionally over them. These reconciliations NEVER last any length of time and the dumpee get's dumped a second time. I had a buddy who got dumped a couple of times by his douche ex GF. He healed, was emotionally over her and was having fun dating. His ex reappeared to screw with his head again and wanted to "try again". He had NO desire to date her again but was a bit vindictive. He met up with her, screwed her brains out for hours and then vanished from her life. I often wonder if the girl learned anything from that experience? but it was fun while it lasted. She just seems to be a classic example of someone who just doesn't know what they want. This is what you need to keep saying to yourself. You got something out of this relationship but it wasn't meant to be. She ended it (twice now?) and you now understand there no more value in this emotional BS or recycling this R/S. 1
Author sms7 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 What happened when you started NC is she knew she was losing her power over you. She "assumed" that you'd always be at her beck and call for HER needs. So, of course she became nasty about it. See, you learned another great life lesson thru this process. When someone dumps you and then reappears when you're almost over it, you ignore them. Nothing good will come from it, especially if you're not emotionally over them. These reconciliations NEVER last any length of time and the dumpee get's dumped a second time. I had a buddy who got dumped a couple of times by his douche ex GF. He healed, was emotionally over her and was having fun dating. His ex reappeared to screw with his head again and wanted to "try again". He had NO desire to date her again but was a bit vindictive. He met up with her, screwed her brains out for hours and then vanished from her life. I often wonder if the girl learned anything from that experience? This is what you need to keep saying to yourself. You got something out of this relationship but it wasn't meant to be. She ended it (twice now?) and you now understand there no more value in this emotional BS or recycling this R/S. I appreciate your input, Aloneinaz. Sometimes it's just nice to hear my suspicions be confirmed by someone with more experience . I hope my ex can figure things out sometime soon, otherwise she'll keep hurting herself and others in the process, but that's not of my concern anymore and she chose that. At one point I would've done anything for her happiness, but now I come first. Thanks, Al!
Chi townD Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I agree with Darkbloom, NC also includes all forms of social media.
Author sms7 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Listen, you seem to have a clear understanding of everything that's going on here and what the right course of action is. She dumped you over seas because she was either seeing someone there or wanted to start dating someone there. When she returned, that option was gone so she reconsidered you until something else came along. Not to revive an old thread, but you were right! Not that I doubted you, but she ended up getting back together with her one ex... you know, the one that she talked to all of the time and would hangout with for hours on end. She said she didn't have feelings for him while we dated, but, knowing her relationship history, I don't think I'm naive enough to believe that. Lesson learned.
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