Author dandyrandy Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 That's because he didn't have the balls to do anything. If I was him and she said she is going to stay, but still see him. I'd toss her stuff out. He can't ask her to choose nor can you and then let her walk all over both of you. If it was me... and I was you. I'd probably bail out. The drama isn't worth it. Too many other single women out there with no baggage and drama to look forward too. Very intelligent advice my friend! I think you are very right on this. BUT I am not sure if it is the right time for an ultimatum just yet from me. Only been dating her for 3 or 4 months. I only see her once a week too at most! Yes the guy has no balls but he has been with her for 10 years. I am sure he was over due for an ultimatum. Sadly he does not have the man hood to end it like he should of.. I want to give the ultimatum a try but I am thinking as a last ditch effort. Ultimatums never usually work because you cant really force your will on someone. I think working up more love is the solution. She needs to love me more and longer and less love her boyfriend. I think this will make her decision easier. The dude is his own worse enemy though also. He is legitimately bat crap crazy! Also he wines and actually cries like a little baby when he doesn't have his way. If I bid my time long enough she will leave this sniveling buffoon eventually. Does anyone have a better idea???? What are your thoughts???
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Interesting... so you think this ultimatum will work on her if I give it to her?? I think she would benefit greatly by removing herself out of this 10 year dysfunctional destructive relationship.. I have been seeing her for 4 months. Things are hot and heavy between us. She does love me and she shows this by doing very thoughtful and way out of the way things for me against her boyfriends wishes. Like things a thoughtful loving wife would do for her husband. Oh, I see. So basically, she's behaving like a bored housewife having a fling, an affair, to liven up her days. In this case, I doubt she will ever leave him. You're a distraction, a diversion from the norm. She has grown comfortable in her relationship with him, but needs you to add the spice.... She is as good as having a passionate affair with you, but as things stand, she will stay with the familiar, I suspect.... This is crap and negative.. Surely you are more smart than this and can give better more positive advice? I was being facetious... Very intelligent advice my friend! I think you are very right on this. BUT I am not sure if it is the right time for an ultimatum just yet from me. Only been dating her for 3 or 4 months. I only see her once a week too at most! Yes the guy has no balls but he has been with her for 10 years. I am sure he was over due for an ultimatum. Sadly he does not have the man hood to end it like he should of.. I want to give the ultimatum a try but I am thinking as a last ditch effort. Ultimatums never usually work because you cant really force your will on someone. I think working up more love is the solution. I think you should adjust your PoV and see this for the way she sees it. I don't think she's serious in her dedication to you. She's in a comfort-zone she has absolutely no need or urgency to move out of. If he makes no demands on her, she has nothing to be concerned about. There IS no choice to make: She has the comfort, stability and regularity of a man who is devoted to her, with him, and the fun, passion and diversion of variety with you. Where is her problem? She needs to love me more and longer and less love her boyfriend. This isn't going to happen overnight. The more you invest, the more she will drink up the devotion. But this will never be an indication of her wnting to leave HIM. It will just be evidence of more commitment on your part. And it may well prove to be your undoing, because she will never reciprocate to the same degree.... I think this will make her decision easier. The dude is his own worse enemy though also. He is legitimately bat crap crazy! Also he wines and actually cries like a little baby when he doesn't have his way. She's used to this. She knows how to deal with it. She has done so, for a long time. She understands how his mind works and behaves accordingly... How do you think they have stayed together for so long? Because they 'work' together.... If I bid my time long enough she will leave this sniveling buffoon eventually. Does anyone have a better idea???? What are your thoughts??? I think you need to adjust your view of him. It's uncomplimentary and unfair. But you're also forgetting that it's him she goes home to. Not you. I think the more time you invest, the harder you're going to fall when you realise that while you're in it for the long-haul, she's in it for the fun ride....
Author dandyrandy Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Oh, I see. So basically, she's behaving like a bored housewife having a fling, an affair, to liven up her days. In this case, I doubt she will ever leave him. You're a distraction, a diversion from the norm. She has grown comfortable in her relationship with him, but needs you to add the spice.... She is as good as having a passionate affair with you, but as things stand, she will stay with the familiar, I suspect.... I was being facetious... I think you should adjust your PoV and see this for the way she sees it. I don't think she's serious in her dedication to you. She's in a comfort-zone she has absolutely no need or urgency to move out of. If he makes no demands on her, she has nothing to be concerned about. There IS no choice to make: She has the comfort, stability and regularity of a man who is devoted to her, with him, and the fun, passion and diversion of variety with you. Where is her problem? This isn't going to happen overnight. The more you invest, the more she will drink up the devotion. But this will never be an indication of her wnting to leave HIM. It will just be evidence of more commitment on your part. And it may well prove to be your undoing, because she will never reciprocate to the same degree.... She's used to this. She knows how to deal with it. She has done so, for a long time. She understands how his mind works and behaves accordingly... How do you think they have stayed together for so long? Because they 'work' together.... I think you need to adjust your view of him. It's uncomplimentary and unfair. But you're also forgetting that it's him she goes home to. Not you. I think the more time you invest, the harder you're going to fall when you realise that while you're in it for the long-haul, she's in it for the fun ride.... These are all interesting points but its impossible for you to see all the dynamics of this situation. It is definitely not her just using me thing. You can tell when your with someone that they love you. It hits you like a ton of bricks!
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 ...These are all interesting points but its impossible for you to see all the dynamics of this situation. It is definitely not her just using me thing. You can tell when your with someone that they love you. It hits you like a ton of bricks! I'm not saying she doesn't love you, though you may be blowing her contribution up to a greater degree, because of your feelings... in other words, you may be projecting the intensity of your OWN feelings onto her. Or not.... But the fact she 'loves' you is no indication at all that she has any intention of changing her MO or current style. The fact this has been going on for 4 months, would denote that she's settled into a comfortable existence. All the talk of 'ultimatums' earlier on would appear to bear this out....
Author dandyrandy Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 She's not confused....she knows exactly what she is doing......she knows how to manipulate men. Neat! You go girl! Thats great but if you ever wondered where the crazy cat lady comes from this is exactly where they come from. They have manipulated and caused so many problems on other men that all the good men have run off long ago from there life and they become an empty sad shell of there former self. They are so broken old and worn out from there devious life that no man wants them any more... But lots of cats like them! Sad very sad..
kendahke Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Very interesting you say this! Went on a date last night and told her about it. I told her that I have been meeting women but haven't had any real desire to date them and just been wanting to date her. She said that she does not want to hold me back but she also does not want to lose me. Translation: she's not leaving her boyfriend for you. 2
smackie9 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Thats great but if you ever wondered where the crazy cat lady comes from this is exactly where they come from. They have manipulated and caused so many problems on other men that all the good men have run off long ago from there life and they become an empty sad shell of there former self. They are so broken old and worn out from there devious life that no man wants them any more... But lots of cats like them! Sad very sad.. Hmmm not sure if you are implying (taking a stab at my character) that I'm a crazy cat lady based on my opinions of this girl and my avatar....I'm married, for 25 years, and one cat lol. Anyways you are not the only one that has or is in this situation. My friend was obsessed with a girl he worked with. They spent time outside of work, she told him a song and dance about her BF having a small penis, blah blah blah. She ended up ditching my friend, dumping her BF and ran off with a different guy that had more capital.
Author dandyrandy Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Hmmm not sure if you are implying (taking a stab at my character) that I'm a crazy cat lady based on my opinions of this girl and my avatar....I'm married, for 25 years, and one cat lol. Anyways you are not the only one that has or is in this situation. My friend was obsessed with a girl he worked with. They spent time outside of work, she told him a song and dance about her BF having a small penis, blah blah blah. She ended up ditching my friend, dumping her BF and ran off with a different guy that had more capital. No stab on you.. Have no idea who you are lady. That sucks for your friend and sounds like another women thats an excellent candidate to become the next crazy cat lady. Karma can be a real bitch and what goes around will come back around.
Author dandyrandy Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Translation: she's not leaving her boyfriend for you. She already told me she is leaving him.. She just doesnt know when because she is being the guys mother right now. She will leave this loser eventually for sure. Just dont know if I will still be around when it happens. Regardless of what happens I am continuing on with my life thats for sure!
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