dandyrandy Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Hello everyone and yes it happened. I did not mean for it to happen but it did. It all started 3 months ago as a friendship with a women that made it clear that she has a boyfriend. We just hung out and did friend things. Well as things progressed we brought much joy and happiness into our lives. We found out that we had everything in common and it is as if we are kindred spirits! We inevitably became intimate with each other. Oh by the way the boyfriend knows all about this. In fact there relationship is more of a comfortable support buddy and friendship thing. Now the boyfriend is getting jealous because he sees how much joy and happiness I bring to her. The boyfriend really isn't doing her any good at all in her life. I think she is just in confusion and stuck in a co dependent relationship. She is stuck in her comfort zone with him. I think the comfort zone effect came from her only being with this guy in her only relationship she has ever been in. The big problem is now I am in love with this women and her degree of love for me is uncertain. My love for her all happened right around my motorcycle accident and during my birthday. She was the only one that really came to me and stayed with me to help me out! Now I know she knows I love her through my gestures and she gives me love back by her gestures too! I just have never told her that I love her and we have great communication! I don't know what to do?? Should I tell her I love her or just stay friends with her? I already know that I cant end my friendship with her.
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Well, you must. And this is what you must say: "I am totally in love with you but while you are with this other man, I cannot be a party to this liaison. Please make your choice: it's either him or me, and I need your decision in 3 days' time. Otherwise this has to end, because this trio cannot continue as it is. He is jealous, I am torn and you are undecided. so now you must decide." 4
Author dandyrandy Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Well, you must. And this is what you must say: "I am totally in love with you but while you are with this other man, I cannot be a party to this liaison. Please make your choice: it's either him or me, and I need your decision in 3 days' time. Otherwise this has to end, because this trio cannot continue as it is. He is jealous, I am torn and you are undecided. so now you must decide."[/quote Thanks for the advice friend But I dont think ultimatums work! Have they worked for you? The boyfriend recently gave her a similar ultimatum. Either you leave the guy or you move out! She told him she is going to stay but she is not going to leave me. So his ultimatum failed on him! 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Fine. In that case, carry on sharing her. You do realise that at one point or another something will have to give...? What, you see all three of you happy in your joint retirement? Of course not. Give her the ultimatum, but be prepared to walk away. He didn't have to - she already lives with him, doesn't she? Of course she's going to stay where the living is easy. She has both of you stringing along, and in the meantime, she has everything her own way. neat. you go girl....! 2
kendahke Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Hello everyone and yes it happened. I did not mean for it to happen but it did. It all started 3 months ago as a friendship with a women that made it clear that she has a boyfriend. We just hung out and did friend things. Well as things progressed we brought much joy and happiness into our lives. We found out that we had everything in common and it is as if we are kindred spirits! We inevitably became intimate with each other. Oh by the way the boyfriend knows all about this. In fact there relationship is more of a comfortable support buddy and friendship thing. Now the boyfriend is getting jealous because he sees how much joy and happiness I bring to her. The boyfriend really isn't doing her any good at all in her life. I think she is just in confusion and stuck in a co dependent relationship. She is stuck in her comfort zone with him. I think the comfort zone effect came from her only being with this guy in her only relationship she has ever been in. The big problem is now I am in love with this women and her degree of love for me is uncertain. My love for her all happened right around my motorcycle accident and during my birthday. She was the only one that really came to me and stayed with me to help me out! Now I know she knows I love her through my gestures and she gives me love back by her gestures too! I just have never told her that I love her and we have great communication! I don't know what to do?? Should I tell her I love her or just stay friends with her? I already know that I cant end my friendship with her. You need to leave her alone. Here's the thing: if your "love" for her was all that, she'd have left her boyfriend to be with you. You have to ask yourself "why is she still with him when I bring her so much joy and happiness?" One would think she'd have run head long into your arms and never left if it was all that and a bag of chips. And yes, you can end your friendship with her. You've inflated your importance to her in your own mind and she's done nothing, that you've shared here, to support this inflation of your importance--like leave her boyfriend for you. She's still posted up underneath him. She hasn't moved out and away from him. That's a clear sign that someone's joy bringing was on point. Clearly, her head is easily turned and she has no loyalty. I certainly wouldn't want such a feeble minded person in my life--could never trust them. 1
Gary S Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Date other women and find a girlfriend who is single and actually available. Nothing can take your mind off the old crush like a new one can. 3
Author dandyrandy Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Fine. In that case, carry on sharing her. You do realise that at one point or another something will have to give...? What, you see all three of you happy in your joint retirement? Of course not. Give her the ultimatum, but be prepared to walk away. He didn't have to - she already lives with him, doesn't she? Of course she's going to stay where the living is easy. She has both of you stringing along, and in the meantime, she has everything her own way. neat. you go girl....! Very true... She is confused though for sure.. 1
Author dandyrandy Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Date other women and find a girlfriend who is single and actually available. Nothing can take your mind off the old crush like a new one can. True brother very true.. 1
smackie9 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Very true... She is confused though for sure.. She's not confused....she knows exactly what she is doing......she knows how to manipulate men. Neat! You go girl! 2
joseb Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Unless she is willing to leave him to be with you, then you need to date other people. Maybe when she realises you have other options she will realise that she does want you. Right now you are making it too easy for her to have her cake and eat it too 1
katiegrl Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 (edited) Well, you must. And this is what you must say: "I am totally in love with you but while you are with this other man, I cannot be a party to this liaison. Please make your choice: it's either him or me, and I need your decision in 3 days' time. Otherwise this has to end, because this trio cannot continue as it is. He is jealous, I am torn and you are undecided. so now you must decide."[/quote Thanks for the advice friend But I dont think ultimatums work! Have they worked for you? The boyfriend recently gave her a similar ultimatum. Either you leave the guy or you move out! She told him she is going to stay but she is not going to leave me. So his ultimatum failed on him! The only reason why his ultimatum didn't work was because HE failed to carry out his end of the ultimatum by kicking her out .....when she refused to make a decision. That's HIS fault .....he is weak and a coward. I think you "should" tell her "it's him or me and you have one week to decide, and if you can't decide OR you choose him, then I have no choice but to walk away because I cannot be a party to this liason any longer.". Just as Tara suggested. And if that does end up happening and she can't decide OR chooses him, then you do just that -- walk!!! Your absence will speak volumes, and she will either feel the loss , miss you terribly prompting her to take action and leave him, or not. Either way you are better off, because seriously, how much longer can you tolerate this shyt without going crazy and losing your damn mind?! Not to mention your self-respect and maybe even your self-esteem. Come on now. Edited August 7, 2015 by katiegrl 2
bubbaganoosh Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Look. She's burning the candle at both ends. I think your crazy to be with her Suppose she decides to be with you. What makes you think that she won't pull this same stunt on you and find herself another guy on the side. Friend she's displaying her true colors to you and you refuse to see it so don't say you weren't warned. 1
Author dandyrandy Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Unless she is willing to leave him to be with you, then you need to date other people. Maybe when she realises you have other options she will realise that she does want you. Right now you are making it too easy for her to have her cake and eat it too Very true! 1
Author dandyrandy Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Look. She's burning the candle at both ends. I think your crazy to be with her Suppose she decides to be with you. What makes you think that she won't pull this same stunt on you and find herself another guy on the side. Friend she's displaying her true colors to you and you refuse to see it so don't say you weren't warned. Very interesting thanks for the info.. But also on the same token of crazy people dont you think most women like drama and making these crazy situations?? 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Only if we're silly, immature and have two simpering idiots fighting over us. Then, they're putty in our hands. No drama from our perspective. We're cake-eaters and you don't even reaslise it! 1
Satu Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 People do what they do because of who they are. So if she were to part company with her boyfriend and take up with you, its quite likely that you'd end up being in the same situation that he is in now. She likes having two men around to boost her ego.
LostOne1 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Well, you must. And this is what you must say: "I am totally in love with you but while you are with this other man, I cannot be a party to this liaison. Please make your choice: it's either him or me, and I need your decision in 3 days' time. Otherwise this has to end, because this trio cannot continue as it is. He is jealous, I am torn and you are undecided. so now you must decide."[/quote Thanks for the advice friend But I dont think ultimatums work! Have they worked for you? The boyfriend recently gave her a similar ultimatum. Either you leave the guy or you move out! She told him she is going to stay but she is not going to leave me. So his ultimatum failed on him! That's because he didn't have the balls to do anything. If I was him and she said she is going to stay, but still see him. I'd toss her stuff out. He can't ask her to choose nor can you and then let her walk all over both of you. If it was me... and I was you. I'd probably bail out. The drama isn't worth it. Too many other single women out there with no baggage and drama to look forward too. 2
bubbaganoosh Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Very interesting thanks for the info.. But also on the same token of crazy people dont you think most women like drama and making these crazy situations?? Some do but most don't. The point is do you want to be a pawn in her silly half assed games she's playing? If you do then you get what you deserve but were talking about your self respect and dignity here. If it's me, I let her know that I don't play second fiddle to anyone and she can take her crazy and apply it to some other guy who is willing to be played. This is about you. This is about your life. Just ask yourself if you feel you deserve a bit more respect from her because honestly she's giving you none.
Author dandyrandy Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 Well, you must. And this is what you must say: "I am totally in love with you but while you are with this other man, I cannot be a party to this liaison. Please make your choice: it's either him or me, and I need your decision in 3 days' time. Otherwise this has to end, because this trio cannot continue as it is. He is jealous, I am torn and you are undecided. so now you must decide." I like this idea.. But the boyfriend recently gave her and ultimatum to pack her things and leave or leave me. She picked me and wanted to stay and the boyfriend wussed out on sending her out! So now she is staying with the guy and stringing me along. Should I pull this same ultimatum thing on her even though it didnt work for the guy?
Author dandyrandy Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 Some do but most don't. The point is do you want to be a pawn in her silly half assed games she's playing? If you do then you get what you deserve but were talking about your self respect and dignity here. If it's me, I let her know that I don't play second fiddle to anyone and she can take her crazy and apply it to some other guy who is willing to be played. This is about you. This is about your life. Just ask yourself if you feel you deserve a bit more respect from her because honestly she's giving you none. Yeah true but this women really does love me and seeks out to end this relationship she has eventually. But she say doing what her brain is telling her which is to leave and doing what her heart is telling her to stay is conflicting. She is confused but like I said she truly does love me. Also I think she would benefit greatly by getting out of this abusive dysfunctional relationship.
Author dandyrandy Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 Fine. In that case, carry on sharing her. You do realise that at one point or another something will have to give...? What, you see all three of you happy in your joint retirement? Of course not. Give her the ultimatum, but be prepared to walk away. He didn't have to - she already lives with him, doesn't she? Of course she's going to stay where the living is easy. She has both of you stringing along, and in the meantime, she has everything her own way. neat. you go girl....! Interesting... so you think this ultimatum will work on her if I give it to her?? I think she would benefit greatly by removing herself out of this 10 year dysfunctional destructive relationship.. I have been seeing her for 4 months. Things are hot and heavy between us. She does love me and she shows this by doing very thoughtful and way out of the way things for me against her boyfriends wishes. Like things a thoughtful loving wife would do for her husband.
Author dandyrandy Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 Unless she is willing to leave him to be with you, then you need to date other people. Maybe when she realises you have other options she will realise that she does want you. Right now you are making it too easy for her to have her cake and eat it too Very interesting you say this! Went on a date last night and told her about it. I told her that I have been meeting women but haven't had any real desire to date them and just been wanting to date her. She said that she does not want to hold me back but she also does not want to lose me.
Author dandyrandy Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 The only reason why his ultimatum didn't work was because HE failed to carry out his end of the ultimatum by kicking her out .....when she refused to make a decision. That's HIS fault .....he is weak and a coward. I think you "should" tell her "it's him or me and you have one week to decide, and if you can't decide OR you choose him, then I have no choice but to walk away because I cannot be a party to this liason any longer.". Just as Tara suggested. And if that does end up happening and she can't decide OR chooses him, then you do just that -- walk!!! Your absence will speak volumes, and she will either feel the loss , miss you terribly prompting her to take action and leave him, or not. Either way you are better off, because seriously, how much longer can you tolerate this shyt without going crazy and losing your damn mind?! Not to mention your self-respect and maybe even your self-esteem. Come on now. Very interesting yes!! I like the ultimatum idea!! But I think it may be too too early for that still?? She is giving me mixed signals of stringing me along to loving me. She is trying to keep both of us guys in balance. I think its mostly just her game though. She truly loves me though threw the very loving extreme actions she has done for me. Also I had a secret hot guy friend of mine try and pick her up and she told him she met me already and is in love. I have my spies and methods of game too.
Author dandyrandy Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 Only if we're silly, immature and have two simpering idiots fighting over us. Then, they're putty in our hands. No drama from our perspective. We're cake-eaters and you don't even reaslise it! This is crap and negative.. Surely you are more smart than this and can give better more positive advice?
Author dandyrandy Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 People do what they do because of who they are. So if she were to part company with her boyfriend and take up with you, its quite likely that you'd end up being in the same situation that he is in now. She likes having two men around to boost her ego. Possible.. but unlikely. I see where your coming from on this though.
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