tkgirl Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 hi guys! it's been a loooong time since I've been on here anyho... I have a situation I hope y'all can help me with. My next door neighbor wants to date and I'm really not interested... like at all! and it's getting annoying to even see him because he always brings up when can we get together etc... I made the mistake of going out with him once thinking it was just casual (I know.. stupid!) I met up with him for a drink but when we toasted he said "here's to our first date" ugh... So now I just keep trying to avoid him or when I can't I just find excuses to not make a plan with him. I keep hoping he'll just get the hint and stop asking but it's not working. It's to the point where I dread seeing him... which sucks because he lives right next door to me! Anybody got any advice for me? Thanks!
LoveRefreshed Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 hi guys! it's been a loooong time since I've been on here anyho... I have a situation I hope y'all can help me with. My next door neighbor wants to date and I'm really not interested... like at all! and it's getting annoying to even see him because he always brings up when can we get together etc... I made the mistake of going out with him once thinking it was just casual (I know.. stupid!) I met up with him for a drink but when we toasted he said "here's to our first date" ugh... So now I just keep trying to avoid him or when I can't I just find excuses to not make a plan with him. I keep hoping he'll just get the hint and stop asking but it's not working. It's to the point where I dread seeing him... which sucks because he lives right next door to me! Anybody got any advice for me? Thanks! Be direct. Look man, I'm not interested in you, nor will I be. Please stop asking me out. Then, the next time If you can't stop harassing me, I will not even talk to you. 1
oberkeat Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) hi guys! it's been a loooong time since I've been on here anyho... I have a situation I hope y'all can help me with. My next door neighbor wants to date and I'm really not interested... like at all! and it's getting annoying to even see him because he always brings up when can we get together etc... I made the mistake of going out with him once thinking it was just casual (I know.. stupid!) I met up with him for a drink but when we toasted he said "here's to our first date" ugh... So now I just keep trying to avoid him or when I can't I just find excuses to not make a plan with him. I keep hoping he'll just get the hint and stop asking but it's not working. It's to the point where I dread seeing him... which sucks because he lives right next door to me! Anybody got any advice for me? Thanks! Speaking as a guy, a lot of us can't take a hint. Next time he asks you, you need to say something like, "I'm flattered, but I don't really like you that way. Let's just be friends." No need to give him a reason why. Think of it as doing him a favor: he can take his energy off chasing you, and put it toward finding a girl who really likes him. Edited August 6, 2015 by oberkeat 1
GemmaUK Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 You need to be really direct with him. Next time he asks tell him you are not interested in dating him. Or, Just speak up right now and tell him you are not interested. Don't mention you are seeing a fake made up man. Just tell this one you are not into him. Some folk just do not get hints. It's like a mental block for some people and they cannot fathom that you won't eventually date them, marry, have kids......blah..... 1
kendahke Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 hi guys! it's been a loooong time since I've been on here anyho... I have a situation I hope y'all can help me with. My next door neighbor wants to date and I'm really not interested... like at all! and it's getting annoying to even see him because he always brings up when can we get together etc... I made the mistake of going out with him once thinking it was just casual (I know.. stupid!) I met up with him for a drink but when we toasted he said "here's to our first date" ugh... So now I just keep trying to avoid him or when I can't I just find excuses to not make a plan with him. I keep hoping he'll just get the hint and stop asking but it's not working. It's to the point where I dread seeing him... which sucks because he lives right next door to me! Anybody got any advice for me? Thanks! Stop with the hints. He's not trying to get one. When they don't get the hint, you have to be direct and unmistakable. Not rude, but direct. The next time he hits you up for a date, you have to tell him "Thank you, but no thank you. I am not interested in anything more than a friendly and respectful neighbor interaction with you. I would appreciate it if you would respect that." After that, if he gets ignorant about it, talk to the landlord about him harassing and pestering you. I'm sure there's something in the lease he signed about not being a nuisance.
Gary S Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 So tell him you are dating somebody......you will be dating somebody eventually, correct? If he thinks you are unavailable, maybe he'll back off.
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I wouldn't reject directly him in case he's a nut and gets weird with you. Even on the off chance that he's not a raging psychopath it would still make running into each other awkward. I'd go with the "I'm seeing someone" scenario. Although if he's as clueless as you say this might not be enough to stop him.
LoveRefreshed Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Why do all women think men are nuts and can only respond to rejection with anger or violence? Be direct, otherwise you're not making your point. If he is a nutter, that is one the actual few good things about the police. Get a restraining order. Not to mention, why does rejection make it awkward? ****, I find rejection funny. I will ask hot insanely beautiful girls to their face and when they reject me, I am pretty sure I make them laugh even harder. Then later I ask them out again =D And sometimes it works. 1
Author tkgirl Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Thanks everyone! FYI I don't think all women think men are nuts... speaking only for myself I think some men have the potential to go a little nuts. A long time ago I did have to get a restraining order on an ex-boyfriend when he couldn't fathom that I really wanted it to be over I think that's a big reason why this bothers me even more... it sort of triggers that old feeling when the ex wouldn't leave me alone. I don't want to date him, he doesn't seem to clue into that and he lives right friggin' next door to me! I hate feeling like a gotta pull the B card but I think what most of you said is right... I have to be direct and hope it doesn't get any more awkward to see him as it already has!
lollipopspot Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Why do all women think men are nuts and can only respond to rejection with anger or violence? Be direct, otherwise you're not making your point. If he is a nutter, that is one the actual few good things about the police. Get a restraining order. Of course not all men respond to rejection with anger and violence (although anger is pretty common, even if they don't express it to your face). But it is common enough that it can be scary, if the guy knows where you live. I think this isn't something that males get from women often, so you might not understand it, but anger is not an uncommon response from rejected men. I don't think there's a female Elliot Rodger, or a female version of the guy who gets a "no" on OLD and then responds with a barrage of sexual abuse, etc. Restraining orders are notoriously worthless. Why Do Men Get So Angry At Women When They Are (Nicely) Rejected? | Thought Catalog
preraph Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 If I were you I'd just tell him, "I'm dating someone else" and maybe add that you find it too awkward dating a neighbor anyway "because see how awkward this is?"
kendahke Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Why Do Men Get So Angry At Women When They Are (Nicely) Rejected? | Thought Catalog I think I'm going to make that my signature line.
LoveRefreshed Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 If internet responses are your bases on how to handle things in person, I don't think you'd fare to well out in public. There are several studies on internet behavior phenomena. The fact that people don't behave according to social norms in their internet facets/online personas. I'm sorry that you ladies have to go through this, but as men, we also have our fair share of violent women to deal with. The worst part about it, we don't have nearly acceptance when we complain about it. Most men, and all the men that are my friends, have never once responded like this to a woman's rejection. In fact, once on OLD, I got rejected in a terrible way, this girl was completely lying and I could tell, so I just called her out on it without using any swear words or bad language or insults. She responded with several. Should I think all women can't handle criticism now?
lollipopspot Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Should I think all women can't handle criticism now? I don't even see how you could try to make a parallel between male violence against women and female violence against men. How often in your life have you been afraid of a woman attacking you? Women daily work their lives around and limit themselves because of violence against women by men. Ever been afraid a woman would rape you or assault you? Ever had a woman walk you to your car at night because it wasn't safe to go by yourself? 2
LoveRefreshed Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 As a kid growing up, my sister used to get into fights with me. Pick them, and go crazy. Throw things, hit me with things, use weapons like screw drivers, etc to fight with me. My mom used start fights with my stepdad. Hit him, slap him, etc. I had a gf throw pots at me, punch me in the head, slap me, claw me. What can a guy do in response? The minute we do anything physical to defend ourselves, we can be hauled off to jail for domestic violence. Our world is set up in a way that men have little we can do in those situations but walk away. Be told were not a man, etc. I have also seen women do other things to get even such as manipulate one guy into fight another guy for them. To consider women aren't capable of violence is a gross ignorance. To think every man are like the small percentage that are rapists and violent is a incredibly cynical and ignorant.
lollipopspot Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 What can a guy do in response? Walk away. Anyone who can should. To think every man are like the small percentage that are rapists and violent is a incredibly cynical and ignorant. Um, yeah, not what I said. But women obviously need to be careful, and significantly more careful than men. Not that you understand that. 2
LoveRefreshed Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 (edited) Walk away. Anyone who can should. Um, yeah, not what I said. But women obviously need to be careful, and significantly more careful than men. Not that you understand that. So if this guy gets violent, she can also walk away. Like you suggest? I can understand that women should be careful, but you shouldn't be afraid to directly tell someone no because you think he's going to punch you in the face solely based on the fact he has a dick. That's seriously effed up. Don't you think that maybe it's because our society deems it okay for a woman to hit a man, not the other way around, that we feel men are the ones who hit more? difference between domestic violence Edited August 7, 2015 by LoveRefreshed
Zagan Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Tell him you want to date him, but you're waiting for the pixies from Mordor to give you the go ahead incase your higher force rejects your application to date and Independence Days his house.. He will never speak to you again. 2
Zagan Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 say yes, plan a date with him, then bail and go out with some other dude the night you planned to go out with him. isnt that the usual way of handling it? Someone's been burned. 3
lollipopspot Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 That's seriously effed up. Don't you think that maybe it's because our society deems it okay for a woman to hit a man, not the other way around, that we feel men are the ones who hit more? No, it's because men commit the vast majority of rapes and injury producing violent crimes in society. I'm sure it will also come as a surprise that males have the upper hand in terms of strength. Don't even know how you can deny this, but whatever. Not worth my time. 1
LoveRefreshed Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 (edited) No, it's because men commit the vast majority of rapes and injury producing violent crimes in society. I'm sure it will also come as a surprise that males have the upper hand in terms of strength. Don't even know how you can deny this, but whatever. Not worth my time. Reported crimes. No man would report a woman for abuse.. why? We would just be welcoming more abuse from others (cops making fun of us, friends, family, etc..) for not taking it like a man. Just like men don't report being raped or facing sexual harassment at work. Secondly, I am quite aware that men have the upperhand in strength. Doesn't mean we go around abusing anyone weaker than us. It may not be worth your time to argue with me, but it is worth your time to question your views on men. We're not raging beasts with no ability to take rejection and must resort to violence. Try not keeping to your preconceived, baseless ideas and question things from time to time. http://www.saveservices.org/2012/02/cdc-study-more-men-than-women-victims-of-partner-abuse/ Edited August 7, 2015 by LoveRefreshed
carhill Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 OP, one it's really cool to see an old-timer posting and, two, you're getting up into my age range and, if hints don't work and you don't want to do direct, you're bound to have some nice male friends, one who can stop by for a visit or two to catch up. I've got a friend we call 'big Dave' and yup, all 6'4" and 300lbs of him and he'll hug you to death but strangers cringe around him. Just smile, put your arm around him, and walk through the door since your amorous neighbor lives right next door. Then play some sex tapes loud. Heh. Be creative. Make this annoying issue fun, even if the solution doesn't work. Life's short.
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