Deciding whether to save marriage if no kids - anyone else in similar situation?

[beach]

Since you're not sure you're committed to the marriage - and him - then just make a decision and apply effort and action into that decision.

 

It's that simple.

 

You either re energize your marriage by nurturing it - or you nurture a divorce and learn what happy looks like for you being single.

[Ronni_W]

I'm glad it worked out for you two but the impression I got is that it ended eventually. That must have been painful...ten years after you divorced? Ouch!

Ken, I see your perspective. But, no...the end didn't happen 10 years after our divorce; it didn't happen "eventually"...it happened "at the start" (if you see what I mean?) The "ouch" had been felt, well...starting sometime before the whole separation/divorce proceedings. By the time we sold the house, I was already in a long-term relationship, and the ex was ready to move in with his g/f.

 

Of course I cannot speak for my ex. But I do think that, for him, how we did it helped him to maintain some sense of continuity through the period where that was an important thing for him to have.

On the other side, yes, it most likely did give him the "space" in which to not just get on with his healing and his life...but that is a choice that he made. I did not choose that for myself; I did divorce support, therapy, all of that...concurrent with getting into a new relationship.

 

Hhmmm...so, probably. Likely without doing that other stuff -- the grieving/healing work and learning better relationship & coping skills -- most likely I could not have pulled it off. But, you can be sure that I was ripping off band-aids...like it was going out of style .

 

...and I'm healing ... and looking forward to finding someone to spend the rest of my life with...(as soon as I establish a new career, settle in to a new location, build up some funds, gain some self respect back etc...trivialities )

Hey Mister! Don't you be giving yourself too many excuses for not getting back on the horse, alright?

Seriously though, I get that a year-and-a-half is not all that long. I do wish you the very best, and that you'll find that special someone with whom you'll co-create a most amazing partnership and loving relationship.

 

Thanks for your hugs...doubled and right back atcha!

Ronni

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Why torture him more? You're not in love with him & probably never will be. Why don't you want to set him free & find someone who you want to be with? Don't you want to be with someone you really love & who loves you? Why be in a hollow one sided relationship?

[Mr. Lucky]

A big part of it is I had felt a little smothered. I am close to my family and have a lot of friends I see regularly, whereas I felt like he relied on me to be his sole source of support and entertainment. I felt guilty about wanted to do things without him, because then he'd just be home alone wondering when I'm coming back. One of the things I told him I needed, if we do stay together, is that he needs to have a bit of a life without me. When I met him he had interests, he was in a band, more outgoing. But I also need to accept that he is okay with/even wants more down time and is okay being alone, doesn't have to be busy all the time.

 

Doesn't sound like the kind of dynamic that would support a roommate relationship.

 

And the whole proposed arrangement sounds like a marriage without the upside of sex, love and strong emotional connection. Wouldn't work for me...

 

Mr. Lucky

[beach]

How often have you had sex with your H in the past year?