Strahatmak Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Just a follow up of my thread. Thanks to those here giving advices. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/541277-i-totally-being-ignored-my-date-front-his-friends He still texted me everyday, but ended really quickly. I didn't respond to his text until hours later as well because I wanted to cool down. So I was on my way to see friends and I stopped by his place - he's been asking me to stop by for several times already, and he seemed eager in his text that I was actually dropping by. He met up with me immediately. I didn't expect he would be dramatically excited about me making a visit, but I didn't feel any energy or delightfulness from him comparing to his text. A guy friend of mine asked about the whole thing and his conclusion was that this guy was making the minimal effort to date me. Guys should do most in the early dating stage to show they are interested. He asked me to recall the time when other guys were coming to me and they did a lot to me in the very early dating stage. He said it was a total BS that after 5, 7 dates and hang outs and he was still "down for fun" and "trying to know me". He said when I shared my life issues with him and other guy friends but not to HIM meaning that my gut was telling me this guy wasn't the one. And most importantly, he said this guy was taking advantages from me by spending all the time on the physical affections but much less time on talking and caring and stuff. It was difficult for my friend to say how interested this guy was into me but he said definitely didn't worth any more of my time. Earlier he said that he did sincerely wish things would work well on me but now he said sorry he had to ask me to cut this guy off. So ya, with all the advices and reasons, I am firm on that I back out and treat him like a casual friend. Good lesson learned. And for other girls... if a man seems clueless or doing only this much to you, you know he is either not THAT into you or he is totally brainless on caring a woman. 1
GalWithNiceGuyFriend Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I 'broke up' with someone recently because of this one-sided stuff (quotes because we never really were a real couple just yet. I was waiting for it, but it never happened). I still think of him sometimes. The funny thing is that every person I'd told about it told me from the get go that I deserve better. Now, from a distance, I kind of see what they meant. Unfortunately, one of the people who constantly told me I deserve better is the man I am now attracted to (even though I haven't told him just yet because I am unsure how he feels).
Author Strahatmak Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 I 'broke up' with someone recently because of this one-sided stuff (quotes because we never really were a real couple just yet. I was waiting for it, but it never happened). I still think of him sometimes. The funny thing is that every person I'd told about it told me from the get go that I deserve better. Now, from a distance, I kind of see what they meant. Unfortunately, one of the people who constantly told me I deserve better is the man I am now attracted to (even though I haven't told him just yet because I am unsure how he feels). What a story... Was mine "one-sided"? I was in the passive mode at the beginning, and I showed interested to him accordingly. I guess he was taking it for granted. And I don't like him being much more happier into his own friends while looks dull and expressionless while being with me. Do not tell me that those people are his good friends such and such. If dating or relationship doesn't provide him happiness, what's the point of having one? He has almost no complement on me (when my guy friend asked me whether he ever made complement on me or not.) He seems like he doesn't want to acknowledge me as a date in front of people and afraid to let others know. Those piss me off A LOT.
GalWithNiceGuyFriend Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 It sounds one-sided to me. I just think you're me back then making all the effort on my own. That's unfair and that's not how it should be in my opinion. The guy friend I am attracted to asked me pretty much all the questions your guy friend asked you. He basically 'opened my eyes' when I was so down. Asking me things like how many times the guy initiates contact, how many times he comments on my looks, how many times he makes plans to see me or catch up etc. I realised after almost 2 years that I had put my heart in the wrong place. I realised I was doing almost all the work and all the planning. But since he knew I genuinely cared for him, he constantly took me for granted but somehow knew what to say to keep me interested or around him. And then he is a last-born in his family while I'm a middle child...oh my. Let me just say he was older than me, but I felt like the 'mother' of that relationship of ours. I still do care, but I am keeping away because of the advice from my good guy friend which I must admit has opened my eyes. I was in a one-sided situation. I did all the work with very little input or acknowledgement from him. I was sad and stressed for a long time, but it's getting better. I thank my guy friend for it, although it still makes me sad. I think we were just not meant to be.
Author Strahatmak Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) It wasn't like he sat there and did nothing. He once rescheduled his stuffs to meet me. He initiated hang outs and dates most of the time (however those were almost all plan-less). He initated text everyday (though the chats were very short). He paid for most of the stuffs. When I was deprssed that one time, He did text back to comfort me and asked me out - though I didn't like the way we met because he was the one who asked to meet BUT he squeezed in pub time with his bud and MADE ME WAITING. However, my guy friends thought those were too minimal. They never did so few to their dates even in the early dating period. One of them asked me to recall what the other guys did to me when they showed interested to me: they remembered small things I mentioned and cared about or planned around it; they made times for me; they never abruptly stopped texting after 10 min but went on to talk more for at least half an hour; they felt empathy when I had issues and asked for help; they made complement and I could feel the energy and happiness they had. One of those guy friends was my ex, too, and I clearly remembered that he made a lot of efforts when he first had interested to me. Plus I was always the one complementing him but I almost got nothing from him. Anyways, if he is only willing to invest this less, this is what he is getting from me. So good lesson for me and other ladies. Edited August 6, 2015 by Strahatmak
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