momx3 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 There are so many details to my story that trying to explain it all would lead to more confusion than clarity, so I will do my best to summarize. I became involved with a man a couple years ago. He was amazingly good to me and my children. My family, however, did not accept him. In my heart, I knew that despite how much I cared for him, it would not work in the long run. We would fight regularly and there were major fundamental topics on which we did not agree. There were too many details that I couldn't overlook, but I still loved the way he made me feel, the way he treated my children, etc. We continued to see each other though it was infrequent. We put in the effort even though we lived an hour away from each other and we both had responsibilities (work, returning to school, children) that made it very difficult. About two months ago, I told him how I had been feeling. He begged me not to go and I stayed around as a supportive friend. Over the last two years, we had both been through some very trying times and in each circumstance we were the ones that were there for each other through thick and thin. He had become my best friend and I his, so leaving him in pain while dealing with my own pain seemed impossible. A couple of weeks ago, we went to lunch. He poured his heart out to me, told me he loved me, and that he couldn't imagine life without me. In my weakness, I told him we would figure this out, that I did love him, and that everything would be okay. That it didn't seem right to be in this much pain on both sides. The next day, I called to see how he was doing. He said fine, but he was busy. Someone was there. Within 24 hours of us deciding that we were going to really commit to a life together, he not only had moved on, but she was already moving into his place. I am completely crushed! How can I be hurting this badly when I'm the one that ended it? At first, I thought we could do the just friends thing. We talked, even went to lunch earlier this week, but yesterday, he dropped the bombshell that he no longer wanted to be friends at all. Apparently his new woman doesn't like the idea of us being friends. I understand this because it is very clear that we both still have very strong feelings for each other. According to him, after less than two weeks, he is already in love with her and will do anything for her. I can't understand how I can be hurting so badly about a relationship that I know was toxic. How can I be in a position where I want to be with someone that is so bad for me? The mornings are the worst. He used to drive the hour here just to have coffee with me before work. But every morning, I now wake up not being able to shake the thought that not only did I just lose my best friend and support, but he now has another woman in his arms. How could he have moved on so quickly?
StalwartMind Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 It can be difficult to tell if he moved on quickly or not, sometimes people set up new lives while still being involved with others. Our feelings and approach with how to deal with things, are so incredibly different that it is hard to pin point an exact reason as to why something happens. I think it's fairly natural why it hurts so bad, because he was also your best friend, and when you lose that then you suddenly find yourself standing with someone who is neither love or friend. That is rough and painful even if things were not ideal and perhaps toxic like you said. While it doesn't seem like it this very moment, perhaps this was for the best, and you can actually both end up with a life that is the best for both of you.
Cirilla Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I had a similar situation. Just tell him you'll never speak to or have anything to do with him, and you're not waiting around. I did that and my ex came groveling back after 5 days after swearing to me how great she was. 1
Author momx3 Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 I have already blocked all communication with him. In order for him to even be able to reach me he would have to show up at my office which isn't going to happen. One thing that let me know he wasn't the right guy for me is that he could never figure out how to do the big things. Make the big gestures, without being told. He was quick to give up, but if you told him exactly what to do, he would follow it to the letter. I doubt his pride would let him come back and if he did, I like to think I have the strength not to take him back, which is why I'm so confused about why this hurts so much. There is no question, he moved on in 24 hours with the new woman moving in with him the day they met. That alone should tell me his judge of character is screwed up. But what does that say about me?
Gus Grimly Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I became involved with a man a couple years ago. He was amazingly good to me and my children. My family, however, did not accept him. In my heart, I knew that despite how much I cared for him, it would not work in the long run. That sounds very close to my situation. I almost thought you were my Ex for a second. The difference with my situation when I asked for another chance she told me she needed a month to "think about it". I soon found out she had already been on 3 dates with 2 different men, one of which stayed the night at her house. This is only 2 weeks after she broke off our engagement of a 4+ year relationship. I have a feeling though she had been seeing the guy even before we broke up. That's how it goes with people who have no compassion or caring. They can just "move on" literally overnight without any thought towards you. You deserve so much better, we both do. I hope you'll be able to move on and find someone who will fit in your life easier than your Ex did. Don't be a doormat, get your self-respect in order and leave him in the dust. 1
Author momx3 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 In order to deal with all this, I did block him from any form of contact. Now, I'm getting emails from his new girl. Vengeful, unnecessary emails. I know he wants me to hurt. I know that he is hurting. I also know that him getting involved with someone so deeply as quickly as he did isn't fair to her either, so of course she is taking it out on me. If they were both really happy, would she feel the need to shove it in my face unprovoked? It is taking everything I have not to respond that she "won" and not only took my love but my best friend. All that would do is give her satisfaction. It's so petty and juvenile that I feel stupid for being hurt and angry, but the bottom line is I wake up every morning crying. I know he is wrong for me and I'm wrong for him on a romantic level, but I lost the person I would have coffee with every morning. The person that genuinely cared about how my kids were doing. I really did lose my support and best friend. I took six years after my divorce before I even considered introducing another man into my life. Part of that was because I didn't know how to manage introducing a new man into my kids' lives, but mainly, I needed to work on who I was and being happy with myself after an abusive marriage. Now, it feels like I'm starting all over again. I have guilt for hurting him, guilt for leaving my kids with someone that "abandoned" them, pain from being replaced so quickly in a way that shows just how little I was worth to him, and anger for being hurt over someone that I know wasn't right for me anyway.
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