Bluemug Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Hey all! Been a while since I visited this site - since my last post, where I went on a first date, I somehow scored an absolute sweet heart of a boyfriend. It's been two months and things I think, are going well... I think. We saw each other last night, stayed at a lovely hotel, did the usual couple things. Yday morning we had a little heart to heart as he was a bit hurt by the way I snapped at him on Sunday. I apologised and told him to tell me when I do something to upset him so that we can resolve it. All good, lots of "I love you's" and other cute stuff. Today - I haven't heard from him which is unusual and I'm still a little...insecure after our talk yday. He said that if we hadn't addressed our issue we would have broken up. But, yeah. I'm paranoid now. I can't help but wonder if he has changed his mind
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Why not just pick up the phone and call him yourself? Seems like the most obvious thing to do. Take control of the situation rather than wait around for him to decide things for the both of you. Good luck.
Author Bluemug Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 He's at work although lurking on Facebook. Argh I'm becoming that girlfriend.
katiegrl Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Hey all! Been a while since I visited this site - since my last post, where I went on a first date, I somehow scored an absolute sweet heart of a boyfriend. It's been two months and things I think, are going well... I think. We saw each other last night, stayed at a lovely hotel, did the usual couple things. Yday morning we had a little heart to heart as he was a bit hurt by the way I snapped at him on Sunday. **I apologised and told him to tell me when I do something to upset him so that we can resolve it. *** All good, lots of "I love you's" and other cute stuff. Today - I haven't heard from him which is unusual and I'm still a little...insecure after our talk yday. He said that if we hadn't addressed our issue we would have broken up. But, yeah. I'm paranoid now. I can't help but wonder if he has changed his mind Quote in asterisk above -- is there any reason why you can't contact him ....and talk to him about what's troubling you? I mean, is that not what you asked HIM to do whenever HE was upset? Or how about just texting him in general with a good morning or something? Or do you you expect HIM to do all the initiating?
Author Bluemug Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 I do and have initiated a message today, wishing him a good morning and a nice "hope your day is good" message. I'd call him but he's working. It's a pain. I dunno, maybe I'm over reacting
katiegrl Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Also, you say you *snapped* at him Sunday and he was upset. So much so he was ready to end the entire relationship? Because you snapped at him? Either he is overly-sensitive and unable to cope with *any* type of conflict that will naturally occur in a relationship ......or that was one hell of a *snap* you gave him. Why did you snap at him ....what did you say? Did you call him an abusive name or something? Can you clarify?
Author Bluemug Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Ah no names or anything like that. I'd been at a wedding on Saturday and was quite keen to stay home Sunday or at least local. He'd found out something was happening in the city on Sunday afternoon and wanted to go. He didn't like the way I described to my brother that "it's his idea to go,not mine", like my tone upset him or something. To be fair I didn't want to go, but he was so excited that I couldn't say no He basically said last night that if I snapped too much or whatever our relationship would eventually end. He's got a lot of stress at work and with his house right now which I guess doesn't help matters. He snapped at me last night but he was so tired,and rightly told me he was, that I let it go. We'd agreed to be honest with each other and be open about stuff. It's just made me paranoid. Haven't been with a "nice guy" in so long, I'm doubting everything.
PaperCrane Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 This is just honest communication. You're not obligated to go with him to do something if you don't want to, and he shouldn't feel as if you should have to go. I mean, sure, I'd go to things I sometimes don't care too much about but because they were so happy or excited to go I simply enjoyed them enjoying themselves. It's just give and take. However I worry if there is snapping at 2 months in. You're acting scared of saying or doing anything to upset him and that will eventually break open a dam of resentment. Just be open and honest about how you feel about things.
katiegrl Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) Ah no names or anything like that. I'd been at a wedding on Saturday and was quite keen to stay home Sunday or at least local. He'd found out something was happening in the city on Sunday afternoon and wanted to go. He didn't like the way I described to my brother that "it's his idea to go,not mine", like my tone upset him or something. To be fair I didn't want to go, but he was so excited that I couldn't say no ***He basically said last night that if I snapped too much or whatever our relationship would eventually end. He's got a lot of stress at work and with his house right now which I guess doesn't help matters. He snapped at me last night but he was so tired,*** and rightly told me he was, that I let it go. We'd agreed to be honest with each other and be open about stuff. It's just made me paranoid. Haven't been with a "nice guy" in so long, I'm doubting everything. Quote in asterisk above (sorry can't bold on my tablet) --- so you are not allowed to feel irritated and express that irritation (which he interprets as snapping at him) otherwise he will break up with you .....but it's OK for HIM to snap at you? Do I have that right? Sweetie, I'm sorry but he DOES NOT sound so nice to me .....at all! In fact he sounds quite manipulative and controlling. In a relationship, you are allowed to become irritated and voice that irritation.....without your partner threatening to break up with you because of it! That is called him trying to control your behavior and intimidating you to do as he wishes, otherwise the relationship is over! That is NOT nice!!!!! Edited August 6, 2015 by katiegrl
Author Bluemug Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Quote in asterisk above (sorry can't bold on my tablet) --- so you are not allowed to snap at him otherwise he will break up with you .....but it's OK for HIM to snap at you? Do I have that right? Sweetie, I'm sorry but he DOES NOT sound so nice to me .....at all! In fact he sounds quite manipulative and controlling. In a relationship, you are allowed to become irritated and voice that irritation.....without your partner threatening to break up with you because of it! That is called him trying to control your behavior and intimidating you to do as he wishes, otherwise the relationship is over! That is NOT nice!!!!! Hmm I suppose in one respect I could see it that way. I feel like he has more of an issue with coping with stress and thus snapping at me was just a way of releasing it. I have to be fair to him - it's the first time he's snapped at me and were both pretty tired. I think I was actually quite nasty to him Sunday, maybe not what I said, but how I said it. I agree that we should both be able to communicate how we feel, but I think we needed to work on the after effects, like apologising and being rational. Right now I just feel doubt, which is terrible
katiegrl Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Hmm I suppose in one respect I could see it that way. I feel like he has more of an issue with coping with stress and thus snapping at me was just a way of releasing it. I have to be fair to him - it's the first time he's snapped at me and were both pretty tired. I think I was actually quite nasty to him Sunday, maybe not what I said, but how I said it. I agree that we should both be able to communicate how we feel, but I think we needed to work on the after effects, like apologising and being rational. Right now I just feel doubt, which is terrible Yeah well since he is clearly ignoring your text this morning (but has time to be on FB though) sounds like he is still upset and is punishing you by withdrawing. And for the record, this was YOUR first time *snapping* at him too.. He is making a mountain out of a molehill (threatening to break up with you because you got irritated? Come on.) .....which isn't *nice* IMO .... not to mention this whole thing has got you walking on eggshells ....and has thrown you completely off balance and on edge. Which is precisely the intention of those with controlling personalities. But it's clear you can't see of any of this ....so I'm out -- good luck, hope everything works out.
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