Mirachi Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) Hi all. Would be nice to get some views on this. I am 36 partner 33. Been together 15 months. Living together for nearly a year. I really love this lady but some things are just really hard to get past. On a normal day we stay in communication via text and little amount of phone calls. But when ahe sees her friends i hear nothing! I will text her and even though she reads them dosnt reply. Even though i can see she has been on facebook. But when its me and her in our normal life she will text her friends and family all the time. She dosnt see her friends all the time and will have to travel when she does. But i see my friends once a year as we all live in different countries but i still keep in contact with her. She argues the point that she hardley sees them so she wants to devote all her time to them. I get that!! But not even a good night? Or good morning? Am i wrong feeling the way i do? In a way kinda wish i was at least it would put this argument to dam bed! Edited August 6, 2015 by Mirachi
PaperCrane Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Your pain here is coming from expectations. Your expectations aren't being met, and you seem hurt she gives certain attention to friends that she won't give to you. Is this something you really need to be upset about? Or can you kinda just realize maybe this is how she interacts with SO's and texting. Just maybe enjoy the ones she does send? Is everything else okay in your relationship? 2
salparadise Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I will text her and even though she reads them dosnt reply. She argues the point that she hardley sees them so she wants to devote all her time to them. I get that!! But not even a good night? Or good morning? Am i wrong feeling the way i do? No you're not wrong for feeling the way you do. Returning a text or two is not cutting into her time with her friends. It's common courtesy. It sounds like to me she's taking you for granted and not being respectful of your feelings. Anyone would be hurt if their SO was away and wouldn't even text goodnight or good morning. Paper Crane said it's your expectations causing your pain, and objectively speaking that is true, but... these are quite reasonable expectations. Kind of like if you say good morning to someone in person and they look away instead of responding with a good morning to you. I'd say you need to take a good look at how she respects and cares for your feelings overall. This may not be just a texting thing. Does she behave as though the world revolves around her in other contexts, or with other people, or just in this isolated situation. For example, does she do the same things on your birthday that she expects you to do for hers, or is there discrepancy in the reciprocal aspects?
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Are your texts frivolous or controlling? Are you bombarding her with texts? Does she initiate texts to you? How's your communication face to face? When you spend time together, is she attentive or on her phone 100%?
preraph Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 She doesn't want to be embarrassed in front of her friends by looking like she has a too clingy/jealous boyfriend. Texting and calling are for keeping someone apprised of where you are or when to expect you. It's not good etiquette to allow texts and calls to interrupt your time with friends or any other activity. And it's even worse etiquette to demand that. You don't need to keep a tail on her all the time. That's too much.
spiderowl Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 That would bug me too. The odd evening text would make all the difference. Are you happy with other things about her, like the time she spends with you, the way she treats you otherwise, etc.?
GemmaUK Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Anyone would be hurt if their SO was away and wouldn't even text goodnight or good morning. Would they? Good morning and goodnight texts are something I don't need nor want. OP, I suspect she spends a lengthier amount of time with you when she is with you than when she sees her friends which is why she texts them while she is with you. With her friends it's likely just a few hours on a night out. Give her some space when she is out with them, otherwise she could well end up feeling smothered. Give her a chance to miss you.
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