CalvinM Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) My gf of 5 months and I are rebuilding the trust in our relationship. We're basically starting from scratch and taking things slow. Given all that, perhaps my question is moot, but we've always had a very healthy/compatible sex life. I'd like to know if there's any way to politely ask her if we could increase the amount of sex we have a week? I wouldn't call myself an addict, perse, but in a previous relationship it was 6-8 times a week minimum (2-3 times on the weekend). That might be a bit high. But I'm more compatible and definitely more attracted to my current gf than I was to my ex. She has asked me to be more communicative, so is it as simple as saying "babe, I really enjoy our sex and feel a deeper connection to you than I have in previous relationships. Can we be intimate more often?" Edited August 6, 2015 by CalvinM
xxoo Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Seduce her more often? A flirtation leads to a kiss leads to a grope leads to a moan leads to a lick.... 6
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Seduce her more often? A flirtation leads to a kiss leads to a grope leads to a moan leads to a lick.... Exactly. Be that excitng man. Make her WANT to have more sex with you. Asking her for more sex is going to annoy her. "Pretty please, can I have your permission to hump you more frequently..." Ugh! 4
Author CalvinM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Hi Elaine. I've been asking her to join me in the shower more often, and trying to kiss her more seductively. She's also asked me for more oral simply by saying "I'd like more oral sex." I don't see why I can't have her reciprocate.
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Hi Elaine. I've been asking her to join me in the shower more often, and trying to kiss her more seductively. She's also asked me for more oral simply by saying "I'd like more oral sex." I don't see why I can't have her reciprocate. Maybe its just me, but I would rather want to have more sex and end up doing it 6-8+ times a week, because he turned me on and it was the natural thing to do, than someone telling me he wanted it more often. Then, it may then just become a chore and a turn of 3
Redhead14 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Hi Elaine. �� I've been asking her to join me in the shower more often, and trying to kiss her more seductively. She's also asked me for more oral simply by saying "I'd like more oral sex." I don't see why I can't have her reciprocate. �� Are you saying that you initiate as often as you want but she turns you down? That's different. If she's turning you down, you may not be compatible sexually. But, if you aren't trying because you "think" she doesn't want it more often, that's something else. Talk to her. She's talking to you by telling you she wants more oral. She's told you she wants more oral, give that to her and tell her you want more from her. There's nothing wrong with that.
scorpiogirl Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Hi Elaine. �� I've been asking her to join me in the shower more often, and trying to kiss her more seductively. She's also asked me for more oral simply by saying "I'd like more oral sex." I don't see why I can't have her reciprocate. �� Then I'd say follow her lead. And if she's asking for more of something she should definitely reciprocate. It's nice to seduce her and do things she likes but it would be nice if she initiated more frequently too. You don't always want to feel like the one pawing at her and risking a "not tonight," Men want to feel desired too, right? Just have a frank discussion.
candie13 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 you say you're rebuilding your RS... see, to me there's the issue. I have a reasonable sex drive, but when I am bugged emotionally or when I feel in danger, I clam up. It takes time for me to open up, to trust again and to just give myself to the other person like crazy. Of course, be open with your sexual desires but also understand that the most sexual organ of all the body is the brain. She may need time to fully trust you again or fully trust your RS is ok again. just sayin' 4
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Did you actually move out or are you still at hers?
Author CalvinM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 I moved out. And she doesn't usually turn me down unless it's her time of the month, and even then we sometimes still do, but if I know it is, I let her initiate.
Author CalvinM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Then I'd say follow her lead. And if she's asking for more of something she should definitely reciprocate. It's nice to seduce her and do things she likes but it would be nice if she initiated more frequently too. You don't always want to feel like the one pawing at her and risking a "not tonight," Men want to feel desired too, right? Just have a frank discussion. I guess that's it. She works two jobs, so perhaps she doesn't initiate as often as I'd like. But when she does, it's a huge turn on. She usually just asks if I'm in the mood, or comes up behind me and grabs my chest or kisses my neck.
Grumpybutfun Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Rebuilding trust? Was there infidelity in your relationship? You moved out? There seems to be bigger issues than number of times you have sex. G 2
Author CalvinM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) Absolutely not. I went on a date with another woman during a break when she asked me to move out and let her go. We've discussed this and she actually just wanted her own space back since we moved in together too soon. It's a grey area, and she hasn't completely gotten over it, but she understands I only did it because I was trying to move forward. The date meant nothing, and if she had told me she was having doubts about ending things, I would've done whatever it takes to work out our issues with her and not moved on. Edited August 6, 2015 by CalvinM
Vintage79 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I moved out. And she doesn't usually turn me down unless it's her time of the month, and even then we sometimes still do, but if I know it is, I let her initiate. So let me get this straight, she hardly ever turns down your advances, and you're complaining that it's not enough? Seriously? If she hardly ever turns down your advances - this one's on you - just push for it more frequently. If she starts turning them down more often, then you may have a problem, but if she's basically giving it to you whenever you're wanting it, you don't really have anything to complain about. If her sex drive matches, or is less than, what you're currently experiencing, why do you expect her to initiate between your advances? Based on these answers, you're effectively trying to blame her for your inability, or lack of desire, to push for sex more regularly - this one's entirely on you OP, unless the situation is different than you describe... 1
Author CalvinM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Perhaps you're right. I'm not trying to blame her, but I do know that sometimes I want to go again soon after and she's not ready, or vice versa and we just end up cuddling instead. We also don't shower together as much as I'd like, but that's more relative to our work schedules. We talked on Friday about it and she brought up how compatible we are and that she'd like more, especially after, since it's a good way to feel close to one another. She also asks if I'm touching myself and almost seems to prefer that I don't, since the frequency would likely increase. I think the facts are staring me in the face. It's clear that we'd both prefer it more often, but we went most of July only having sex once after we broke up and I certainly didn't help her confidence by going on a date.
Author CalvinM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Are you saying that you initiate as often as you want but she turns you down? That's different. If she's turning you down, you may not be compatible sexually. But, if you aren't trying because you "think" she doesn't want it more often, that's something else. Talk to her. She's talking to you by telling you she wants more oral. She's told you she wants more oral, give that to her and tell her you want more from her. There's nothing wrong with that. This. I think part of me feels guilty? I don't know if that's the right word.. But I was in a relationship before that became mostly about sex. I guess I don't want that to happen with us. We've had our ups and downs. I don't like to feel as if we're papering over the cracks with sex. Our communication is really great and I think sometimes I forget that. I know if I told her that I'd like to be intimate more, or kissed her the way I do when I want her that way, she'd be very receptive. We are very compatible and it surprises and yet scares me sometimes knowing we click so well on that level.
Redhead14 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 This. I think part of me feels guilty? I don't know if that's the right word.. But I was in a relationship before that became mostly about sex. I guess I don't want that to happen with us. We've had our ups and downs. I don't like to feel as if we're papering over the cracks with sex. Our communication is really great and I think sometimes I forget that. I know if I told her that I'd like to be intimate more, or kissed her the way I do when I want her that way, she'd be very receptive. We are very compatible and it surprises and yet scares me sometimes knowing we click so well on that level. You are being "triggered" by things that are going on and "resemble" the past relationship. You need to get into the present and look at and identify with what's right in front of you now. Focus on her and what she's offering you. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I agree w-the consensus. Asking for more sex is WEAK. Just make it happen by seducing her and taking what you want. This is how my GF is. She's VERY sexual. First woman in awhile whose sex drive matches mine. But she tries to downplay it. Partially because she's really submissive sexually. Also, there's times where she'll put up false protest because she gets off on how well I read her. In those moments, she's full of crap and knows I see right through it. So when I take what I want anyways, it confirms our connection.
Gary S Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 If and when the love comes back, so will the sex life.....and the love will come back if and when trust is rebuilt. You'll just have to be patient. 1
LoveRefreshed Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I would start by giving. Giving is the #1 way to getting in bed, IMO. I go down on girls happily, I love it. They typically reciprocate after I give them stellar head. Never had a girl refuse once after I got them off, but if it happened, I would tell her that I thought she was selfish in bed (if my gf, if not, I'd just not talk to her again). Second, women need to be seduced a lot of the time. They don't have our innate sex drive (generally speaking) and getting them in the mood isn't simply getting naked or telling her she's hot. Start earlier, tell her something like "Wow, those pants make your ass look hot", then give it a good grab with a kiss. And then let it go. Maybe later, tell her how sexy she is, and how much you'd like to blah.. whatever, it's hard to make it up on the spot like this. Just go with the flow. Give her a shoulder rub for a bit, and end it with some kisses to back of her neck. Sooner or later, she'll want a kiss, and you give her a good one while squeezing her ass, and maybe groping other erogenous places. Then you're on your way I'd guess. 1
sweeeeetie82 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Eat her out more lol. On a serious note...maybe you should talk to her. How many times are you guys intimate a week? If the pattern has changed, then something is up, if it hasn't and it's just you wanting more sex then let her know what's up!
phineas Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I agree w-the consensus. Asking for more sex is WEAK. Just make it happen by seducing her and taking what you want. This is how my GF is. She's VERY sexual. First woman in awhile whose sex drive matches mine. But she tries to downplay it. Partially because she's really submissive sexually. Also, there's times where she'll put up false protest because she gets off on how well I read her. In those moments, she's full of crap and knows I see right through it. So when I take what I want anyways, it confirms our connection. eh, I used to date women like this & it was ok but I've found I really do prefer a woman who grabs my crotch & tells me she wants to bang. Of course they do that when I drive them crazy by eye-raping them while I talk about gardening or some other nonsense. 1
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