lana-banana Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 You are being so irrational and defensive I'm almost certain a serious response is a waste of time, but I'll try. Based on this thread alone it seems you are in a very unhealthy place. You are looking to demonize your ex at all costs and similarly discredit the posters who suggest this isn't good for you. But to give you another example of her weak sense of boundaries---when I met her she was living with a married couple. She was their roommate. They'd lived together for about 6 years. I later discovered that they had a menage a trois. If everyone involved is a consenting adult how is this a "weak sense of boundaries"? Going back to the mother's possible deviancy---when our BU was in full throttle, I sent some letters of correspondence to the mother. I was hoping I could gain level footing in a collapse that, at the time, made little sense to me. Her mother took a very stoic, I-care-but-this-is-none-of-my-business attitude towards the whole thing. Contacting her parents multiple times after a break-up? That shows a serious lack of boundaries on your part, not hers. You have absolutely no business contacting an ex's parents even once (unless there are legal/property issues involved) and her mother was right to not get involved. The fact that you even think this could somehow be construed as the mother behaving inappropriately makes me think your emotion is severely clouding your judgment. I think what I may really be getting at is---were my ex and her mother like a coven? I feel there was something immoral about their position towards men. Yes, my ex took up a pronounced fascination with Satanism and the occult after she moved out. Yes, my ex's mother was encouraging her to burn candles in our "studio" presumably to purge or protect her from dangerous spirits. This is so far off the deep end I don't know where to begin. Wicca is a spiritual practice that hundreds of thousands of people adhere to in one way or another, and none of it involves having an "immoral" stance towards men. Please, put down the drugs or beer or coffee or whatever mind-altering substance you have at the moment and listen to yourself. You are seriously calling your ex and her mother were man-hating demon-worshiping witches. That's not okay. (I emphasized the "presumably" as an example of your extreme emotional thinking. You have no idea why her mother suggested the candles but are leaping to the wildest possible assumption. I don't even believe in God and I like lighting candles for a peaceful, relaxed feeling at the end of a long day sometimes. What's wrong with a candle-lighting break-up ritual? We all use rituals to mark the beginning and end of life events.) Because, as lana banana put it, something violent and irrational happened to me. Something violent and irrational happened to the person I loved. Why must I qualify the pain of that? The essence of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is feelings are not reality. Feelings can be processed with logic and reason. They should be qualified so we can better understand them. If you tried to qualify and even quantify your pain you might be further along the road to healing. Why are you so resistant to strictly focus on my questions? Why must my motives be your subject? Because context always matters. I would not give the same advice to an 18-year-old fresh out of her first serious relationship that I'd give to a 39-year-old who broke up with someone more than a year ago. Would you? You are obviously hurting to a significant, disproportionate, mind-crippling extent. I know it because I've been there, as have many people on this site. Instead of dismissing the people who give you hard advice, consider listening to them. Realize this obsession is killing you and you must give it up in order to rebuild your life. If you want a successful relationship in the future you have to come to terms with the reality of this one no matter how hard it is to accept. 1
Recommended Posts