SpiritDancer Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 So I've been at this job for a few months and for the first few weeks my boss was away and now that he's back we sit directly in front of each other. All fine. Now over the weeks since he returned we've started annoying/teasing trying to get one up on the other. Now I just see this as friendly work place banter. Now this week it's just been him and I so the 'banter' has been taken up a notch but that's not he problem. He's off again abroad and he offered to bring me back stuff if I want it cause it's cheaper there. I thought this was nice of him. Now my mother won't stop going on about how he's flirting and wants to be with me. My mother is wrong here right? As far as I'm concerned were just passing the working hours and his offer was just him being nice. ***typed on phone sorry for any errors.
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Flirting with your boss is dangerous territory. You should take it back DOWN a notch. Boss-subordinate 'relationships' are a nightmare to navigate. You should maintain a level of professionalism, because if this DOES escalate, it will shift the work dynamics and could prove disastrous. Seriously. And I'm not your mother. 3
crazybestie101 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Flirting with your boss is dangerous territory. You should take it back DOWN a notch. Boss-subordinate 'relationships' are a nightmare to navigate. You should maintain a level of professionalism, because if this DOES escalate, it will shift the work dynamics and could prove disastrous. Seriously. And I'm not your mother. ^^^^ 100 % agreed. This type of relationships hardly ever do any good. I myself was crushing on my co worker, glad i backed out in initial stage. I didn't confess my crush or anything but i still regret crushing on him.. Never going down that path again. There is saying: "don't dip your pen in the company ink"
Toodaloo Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Flirting with your boss is dangerous territory. You should take it back DOWN a notch. Boss-subordinate 'relationships' are a nightmare to navigate. You should maintain a level of professionalism, because if this DOES escalate, it will shift the work dynamics and could prove disastrous. Seriously. And I'm not your mother. Read this again and again and again... I am very lucky with my current bosses as I am very close to them and we "banter" all the time. However. I do not step over the line and neither do they. There is a fine line and I am able to trust them not to go over it and they trust me not to. This is VERY unusual. Because of the situation we are in my bosses and I have absolute trust in each other. We are completely honest with each other even if it hurts. The only other time I had a "flirty" relationship with a boss it went disastrously wrong. I lost a very good job over that. Cut it back a bit if you enjoy your job.
Author SpiritDancer Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 He has a girlfriend and I've spent most of my adult life working with men that I really don't see it as flirting. Maybe from the outside it would appear like that but I don't think we're flirting I just think it's work place banter cause we both have the same sarcastic sense of humour. It was just my mother, anytime I mention my boss she gets this look on her face, no matter how many times I tell her he's not my type.
Toodaloo Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 He has a girlfriend and I've spent most of my adult life working with men that I really don't see it as flirting. Maybe from the outside it would appear like that but I don't think we're flirting I just think it's work place banter cause we both have the same sarcastic sense of humour. It was just my mother, anytime I mention my boss she gets this look on her face, no matter how many times I tell her he's not my type. The seed is now planted in your brain. Stop talking to your mother about it. But even still tone it back a bit. Imagine if you were his girlfriend and some girl was behaving that way with him... how would it make you feel? Keep that in your mind.
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 He has a girlfriend In that case, HIS behaviour is inapproriate. My H would never disrespect me by bantering like this with a work colleague, no matter what their position or time together. and I've spent most of my adult life working with men that I really don't see it as flirting. Maybe from the outside it would appear like that but I don't think we're flirting I just think it's work place banter cause we both have the same sarcastic sense of humour. So here it is: You come in, ask for advice, get feedback, then because you don't agree, you get defensive. I'll say what I said before: You think you're the first/ only person who's come in and spoken about 'harmless friendly banter' and how it's all innocent, and there's nothing in it, and the guy's just kidding? Men and women read risqué banter differently. You find it flattering/charming. They see it as a come-on. It was just my mother, anytime I mention my boss she gets this look on her face, no matter how many times I tell her he's not my type. Yes, we've heard that before too... Too may times to count. 1
Author SpiritDancer Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 @Tara Maiden I'm not getting defensive. I genuinely wanted others opinions on the matter. Maybe I'm being niave but I do believe that men and women can have conversation/banter without one of them wanting more from the other. Regardless of the dynamics between the two. I was once the only woman with 50 men. We had a good time. I never did anything with them, although I will admit that the youngeSt one did think something more was going on and pursued me outside of office. I shot him down but he was a teenager. It's expected from them. @Toodaloo It's planted and ill be watching his behaviour but I'm not interested. He's not my type. And as for the girlfriend, if I trusted him I wouldn't mind. Especially if I knew what he was like.
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 @Tara Maiden I'm not getting defensive. I genuinely wanted others opinions on the matter. Maybe I'm being niave but I do believe that men and women can have conversation/banter without one of them wanting more from the other. Regardless of the dynamics between the two. When you are a lone woman in a 'pack' of 50 men, the dynamic is totally different to a one-on-one situation. I was once the only woman with 50 men. We had a good time. I never did anything with them, I'm not suggesting you did. But I will bet you every single ounce of experience in my life, that mentally, more than one of them did something with you. although I will admit that the youngeSt one did think something more was going on and pursued me outside of office. I shot him down but he was a teenager. It's expected from them. You're kidding, right? Just because he's a teenager, doesn't mean the others didn't think the same way. Guys just get more circumspect and covert about expressing what they are thinking. This guy was blatant because he was inexperienced. Don't for one second, think he was unique among them. Attached guys, particularly, are very cautious.... but that doesn't mean they don't still THINK that way.... @Toodaloo It's planted and ill be watching his behaviour but I'm not interested. He's not my type. And as for the girlfriend, if I trusted him I wouldn't mind. Especially if I knew what he was like. It's not a question of whether she trusts him. It's a question of whether HE is TRUSTWORTHY. That's the difference.... 1
Author SpiritDancer Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 One thing that has always bothered me though is why I was hired. I mean I tanked that interview. It went terrible. I barely answered any of the questions asked and then I was invited back for a second with a member of the hr team but that was just an I'm formal chat.
kendahke Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) He has a girlfriend and I've spent most of my adult life working with men that I really don't see it as flirting. Maybe from the outside it would appear like that but I don't think we're flirting I just think it's work place banter cause we both have the same sarcastic sense of humour. It was just my mother, anytime I mention my boss she gets this look on her face, no matter how many times I tell her he's not my type. Familiarity breeds contempt. You're seeing what you want to see because you want to see what you want to see. Tone it down with your boss. Your familiarity with him may give him the green light to take things further with you than you intend. And him having a girlfriend is non sequitur--plenty of men in relationships engage in sexual harassment on the job. Edited August 6, 2015 by kendahke
darkmoon Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 what makes you think you tanked the interview? nerves? not qualified? wrong answers? to what?
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 One thing that has always bothered me though is why I was hired. I mean I tanked that interview. It went terrible. I barely answered any of the questions asked and then I was invited back for a second with a member of the hr team but that was just an I'm formal chat. Please answer these questions as honestly as you can: Are you good at what you do? did you need training up? Have you ever needed anything explaining more than once? On a scale of 1 - 10 (1 = not very, 10 = extremely) how attractive would you say you are? Do you have a nice figure? Hourglass? Have you begun thinking more intently on what you are going to wear to work, whether you'll wear make-up, perfume, generally be attentive to your appearance - more than before, or when you began the job?
Author SpiritDancer Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 what makes you think you tanked the interview? nerves? not qualified? wrong answers? to what? I was given the wrong job spec by the recruiter and it was a technical interview. I failed all the technical questions... I've actually never had a worse interview but I still got the job and im sure there where others who didn't fail as spectacularly as me.
S_A Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Haha my GF tanked her interview and still landed the great job (she was totally qualified though and is doing great). Moving on to your question... If a guy does not mess with you, he does not like you all that much. Guys mess with people they like. It does not necessarily mean he is romantically in to you, but he definitely likes you. This goes for other guys, too. We mess with guys we like. I myself mess with my GF from time to time. So it's difficult to answer your question with regard to him being in to you romantically. It's easier to say that if you're ever romantically involved with a guy and he never messes around with you, or has stopped messing around with you for an extended period of time, that it's a red flag.
Author SpiritDancer Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Please answer these questions as honestly as you can: Are you good at what you do? did you need training up? Have you ever needed anything explaining more than once? On a scale of 1 - 10 (1 = not very, 10 = extremely) how attractive would you say you are? Do you have a nice figure? Hourglass? Have you begun thinking more intently on what you are going to wear to work, whether you'll wear make-up, perfume, generally be attentive to your appearance - more than before, or when you began the job? 1) I'm alright 2) Yes, loads 3) No 4) 5 5) Yes, I'm pretty fit. 6) No ( I put on the nearest thing to me most mornings, we have a relaxed uniform)
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Then chances are they hired you because they liked how you came across, thought you were an attractive addition to the team, and felt it worthwhile giving you the training... Did your Boss conduct the interview? Did he do the training? I'm just trying to get an idea of the whole dynamic here....
Author SpiritDancer Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 My boss interviewed me yes. He didn't do my training when I started cause he had to go abroad for a while. He did give me a lot of training materials before I started to get me up to speed. Called me in months before I started, after I got the job I couldn't start for nearly two months cause I had other things I had to do.
Author SpiritDancer Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 I took all the advice and I've barely said much to him today and everytime it's has been iniated by him. Damn it.
Author SpiritDancer Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 So... I've been on holiday and I've been back and I've been noticing my boss and the things he's been doing. He's commenting on my clothes, telling me to plan nights out and generally finding ways to tease/banter with me. I had really noticed before and I think now I feel awkward. :| How do you think I should ignore him?
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