Should I stay or should I go, A ha!

[Mav3rick]

A bit about me, im a well driven person who has always worked, always been kind and generous and always put others before myself.

 

 

 

 

So I`ve been with my girlfriend in excess of 2 years now, we met at university and basically lived out of each others pockets for a while, she graduated whilst I was in a placement working for a year before I graduated and we made it work. I was happy.

 

 

Then about a month or two before I graduated things started to go sour, she was more open about her past (every guy she spoke to at the time, she had slept with at some point in the past, like every guy.) I lost trust as I kept seeing messages asking her over/reminiscing about encounters. So we argued and so on.

 

 

Thinking we were passed it, we got a house together, I was 200 miles away from home and landed a job before I graduated so that I could stay where I was and she also got a job, it was convenient for us both to rent a place more than anything.

 

 

 

 

A year later and I`ve been treated like a doormat, spoken to like crap and made to feel as if I was the one who needed to change - ive always only ever put her first and try to make her happy (mistake no 1 - don't devote all of your time to making your partner happy, it becomes detrimental to the relationship). she has threatened to leave me, told me she doesn't love me and called me an emotional abuser- this was around the time that my work place told me ever day, despite graduating with a first class honors, that I was useless and good for nothing, I mean I even had meetings where they told it to me directly, several times... to be honest my skills were not really meant for the tedious repetitive work but that's another story. so I was going through a breakdown and when I needed her most, she almost left.

I got a new job, double the pay and lots of responsibility and had meetings to praise my good work - I grew a backbone, don't take her crap and stand up for myself. she HATES it but tells me she loves it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then she walked out for about a week - I forget why, I wasn't listening, I gave up listening to her moaning and trying to change me. The gist is she cant stand I have a better job, better degree and it was with my help she got her first job and learned to drive etc. after all ive done is be positive, try to work at whatever she wanted to change and try to be happy and try to help her. she keeps insisting that I`m always unhappy - Im quite mild mannered and don't get over the top happy like her. but Im not unhappy. Also she keeps complaining that I put her down (I just enjoy talking about my job sometimes) and make her feel inferior. So I cant talk about my work anymore.

 

 

Ive just lost the will to care any more. the day she actually walked out, I was emotionally numb and still even today feel the same, its been months.

to be totally honest, I think ive lost attraction too, its a ball ache to get any romance over the last year, its all take and no effort on her part to satisfy me, just excuses. Im bored. unfulfilled and uncharacteristic of my nature Im always wondering what it would be like to be single again.

she seems convinced though, she will never leave me, but ive been seriously considering just ending it and not wasting another second of my life in this weird relationship.

 

 

We have got to a point where we don't argue at all and it all seems a bit dull, she is trying her hardest, tries not to yell at me for small things that are insignificant (like turning the shower light off) she understands how she used to treat me since I gained a backbone but I feel its all too little too late. I now make jokes at her detriment to amuse myself, maybe Im looking for excitement?

This is a lot to read, and is, only the tip of the iceberg but I hope this badly worded rant will make some sense.

what do I do? stay or go. I cant decide. as the kind of person who has a heart... I don't want to hurt her, it will crush her world.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Just a Guy]

Are you always going to try to keep her happy or are you going to make yourself happy? Everything you have written here is crying out for you to leave! Don't waste your time on her when you have your whole life ahead of you. Find some one more congenial and woo her. Cheers!

[Qboro90]

Sounds like this isn't just on her. You definitely seem to bait her and purposely do or say things just to get a reaction out of her or to subtlety get a dig in at her for either spite or boredom as you mentioned. That's incredibly childish and you can't blame her for getting on you if this is your pattern of behavior.

 

Just from you patting yourself on the back about your new well paying, respectable job in this post and how the only reason she has a job is because you helped her get on.. It leads me to believe that you either verbally throw this in her face way to often or even subconsciously bring it up just to show her that "hey look at me now I'm not a pushover anymore, hahaha up yours" .

 

Either way you both need to separate. Dating because it's convenient is not a reason to date. In 5 years if things stayed how they are now with her, would you be happy? If not then end it now and spare yourself the wasted time.

[Mav3rick]

Qborro90, you missunderstand. I fully admit its on me too, im no angel recently, im guilty of being emotionally cold.

Ive only given my time to help when asked as I enjoy helping anyone to reach their potential but felt in this case its been taken for granted.

The digs/jokes are playful ones, not mean ones. Ive never delibarately or knowingly set out to be mean. id never say anything nasty. Its not me. I tend to say things without thinking of course, Im human.

I dont throw it in her face about the job, im just happy with mine after having such an awful one before and have a lot to say after a 12 hour shift. its just that she is not happy with hers recently and wants a new one and has admited she is jealous of mine, i just forget it sometimes when im happily talking away.

[Qboro90]

Well then it's on you to consciously think about what comes out of your mouth and how she may perceive it. You might not think it's offensive or teasing.. That doesn't mean that she doesn't .

 

You have full control over what you communicate.

[elaine567]

I am sorry to say, but apart from you saying you are "kind and generous", nothing you wrote about here, gives that impression at all.