Phoe Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 As a woman who has dated a variety of races, I've never quite understood this particular preference, but certainly don't believe in trying to tell someone that it's "wrong". It's your preference and you surely can't help that. However, perhaps you could have been a bit more tactful towards her about it. May have been a bit too blunt about your racial preferences when speaking to a person who is in an interracial relationship themselves. A "Thanks, but I'm not interested" probably would have sufficed. 1
kilgore Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 i would also be curious the reason for the preference. if just attraction, fine. but, i wonder what it is
Candygirljane Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 It's funny, the guy I'm dating told me that he has never dated someone who's out of his race before, but he is dating me now and it goes well . Maybe I'm just an Asian girl I'm not that picky like some white women, but I do have standards. If the guy's financially stable and I have feelings for him. I don't really care about the race and I don't feel shameless about my race. Those racist bitters would get jealous when I hold a quality guy's hand in public.
oberkeat Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) I don't think that not wanting to date / marry someone outside of your race makes a person racist. It depends on the reasons why. If a person won't date non-white guys because she's just not attracted to them, fair enough. If she won't date them because she has generally negative attitudes towards non-whites (and there are those people out there) that's something else. Edited August 6, 2015 by oberkeat 1
HereNorThere Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 "I tend to find men of my race more attractive" is one thing. But flat-out refusing to even meet someone explicitly because of their race does seem kinda bigoted. How do you know what they're like? What are you using to inform your judgments that you don't want to be with them? I have preferences in terms of age, weight, looks, ethnicity, etc, but have also dated outside these preferences when I've found someone special. I weigh about 160lbs (72.5k). If one of my friends wanted to set me up with a 300lb (136kg) woman, I would respectfully decline. It's not fair to her waste her time when I know I am not attracted to women who are that much bigger than me. I don't think I'm better than a bigger woman nor do I believe she deserves less rights. It doesn't make me a bigot simply because I'm not attracted to her. Do you not have any preferences? Are you willing to date a little person? An extremely (like record setting) tall person? A female? An intersex person? A transgendered person? A person with severe mental illness? a severe burn victim? A person with Down's syndrome? A blind, deaf, quadruple amputee with no genitals? Do you think it's fair to waste someone's time when you know they are not does it for you? Does that make you a bigot? 2
Phoe Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Precisely what herenorthere says. It's worse to fake one's way through dating someone you aren't interested in, just for the sake of appeasing some unknown entity, than to just know your preferences and stick to them. OP is not wrong for having a preference, it's just a shame that the overall interaction didn't get to go so smoothly. 2
kilgore Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Precisely what herenorthere says. It's worse to fake one's way through dating someone you aren't interested in, just for the sake of appeasing some unknown entity, than to just know your preferences and stick to them. OP is not wrong for having a preference, it's just a shame that the overall interaction didn't get to go so smoothly. fair point
oberkeat Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I weigh about 160lbs (72.5k). If one of my friends wanted to set me up with a 300lb (136kg) woman, I would respectfully decline. It's not fair to her waste her time when I know I am not attracted to women who are that much bigger than me. I don't think I'm better than a bigger woman nor do I believe she deserves less rights. It doesn't make me a bigot simply because I'm not attracted to her. Do you not have any preferences? Are you willing to date a little person? An extremely (like record setting) tall person? A female? An intersex person? A transgendered person? A person with severe mental illness? a severe burn victim? A person with Down's syndrome? A blind, deaf, quadruple amputee with no genitals? Do you think it's fair to waste someone's time when you know they are not does it for you? Does that make you a bigot? I agree with your general point about folks being entitled to their preferences, but let's be clear that race is a lot different from things like height and weight.
HereNorThere Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 i would also be curious the reason for the preference. if just attraction, fine. but, i wonder what it is Attraction is not a choice. I never chose to be attracted to females. Free will is largely a myth and nearly thing I do, every choice I make is determined by the biological, sociological and psychological influences that make me, me. This is why I believe gays have a right to be married despite the fact I do not understand being gay. 1
kilgore Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 right, but there is a difference between not dating people of a certain race due to lack of physical attraction and thinking all the people of that race are inferior (not saying that is the case with the OP) 1
mapofyourhead Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I said thanks but I don't date outside my race. She said I was racist to say that and forget it because he's not racist. I said not true, I don't think that not wanting to date / marry someone outside of your race makes a person racist. It was the way you phrased it, and she was a bit hasty and jumped to conclusions. You could've said, "I don't date outside my race because I don't find people of other races attractive." I tend to date people of other ethnicity because I don't find my own that attractive. I don't purposely do it. It is what it is. My friends make fun of me for it, but no one actually thinks I'm racist. You can't force yourself to be attracted. Maybe once she's cooled down a bit, you could explain things better.
h0000 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 OP should have said "I don't want to date him because I am not attracted" rather than "I don't want to date him because he is black" However, OP never said how she thinks about black people overall. So there is still a chance she is racist...lol 3
Heer Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Well if I was in OP's position I probably would've let it down easier, like saying" I'll think about it". But personally my mom is American and my dad is French Canadian so even there is a little culture clash :laugh: 1
torturedartist Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 THis is a rather strange discussion that I got into with a long time friend of mine today. She said she wanted to introduce me to someone, as in fix me up with someone. I said ok sure, she shows me the guy's picture. He's black. I said thanks but I don't date outside my race. She said I was racist to say that and forget it because he's not racist. I said not true, I don't think that not wanting to date / marry someone outside of your race makes a person racist. She said you do know that offends me because I am Latino and her husband is white, and her kids are mixed race. I said if that's how she wants to live, so be it, but I realize that's not what I want. I'm curious, how do others think? I for one do not feel that I am racist for only wanting to date men in my race. I have met plenty of people from all walks of life from other races who say they only want to date in their races. I have met people from all walks of life who have dated outside their races. Each have their reasons. And of course I know this is a very complicated topic, but what do others think on this? I think I am more concerned about my friendship with her now. In order to truly be racist you'd have to believe that your race is superior to other races. If you believe that to be the case then yes, you're a racist. Case closed. Otherwise, it's just your preference. Beware of the racism card. It's overused. There's still plenty of racism left in this world. But there are also plenty of people who aren't racist. 2
Toodaloo Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 This actually really annoys me when people pull the race card. You can't say anything or choose anything these days with out being racist and in the mean time black people are being slaughtered for no reason and being treated like trash for no reason other than the colour of their skin. It makes a mockery of the whole racism issue and degrades it into trivia. Now I am off my soap box. MC perhaps you should try going out of your box a bit? I don't fancy Indian men as a rule but there is this one guy local to me who is Indian who is just gorgeous! Personally black doesn't bother me at all. I guess those are my preferences though. Talk to your friend. Explain to her that its just preferences exactly the same as preferring blue eyes to brown or vice versa... 1
joseb Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 The problem here is in the way you said it. To say something like I don't really fancy black guys, or I usually go for white guys is ok. To say "I don't date outside my race" to me does sound a bit racist to be honest. Did you even meet or look at the guy? I mean i don't generally fancy black girls, but there are some that I definitely would date so I would never completely rule someone out without at least knowing what they look like.
Woggle Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 If I were single race wouldn't matter to me but it is your life and you have the right to choose who you do and don't want to date.
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Racist a person who believes in racism, the doctrine that one's own racial group is superior or that a particular racial group is inferior to the others. The OP merely saying that she will not date outwith her race is NOT racist, she is expressing a preference. However saying she will not date Blacks, Hispanics, Asians etc. because she feels they are of an inferior race IS racist. A person saying they will not date the OP, as they think White women are in some way inferior to Asian/Black/Hispanic women IS expressing racist views. 2
joseb Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Racist a person who believes in racism, the doctrine that one's own racial group is superior or that a particular racial group is inferior to the others. The OP merely saying that she will not date outwith her race is NOT racist, she is expressing a preference. However saying she will not date Blacks, Hispanics, Asians etc. because she feels they are of an inferior race IS racist. A person saying they will not date the OP, as they think White women are in some way inferior to Asian/Black/Hispanic women IS expressing racist views. I get the dictionary definition. But I stand by my assessment. Saying "I don't date outside my race" just sounds like thinly veiled racism to me (not saying the op is racist at all, I think it's just a poor choice of words) and obviously I'm not the only one as her friend and several others here think the same. 1
guest569 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Much bigger race issues than one woman who has said she wont date other races. Please. 1
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I get the dictionary definition. But I stand by my assessment. Saying "I don't date outside my race" just sounds like thinly veiled racism to me (not saying the op is racist at all, I think it's just a poor choice of words) and obviously I'm not the only one as her friend and several others here think the same. Oh I agree and if I was standing there as a white woman with a pic of a white guy I thought she may like, and my Black friend said "I do not date outwith my race", I would feel pretty awkward, there is no doubt about that. However my reaction to her would depend on whether I thought her preference was based on dodgy racist views generally, or whether it was a purely cultural thing or just a preference. If, for instance after thinking it through, I realised her parents/relatives would never approve of a white guy, that would influence my thinking and my view of her stance. I also know, we are all drawn to the familiar too, so it is little wonder we choose and often end up with people who look roughly like us.
kgcolonel Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 um you just flat out said no to dating him because on his race. Why do you think your friend thinks you're racist? You never gave the guy a chance, one look and he's the wrong colour and you said no. Still not racist? Actually, everyone is entitled to decide what characteristics they are attracted to. Looks, personality etc. If someone is not attracted to a given characteristic, would that be unjust. We all have the "right" to decide what we prefer in a partner and to judge someone based on those preferences is a curious approach.
Heer Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Does anyone have any experience in dating asian guys? I've been watching anime lately and I always wondered what dating asian guys would be like. My bf is white and so am I, but I used to have a neighbor that was asian and he seemed like a nice enough guy and we sometimes watched anime together. Any other girls have any experience?
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